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Asian Jokes

Why can't an Asian couple have a white kid?

Because two Wong's don't make a white

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As an asian, I can never masturbate to asian porn.

Because they all look like my sister.

Why don’t Asian kids believe in Santa?

Because they make the toys

I know we're all supposed to be tolerant of people from other cultures, but is it too much to ask that Asian waiters learn that all Caucasians don't look alike? My waiter just served my food to some other customer!

Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

What Asian stereo type do you hear the most?

Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.

Who won the asian cooking contest?

It was a Thai

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An asian, a Black and a White guy were in prison.

The prison manager gave them a chance to get out, as it was the presidents birthday.

Prison manager: if all the combined length of your penises comes to 10 inches, you will get out.

The black man had 5 inches.
The white man had 4 inches.
The asian man had 1 inch.

As they w...

My new toothpaste is false advertising

It said, "Guaranteed whiteness in 14 days."

Well, it's been 15 days and I'm still Asian.

What do you call an Asian Dwayne Johnson?

The Wok.

What's the name of the Asian guy with a camcorder?

Phil Ming.

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What do you call asian man who is single

Lone lee

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An Asian guy walks into a bar

He sits down at the the bar and start drinking a beer. The guy next to him asks: you know kung fu, karate or any of that shit? The Asian guy replies: why do you ask this, is it because I am Chinese? The other guy replies no it’s because you’re drinking my fucking beer.

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Old Asian man ordered forty-two coffees. I said “you sure?”. He nodded yes…

Poured about 7 coffees and he starts shouting stop! stop! stop! I’m like “what happened?!” He repeated his order “ I want 4 tea 2 coffee” …

As the owner of a start up gin distillery I've been trying to break into the Asian market.

Unfortunately though the Thai tonic mixes very poorly with ice.

Where do Asian neckbeards come from?

M'laysia

An Asian kid asks his mom

“Mom, what does “an Apple a day keeps the doctors away” mean?”

Mom says, “ah, my dear son, it means that if you play games on your Apple phone everyday, you will never get your PhD”

What do you call it when an Asian country tries to conquer another one?

An invasian.

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I told my Asian parents that I am Asexual.

They were disappointed that I wasn't A+sexual

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What did the man say after walking in on the Asian couple having sex?

That was the Wong room.

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A Russian an American and an Asian guy start a business

A Russian an American and an Asian guy decided to start a business together they decided they would assign each other with a specific job

The American was put in charge of advertisement

The Russian was put in charge of management

And the Asian was put in charge of supplies
...

A man was walking through a park

He stopped by a flock of seagulls sitting on the grass verge next to a pond trying to snap up some worms from the mud. One of the seagulls drops a worm and shouts "oh for god sake".

The man is intrigued that it can talk so he goes and asks it where it's from. "I'm from around London but I tr...

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes

It was the end of my Korea

Why do Beginner Chefs cook only Asian food?

They need to Wok before they can run.

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An African, an American and an Asian guy get captured by tribals in a jungle.

The tribal chief tells them, “We will only let you go alive if the combined length of your penises adds up to 20 inches.”

The African steps up to the plate, whips out his genitalia and comes out at an impressive 14 inches.

The American goes next. He unzips his pants, sticks it out and...

Where do the Asian crows live?

In Croatia.

I came out to my Asian parents as a trans woman and told them I have a boyfriend named Shane.

I think they are taking it pretty well. They said they did't have a son and I would bring Shane to the family.

What do Asian cannibals eat?

Raw men

I'm dating a beautiful half Asian girl.

Her mother's Korean, her father's Korean, and she lost both her legs in a tragic car accident.

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I was on PornHub the other day and there was an ad that read: 'free asian asshole pics'.

When I clicked on it it was just a picture of Xi Jinping.

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Imaginary Friend.

I once had an invisible friend from Japan.


My mum said it was just my imagine Asian..

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With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

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A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a plate of bamboo

When he’s finished with his meal, he hops up onto the table, pulls out two Glock 45s and unloads both magazines, blasting everything in sight.

When the guns are empty, he throws them down and starts walking towards the door. The bartender looks up from behind the bar and yells, “Hey! What th...

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How Long is an Asian dick

Yes seriously, he’s a dick. Even if he’s an Asian, there’s no excuse for him to be a dick!

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An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.

The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66.
He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said "Fluctuations."

The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fuck you America...

My asian bf didn't want to stick it in my B-hole

He changed his mind after after I called it my A-hole

What do asians say when they want to do it their way?

It’s my way or the Huawei.

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A bus stops and two Asian men get on.

A bus stops and two Asian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following:

"Emma come first. Then I come. Two asses, they come together. I co...

I think my family is racist

I brought my Asian girlfriend home for dinner and my wife and kids were very rude to her.

I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me

who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady say...

