The Naked Hippie

This joke is one i came up with to annoy my wife. She hates it lol.

A naked man walks into a tailor's shop. The tailor screams at him. "Hey, get out of my store! You can't come in here like that." The man replies, "awww, c'mon dude....cut me some slacks."


The end

How does a polygamist hippie count his wives?

One Mrs. Hippie, two Mrs. Hippie, three Mrs. Hippie......

What do you call the wife of a hippie?

Mississippi.

What sound marks the start of a hippie race?

A bong...

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How do you kill a hippie?

Drown him in the mainstream

Edit: i meant to say hipster! I f up guys haha!

I use to tell good jokes, now i just punch up the fuck line

How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Hippies don’t screw in lightbulbs, they screw in dirty sleeping bags!

What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?

Hockey players take thier pads off after three periods.

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A hippie enters a bus

(long)
A hippie enters a bus and sees a beautiful nun sitting. He sits next to her and says
- I would like to have sex with you
She shouts at him that she is a servant of God and she could not do that and runs out from the bus.
The bus driver who hear the conversation says to the hippie<...

What did the one hippie llama say to the other hippie llama?

Alpaca bowl

Why did the hippie burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

Gandhi, the first hippie

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

How do you know a Hippie was in your house?

...he's still there..

Two old hippies meet a nun at a bus stop…

She’s on crutches and seems to be having a hard time.

One hippie asks her, “hey sister, like, what happened to your leg?”

“Oh my son, I slipped in the shower and broke my ankle” replied the nun.

“Oh” said the hippie as he turned to his friend to ask quietly, “hey man, what’s a...

Why did the hippie die out at sea?

Because he was too far out man.

What do you call the wife of a hippie?

A Mississippi.

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a dryer?

A dryer doesn't follow your around for nine months trying to get spun after you put a load in it.

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A Hippie sits next to a young Nun on the bus and asks her if he could have sex with her

The Nun, very upset, say,s"NO! I am married to God" and gets off the bus disgusted

The bus driver sees all this. He tells the Hippie, "She prays every Tuesday night at midnight in the graveyard... why don't you tell her you are God and demand sex?"

The Hippie tries this and to his surp...

Time for some Hippie jokes!

What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?
Yours.
Why do hippies wear patchouli?
So the blind can hate them too.
What is orange and red and looks good on a hippie?
Fire.

Why did the hippie driver refuse heartburn medication?

Because anti-acid would ruin the trip

Jesus and a Hippie (one of the Best ewer)

Jesus Christ is walking on the beach, a beautiful sunset is in the making...

He meets a hippie who is rolling a joint and sits himself next to him.



Jesus: what are you doing?

Hippie: rolling a joint, wanna smoke some?

Jesus: hmmm... i only smoke good weed, you kn...

I once knew a Hippie who had a dog named "Nama"

He trained the dog to sit. He would say: "Nama, sit."

He also trained the dog to Stay.



...



...



He would look at the dog and say:

"Nama..."

"Stay."

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What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?

The hippie girl gets stoned before sex.

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What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bi sexual Hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie watching sci-fi on wifi.

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A hippie sits down at a bar...

So a hippie sits down at a bar and tries to order a beer on a tab, but the bartender wants money up front which the hippie doesn't have. So the guy next to him offers to buy him a beer. They start talking and drinking and drinking and talking. After a while the guy says to the hippie, "come with me ...

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A nun is sitting on the bus when a hippie comes in and sits next to her...

After a while the hippie asks the nun "hey you, wanna fuck?" But the nun replies "no, God forbids it!" And she get's out on the next stop.
A few minutes later the hippie want's to get out too and right as he want's to leave the bus, the bus driver yells "hey you, hippie, come over here.
I hea...

What do hippies do?

hold up your leggies.

What's dumber than a box of rocks?

...the hippie trying to sell them



and that my friends, as a geologist, is my favorite rock joke.

What are the main characteristic of hippie music?

There are only high notes

How do you drown a hippie?

You put them in the mainstream.

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(OC) A Hippie walks by a businessman...

A Hippie is walking by and sees a businessman looking over some construction that had been started on a plot of land. The Hippie is alarmed and exclaims "What are you doing?!"

The businessman responds by saying that this piece of land was bought by his company. The land was good and the found...

Marijuana is legal and haircuts are against the law.

It took half a century but Hippies finally won.

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A Hippie was walking along the beach line when he kicked a bottle.

