r/atheism is like a pizza cutter

All edge with no point

Lost my pizza cutter. So I used my Bryan Adam’s CD.

It cuts like a knife

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Al Gore is in the wrong line of work

Some people's names match their careers surprisingly well. Imagine a psychic named Krystal Ball or a stylist named Barbera Cutter.

But Al Gore is a failure in this regard. He had the perfect opportunity to start a math rock band in the 80s or 90s and just chose to not. It should have been fa...

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A worker at a cucumber factory had this strange urge...

He wanted to stick his dick into the cucumber cutter. The urge was growing and growing until he decided to visit a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist found that the only way to heal the urge was to actually go ahead and do it.

The next day the worker came home early, his wife asked why. As...

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My brother was fired from a factory job for sticking his dick in the pipe cutter during his shifts.

They fired her at the same time, too.

The Pizza Cutter

A guy walks into a pizza place to pick up the pizza he ordered. The worker behind the counter says, "Would you like your pizza cut in eight slices or ten?" The man replies, "You better make it eight - I don't think I could eat all ten!"

Dave and his two friends are talking at a bar.

Dave and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."


His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the p...

Three CEOs of car companies are kidnapped.

They are told to either pay $1bn for release, or attempt to escape 3 hazard-filled miles out of the city using any method of transportation they choose.

The first CEO asks for a Ford Mustang. He makes it one mile before being spotted by a group of snipers and eliminated.

The second CEO...

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A man goes home to his wife, after being fired from his job at a chips factory

The wife acts surprised, because the man has been employee of the month for 13 months in a row.

She asks "What happened?"

"I got fired for putting my penis in the potato cutter. It's been a dream of mine, and I couldn't resist it anymore", the man replied.

The wife, even more...

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Ninety-five year old virgin

Ninety-five year old Caroline died a virgin. Her last request stated that her headstone should read: "Here lies Caroline, born a virgin, died a virgin" The stone-cutter had a busy day, and made a shorter version, reading: "Caroline, returned unopened"

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"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

The Lawyer and the Mexican

A lawyer and a Mexican live next to eachother in the most cookie-cutter neighborhood you can imagine.
One day, they're both mowing the frontlawn. The Mexican says:

"You know, my house is worth more than yours."

The lawyer is confused. He responds:

"How? Our houses are identi...

What do you call a depressed gingerbread man?

A cookie cutter

Redneck Job seekers

2 redneck brothers are going to an employment agency

The counselor asks the 1st redneck "do you have any special skills?"

He replies "I'm a pilot."

She says "oh that's wonderful! There is a high demand for good pilots. if you go down to the airport you will have no problem f...

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My favorite jokes.

1.
A hippie walks into a bus and sees a very sexy nun. He walks up to her and says, "Hey there, wanna have sex?" The nun is grossed out and walks out of the bus. As the hippie is about to leave the bus driver calls him over an tells him, "Dude i saw you hitting on the nun. Well just to let you kn...

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The Flintstones

One day pebbles took a shower with Fred and Wilma. Her curiosity lead her to ask questions

Pebbles: Mama what's that between your legs?

Wilma: oh honey that's mommy's rock cutter.

Pebbles: Dada what's the between your legs?

Fred: oh sweetie that's my rock.

Pebbles:...

What do you call an emo italian person?

A pizza cutter

Two Irish brothers are applying for Work Visas to Australia.

The first brother enters his interview, quickly walks out, gives a thumbs-up and says to his brother “I’m in!"

The second brother takes this as a sure sign that he will join him, and walks confidently into his interview.

“So Mr... Patrick O’Malley”, the interviewer begins. “What skills...

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