What language do Asian Karen's speak?

Demandarin.

Did you see the news about the fight that broke out when they played the wrong national anthem for the winning team at the Asian table tennis finals?

The headline read "Hong Kong Ping Pong Sing Song Ding Dong".

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An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.

The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66.
He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said "Fluctuations."

The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fuck you America...

My Asian eye doctor

Since I am half-Chinese and half-Filipino, and in recognition of AAPI month, I shall relate what happened visiting the eye doctor. I had been having trouble seeing while driving, so I went to my eye doctor, who happens to be Asian like me. He did the usual things, the eye charts, peering into my e...

My wife hated my obsession with Asian cuisine...

Sushi left me.

Where do Asian neckbeards come from?

M'laysia

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As an asian, I can never masturbate to asian porn.

Because they all look like my sister.

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A bus stops and two Asian men get on.

A bus stops and two Asian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following:

"Emma come first. Then I come. Two asses, they come together. I co...

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Asian guy walks into a bar

He sits down at the the bar and start drinking a beer. The guy next to him ask: you know kung fu or karate or any or this shit? The asian guy replies: why you ask this, is because I chinese? The other guy replies no it’s because you’re drinking my fucking beer.

What do Asian cannibals eat?

Raw men

An Asian doctor, SEAL, and astronaut walks into a bar

His name is Jonny Kim. Please don't let my mother know about him.

What does Old McDonald's farm and an old Asian women's closet have in common?

There's a muumuu here, a muumuu there....

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An Asian walks into a currency exchange and get $100 back for his exchange

Next day he goes there again and for the same amount of money he receives $94 this time.

He asks the teller "why $6 less today compared to yesterday"

The teller say "fluctuations"

The Asian man get up angrily and storms out slamming the door, turns around and shouts "fluc you Am...

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Had sex with an Asian, a black and a white in the same night.

Perks of having a Panda.

According to my Asian dad their are 2 types of people

Those who get A+ on everything and failures

What would a neckbeard say to a South East Asian woman?

M'laysia

being an asian kid is tough,

i got frowned by my parents because i got B+ for my test

it was blood test

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I had sex with an Asian girl yesterday

Or as I like to call it, busting out the fine china

I met a very famous asian gamer today.

His name was Lo Ping.

What do you call a hypothetical situation where a snake chases an asian from point A to point B

A Python-Korean Theorum

I came out to my Asian parents as a trans woman and told them I have a boyfriend named Shane.

I think they are taking it pretty well. They said they did't have a son and I would bring Shane to the family.

Steven Yeun makes Oscars history as first Asian American to be nominated for best actor.

Which is honestly disheartening because there are so many Asian American actors in the past who had performances that deserved best actor.

Like Mickey Rooney in "Breakfast at Tiffany's"

Why can’t 2 Asian people make a white child baby

cause 2 wongs don’t make a white

A racist, a misandrist and a misanthropist kills Thanos

The racist, Tyrone, says: "I need it - so I can remove all the asian people. I really don't like them".

The misandrist, Evelyn, says: "No I need it more - so I can remove all men from existence!"

"Don't be silly! If you remove all the men, women will die out too!" Tyrone shout...

It’s strange disliking Chinese food while having an Asian Fetish

I’d like to eat out Chinese but I hate eating out Chinese

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How do asians call an elevator?

By pressing the button like everybody else.

What's your favorite asian stereo type?

Personally, I love sony sound system with surround sound.

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I just couldn't decide which asian takeout food I like the best, Japanese or Chinese.

I ended up calling it a Thai.

What did the teacher call the Asian Kid who was known for his precision in math?

Exact Lee.

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I told my Asian parents that I am Asexual.

They were disappointed that I wasn't A+sexual

My boss has just fired me for making too many Asian jokes.

Oh well!! That's the end of my Korea.

A young Chinese man is asking a wise monk:

"Master Chong-Li, why does everyone think we Asian people all look the same?"

and he responds: "Who the hell is master Chong-Li?"

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Vietnam War

During Vietnam, a black man, an Asian man, and a white man are on a stakeout in the jungle, far from their base. They get a call from command saying it's about time to resupply. The white man says to the others, "Alright, I'm going to go pick up some food. Black guy, you go get the ammunition, and A...

I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me

who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated.She asked the teller, ‟Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?”
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, ‟Fluctuations.”
The Asian lady says,...

What's the difference between a Coral Reef and Tienenman Square?

One's full of crustaceans and one's full of crushed Asians.

