What's God's favorite chord? (music joke)

G sus

I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased The Lord

It was Gsus

Whats a Christian Band's favorite chord?

Gsus

If Gods favorite guitar chords is a Gsus....

The is the Priest's favorite chord A minor?

What chord do you play to get R. Kelly's attention?

B Minor.



I'll see myself out...

Why do babies miss their umbilical chords?

Because they grew attached to them.

TIL Christian bands have a favourite chord.

G sus

Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.

The results speak for themselves.

My biology teacher grew human vocal chords from stem cells in the lab, the results...

... speak for themselves

Over the past few years The U.S. Army have been conditioning soldiers to behave in certain ways when they hear certain musical chords. They have just found the perfect chord to get soldiers to report to their superiors.

C Major.

What does a jock and a V7 chord have in common?

They both dominate.

Why did the two pianists always have a good marriage?

They were always in a chord.

The doctor told me my vocal chords were damaged

I was speechless

A little Mexican girl dreamed of playing the guitar.

Her name was Maria. She was very poor, but she knew that one day she would be a famous entertainer. One sunny morning, she discovered a makeshift vihuela abandoned behind a local shop. Ecstatic, she raced home and immediately started practicing.

While carefully fingering a chord outside of h...

What happened to the chord who violated school rules?

It was suspended!

A banjo asked a fiddle to marry him. "Don't frett," he said. "Just duet and we'll live in harmony until the end of time."

Ten months later, the fiddle started to tip the scales. Her belly was noticeably bowed and before you could say concerto, out popped a minor.

Daddy banjo went to the Hyundai dealer and traded in his old Accent for a brand new Sonata. After just a month, mama fiddle lost her key at the bar and...

One day, DJ Khalid’s son found a magical lamp...

One day, DJ Khaled’s son stumbled upon a magical lamp. After rubbing it, a mystical genie poured out of the stem and asked for boy what he wanted for his wishes. Knowing his father’s great love of music, the boy wished to become a keyboard, something Khaled enjoyed using for his music. “Granted”, sa...

(OC) Once, back the days of dragons...

Once back in the days of knights and dragons there was a mountain to which people would travel from leagues around.

At the summit of this mountain was a magic cradle which would heal the illness of any child placed in it, but only if the child's parent would then roll up into a ball and tumbl...

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I was a big metal fan back in high school.

Back in high school I was a big metal fan.

At the beginning of the summer holidays I was at this awesome house party.

It was just high school kids in the house so we were able to turn the volume way up and had a pretty awesome playlist: Metallica, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Iron Mai...

Do you know why I don't like simple chord progressions?

They give me the EBGBs.

How does a blind parachutist know when to pull his rip-chord?

The leash goes slack...

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A man goes to the doctor about a lisp.

He says, “Doc I feel fine, it’th juth that I can’t thpeak clearly. I have thith lithp that I can’t theem to get rid of.”

The doctor replies, “Ok, let me have a look then.” and proceeds to examine the man. “Ahh, I see the problem here. Your penis is so long that it’s weight is pulling on your ...

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My physics teacher is the chord slope of an a-t curve

The average jerk

Took my guitar to an open mic night at a bar. Yea, it sucked cuz they made me play one less chord.

Guess one of 'em was a minor.

Why did the chord get kicked out of the bar?

Because he was Aminor

What is the definition of a minor 2nd chord?

Two flutists playing in unison.

Jesus is wandering around Heaven, surveying all the saved souls...

...when he spots an old man in the corner, crying.

Jesus approaches the man: "Hey you! This is Heaven! You can't be sad here! This is the ultimate prize! People go to church every day of their lives to end up here! Stop crying, you should be happy to have gotten in!"

The old man c...

When I compose songs on my piano, I play multiple notes at once to make my songs longer.

They're extension chords.

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Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo.

The place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.

A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice... "Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!" Am...

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A fine conductor.

A dictator approaches one of his country's finest musicians, and asks him to compose a piece of music to be played by an orchestra in front of the country's ruling class.

The musician, not wanting to displease the glorious leader, sets to work immediately, and writes one of the greatest piece...

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Stevie Wonder's playing an intimate gig in a little Japanese club. Before he starts he asks for any requests.

A little Japanese man at the front jumps up and down shouting "Pray a Jazz Chord! Pray a Jazz Chord!"

Impressed by the little man's knowledge of his musical history and prowess, Stevie and the band crack into a 5 minute Jazz extravaganza in F#.

As they finish the little man is stil...

Dad joke.

What chords do they play at the church?
Gsus 4
Gsus 2

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After an orchestra concert, the host asks if there are any musicians in the audience.