A Hippie was walking along the beach line when he kicked a bottle. Suddenly a genie burst forth and yelled,

"YOU HAVE FREED ME FROM MY 1000 YEAR PRISON, WHAT DO YOU DESIRE? I WILL GIVE YOU THREE WISHES!"

The Hippie looks at the genie and says, "Cool man. I want too be Uptight, Out of s...

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Little Johnny was late to school

His teacher asked him why he was late, but he had a very good excuse. "Well miss, I was in my way to school when I saw this terrible car accident! This hippie was driving their van with a surfboard on top. He had to slam on his brakes to avoid an accident but his surfboard went flying off the roof ...

A bunch of hippies just overthrew the government, smoked weed, and read a poem.

It was a high coup.

What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke?

Yours.

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THE NUN AND THE HIPPIE

A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?"



"No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and gets off at the next stop.

The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says: "I can tell you ho...

Earl and Darling are in love

Their relationship is prefect, they date, become engaged, and finally marry.

Then their first child comes and a healthy son is brought into this world. Darling has always been a bit of a hippie and she thinks that "Love" is the perfect name for him. Earl isn't quite sure about this, but he ...

Back in my hippie college days, a professor came up to me in the cafeteria and asked me, "Ya dig?"

I thought to myself, this guy's pretty far out. I answered, "Yeh, man. I dig!"



That's how I got hoodwinked into joining his archaeological expedition.

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One day a hippie gets a ride on the public bus and sees a hot young nun.

He sits down next to her and
promptly asks if she would like to
have Sex, to which she immediately
says NO and walks off the bus.
The Bus Driver leans over and says
"Hey guy I know how to get that nun
to have Sex with you..."
Naturally the Hippie asks, and the
Bus Dri...

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A hippie was travelling in through the Middle East when his passport and wallet are stolen, leaving him stranded with only the shirt on his back and his trusty guitar.

After a couple of days roughing it on the streets, he decides to play his guitar and busk for money.

He starts strumming out a tune and a small crowd gathers round. As he continues, one of the men from the crowd starts dancing and jiving infront of him.

The hippie finishes his song and...

A German hippie and an English hippie are sitting by a campfire. The German passes round a bottle of schnapps.

So the Englishman reaches into his stash, rolls a fattie and hands it over, the German smokes it and thanks him politely: "*Danke*".

So the Englishman reaches deeper into his stash, rolls another fattie and hands it over, the German smokes it and thanks him politely: "*Danke*".

So the ...

Why do hippies make good accountants?

Because they're from a counter-culture

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Two Hippies Two Hippies are walking down a railroad track stoned.

One Hippie says "This is a really long fucking staircase!"

The other Hippie says "I don't mind the stairs, it's this low fucking handrail thats killing me."

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A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun.....

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat.
The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop.
When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If ...

What do you call 2 hippies who pass away at the same time?

Tie-Die

Cannibals have to be careful with hippies.

Because the steaks are high.

Damn Dirty Hippie

I live near a small store way out in the country close to a hippie commune. They're good people for the most part, although a bit smelly sometimes.

I was in there one day and a long-haired, scraggly looking fellow came in. He had a ten-dollar bill in one hand and was naked as the day he was b...

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Local hippies are boycotting the sex shop.

I guess they have bad vibes.

Hippie jokes

Q: How can you tell a hippie has been at your house?

A: He's still there.

Q: What did he say when you told him to leave?

A: Namaste.
___________________
Q: What's the difference between a hippie chick and a joint?

A: The joint won't make it all the way around the ci...

An American hiker walks to the edge of a Himalayan cliff, determined to end it all.

As he stares down at the rocks below, he notices movement out of the corner of his eye. He glances over to see a Buddhist monk standing between two trees, beckoning him over.

With nothing to lose, the man shuffles over to the monk, who is holding a string of prayer flags. "You trying to talk...

What's the difference between a burner and a hippie? (Burning Man)

A ticket

Why do hippie chicks eat with their legs open?

To keep the flies off the food

What do you call hippie Mexican people who love to gamble?

Las Vegans

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A hippie enters the bus...

Upon entering the bus he spots a nun in the back sitting quietly. He comes up to her and says:
.

-Yoo girl wanna have sex ?
.

The nun started screaming and left at the next bus stop. Te bus driver saw that, called the hippie and said
.

-Hey man, I know a way you can ha...

Why did the hippie not see the bus driver coming?

He came behind his back.

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How do you get a hippie pregnant? [NSFW]

Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest!

Once I had a date with a Saudi-Arabian hippie girl.

She didn't show up, I guess she got too stoned.

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