An Asian doctor, SEAL, and astronaut walks into a bar

His name is Jonny Kim. Please don't let my mother know about him.

crabs.

which is the odd one out, a crab, a lobster, a woodlouse or a Chinese man under a steamroller.?

A woodlouse.

because the rest are all crushed asians.

What is another name for an Asian assassin?

Chinese takeout

What is the Asian equivalent of John Doe?

Hu Dat

I had a racist Asian joke to share...

But this day and age, society just won't reddit go.

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Had sex with an Asian, a black and a white in the same night.

Perks of having a Panda.

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar

They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?

In an explosion.

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So a black guy and a Latino guy and an Asian guy are all walking together!

A man walks up to them with a knife and says “if your dick sizes don’t add up to 20 inches, then you’re all getting stabbed”. The black guy pulls it out and it’s 12 inches. The Latino guy pulls it out and it’s 7 inches. The Asian guys pulls it out and it’s 1 inch. The man with the knife says “you’re...

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I had sex with an Asian girl yesterday

Or as I like to call it, busting out the fine china

An Asian woman has twins, a boy and a girl.

They came out within two seconds of each other, and the doctors forgot to record which one actually came out first. This was problematic for her as it had been a tradition in her family going back almost a thousand years to name the first born of each generation "Lin". After some discussion from her...

I’m Asian and I think my wife is a racist

She tried to attack my white girlfriend when they first met.

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An Asian walks into a currency exchange and get $100 back for his exchange

Next day he goes there again and for the same amount of money he receives $94 this time.

He asks the teller "why $6 less today compared to yesterday"

The teller say "fluctuations"

The Asian man get up angrily and storms out slamming the door, turns around and shouts "fluc you Am...

What do you call an Hispanic, an Asian, and an African American who walk into a bar?

By their names you racist pricks!!

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So I asked the vet "what can I do here I think my dog is racist, he keeps barking at the Asian man next door?"...

The vet said "Muzzle him?"

I said "I don't know, but he does have a beard"

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An Asian man goes on a trip to America

He goes to an American Bank to converts his money to dollars, while going through his trip he meets a generous old friend who decides to let him stay in his place and also pay for his expenses during his stay.

After a few days he decides to return back to his country and heads to the bank to...

My wife hated my obsession with Asian cuisine...

Sushi left me.

Did you see the news about the fight that broke out when they played the wrong national anthem for the winning team at the Asian table tennis finals?

The headline read "Hong Kong Ping Pong Sing Song Ding Dong".

My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path

They let me pick which medical school I'm going to

Around 80% of all Asians that move to America get cataracts.

The remaining 20% usually buy chevrorets, rexus, or rincoln. Some even get rand lover.

Why can’t 2 Asian people make a white child baby

cause 2 wongs don’t make a white

What time does the Asian dentist schedule their appointments?

She doesn't: the office staff schedule them on her behalf at different times throughout the day.

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As an Asian man, I have always wanted to know how it felt to be black. Today I finally accomplished that goal.

I sneezed and watched every one walk to the other side of the street.

I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I’m Chinese?

I said no, it’s because you’re drinking my beer.

Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...

The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.

After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and ki...

I just came back from a trip to Thailand and I was quickly surprised by the many Caucasians. I was then reminded that this is not the politically correct name for them.

They would not like to be called Caucasians but Ladyboys instead

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I just couldn't decide which asian takeout food I like the best, Japanese or Chinese.

I ended up calling it a Thai.

What did the teacher call the Asian Kid who was known for his precision in math?

Exact Lee.

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An Asian Man Walks Up to A Bank Teller To Exchange Yen for Dollars....

The teller gives him $180.

The Asian man complains: "But yestaday, I get $200. Why less today?"

The teller shrugs and replies: "Fluctuations"

Livid, the Asian man yells "Well, fuck you Americans too!"

Asians are sooo bad at driving....

I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.

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An Asian guy and this girl are driving in a car...

The girl decides it would be nice of her to give the guy a blowjob. They both agree. She starts to take off his pants, but before she gets past his underwear the girl looks up and says"Is it true what they say about Asian guys?" and he turns to her and says" Sadly it is." then he crashes the car and...

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I finally fulfilled a life long dream and had sex with an Asian girl!

It was really good, but two hours later I was horny again....

My Asian eye doctor

Since I am half-Chinese and half-Filipino, and in recognition of AAPI month, I shall relate what happened visiting the eye doctor. I had been having trouble seeing while driving, so I went to my eye doctor, who happens to be Asian like me. He did the usual things, the eye charts, peering into my e...

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On my way home from work, my asian girlfriend said she wanted to have sex with me so badly, but I was super hungry and in the mood for pho...

...it was a Nguyen Nguyen situation

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An Asian man and a Jewish man walk into a bar

The Asian man goes: “Hi, my name is Joe Chan, what’s yours?”

The Jew replies: “Michael Goldberg... Hey you know, I never did forget you Koreans for Pearl Harbor.”

