What do you call a female author?

Paige Turner

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That's my name!

Skinny white man goes into a lift and looks at huge black man who says, "Before you ask me I'm 7ft tall 350llbs have a 20"willy and my balls weigh 3llbs each, Turner Brown. White man faints, when he comes to he asks the black man to say that again. Black man repeats his statistics and says my name's...

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Turner Brown

A skinny little white guy walks into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The l...

Eh, the audio book was good.

But it wasn't really a page turner.

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Job Applicants

A major international company was looking to hire someone for an important position.

They interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of the world.

In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same questio...

Do you think they would write a book about Ellen Page's transformation into Elliot?

They really should.

It would be a real Page-turner

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Turner brown

A dwarf was riding an elevator.
In comes a big man.
The man says: I’m 6ft 5 tall, I’m 3ft 9 wide, my dick is 15 inches long and my name is Turner Brown.
The dwarf passed out. When he woke up, he said “what was the last thing you said?”
The big man answered, I said “my name is Turner B...

If you're ever struggling to remember the spelling...

Santa wraps, Eminem raps, Brock Turner...

What does Ron Weasley become when he uses Hermione's time turner to travel into the past and then the future?

Earlier Ron and then later Ron.

Tina Turner was asked to invest in a rom-com reboot of Stephen King's clown movie

She asked, "what's love got to do with *It*?"

Brock Turner sounds like a dish made from broccoli and turnips...

Which is fitting because he prefers his women to be in vegetative states!

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Who sees you when you’re sleeping, and knows if you’re awake?

Convicted rapist Brock Turner.

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[NSFW] A big, brawny guy crashes through the saloon doors:

“I’M BIG! I’M MEAN! AND I GOT A COCK THE SIZE OF TEXAS!”

A small, scrawny man standing nearby stammers out- “Wha... what’s your name?”

“TURNER BROWN!”

The little guy faints dead away. A few minutes later, the big guy manages to rouse him:

“WHAT AILS YA’ SON? ALL I SAI...

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The story of Turner Brown (language sorta NSFW)

This short, tiny guy is riding in an elevator. Elevator stops and this big, tall, burly sumbitch gets in.

Big guy looks down at the little guy and says "Six foot eight, 280 pounds, twenty inch dick, ten pound left ball, ten pound right ball. Turner Brown" and sticks out his hand.

Littl...

My friend asked if I would ever date the queen of rock, Tina

I was like hell yeah! I’d never Turner down!

These Brock Turner jokes are really distasteful.

Maybe they'd be okay if I was blackout drunk.

So I'm reading a book about a movie star that was born a woman but then comes out as identifying as male, but no one gets upset or judgemental about it, they just accept it and get on with their lives. It's a good book...

It's a real page turner

What airline does Sophie Turner use when she's filming Game of Thrones?

Luftsansa

What was tina turners pet name for Ike?

Beats me

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Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year!

*(Made mine this morning!!)*

1 cup sugar,
1 tsp. baking powder,
1 cup water,
1 tsp. salt ,
1 cup brown sugar,
Lemon juice,
4 large eggs,
Nuts,
1 bottle Vodka,
2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to check qual...

Have you heard of the good-looking chiropractor who fixes neck injuries?

She's a head turner

“I’ve been taking night courses for five months now, and I have an exam next week.” Said my neighbor Mike.

Mike: “For example, do you know who Euclid is?”

Me: “No.”

Mike: “He is the father of geometry. If you take night courses you would know this.”

The next day the same discussion took place:

Mike: “Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?”

Me: “No.”

Mike: “He is the...

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A white guy in the elevator...

So there's a white guy standing in the elevator. Just as the door are about to close, a huge black guy gets in. He stretches his huge arms around the elevator and he says:
- Hi. I'm two meters high. Two meters wide. Have a half meter penis and a kilogram per testicle. I'm Turner Brown!
After h...

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The county's eldest man had just turn a 100 years old and local tv was reporting on the event...

The reporter had her crew set up in the living room of the retirement home where the man, born in 1919, was watching days pass by.

She sat on a chair in front of him, ready to start taping the feel-good segment of the night's local news.

"I'm with mister James Woodson, our county's eld...

I am friends with 25 letters from the alphabet

I don't know y

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A guy from Nebraska goes to New York for the first time.

He's so excited, he's never been outside of Nebraska. He gets to La Guardia, and immediately tells a cabbie to take him to the Empire State Building (as he's always wanted to see it in real life). So they pull up to and he goes inside and gets on the elevator to the top of the building. He goes u...

I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet...

I don't know why.

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Biggest guy I've ever seen

So I was on my way to the bank to ask for a loan. I got into the elevator and it stops on the second floor. As the doors open a huge man ducks down to get into the elevator. I gulp and attempt to ask what floor? A hand the size of a diner plate reaches over and hits the close door button. This gi...

At the funeral of Jack Sparrow.

Turner: May Jack Sparrow's soul rest in peace.

Mr. Sparrow rises from the coffin,

"It's Captain Jack Sparrow"

And dies again.

Hey, have you read this book about automation? I'd recommend it.

It's a real page turner.

Rudy Giuliani is such a bad defense attorney that.....

He would have gotten an innocent WHITE man convicted.



Or you could say,



He would have gotten Brock Turner jail time.

2016:

The year Brock Turner got sentenced to 3 months but America got 4 years.

If I was an author I would make my pen name...

*Page Turner.*

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A man steps into an elevator...

A man steps into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude.

It's just the two of 'em, so he says "Hi" so as not to be rude.

The big guy looks down and says "I'm 7 feet tall, 350 pounds,
got a 20-inch dick and 3 balls... Turner Brown."

The small guy stares for a moment, th...

I once dated a mortician...

it didn't work out because I'm not that much of a mourning person.


Though she was a real head-turner.

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