What's the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chickpeas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song and Chickpeas can only Hummus one.

Why was the man with hummus spilled on his shirt called kinky?

Because he had some chick-pea all over him.

Did you guys hear about the hummus party? It was wild...


what did one hummus say to the other hummus


My ex girlfriend tried to steal my hummus once.

Told that chick peace.

What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?

They both require chickpea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a man who uses Greek flatbread to achieve sexual gratification?

In general he's a pitaphile but if there is hummus involved, he's also hummus-sexual.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?


Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..

And now I filafel.

My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...

Can't believe that chick pea'd herself

How much hummus did the anorexic girl order?

A tahini bit.

I poisoned my wifes pita dip

The police charged me with hummus-cide

Why did the policeman go to the Lebanese restaurant?

He was following up reports of a possible hummus side

Today I had a second helping of hummus.

I was arrested for double hummus-ide.

Where did Vegans come from?

Hummus Sapiens

I was just taking a dip in the swimming pool when the lifeguard shouted out..

"What have you got there?"

"Hummus", I replied.

i always manage to locate the best chickpeas, wherever i go...

my friends often tell me ive a great sense of hummus.

What’s in common between a chair and a table?

They are both not hummus

A friend told me this joke and I almost died...

Why was the Chickpea in Prison?

He committed Hummus-ide

Why does Donald Trump like hummus so much?

It's made with chick pee.

My crazy friends...

My crazy friends won't eat garbanzo beans without making them into hummus first.

Not me, I'm happy as long as a chick peas in my mouth.

Did you hear about the chick pea who released a autobiography 3 years after his death?

It was released post-hummus-ly

Have you guys heard about the police investigation into the death of a chickpea?

It was a hummus-ide.

Went to the beach yesterday...

Seen a man sprinting down the beach, aiming dead on for the water, running at break neck speed with a huge tub of hummus under his arm. I ran over to him as he got to the water and shouted

“What on earth are you doing?!”

He replied

“Taking a dip in the sea!”

Why should we hire the chickpeas to be part of our choir?

They could hummus a song!

(I was really proud of this one.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person who's sexually attracted to chic peas and tahini?

A hummus-sexual

Did you hear about the guy they found dead at the Mediterranean restaurant?

Yeah, police are calling it a hummus-cide.

What do you call a murder in the middle east?

A hummus-cide

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