The Asian man, surprised, replies:
“Uhhh... Pearl Harbor was done by the Japanese, not Koreans, and I’m Chinese.”
...

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My Asian girlfriend told me there's nothing wrong with having a little penis.

I still wish she didn't have one, though...

I was born to an Asian family

But it was rough, the doctors had to perform a C section.

My dad slapped me at birth for not getting an A+ section.

What do you call a hypothetical situation where a snake chases an asian from point A to point B

A Python-Korean Theorum

My Asian roommate says I have schizophrenia.

Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.

I have an Asian friend who never says anything untrue.

Literal Lee.

What is the best way to avoid asian flu?

Have a Phu shot.

What does Old McDonald's farm and an old Asian women's closet have in common?

There's a muumuu here, a muumuu there....

being an asian kid is tough,

i got frowned by my parents because i got B+ for my test

it was blood test

What are some good Asian stereo types?

I like Sony and Yamaha.

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How Long is an Asian man’s name.

Hint: It’s not a question.

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How can you tell the difference between Japanese people and other Asian people?

Use a Geiger counter

*Credit: my friend who has a lot of dark humour

Good night everyone except for Asians

Good morning Asians.

An Asian, an European and an American is stranded on an island after surviving a sinking ship accident.

They now want to start a new society, at least until they're rescued.

The American decides to be the minister of building and construction and the European takes the position as the minister of food and cooking.

Left over, the Asian is now pretty disappointed that they can't find any m...

What do Asians do during erections?

They vote

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You know you're a Minnesotan Abroad if

You get weird looks if you ask for your pizza to be cut into squares.

You've gotten strange looks when you whipped out your Super America fuel card, your TCF Bank debit card, your Dunn Brothers gift card, or White Castle refillable cup at a gas station.

You're the only one in a t-shirt...

I met an Asian girl today with the last name of "China"

It was her made-in name

Why are Asians so good at Math?

Their dogs can't eat their homework.

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Translated joke from a south Asian language.

I tried my best. I'm pulling this from memory. Changed a lot of stuff, and added a buttload of new things to make this seem as normal as possible. Enjoy!

> The cops arrest a truck driver for running over 50 people. They take him to the interrogation room and start questioning him. After a ...

According to my Asian dad their are 2 types of people

Those who get A+ on everything and failures

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A professional gambler dies and goes to Heaven.

A gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm. When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven.

Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else. He taps the old man ahead of him on the shoulder.....

I was going to give you guys an Asian joke....

But I know some of you would never reddit go.

A kid asks his dad: Dad why am I black, if mom is white if and you are asian... ...

Dad answers: With the party we had that night, you better be grateful that you're not barking right now.

Steven Yeun makes Oscars history as first Asian American to be nominated for best actor.

Which is honestly disheartening because there are so many Asian American actors in the past who had performances that deserved best actor.

Like Mickey Rooney in "Breakfast at Tiffany's"

It’s strange disliking Chinese food while having an Asian Fetish

I’d like to eat out Chinese but I hate eating out Chinese

3 women board a plane for the 1st time an Asian a Caucasian and a african american.

3 women board a plane for the 1st time an Asian a Caucasian and a african american.
The Asian annouces "im scared but i wore fluro underwear so if we crash they can see me" the Caucasian says "i wore my stars and stripes bikini as underwear so i can be noticed and picked up 1st". The African Ame...

Did you hear about the Asian cuisine chef that dropped a dumpling on the floor?

He was charged with wonton endangerment.

What would a neckbeard say to a South East Asian woman?

M'laysia

What do you call an Asian wearing a fedora?

Malaysian

I'll Never Buy Colgate Toothpaste Ever Again...

It says "guaranteed whiteness" after 2 weeks... It has been 4 weeks and I am still Asian.

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I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs.

It was Wong on so many levels

COVID-19 is like Pasta

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

Asians are like a box of chocolates...

They will kill your dog

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Three Asian men die in a car accident on Easter Sunday.

They find themselves at the pearly gates, where Peter is at his receptionist desk awaiting them.

“Now, here’s the deal,” Peter says to them. “You three were not believers, so you are not allowed in here.” The men glance at each other, beginning to grow pale. “However, since it’s Easter, I’m w...

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How do asians call an elevator?

By pressing the button like everybody else.

How do Asians make love?

First they dim sum lights

(Courtesy of my little brother)

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What would Hitlers name have been if he was born an Asian?

Lin Cha-Ju.

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Why do asian women have small boobs?

Because only A is acceptable.

A couple walk into a Chinese restaurant and were greeted by an Asian waiter who had an accent.

He escorted them through the restaurant and the couple picked out a table to sit at. But, just as they were about to sit, the waiter said in his accent, "It is forbidden.". The couple asked why was the table forbidden. The waiter repeated, "It is forbidden.". The couple were growing annoyed, but th...

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