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Asian Jokes

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?

In an explosion.

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As an asian, I can never masturbate to asian porn.

Because they all look like my sister.

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes

It was the end of my Korea

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With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

I know we're all supposed to be tolerant of people from other cultures, but is it too much to ask that Asian waiters learn that all Caucasians don't look alike? My waiter just served my food to some other customer!

Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

Why asian kids don't believe in Santa?

Because they are busy making all the toys

Where do Asian neckbeards come from?

M'laysia

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Translated joke from a south Asian language.

I tried my best. I'm pulling this from memory. Changed a lot of stuff, and added a buttload of new things to make this seem as normal as possible. Enjoy!

> The cops arrest a truck driver for running over 50 people. They take him to the interrogation room and start questioning him. After a ...

What do Asian cannibals eat?

Raw men

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Asian guy walks into a bar

He sits down at the the bar and start drinking a beer. The guy next to him ask: you know kung fu or karate or any or this shit? The asian guy replies: why you ask this, is because I chinese? The other guy replies no it’s because you’re drinking my fucking beer.

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I told my Asian parents that I am Asexual.

They were disappointed that I wasn't A+sexual

My Asian roommate says I have schizophrenia.

Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.

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An Asian guy and this girl are driving in a car...

The girl decides it would be nice of her to give the guy a blowjob. They both agree. She starts to take off his pants, but before she gets past his underwear the girl looks up and says"Is it true what they say about Asian guys?" and he turns to her and says" Sadly it is." then he crashes the car and...

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My Asian girlfriend told me there's nothing wrong with having a little penis.

I still wish she didn't have one, though...

What is another name for an Asian assassin?

Chinese takeout

I really enjoy orally servicing my asian girlfriend

but i feel so empty inside about an hour later

Why can't Asian couples have Caucasian babies?

Because two Wongs don't make a white.

Who won the Asian cooking contest?

It was a Thai.

I asked my Asian friend, “Why do you have to always get A’s in class?”

He said, “An Asian without an A is a sin.”

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I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs.

It was Wong on so many levels

What Asian stereo type do you hear the most?

Personally I’ve got a Yamaha surround sound system.

Around 80% of all Asians that move to America get cataracts.

The remaining 20% usually buy chevrorets, rexus, or rincoln. Some even get rand lover.

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar

They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

What do you call an Asian Dwayne Johnson?

The Wok.

My Asian waiter just handed my food to the wrong customer because he's racist and thinks all white people look the same.

Wait, nevermind. That wasn't my waiter.

Why is there an attitude at some Asian restaurants?

No forks given.

I think my family is racist



I brought my Asian girlfriend home for dinner and my wife and kids were very rude to her.

Asian keanu

Asian Keanu arrives at a party

Asian Keanu gets bored

Asian keanu Reeves

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So a black guy and a Latino guy and an Asian guy are all walking together!

A man walks up to them with a knife and says “if your dick sizes don’t add up to 20 inches, then you’re all getting stabbed”. The black guy pulls it out and it’s 12 inches. The Latino guy pulls it out and it’s 7 inches. The Asian guys pulls it out and it’s 1 inch. The man with the knife says “you’re...

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a joke that isn't racist

a guy is sitting in a bar and turns to the Asian guy next to him and asks:

"hey do you know, tai quon do, ju jutsu, kung fu or any of that shit?"

offended the Asian man replies:
"what you think that just because i'm asian i know martial arts?"

the man replies: "nah its becaus...

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A wise Asian man once said....

If a dog is barking, you know it's undercooked

What's the name of the Asian guy with a camcorder?

Phil Ming.

An group of Asian men robbed my house a few nights ago.

The police said it was clearly a case of Chinese Take-Away.

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Old Asian man ordered forty-two coffees. I said “you sure?”. He nodded yes…

Poured about 7 coffees and he starts shouting stop! stop! stop! I’m like “what happened?!” He repeated his order “ I want 4 tea 2 coffee” …

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I was on PornHub the other day and there was an ad that read: 'free asian asshole pics'.

When I clicked on it it was just a picture of Xi Jinping.

COVID-19 is like Pasta

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

What do you call a Asian chef, who got zombified?