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I used to date a half-Asian. Her mom was Chinese and her dad was Japanese

A shark ate her bottom half.

I asked the asian restaurant what the smallest portion of rice they had

They told me shrimp fried rice

I told my Asian friend I got a "B" on my math test.

He said "Wasabi?"

What do you call an Asian behind a camera?

Phil Ming

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Why do Asian women have small tits?

Because only A’s are acceptable.

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An Asian man goes on a trip to America

He goes to an American Bank to converts his money to dollars, while going through his trip he meets a generous old friend who decides to let him stay in his place and also pay for his expenses during his stay.

After a few days he decides to return back to his country and heads to the bank to...

What are some good Asian stereo types?

I like Sony and Yamaha.

A couple walk into a Chinese restaurant and were greeted by an Asian waiter who had an accent.

He escorted them through the restaurant and the couple picked out a table to sit at. But, just as they were about to sit, the waiter said in his accent, "It is forbidden.". The couple asked why was the table forbidden. The waiter repeated, "It is forbidden.". The couple were growing annoyed, but th...

Did you hear about the Asian cuisine chef that dropped a dumpling on the floor?

He was charged with wonton endangerment.

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A man comes to visit his friend...

...and notices a huge, asian gong in his living room. So he asks him, why does he have such a huge gong. "Oh, that is no gong, it's a talking clock! Here, let me show you!"

He grabs a mallet and hits the gong with full force. And from the next apartment could be heard: **"ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS...

I have an Asian friend who never says anything untrue.

Literal Lee.

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar

They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

An Asian student's mom was reading the test result

"Why do you only get a B- ?! You bring shame to our family"

"But mom, it is a blood test"

What do you call two Asians sleeping in a car?

A crash.

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With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

Did ya hear about Donkey Kong’s Asian cousin, Viet Kong?

He specializes in Gorilla warfare

What do you call an Asian who can't handle spice?

Caucasian

What do you say to someone who threw an Asian guy down the stairs?

That is Wong on so many levels.

What do Asians do during erections?

They vote

A kid asks his dad: Dad why am I black, if mom is white if and you are asian... ...

Dad answers: With the party we had that night, you better be grateful that you're not barking right now.

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What does an Asian man say on a cloudy day?

Sun, I am disappoint.

What do you call a female Asian thief?

Shiitake

My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path

They let me pick which medical school I'm going to

An Asian, an European and an American is stranded on an island after surviving a sinking ship accident.

They now want to start a new society, at least until they're rescued.

The American decides to be the minister of building and construction and the European takes the position as the minister of food and cooking.

Left over, the Asian is now pretty disappointed that they can't find any m...

What is the Asian equivalent of John Doe?

Hu Dat

An Asian, an American, and a European walk into a bar.

They sit down at the table, and decide to hit up some drinks.



American: I'll have a Coke! I don't want to get drunk.



European: I'll have a watery rum! I'll stay up for the drive.



Asian: I'll have 3 bottles beer, and a side of whiskey!




T...

How do you know if Asians are moving into the neighborhood?

The Mexicans start buying car insurance.

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As an Asian man, I have always wanted to know how it felt to be black. Today I finally accomplished that goal.

I sneezed and watched every one walk to the other side of the street.

What is an Asian Canadian's preferred soup?

Miso Sorry

I'm proud to be a Asian descent, with my family name Chao. When we have family gatherings…

It's completely Chaos!

My girlfriend said she’s not a fan of Pan-Asian cooking

I thought it was called a Wok

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Three Asian men die in a car accident on Easter Sunday.

They find themselves at the pearly gates, where Peter is at his receptionist desk awaiting them.

“Now, here’s the deal,” Peter says to them. “You three were not believers, so you are not allowed in here.” The men glance at each other, beginning to grow pale. “However, since it’s Easter, I’m w...

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How Long is an Asian man’s name.

Hint: It’s not a question.

I played my Asian friend in Tic Tac Toe

It was a Thai.

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Why didn’t the Asian man get a high five?

Because Logan Paul left him hanging

COVID-19 is like Pasta

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

There's a new Asian cookbook out...

It's called 101 Ways to Wok Your Dog.

3 women board a plane for the 1st time an Asian a Caucasian and a african american.

3 women board a plane for the 1st time an Asian a Caucasian and a african american.
The Asian annouces "im scared but i wore fluro underwear so if we crash they can see me" the Caucasian says "i wore my stars and stripes bikini as underwear so i can be noticed and picked up 1st". The African Ame...

