Cutter Jokes - 23 Hilarious Cutter Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes home to his wife, after being fired from his job at a chips factory..

The wife acts surprised, because the man has been employee of the month for 13 months in a row.
She asks "What happened?"
"I got fired for putting my penis in the potato cutter. It's been a dream of mine, and I couldn't resist it anymore", the man replied.
The wife, even more surprised afte...

If you lose your pizza cutter, use a Bryan Adams CD

It cuts like a knife

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother was fired from a factory job for sticking his dick in the pipe cutter during his shifts.

They fired her at the same time, too.

r/atheism is like a pizza cutter

All edge with no point

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A worker at a cucumber factory had this strange urge...

He wanted to stick his dick into the cucumber cutter. The urge was growing and growing until he decided to visit a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist found that the only way to heal the urge was to actually go ahead and do it.

The next day the worker came home early, his wife asked why. As...

Max has been working as a garment cutter for over 30 years for the same small company.

He had never been late once. One day he shows up for work two hours late with blood running from his lip and nose. His clothes are a mess, he's limping terribly, and looks to be in a lot of pain.

The boss asks him, "So Max, why are you late?"

Max breathlessly answers, "As I was going...

I lost my pizza cutter so I tried to use an old Rod Stewart CD instead.

It worked all right at first, but the plastic edge got dull right away. The first cut was the deepest.

The Pizza Cutter

A guy walks into a pizza place to pick up the pizza he ordered. The worker behind the counter says, "Would you like your pizza cut in eight slices or ten?" The man replies, "You better make it eight - I don't think I could eat all ten!"

Two Brothers Move to the City

There were two brothers who lived in the country.

One day they decided they wanted to move to the big city and get jobs there. When they got there they went to the employment office to ask for jobs.

The first brother went in for an interview and less than 10 minutes later he comes out ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite jokes.

1.
A hippie walks into a bus and sees a very sexy nun. He walks up to her and says, "Hey there, wanna have sex?" The nun is grossed out and walks out of the bus. As the hippie is about to leave the bus driver calls him over an tells him, "Dude i saw you hitting on the nun. Well just to let you kn...

Hey guys, just wanted to wish you all happy holidays.

Reddit is filled with ready-made messages that you don't even read, you just copy and paste to every subreddit, I don't like that, I like writing from my heart. Our friendship, from the deepest to virtual, is very important to me and couldn't ever be represented by a cookie-cutter message from anywh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ninety-five year old virgin

Ninety-five year old Caroline died a virgin. Her last request stated that her headstone should read: "Here lies Caroline, born a virgin, died a virgin" The stone-cutter had a busy day, and made a shorter version, reading: "Caroline, returned unopened"

The Lawyer and the Mexican

A lawyer and a Mexican live next to eachother in the most cookie-cutter neighborhood you can imagine.
One day, they're both mowing the frontlawn. The Mexican says:

"You know, my house is worth more than yours."

The lawyer is confused. He responds:

"How? Our houses are identi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Flintstones

One day pebbles took a shower with Fred and Wilma. Her curiosity lead her to ask questions

Pebbles: Mama what's that between your legs?

Wilma: oh honey that's mommy's rock cutter.

Pebbles: Dada what's the between your legs?

Fred: oh sweetie that's my rock.

Pebbles:...

What do you call a depressed gingerbread man?

A cookie cutter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Al Gore is in the wrong line of work

Some people's names match their careers surprisingly well. Imagine a psychic named Krystal Ball or a stylist named Barbera Cutter.

But Al Gore is a failure in this regard. He had the perfect opportunity to start a math rock band in the 80s or 90s and just chose to not. It should have been fa...

Redneck Job seekers

2 redneck brothers are going to an employment agency

The counselor asks the 1st redneck "do you have any special skills?"

He replies "I'm a pilot."

She says "oh that's wonderful! There is a high demand for good pilots. if you go down to the airport you will have no problem f...

Dave and his two friends are talking at a bar.

Dave and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."

His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the p...

I used to build vessels for the US Navy

I had just arrived at my a new assignment, a typical underwater craft that was partially constructed in a special facility underground.

My first job of the day was to install markers along the starboard side of the vessel at 5 meter intervals.

The markers were metal posts that must be...

What’s the name of the cheapest vasectomy provider?

UnderCutters

Two Irish brothers are applying for Work Visas to Australia.

The first brother enters his interview, quickly walks out, gives a thumbs-up and says to his brother “I’m in!"

The second brother takes this as a sure sign that he will join him, and walks confidently into his interview.

“So Mr... Patrick O’Malley”, the interviewer begins. “What skills...

Three CEOs of car companies are kidnapped.

They are told to either pay $1bn for release, or attempt to escape 3 hazard-filled miles out of the city using any method of transportation they choose.

The first CEO asks for a Ford Mustang. He makes it one mile before being spotted by a group of snipers and eliminated.

The second CEO...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.