Hippie Jokes

The Naked Hippie

This joke is one i came up with to annoy my wife. She hates it lol.

A naked man walks into a tailor's shop. The tailor screams at him. "Hey, get out of my store! You can't come in here like that." The man replies, "awww, c'mon dude....cut me some slacks."

The end

What do you call the wife of a hippie?

Mississippi.

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The Hippie and the Nun

The Hippie and the Nun

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop.

When the bus starts again, the bu...

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What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?

The hippie girl gets stoned before sex.

Jesus and a Hippie (one of the Best ewer)

Jesus Christ is walking on the beach, a beautiful sunset is in the making...

He meets a hippie who is rolling a joint and sits himself next to him.

Jesus: what are you doing?

Hippie: rolling a joint, wanna smoke some?

Jesus: hmmm... i only smoke good weed, you kn...

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A Hippie sits next to a young Nun on the bus and asks her if he could have sex with her

The Nun, very upset, say,s"NO! I am married to God" and gets off the bus disgusted

The bus driver sees all this. He tells the Hippie, "She prays every Tuesday night at midnight in the graveyard... why don't you tell her you are God and demand sex?"

The Hippie tries this and to his surp...

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A hippie sits down at a bar...

So a hippie sits down at a bar and tries to order a beer on a tab, but the bartender wants money up front which the hippie doesn't have. So the guy next to him offers to buy him a beer. They start talking and drinking and drinking and talking. After a while the guy says to the hippie, "come with me ...

How does a hippie polygamist count his wives?

One Mrs. Hippie, two Mrs. Hippie, three Mrs. Hippie...

What sound marks the start of a hippie race?

A bong...

What do you get when you cross a hippie and a ninja?

Peace and Quiet.

What do you call a hippie’s wife?

Mississippi.

Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out.

What’s the difference a hockey player and a hippie chick?

A hockey player showers after three periods

What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke?

Yours.

What did the one hippie llama say to the other hippie llama?

Alpaca bowl

Why did the hippie burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

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What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

Gandhi, the first hippie

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Why couldn't the life guard save the drowning hippie?

He was too far out, man.

What do you say to a hippie who got lost at sea?

you're far out man

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A hippie enters a bus

(long)
A hippie enters a bus and sees a beautiful nun sitting. He sits next to her and says
- I would like to have sex with you
She shouts at him that she is a servant of God and she could not do that and runs out from the bus.
The bus driver who hear the conversation says to the hippie<...

How do you know a Hippie was in your house?

...he's still there..

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A nun is sitting on the bus when a hippie comes in and sits next to her...

After a while the hippie asks the nun "hey you, wanna fuck?" But the nun replies "no, God forbids it!" And she get's out on the next stop.
A few minutes later the hippie want's to get out too and right as he want's to leave the bus, the bus driver yells "hey you, hippie, come over here.
I hea...

An amish man, a hippie and jesus walk into a bar.

An amish man, a hippie and jesus walk into a bar.
An old man at the bar turns to them and surprised, he asks: “Why is it that three men that are so different from each other travelling together?”
The Hippie says “I want to learn the ways of the amish to be freed from materialism.”
The...

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How do you kill a hippie?

Drown him in the mainstream

Edit: i meant to say hipster! I f up guys haha!

I use to tell good jokes, now i just punch up the fuck line

Time for some Hippie jokes!

What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?
Yours.
Why do hippies wear patchouli?
So the blind can hate them too.
What is orange and red and looks good on a hippie?
Fire.

Back in my hippie college days, a professor came up to me in the cafeteria and asked me, "Ya dig?"

I thought to myself, this guy's pretty far out. I answered, "Yeh, man. I dig!"

That's how I got hoodwinked into joining his archaeological expedition.

A German hippie and an English hippie are sitting by a campfire. The German passes round a bottle of schnapps.

So the Englishman reaches into his stash, rolls a fattie and hands it over, the German smokes it and thanks him politely: "*Danke*".

So the Englishman reaches deeper into his stash, rolls another fattie and hands it over, the German smokes it and thanks him politely: "*Danke*".

So the ...

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(OC) A Hippie walks by a businessman...

A Hippie is walking by and sees a businessman looking over some construction that had been started on a plot of land. The Hippie is alarmed and exclaims "What are you doing?!"

The businessman responds by saying that this piece of land was bought by his company. The land was good and the found...

What did the hippie say when they weren't high?

This music sucks!

I once knew a Hippie who had a dog named "Nama"

He trained the dog to sit. He would say: "Nama, sit."

He also trained the dog to Stay.

...

...

He would look at the dog and say:

"Nama..."

"Stay."

How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, hippies screw in sleeping bags and under tarps in the woods

Where do you drown a hippie?

In the mainstream (I know it was terrible)

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THE NUN AND THE HIPPIE

A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?"

"No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and gets off at the next stop.

The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says: "I can tell you ho...

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One day a hippie gets a ride on the public bus and sees a hot young nun.

He sits down next to her and
promptly asks if she would like to
have Sex, to which she immediately
says NO and walks off the bus.
The Bus Driver leans over and says
"Hey guy I know how to get that nun
to have Sex with you..."
Naturally the Hippie asks, and the
Bus Dri...

Why do hippies make good accountants?

Because they're from a counter-culture

Q: How can you tell a hippie has been at your house?

A: He's still there.

Q: What did he say when you told him to leave?

A: Namaste.
___________________
Q: What's the difference between a hippie chick and a joint?

A: The joint won't make it all the way around the ci...

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Local hippies are boycotting the sex shop.

I guess they have bad vibes.

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a dryer?

A dryer doesn't follow your around for nine months trying to get spun after you put a load in it.

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A Hippie walks into a bus...

At the back he sees a nun and he asks her

"Hey, you wanna fuck?"

The nun responds saying

"Heavens no!"

And then she walks out of the bus.
The hippie was about to go after her when the bus driver says

"I see you're trying to fuck that nun, well this is what you'...

How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? (hippy joke 3 of 3)

None, the usually screw in a dirty sleeping bag..

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Hippie and the nun

One day, a hippie enters a bus and sits down beside a nun. He asks her if they want to have sex but she declines saying: "Jesus is my master and he forbids me to have sex with you."
The next day, the hippie asks her again but she refuses again. Before he leaves the bus, the busdriver holds him ba...

Why do hippie chicks eat with their legs open?

To keep the flies off the food

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Why do hippies like didgeridoos?

It’s the closest they can get to giving a tree a blowjob.

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A hippie enters the bus...

Upon entering the bus he spots a nun in the back sitting quietly. He comes up to her and says:
.

-Yoo girl wanna have sex ?
.

The nun started screaming and left at the next bus stop. Te bus driver saw that, called the hippie and said
.

-Hey man, I know a way you can ha...

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How do you get a hippie pregnant? [NSFW]

Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest!

What do you call hippie Mexican people who love to gamble?

Las Vegans

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