Have you heard about the controversy regarding asians westernizing their surnames?

Honestly, it’s hard to know who’s White or Wong.

I’ve never understood the stereotype that Asian people are good at math,

so I decided to test it out.

I went up to at least 100 different people in China and asked them a couple of math questions

The first was “What is 109 squared?”. Around 68% of them answered correctly, which I was shocked about.

Then I asked “If 2 lengths of a triangle are 37 and ...

I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I’m Chinese?

I said no, it’s because you’re drinking my beer.

Why do Mexican Vampires prefer Asians who have ticks?

They want that Corona and Lyme

Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...

The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.

After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and ki...

What do you call an Asian woman who's always in the right place at the right time?

Tai-ming.

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Three couples rush to the hospital to give birth.

Three couples rush to the hospital to give birth, an English couple, and Irish couple and an Asian couple. All three wives give birth to boys within minuets of each other and the fathers congratulate one another. But while the nurse are weighing the babies, they get them mixed up and have no idea wh...

I realized why I can't get an Asian girlfriend

They really are smart

Did you know that over 50% of Asians have Cataracts?

The rest drive Rincolns.

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What would Hitlers name have been if he was born an Asian?

Lin Cha-Ju.

Me, practicing my comedy routine and my favorite Central Asian sport simultaneously

*\*crickets\**

What is the best way to avoid asian flu?

Have a Phu shot.

I was born to an Asian family

But it was rough, the doctors had to perform a C section.

My dad slapped me at birth for not getting an A+ section.

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An Asian man and a Jewish man walk into a bar

The Asian man goes: “Hi, my name is Joe Chan, what’s yours?”

The Jew replies: “Michael Goldberg... Hey you know, I never did forget you Koreans for Pearl Harbor.”

The Asian man, surprised, replies:
“Uhhh... Pearl Harbor was done by the Japanese, not Koreans, and I’m Chinese.”
...

What happens when an Asian guy with an erection runs into a wall?

He hurts his nose.

I was going to give you guys an Asian joke....

But I know some of you would never reddit go.

Just be thankful COVID-19 wasn't instead named East Asian Respiratory Syndrome.

"Dude, don't touch her. She has EARS!"

Asians made the first ever edible glue.

Rice

Around 80% of all Asians that move to America get cataracts.

The remaining 20% usually buy chevrorets, rexus, or rincoln. Some even get rand lover.

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So a black guy and a Latino guy and an Asian guy are all walking together!

A man walks up to them with a knife and says “if your dick sizes don’t add up to 20 inches, then you’re all getting stabbed”. The black guy pulls it out and it’s 12 inches. The Latino guy pulls it out and it’s 7 inches. The Asian guys pulls it out and it’s 1 inch. The man with the knife says “you’re...

My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again

And I don't know if I should tell him.

[NSFW] Why don't any of Logan Paul's asian fans ask for high fives anymore?

He tends to leave them hanging.

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?

In an explosion.

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A guy is minding his own business, drinking at the bar, when a random Asian guy runs in and kicks the living shit out of him.

He's laying on the floor bleeding, and he says, "What the hell, buddy?"

The Asian guy replies, "That was Judo, from Japan!"

A few days later, the guy is quietly drinking again, and another Asian guy runs in and also beats him senseless.

He's lying on the floor and he groans, "W...

What do you call an Asian wearing a fedora?

Malaysian

If you're Asian when you go into the toilet, and you're Asian when you leave the toilet, what are you when you were in the toilet?

European

Did you hear about the Asian-Jewish terrorist?

Hebrew himself up.

I recently subscribed to Asian Maritime History Monthly...

but haven't received a single issue. Then I remembered I had "No junk mail" on my door.


This is the worst, super specific pun I've come up with so far.

How do Asians make love?

First they dim sum lights

(Courtesy of my little brother)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whoever says Asian men have small dicks is wrong!

I knew this Vietnamese banker, and he had a lot of dong

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An Asian Man Walks Up to A Bank Teller To Exchange Yen for Dollars....

The teller gives him $180.

The Asian man complains: "But yestaday, I get $200. Why less today?"

The teller shrugs and replies: "Fluctuations"

Livid, the Asian man yells "Well, fuck you Americans too!"

I just started dating a half Asian girl

Her Mom's Korean, her Dad's Korean, and she lost her legs in a horrible car accident.

What do you call it when you make asian food in the jungle?

Taking a Wok on the wild side.

All the Asians who’ve been wearing face masks are laughing now

I assume

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