Dead man wok-ing

I met an Asian girl today with the last name of "China"

It was her made-in name

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A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a plate of bamboo

When he’s finished with his meal, he hops up onto the table, pulls out two Glock 45s and unloads both magazines, blasting everything in sight.

When the guns are empty, he throws them down and starts walking towards the door. The bartender looks up from behind the bar and yells, “Hey! What th...

As an East Asian guy, I constantly get asked what's my background

It's Windows standard.

What do you call an Asian lady with one leg longer than the other??

Irene

Why are Asians so good at Math?

Their dogs can't eat their homework.

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An Asian Man Walks Up to A Bank Teller To Exchange Yen for Dollars....

The teller gives him $180.

The Asian man complains: "But yestaday, I get $200. Why less today?"

The teller shrugs and replies: "Fluctuations"

Livid, the Asian man yells "Well, fuck you Americans too!"

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How can you tell the difference between Japanese people and other Asian people?

Use a Geiger counter

*Credit: my friend who has a lot of dark humour

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A bus stops and two Asian men get on.

A bus stops and two Asian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following:

"Emma come first. Then I come. Two asses, they come together. I co...

I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me

who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady say...

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An Asian man goes to rent a car, and the clerk sees the man's name is Herschel Leibowitz

The clerk asks him how an Asian man like himself got the name Herschel Leibowitz. He responds in a heavy accent "When I was going through immigration, we were in a line in the area where we give our names. The name of the man in front of me was Herschel Leibowitz. When they call for me to ask me ...

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An Asian man and a Jewish man walk into a bar

The Asian man goes: “Hi, my name is Joe Chan, what’s yours?”

The Jew replies: “Michael Goldberg... Hey you know, I never did forget you Koreans for Pearl Harbor.”

The Asian man, surprised, replies:
“Uhhh... Pearl Harbor was done by the Japanese, not Koreans, and I’m Chinese.”
...

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A Russian an American and an Asian guy start a business

A Russian an American and an Asian guy decided to start a business together they decided they would assign each other with a specific job

The American was put in charge of advertisement

The Russian was put in charge of management

And the Asian was put in charge of supplies
...

What is the Asian equivalent of John Doe?

Hu Dat

Asians are like a box of chocolates...

They will kill your dog

Where do the Asian crows live?

In Croatia.

What do Asians do during an erection?

They vote

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

An Asian kid asks his mom

“Mom, what does “an Apple a day keeps the doctors away” mean?”

Mom says, “ah, my dear son, it means that if you play games on your Apple phone everyday, you will never get your PhD”

My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path

They let me pick which medical school I'm going to

I was born to an Asian family

But it was rough, the doctors had to perform a C section.

My dad slapped me at birth for not getting an A+ section.

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Why do Asian women have small boobs?

Because only A's are acceptable.

I'm dating a beautiful half Asian girl.

Her mother's Korean, her father's Korean, and she lost both her legs in a tragic car accident.

Why do Beginner Chefs cook only Asian food?

They need to Wok before they can run.

What is the best way to avoid asian flu?

Have a Phu shot.

How do you make an Asian Blind?

you put a windshield in front of them

I asked my Asian girlfriend for 69

She made me crunchy sweet and sour pork with double rice

I'm not saying that Asians are bad drivers...

But I'm beginning to think that Pearl Harbor was an accident.

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I once thought I had a Japanese friend.

But it was just my imagine Asian.

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An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.

The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66.
He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said "Fluctuations."

The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fuck you America...

An Asian doctor, SEAL, and astronaut walks into a bar

His name is Jonny Kim. Please don't let my mother know about him.

What do you call it when an Asian country tries to conquer another one?

An invasian.

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An Asian walks into a currency exchange and get $100 back for his exchange

Next day he goes there again and for the same amount of money he receives $94 this time.

He asks the teller "why $6 less today compared to yesterday"

The teller say "fluctuations"

The Asian man get up angrily and storms out slamming the door, turns around and shouts "fluc you Am...

I had a racist Asian joke to share...

But this day and age, society just won't reddit go.

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My Asian friend came out ..

