UPJOKE
innovatorintroduceinnovateinstituteinitiateopen uporiginatorentrepreneurfounderinventorfoundingmoderninventionphilanthropistcause

What's the difference between a 19th-century American pioneer and a termite exterminator?

One passes through the good west and the other gasses through the wood pests.

Technics, Pioneer, Sony, Panasonic

Sorry - I shouldn’t make jokes about stereotypes

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just opened a pioneering business," the guy says.

"So, what do you actually do?" the bartender asks. "I just told you," the guy replies. "I sell pie and earrings."

What do you call a pioneer smoking weed?

A trail blazer.

How come pioneers always had ugly wives?

Because they settled.

Did you hear about the pioneer who headed west looking for gold?

It didn't pan out, so he moved to Ore-gon.

Marshall Field

Marshall Field who pioneered the phrase, “the customer is always right” is rolling over in his grave right now.

Despite cemetery policy

My grandmother was a founding pioneer for the Weathertech products.

She had clear vinyl on her furniture

Back in the pioneer days...

A couple traveling west saw an old Native American man with his ear pressed to the ground, unmoving. As they approached, the man's eyes slowly opened and he said:

"Large wagon train. Fifty wagons. Lead cart has team of five horses. Half wagons covered, half not. Cart in middle have chip in wh...

Everyone was curious why the Michelin Star chef named his pioneered cuisine "Span"

"Cuz nobody expects it when the Span is in cuisine, son"

Antivirus pioneer John McAfee is wanted by the Police for murder charges.

If they catch him, they estimate the trial could last 30 days.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pioneer family is making its way across the prairie....

... when they come upon a Native American laying with his ear to the ground.

He gestures off into the distance and says "Wagon train, 3 miles east of here. 12 adults, 8 children, 16 oxen. Carrying a week's worth of supplies and moving at 6 miles-per-hour."

"Wow!" says one of the pionee...

Gary Oldman has had to drastically change his appearance to star in a biopic about one Britain's electronic music pioneers.

Guess he's going to be a Gary Numan.

I'm not sure why gentrification has such a negative connotation but being a pioneer sounds exciting and adventurous

It's still the same old story of a white guy moving somewhere other people already live to claim it as his own.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here's a joke told to me by my ancient high school band director in rural Oklahoma many years ago

Mr. Band Director loved to tell the story of how his ancestors came to settle in Oklahoma during the days of pioneers, covered wagons, and frequent, often bloody misunderstandings with the local natives.

One day his great-grandfather was leading the conestogas when off in the distance he hear...

William Shakespeare did not pioneer the modern form of a play

While the format of act 1, then a break, then act 2 was used by Shakespeare it originally came from Spain.

It was initially unpopular in Spain as people were confused by the break in the play as no one expects the *Spanish intermission*.

Why is everyone criticising EA?

I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.

($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this pa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elementary school teacher was handing out samples of deer jerky to anyone who wanted to try it.

It was part of the lesson about pioneer days and she hadn't yet told them what kind of meat it was.


She was giving clues to help the students. "I'm sure all of you have seen one as there are a lot of them around here". No response.

"The males often clash to prove who is toughest". ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once there was a boy in Alabama who loved trains.

It was his life, he’d get his dad to take him to train shows, play with them at home, read books about them in elementary school, the works. In high school he studied and kept his GPA high so he’d be able to go for his dreams: to be a train conductor. Upon graduating high school he got accepted int...

Have been putting 3.14 on pieces of jewellery.

Pioneering work, I think you'll agree.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Railroad tracks, a horses ass... and rockets! [Long]

The US standard railroad gauge (the distance between two rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches... an exceedingly odd number.


Why was that gauge used?

Because a number of the early railroad lines in the US were built to fit standard-gauge locomotives manufactured by English railroad pioneer G...

Ghandi was a what?

So we all know how Ghandi was a wonderful person and a pioneer in the non violent protest movement. But there are some facets of his life that add up to a very rare diagnosis.

First of all, he walked everywhere barefoot which made his feet very tough.

Secondly his diet was comple...

A communist dies and goes to heaven.

He was an honest man, albiet an atheist, so God and the Devil decide to rotate him between Heaven and Hell each year. One year passes, and Satan returns him to God. "Take him, please! He turned all my young demons into Young Pioneers!" God accepted and he was sent to Heaven.

Satan returns a y...

After drifting through empty space for almost 50 years, what is Pioneer 9's favorite cheese?

*probe-alone*

What do you call a person with a meat pastry on their ear?

Pioneer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A legend of the Native Americans

While many people know of Sequoya, the Native American genius who developed the Cherokee alphabet, fewer have heard of another visionary – yet he made a discovery no less groundbreaking, owing nothing to the white man’s knowledge.

It fell out like this: In the early 1800s, a certain chief, ...

Karl Marx dies and stands trial before St. Peter.

St. Peter: "The ideas you preach have brought misery to billions. I send you to the deepest pits of Hell!"

After a few months Satan calls God:

Satan: "God, please remove Marx from my realm as soon as possible."

God: "Why would I do that? He is a sinner, his fate is to burn in H...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Body Transplant Operation

A family has a son who, due to an unfortunate accident in his youth, is now a disembodied head.

His mother and father take care of him year after year, trying to make his life as good as they can under the circumstances. Despite their efforts, however, their son is quite cynical and bitter a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Another Russian joke I love :)

*To understand the joke you need to be familiar a bit with the "pioneer movement" that was is Soviet Russia, essentially it's a organization for children formed by a communist party where they wear read scarfs, walk around with a drum, and are raised to epitomize civility.*

An elderly woman i...

My favorite Jewish joke in the history of the world.

A young American computer expert read some books on the early Zionists who came to Israel and worked hard just to develop a bit of farm land. They gave of their sweat and toil so that there should be a fertile country for us. He was impressed with their unselfish toil and decided to immigrate to Isr...

The tale of Thanksgiving.

It's that time of year, so raise a cheer, here's to drinking beer and shooting deer. Here's to friends who are sincere and friends who will endear. When others appear we give them a leer, but not so severe that they leave out of fear. We send pioneers to explore the frontier, and they return bearing...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.