UPJOKE
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What did the slaves owners use to purchase their slaves?

A MasterCard.

Why did the slave go to college?

To pick up his master's degree.

I'm proud to announce that our slaves are finally free.

And that's a great price!

What do you call fisherman who owns a slave?

A Master Baiter

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What are the simularities in between a sexist man and a slave owner

Somebody is making the sandwich, and it isn't gonna be them

Unpaid interns are like slaves

No pay, they just get experience in the field.

What does a slave driver do with his slaves when he's bored?

He racism.

I also like my coffee like i like my slaves.

Hand-picked from a third world country.

...I'll show myself out.

How much does a slave cost?

I have no idea, I just know they aren't free

God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.

For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll gi...

"We Do Not Have A Child Slave Colony On Mars."

They are free to leave the dome whenever they wish.

An unpaid internship is nothing like actual slavery

Slaves are given food and housing.

What did the slave owner said to his slave during the gold rush?

I wanna make you mine.

Why did the slave pay in cash?

He didn't have his Mastercard

I like my coffee how I like my slaves...

Free

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I wanted to watch this famous Tom Hanks movie, but I made a typo and ended up downloading a movie about a sex slave in a jungle.

It was called Forest Gimp.

Where do slave traders go to work?

The black market

Greta thunberg began screaming,

“I will not fly private!” She said to her manager as they pulled into the parking lot.

“The conference is two days away and across the ocean, would you like to fly coach?” He replied.

“On a commercial airline produced by slave labor? I don’t think so!” She screamed.

Her manag...

Given Isaac Newton's links to the slave trade,

perhaps we ought to abolish gravity.

It would be a weight off his shoulders.

Where is the freedom of a slave whose hobby is making necklaces?

Independence.

Did you hear about the guy who escaped being a toilet slave?

He got away scat-free.

slave Leia

A man comes home to his girlfriend who is in a slave Leia costume, chained to the bed and stretched out seductively. The man gets angry and says "I'm not that fat!"

What’s the worst thing about being a slave?

The hours

What did the dominatrix say after she spanked the wrong slave?

Whoops, wrong sub

Today in History class we learned that evil slave traders used to lure and capture Kalahari bushmen by speaking their language to draw them out in the open.

A terrible, early form of click bait.

What if Cinderella was a cooking slave instead of a cleaning slave..

.. and her name was Mozzerella

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A Southern plantation owner once saw his slave peeing in the garden.

A Southern plantation owner once saw his slave peeing in the garden. He was amazed looking at the size of the penis he had.

He called him and asked "How come you black men have such big dongs?"

Slave :Its an ancient secret passed on from our tribe through generations,when you have sex,...

Did you hear about the Mexican slave trade?

Wasn't a big deal at all.

'Til they offered buy Juan, get Juan free.

A slave say to another slave...

Are you free tonight?

They say Harriet Tubman escorted 300 slaves to freedom via the Underground Railroad...

If you do the math, that's only 180 people.

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A barbarian slave in Rome somehow won the attention of Caesar's daughter

They became lovers. To avoid pregnancy, they agreed to oral sex only. After just a few encounters, they were caught in the act. At first the barbarian, imprisoned and sentenced to fight to entertain the crowd, regretted his poor judgment.

Eventually, though, he was gladiator.

A monk, a nun and a priest all suddenly die in a fire and end up before God...

"You are all going to hell!" he announces. "As despite your dedicated lives you still had sins you did not repent for! However, for your services to me, I will allow you to choose your eternal punishment. You must select 3 different things I find most terrible that humans have experienced before. Ea...

Gold chains sound like a Christmas gift you'd get for a really really good slave

-Someone who worked on Norm Macdonald Has a Show

There was once a rich merchant ...

...who owned a slave named Manuel who was very good at hiding his thoughts and feelings. This merchant would often have his slave negotiate trade deals, very much to the merchants profit. This was the case because it was a well-known fact of that...

Nobody reads the owner's Manuel.

What's the difference between a 19th century slave and a 21st century unpaid intern?

No, seriously, I want to know.

If bees reproduce by slave bees having intercourse with the queen bee...

... Then is it safe to say they're into BeeDSM?

Master/slave terminology was recently removed from the python programming language so as not to offend anyone.

Looks like PC’s finally won.

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Where do dungeon masters keep their slaves

In debasement.

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...

This is the last time I have to be a slave to an alarm clock for a while.

I mean, it will be a whole other decade before I have to do it again

There’s a queen a king and a Mongolian slave Child in a hotel. How many people are there?

None the queen is a bed the king is also a bed and slaves are property.

Slave Driver

Old Joe was well off, he owned his own land, and on that land, a huge farmhouse.

The farmhouse was much too big for himself and his lady to upkeep, so he sort some help at the local slave market. He put them up in his converted barn, and paid them all a small allowance each day.

His go...

Archaeologists discover the remains of a slave-worker under famous statue in Giza

Reports claim he died of Asphinxiation

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Before it starts...

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts"

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."

This time s...

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Wolves are like sex slaves

My wife says I can’t have one

If 5 slaves had an orgy in the 1800's. . .

Would it be considered a three-way?

What did the farting pharaoh say to the farting slave?

We only have a Toot in common.

Jamaica is demanding compensation from the UK for our involvement in the slave trade!

Shocking, we already paid for them once!

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I don't believe Prince Andrew paid for an underage sex slave.

That sponger's never paid for anything in his life.

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Slave and Master

A slave is working out on the cotton plantation one hot day and the master approached him.

"Say, Toby, I'm gonna use the outhouse, so I expect to see at least another barrel filled with cotton befo' I get back,"the master said.

"Yessuh, massa," Toby replied.

So the master went...

A man rushes home late from work, slams the door open and plops himself down on the sofa. He turns on the tv and looks at his wife “quick” he says “get me a beer and some food before it starts!”

The wife gets up slowly looking startled but slightly excited. She wanders into the kitchen and comes back quickly with a beer and some food for her husband.

The man gulps down the beer and looks back to his wife “quick!” He says “get me another beer before it starts!” The man goes back to fl...

A man in his backyard (Warning: May be offending)

After a stressful day, one man comes home and sits in his backyard, drinking a beer. As he's getting up to get a snack, he stops and asks, "Jesus, what is the meaning of life?"

To which Jesus replies,"You slave in the sun to support the ones you love. You make money so you can buy things for ...

What do you call a fast food chain run by slaves?

Three Guys

In the beginning, God created the dog.

He told it, "For 20 years, you are to sit near the door and bark at whoever walks by."

The dog responded, "20 years? That's a long time to do that. How about I do that for 10 years and give you back the remainder?"

God agreed. He then created the monkey and told it, "For 20 years, you ...

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What does ISIS think of their sex slaves?

They're the GOAT.

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


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A man walks in on his wife having cybersex

Husband: What the hell are you doing?!

Wife: I'm sorry but I needed the money and I get paid $250/hour doing this!

Husband: How could you do this to me?! Why didn't you tell me?!

Wife: I'm sorry, I was afraid that you'd be mad, mad like you are now!

Husband: Of course I'...

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