My Asian friend came out to his dad today and said "Dad I'm gay" . His dad after being angry for a moment said, "why not Gay+"

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"I'm proud to be a black man"

"I'm proud to be a black man!" said the black man.

"I'm proud to be an Asian man!" said the Asian man.

"I'm proud to be a white man!" said the racist.

My wife hated my obsession with Asian cuisine...

Sushi left me.

being an asian kid is tough,

i got frowned by my parents because i got B+ for my test

it was blood test

What does Asian Matthew Mcconaughey want for dinner?

All rice, all rice, all rice

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I had sex with an Asian girl yesterday

Or as I like to call it, busting out the fine china

I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I’m Chinese?

I said no, it’s because you’re drinking my beer.

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An Asian man goes on a trip to America

He goes to an American Bank to converts his money to dollars, while going through his trip he meets a generous old friend who decides to let him stay in his place and also pay for his expenses during his stay.

After a few days he decides to return back to his country and heads to the bank to...

How do Asians make love?

First they dim sum lights

(Courtesy of my little brother)

My asian bf didn't want to stick it in my B-hole

He changed his mind after after I called it my A-hole

What are some good Asian stereo types?

I like Sony and Yamaha.

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What do you call a horny asian woman?

Actually, I'm not going to finish that. It's a slippery slope.

Three men are driving in a car

One is white, one is Mexican and one is Asian. While driving they get into an accident and are rushed to the hospital.

The three men were in comas when they arrived. After being admitted the nurse found that non of the men had ID’s on them.

While thinking of what to do the doctor walks...

Where did the little Asian girl go when the little boy dropped by?

Everywhere.

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What did the man say after walking in on the Asian couple having sex?

That was the Wong room.

9/10 Asians have cataracts

The 10th one has a Mercedes

What do asians say when they want to do it their way?

It’s my way or the Huawei.

I’m Asian and I think my wife is a racist

She tried to attack my white girlfriend when they first met.

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An Asian woman on a plane sees her Asian seat-mate reading a book on Asian Stereotypes.

A little offended, yet equally curious, she asks her seat-mate "What does the book say?"

Her seat mate says: "According to this book, Filipino women are beautiful, Japanese women are smart, and Vietnamese women are faithful".

Taken aback by the slightly chauvinistic and stereotypical n...

What time does the Asian dentist schedule their appointments?

She doesn't: the office staff schedule them on her behalf at different times throughout the day.

An asian asks for help at an airport...

Asian: "why is my plane late? It said it would be here at 6:30."

Airplane help guy: "fluctuations."

Asian: "fluck you americans too."

I really wanna post an Asian joke...

But I'm afraid that they wont Reddit go.

What do Asian Pirates do?

They fry planes !

Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said

"You're a lot like a math exam."

I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"

She said, "No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."

Asians made the first ever edible glue.

Rice

I was going to give you guys an Asian joke....

But I know some of you would never reddit go.

If you're Asian when you go into the toilet, and you're Asian when you leave the toilet, what are you when you were in the toilet?

European

My Asian eye doctor

Since I am half-Chinese and half-Filipino, and in recognition of AAPI month, I shall relate what happened visiting the eye doctor. I had been having trouble seeing while driving, so I went to my eye doctor, who happens to be Asian like me. He did the usual things, the eye charts, peering into my e...

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How do asians call an elevator?

By pressing the button like everybody else.

There's a new Asian cookbook out...

It's called 101 Ways to Wok Your Dog.

Why can’t 2 caucasians make an Asian child?

Because two whites don’t make Wong

Asian restaraunt

Waitress: what would you like?
Man: I would like a bowl of chili.
Waitress: But sir, this is a chinese restraunt.
Man : oh im so sorry. ( Squints eyes)
I would rike a bowl of chiri

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A white guy woke up in a cell with an Asian man and a black man.

None of them had any idea what was going on. All of a sudden a mysterious man appears in front of them and says, "If all of your dick lengths combined can reach exactly 1 foot, I'll let you all go. If not, I'll kill you all" All 3 men pulled down their pants and put their dicks together, the white g...

What is an Asian Canadian's preferred soup?

Miso Sorry

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I finally fulfilled a life long dream and had sex with an Asian girl!

It was really good, but two hours later I was horny again....

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