Hummus Jokes - 31 Hilarious Hummus Jokes

What does hummus and a women's restroom have in common?

Chickpeas in 'em

upvote

downvote

report

what did one hummus say to the other hummus

“Sabra”

upvote

downvote

report

Why was the man with hummus spilled on his shirt called kinky?

Because he had some chick-pea all over him.

upvote

downvote

report

What's the different between Black Eyed Peas and Chick Peas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song.

Chick Peas can hummus one.

upvote

downvote

report

A friend of mine asked if I thought hummus was able to be used as a facial exfoliation scrub.

I said to him "I've had a smashed chick pee on my face before it worked wonders can't see why it wouldn't here"

upvote

downvote

report

A man was found dead in vat of ground chickpeas.

Police are considering it a hummus-cide.

upvote

downvote

report

My ex girlfriend tried to steal my hummus once.

Told that chick peace.

upvote

downvote

report

why did Allah give falafel and hummus to the Middle East?

They prayed for more gas.

upvote

downvote

report

Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..

And now I filafel.

upvote

downvote

report

What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?

"mmmm"

upvote

downvote

report

What do you call it when someone kills a chickpea?

Hummus-cide.

upvote

downvote

report

Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.

Buy the dip.

upvote

downvote

report

My wife and I found this GREAT chickpea spread.....

it's so good we wish it could SING. But all it could do was hummus a tune.

upvote

downvote

report

Where did Vegans come from?

Hummus Sapiens

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a man who uses Greek flatbread to achieve sexual gratification?

In general he's a pitaphile but if there is hummus involved, he's also hummus-sexual.

What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?

They both require chickpea.

upvote

downvote

report

I poisoned my wifes pita dip

The police charged me with hummus-cide

upvote

downvote

report

Why did the chickpea get arrested?

He committed a Hummus-cide

upvote

downvote

report

I was just taking a dip in the swimming pool when the lifeguard shouted out..

"What have you got there?"

"Hummus", I replied.

upvote

downvote

report

Why should we hire the chickpeas to be part of our choir?

They could hummus a song!

(I was really proud of this one.)

upvote

downvote

report

Today I had a second helping of hummus.

I was arrested for double hummus-ide.

upvote

downvote

report

I saw a bean and a song sitting together at a bar.

I could tell the song was quite drunk and was really chatting up the bean.

The song said, “Hey there, bean. I *like* you beans because you’re the *musical* fruit. But I’ll tell you I cannot *stand* garbanzo beans. We songs wish to be *sung!* Those damn garbanzo beans only hummus.”

upvote

downvote

report

Why did the policeman go to the Lebanese restaurant?

He was following up reports of a possible hummus side

upvote

downvote

report

Have you guys heard about the police investigation into the death of a chickpea?

It was a hummus-ide.

upvote

downvote

report

What’s in common between a chair and a table?

They are both not hummus

A friend told me this joke and I almost died...

upvote

downvote

report

Did you hear about the chick pea who released a autobiography 3 years after his death?

It was released post-hummus-ly

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person who's sexually attracted to chic peas and tahini?

A hummus-sexual

How much hummus did the anorexic girl order?

A tahini bit.

upvote

downvote

report

Did you hear about the guy they found dead at the Mediterranean restaurant?

Yeah, police are calling it a hummus-cide.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

Why does Donald Trump like hummus so much?

It's made with chick pee.

upvote

downvote

report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.