A man with a gun barged into the pub earlier and was threatening violence if the bar didn't play some classic 80s tunes.
Luckily The Police turned up and sorted him out.
Who's that band?
A little bar in a small town was having a concert night and most of the town showed up. They were curious to see who in this town of everyone-knows-everyone would go up and perform.
The barman introduced up on stage a couple of highschool kids, the Little Rascals, that were going through the...
It tunes and scoops?
What do you call a tool that both tunes and scoops?
A tuning spork!
Making a living of 3-second tunes
Two old friends, both graduates of a musical academy, meet after years of no talk. One has a super expensive suit, a posh watch and looks well groomed. The other looks much older, and is wearing shabby clothes.
\--How are you, buddy? – asks the one better off.
\--Oh, not bad. Just fini...
A Halloween joke?
A homeless man named Sturgis was walking down to his town's Human Resources to apply for housing assisstance. When he gets there, he sees some strange creatures in line ahead of him. Cousin It from the Adams' family was there, as well as the Looney Tunes version of Mr. Hyde. Among them was your typi...
A man and his dog walk into a talent agents office.
"All right, lets make this quick i have things to do, whats your talent?" asks the agent.
The man says, "Its not me sir, its my dog -- he talks!"
"Yeah, right," says the agent. "I don't have time for this, now get out of here before I throw you out."
"No, wait," says the man. "I...
A man walks into a bar
He asks the bartender, "If I can show you something amazing, will you let me have a free drink?" The bartender plays along and replies, "Sure".
The man opens his jacket and out hops a frog. The frog runs over to the piano in the back of the bar and hops around the keys playing Mozart, Beetho...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Thought this one was odd enough to share
This bloke walks into the poshest restaurant in town and says, "Where's the god damn, mother fucking Manager you cock sucking arse wipe." The waiter is naturally taken aback and replies, "Excuse me, sir, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as...
So how is the new Looney Tunes video game?
I don't like it, it has a lot of bugs.
A violinist notices that he can't keep his violin in tune...
... so he asks the conductor of his orchestra to help. "Take it to Opporknockety," says the conductor. "He is a violin expert."
The violinist packs his things and makes the trek to the Swiss Alps where the expert lives. Sure enough, Opporknockety fixes the problem and the violin sounds great....
I went to see the doctor with a nasty rash on the top of my leg.
I told him "the weird thing is when I squeeze the pus out of the pimples, I hear the latest tunes playing"
He said "oh you have a severe case of spotty thigh"
A bass player is playing Jazz in the street for fun when suddenly one of his strings breaks.
The Bassist is a little saddened by this, since he can't really play Jazz with only 3 strings. He contemplates whether he should go buy a replacement string, but after some time he decides it could wait and starts playing Rock instead.
He plays Rock for another hour when suddenly another stri...
A Woman Goes To Buy A Parrot
A woman goes to buy a parrot. The shopkeeper brings her three parrots to see.
"This parrot is a marvel. It toured with the Royal Shakespeare Company. It can recite any play by Shakespeare on command, doing different voices for each part. It's yours for only $200"
"That's amazing, but I...
What do you call music in a psychiatric hospital?