The 86+ Best Piano Jokes

What do you get when you throw a piano on a child?

A flat minor.

What does a piano, a tuna, and glue have in common?

You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna!

A man walks into a bar with a tiny piano and a 12 inch pianist.

He sets the tiny piano down at the bar, and the tiny pianist starts playing up a storm. The bartender looks at the man and says, "That's amazing, where did you get that?" The man replies, "There's a genie outside your bar that will grant you one wish."

The bartender runs outside and sure enou...

Guys walks into a piano shop and asks the shop keeper for a wasp!

The store keeper says “sir. We are a piano shop. We don’t sell wasps”. The guys says. Then why have you got some in the window?

What would happen if a piano fell on top of you?

You'd b-flat.

Why was the piano teacher arrested?

He kept fingering A minor.

A man walks into a bar, and sees a tiny man playing a tiny piano on the bar...

The man walks up to the fellow next to the teeny piano player, and asks about him.

"What's the deal with the small piano guy?" To which he replies, "I have a magic genie, feel free to make a wish."

"Ok" he says and proceeds to wish for a million bucks.

BOOM the bar is filled w...

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A man walks by a 5 star restaurant and sees a sign on the window that says "piano player wanted"

He asks to speak to the manager, who he then tells he'd like to apply for the job. The manager brings him over to the piano to see what he's got. The man plays the most beautiful piece the manager has ever heard. He pulls out his handkerchief to wipe away a few tears.

Deeply moved, the manag...

Whats better than roses on a piano?

tulips on an organ...

A man answers his door and finds a piano tuner waiting on the step. 'Can I help' says the man 'I haven't ordered a piano tuner'

'I know you haven't' replies the piano tuner 'Your neighbours did for you'

Why does Elton John play the piano?

Because he sucks on an organ.

If you play a G, C, and D on a piano, they're the most Christian notes...

...because it's a Gsus chord.

My uncle bought a piano from Nigeria.

So he brings it home and hires a guy to come tune it. The piano tuner struggles with it and after five minutes says, “Lemme guess... West African piano?”

“Yeah, how did you know?” my uncle responds.

“Well, West African pianos are notoriously hard to tune,” he says, “not like North Afri...

My wife said we needed to childproof our upright piano, so it wouldn't fall over on our toddler...

... I said that was a good idea, because I wouldn't want a flat minor.

A man tells his friend that he has a dog in a suitcase who can play the piano.

The friend says “ok let’s see it”. The man opens the suitcase and sure enough a small dog with a small piano comes out and plays the piano with great skill. As he plays a crowd gathers around to watch. After some time a female dog comes out from the crowd, picks him up by the scruff and carries him ...

Why does Helen Keller play piano with only one hand?

Because she uses the other one to sing

I bought a piano from Connecticut last week but I had to return it.

The middle C was silent.

In what key do ghosts play the piano?

In the spoo-key.

A man walks into a bar, takes a small piano out of his bag and then a tiny man. the tiny man starts playing the piano.

The bartender asks the gentleman "what's up"?
The gentleman explains how he found a magic lamp with a genie inside and he grants wishes. The gentleman says if you give me a couple free drinks I will gladly let you make a wish.
The bartender thinks, ok what's the worst that can happen.
The b...

What happens when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A-flat minor

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pro...

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"

The bartender considers it, then agrees.

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.

He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
...

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A piano player at a bar has a monkey as a sidekick . . .

. . . who collects tips in a tin can. While the piano player was playing, the monkey squatted over a man's glass and dipped his testicles in the drink.

Infuriated, the man yells at the piano player "Do you know your monkey dipped his balls in my martini ?!!"

The piano player replies "...

Toby is late to his piano lesson, on a scorching summer day

He quickly sits down and plays his first piece, panting and out of breath.

His teacher says "Mr. Klein, that was terrible! Relax and try again."

Toby takes a deep breath and plays the piece again, but his teacher says, "That is still awful Mr. Klein! Try playing it in another key".
...

I don’t think I could ever date a polyamorous piano player

In a relationship I gotta be the only one with a pianist.

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What's the difference between a piano and a fish?

I ain't never seen anyone get their dick sucked by a piano.

What does a chicken say when it's playing the piano?

Bach bach

my dog can play the piano, pretty limited repertoire though

focuses only on bach

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "It would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts pla...

Guy hears incredible piano music coming from a bar...

So he walks in and there's a guy about a foot tall that is beautifully playing any song someone requests. The guy is totally perplexed and asked the bartender how they found him. Bartender points to a genie sitting at the end of the bar and tells him he'll grant any wishes you want.

The guy w...

What's brown, smelly and sits on top of a piano?

Beethoven's Last Movement

Dad: What's the difference between a toilet and a piano?

Son: I don't know.

Dad: Glad we don't have a piano.

A small church was raising funds for a new piano. On Sunday the pastor said “Whoever gives the most money today for the offering can pick out 3 hymns.”

So they passed the offering plate around and the pastor sees a $100 bill in the plate.

He said “Looks like we have a winner! Whoever gave the $100 bill can come to the front and select 3 hymns.”

An 80 year old lady slowly got up, walked to the front, and pointed her finger into the pe...