Many audience members raise their hands, and the host randomly selects three of them, and invites them on the stage for a quick quiz. The first one turns out to be a pianist, the second one is a singer, and the last one is a drummer.

The host says: "Let's have a quick quiz, shall we? Our pian...

What's the difference between a jazz guitarist and a rock guitarist?

A rock guitarist plays 10 chords for 50,000 people, and a jazz guitarist plays 50,000 chords for 10 people.

What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

Three chords and a lie

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A man went to see a doctor about his stutter...

"Y-you gotta he-help me doc, I c-c-can't live li-like this an-any more!"

The doctor says, "not to worry, we'll do a full body examination and get to the bottom of this."

After the examination, he tells the man, "I've found the cause of the problem. You see, your penis is so large that ...

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A parole officer makes a house visit...

He walks sternly and silently into the house then to the upstairs hallway. He stops, reaches up and pulls a chord which releases a smaller set of stairs. He trudges up them and at the top he stands with a scowl as he examines the unfortunate scene. He yells, "What the hell, are you ever going to get...

Why couldn’t the backbone play the piano?

He only knew the spinal chord

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A Magician hypnotizes seven men...

A magician calls out that he needs seven volunteers from the audience.

As expected, multiple members of the audience raise their hands.

He picks out seven men from the crowd, and as expected they come up on stage, and the Magician proceeds to hypnotize all seven of the men.

He m...

If you're a polka player

Can you get in trouble for counting chords?

Some musician related jokes

Why can't a clarinet player keep a girlfriend? Whenever they start talking dirty, his voice cracks.

Why can't a French horn player keep a girlfriend? Whenever they start making out, his hand goes to the wrong place.

What do you call a euphonium player who isn't part of a military band?...

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A man goes to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor because his voice is too deep. Uncomfortably deep. People have problems understanding him over the phone and it interferes with his social life.

He says to the doctor, "DOC, YOU GOTTA HELP ME. WHAT'S CAUSING MY VOICE TO BE LIKE THIS?"

After an examination, th...

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Stevie Wonder is playing in Japan for the first time ever...

Sitting at the piano in a concert hall, keen to please his new audience, Stevie shouts "Before I start, does anyone have any requests?"

Some little old Japanese man at the very back of the hall stands up and shouts back "Do a jazz chord!"

So Stevie obliges, playing an Eb Minor diminish...

In the last movement of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony...

...the double basses have a few big chords right at the start, then nothing for 10 minutes, then come in right at the end for the big finale. During rehearsals, the bass players started putting down their instruments, going for a quick drink, and comng back in time for the end.

On the night o...

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A man buys a very talkative parrot....

At the pet store the parrot was sweet. He said "I love you!" and "pretty bird." So he bought the delightful little Polly.

As soon as he got Polly home, everything changed. "HEY COCKSUCKER!" the parrot squawked. "FUCK YOU FUCKER!"

But it didn't end with a few insults. The bird ra...

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I told this joke a bunch in elementary and it made me seem way funnier than I was, it's so good

Heaven was getting all cluttered so God put a new rule in place. On top of being a good person, you have to have a better death story than the last guy who got through to heaven.

First guy comes in, and the angel bouncer guy asks him about the events leading up to his death.

The guy s...

Music Joke

A C chord and an A chord walk into a bar.

The bartender says to the C chord "I'm sorry, I can't serve your friend; even though he's your relative, he's still a minor."

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A man goes to the doctor

A man goes to his doctor and says "*Doc, I've always had this really high pitched voice, I don't know why, but I think it's the reason I'm not taken seriously at work, can you help me*"
The doctor tells him he can help if he can determine the cause, and he'll have to give him a physical. ...

A skydiver jumps out of a plane...

He is flying through the air and is having a lot of fun.
Then he pulls the chord ... but nothing happens! The parachute wont open!
panicing he pulls the safety chord ... nothing happens again!
He is falling ever so fast, when suddenly a guy comes flying up from beneath him!
The skydive...

My friend and I went to a guitar clinic recently. He really seemed to be into it.

I guess it struck a chord with him.

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Man with a stutter

A man with a stuttering problem decides to go to a physician after years of unsuccessfully trying to fix his problem through speech therapy.
The doctor has him go into the examination room and disrobe, and the doctor begins his exam. After a few minutes, he tells the man he has an idea of what co...

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A man with a crippling stutter visits his doctor hoping for a cure...

"D D D D Doctor, you've g g g g got to Help m m m me, I'll dddo anyt t t t thing.

The doctor gives him a thorough physical examination, and sure enough discovers the problem....

"your penis is massive, it's causing a great strain on your vocal chords, which is creating the stutte...

What did the guitarist say to the magician...

Pick a chord, any chord.

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