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A Hippie sits next to a young Nun on the bus and asks her if he could have sex with her?

The Nun, very upset, says “NO! I am married to God!!" and gets off the bus disgusted.

The bus driver sees all this. He tells the hippie “She prays every Tuesday night at midnight in the graveyard...
why don't you dress up in a hooded robe; go to the graveyard and tell her you are God and d...

The Naked Hippie

This joke is one i came up with to annoy my wife. She hates it lol.

A naked man walks into a tailor's shop. The tailor screams at him. "Hey, get out of my store! You can't come in here like that." The man replies, "awww, c'mon dude....cut me some slacks."

The end

What do you call the wife of a hippie?


How can you tell if a hippie has been in your house?

He’s still there.

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Two Hippies Two Hippies are walking down a railroad track stoned.

One Hippie says "This is a really long fucking staircase!"

The other Hippie says "I don't mind the stairs, it's this low fucking handrail thats killing me."

How do you starve hippies?

Hide their paycheck under a bar of soap.

Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man.

What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?

The hockey player changes his pads after three periods

What do you call the wife of a hippie?


How do you know if a hippie’s been in your house?

They’re still still there.

Why didn’t the lifeguard rescue the hippie?

Because he was faaaaar out maaaaaaan....

How and why was the hippie killed?

He was stoned.

Hippies don't urinate

They make peace.

How many hippies does it take to skrew in a light bulb!?

None. Hippies skrew in tents!

Cannibals have to be careful with hippies.

Because the steaks are high.

Jesus and a Hippie (one of the Best ewer)

Jesus Christ is walking on the beach, a beautiful sunset is in the making...

He meets a hippie who is rolling a joint and sits himself next to him.

Jesus: what are you doing?

Hippie: rolling a joint, wanna smoke some?

Jesus: hmmm... i only smoke good weed, you kn...

What does a hippie get on his blood test?

B positive.

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A hippie walks into a bar

The hippie sits down at the bar and asks for a beer on a tab, but doesn't have any money so the bartender says no. The guy next to him offers to buy him a beer. They start talking and drinking and getting along great. After awhile the guy says to the hippie, "come with me to the bathroom and I'll gi...

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A hippie enters the bus...

Upon entering the bus he spots a nun in the back sitting quietly. He comes up to her and says:

-Yoo girl wanna have sex ?

The nun started screaming and left at the next bus stop. Te bus driver saw that, called the hippie and said

-Hey man, I know a way you can ha...

I talked with some old hippies at an organic farm the other day

They were just standing in the middle of their field, watching the tiny shoots of the newly growing vegetables emerge from the earth. And I asked them what they were watching. They replied: “This is the dawning of the age of asparagus, age of asparagus”

What do you call hippie Mexican people who love to gamble?

Las Vegans

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What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?

The hippie girl gets stoned before sex.

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(OC) A Hippie walks by a businessman...

A Hippie is walking by and sees a businessman looking over some construction that had been started on a plot of land. The Hippie is alarmed and exclaims "What are you doing?!"

The businessman responds by saying that this piece of land was bought by his company. The land was good and the found...

How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Hippies don’t screw in light bulbs. They screw in dirty sleeping bags.

Why do hippies always burn their mouths?

Because they drank tea before it was cool

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What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

Joke Archeology -- who's heard an older version of this often recycled joke?

I heard this one the first time back in the early 70's.

Richard Nixon and Henry Kissinger were giving a young hippie hitchhiker a ride home in Air Force One from the Camp David Area, they started having engine trouble, unfortunately there were only four parachutes and the drafted pilots ju...

What's the difference between a burner and a hippie? (Burning Man)

A ticket

Back in my hippie college days, a professor came up to me in the cafeteria and asked me, "Ya dig?"

I thought to myself, this guy's pretty far out. I answered, "Yeh, man. I dig!"

That's how I got hoodwinked into joining his archaeological expedition.

What's the difference between a washing machine and a hippie chick

A washing machine won't follow you around for 3 weeks asking to get spun after you dump your load in it

Why do hippie chicks eat with their legs open?

To keep the flies off the food

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A hippie was travelling in through the Middle East when his passport and wallet are stolen, leaving him stranded with only the shirt on his back and his trusty guitar.

After a couple of days roughing it on the streets, he decides to play his guitar and busk for money.

He starts strumming out a tune and a small crowd gathers round. As he continues, one of the men from the crowd starts dancing and jiving infront of him.

The hippie finishes his song and...

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One day a hippie gets a ride on the public bus and sees a hot young nun.

He sits down next to her and
promptly asks if she would like to
have Sex, to which she immediately
says NO and walks off the bus.
The Bus Driver leans over and says
"Hey guy I know how to get that nun
to have Sex with you..."
Naturally the Hippie asks, and the
Bus Dri...

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A Hippie was walking along the beach line when he kicked a bottle.

A Hippie was walking along the beach line when he kicked a bottle. Suddenly a genie burst forth and yelled,


The Hippie looks at the genie and says, "Cool man. I want too be Uptight, Out of s...

What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke?


Why did the hippie not see the bus driver coming?

He came behind his back.

Where do you drown a hippie?

In the mainstream (I know it was terrible)

The smartest detective in the world was brought in to help solve a terrible crime...

"We have a lot of suspects, sir," said the officer. "Why don't you tell me about them?" asks the detective.

"Well first, we found this guy hiding in the bushes." - "It wasn't Russell," replies the detective.

"How about the wife of this hippie?" - "Mississippi? Not her."

"We got...

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How do you get a hippie pregnant? [NSFW]

Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest!

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A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun.....

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat.
The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop.
When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If ...

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Why do hippies like didgeridoos?

It’s the closest they can get to giving a tree a blowjob.

How do you call three hippies hugging a tree?

A treesome.

How Many Baby Boomers does it take to explain a hippie joke to a Millennial?

"I'm offended"

As an ex-hippie I think dirt is groovy, man.

I really dig it.

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A dirty hippie gets on the city bus

He finds an open seat and sits across from a nun.

Looking at the nun he finds her extremely attractive and says "I would like to have Sex with you"

Appalled the nun gets up and gets off the bus at the nearest stop.

The bus driver notices this and says to the hippie "I know ho...

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Teresa May dies...

Her soul arrives in heaven and she is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says May. ...

Why aren’t lifeguards good at saving hippies?

Because they’re too far out.

Why is it hard for life guards to save hippies ?

Because they're too far out.

Why is it so hard to get rid of a hippie?

When you ask them if they want to go home, they usually say "Namaste"

How can you see if a hippie has a girlfriend?

He has one clean finger

Hippie jokes

Q: How can you tell a hippie has been at your house?

A: He's still there.

Q: What did he say when you told him to leave?

A: Namaste.
Q: What's the difference between a hippie chick and a joint?

A: The joint won't make it all the way around the ci...

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