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Hummus Jokes

What does hummus and a women's restroom have in common?

Chickpeas in 'em

Why was the man with hummus spilled on his shirt called kinky?

Because he had some chick-pea all over him.

what did one hummus say to the other hummus

“Sabra”

A friend of mine asked if I thought hummus was able to be used as a facial exfoliation scrub.

I said to him "I've had a smashed chick pee on my face before it worked wonders can't see why it wouldn't here"

What's the different between Black Eyed Peas and Chick Peas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song.

Chick Peas can hummus one.

A man was found dead in vat of ground chickpeas.

Police are considering it a hummus-cide.

My ex girlfriend tried to steal my hummus once.

Told that chick peace.

why did Allah give falafel and hummus to the Middle East?

They prayed for more gas.

Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..

And now I filafel.

What do you call it when someone kills a chickpea?

Hummus-cide.

What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?

"mmmm"

Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.

Buy the dip.

My wife and I found this GREAT chickpea spread.....

it's so good we wish it could SING. But all it could do was hummus a tune.

Where did Vegans come from?

Hummus Sapiens

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a man who uses Greek flatbread to achieve sexual gratification?

In general he's a pitaphile but if there is hummus involved, he's also hummus-sexual.

What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?

They both require chickpea.

I poisoned my wifes pita dip

The police charged me with hummus-cide

Why did the chickpea get arrested?

He committed a Hummus-cide

I was just taking a dip in the swimming pool when the lifeguard shouted out..

"What have you got there?"



"Hummus", I replied.

Why should we hire the chickpeas to be part of our choir?

They could hummus a song!


(I was really proud of this one.)

Today I had a second helping of hummus.

I was arrested for double hummus-ide.

I saw a bean and a song sitting together at a bar.

I could tell the song was quite drunk and was really chatting up the bean.

The song said, “Hey there, bean. I *like* you beans because you’re the *musical* fruit. But I’ll tell you I cannot *stand* garbanzo beans. We songs wish to be *sung!* Those damn garbanzo beans only hummus.”

Why did the policeman go to the Lebanese restaurant?

He was following up reports of a possible hummus side

Have you guys heard about the police investigation into the death of a chickpea?

It was a hummus-ide.

What’s in common between a chair and a table?

They are both not hummus

A friend told me this joke and I almost died...

Did you hear about the chick pea who released a autobiography 3 years after his death?

It was released post-hummus-ly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person who's sexually attracted to chic peas and tahini?

A hummus-sexual

How much hummus did the anorexic girl order?

A tahini bit.

Did you hear about the guy they found dead at the Mediterranean restaurant?

Yeah, police are calling it a hummus-cide.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

Why does Donald Trump like hummus so much?

It's made with chick pee.

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