I used to play piano by ear.

I had to stop because of the bruises.

I saw a guy tuning a piano, and said "Betcha can't tune a fish!" Without missing a beat, he replied...

"Sure I can, just gotta use the C scale!"

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Piano player nsfw

So a bar owner has a piano in the corner that never gets played. He puts an ad in the paper to see if he can get a piano player to liven the place up.

The day of the auditions arrives and everyone is horrible. He's about to give up when a young man walks in and asks if he could audition. The ...

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The parrot on the piano

(Not my own)

A parrot developed the bad habit of fucking the farmer's hens, making them quit laying. The farmer tells the parrot if he does it again he will pull out every feather in the parrot's head. The next day, the farmer again catches the parrot humping a hen, and snatches the parrot ba...

My uncle was crushed by a piano....

His funeral was very low key

Liberace is really good at playing piano…

…but he sucks on the organ.

Which part of the piano is your favorite?

The black keys, or the white stripes?

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My go to joke- Guy sees “piano player wanted” sign window..

So he goes in, says he wants the job. Manager says, “alright, but 1st I gotta see if you’re qualified” So he plays a song and it drops the managers jaw “wow! That was amazing, was that Beethoven??” “No” the man replies “that’s an original. I call it ‘your tits are so big, my eyes are poppin outta my...

Piano man has had enough

Son can you play me a melody?

I'm not really sure how it goes

But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete

When I wore a younger man's clothes

The most basic requirement of song requests

Is to know what tune you have heard

Do you also go to the...

when i die I want it to be from being hit by a falling piano

That way my life ends on a dramatic note.

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A dude walks into a restaurant and says,

"Where's the fucking manager you cock-sucker?"

The host is surprised and replies, "Excuse me, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the dude asks, "Are you the fucking manager of thi...

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How many Pianos did Liberace have?

Nobody knows for sure, but it's believed that he had Organs up the ass.

TIL The higher you drop a piano, the higher the note that plays when the piano hits the ground

For example, drop it all the way down a mine shaft and it'll hit A minor

So this guy is watching the piano player at the bar

Suddenly the piano opens and a clown climbs out. The guy is amazed, but the piano player just plays on as if nothing happened. The guy rubs his eyes and decides to slow down a bit, and orders a glass of water. But ten minutes later another clown climbs out, and then one more, and the piano player...

How are a woman and a piano alike ?

If their not upright, their Grand .

A guy walks into a bar. As he is walking up to the bar he notices a twelve-inch man playing the piano,

So he asks the bartender “What’s that all about?” motioning to the dwarf,

The bartender told him he would tell him later. So the guy orders a drink. The bartender says,

“Before you get a drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish.”

“Okay,” said the guy. He wa...

You know, for a song titled, "Piano Man..."

The guy with the harmonica sure won't shut the hell up.

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NSFW Fresh out of prison, this long time con tries out for a job playing at a piano bar...

So he plays a song for the bar owner who loves it. He gushes. “Incredible! You wrote that in prison?! What's the name of it?”

“I call that one “I smacked down the hooker who was sucking my cock!””

Taken back, the owner just gestures him on. “Play another!”

Again, a b...

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A fancy restaurant is hiring a new pianist

A guy called John comes in and says "Hi there, I'm here about the pianist position."

The manager replies "That's fantastic, do you mind sitting at the piano and showing me what you can do?"

So John sits at the piano and starts to play one of the most beautiful songs the manager has ev...

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A man walks in to a bar with a box under his arm and says to the barman, “If I can show something you have never seen before will you give me a free drink?”

Now the barman has seen mostly everything in his time and says, “Sure, impress me and hell, I’ll give you a free tab for the eve!” So the man puts down the box and opens it and then he pulls a small piano out of it and places it on the bar and then a little man as well. The little man walks up to ...

What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a beehive?

B flat.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a Morris Marina?

An episode of Top Gear.

Why do piano players make great lovers.?

They get the fingering right.

I was the pianist in a piano bar

Customer walks up to me and asks “Can you play Strawberry Fields Forever?”

“No, after a few hours my fingers get tired”

A lawyer died and was so big they almost had to bury him in a piano case.

Instead they gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.

During my piano recital, some of the black keys stopped working.

It was a flat out disaster.

The Piano Player

Once, there lived a man, who was very good at playing the piano, and he became very rich from all of the concerts he played at. Eventually, he saved enough money to buy himself a large mansion. He was very excited at this. He packed up all of his belongings, including his enormous grand piano, and p...

Girls are like pianos.

When they’re not upright, they’re grand.

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and he is completely parched. He sits at the bar, pats his pockets and realises he's left his wallet at home. He calls to the bartender,

"Hey pal, I've left my wallet at home but hey... tell you what, if I can show you something incredible, will you give me a free beer...

Why cant you open a piano ?

because the keys are inside

Whats the difference between a piano, a keyboard and a bottle of glue?

The piano doesnt need electricity, the keyboard does.

What is the only key a piano can play in after it was dropped down the mine shaft?

Minor B flat

A luxury boat sank and a passenger was holding on to a floating piano...

All of a sudden, someone floats by sitting atop a floating cello and asks: “ May I accompany you?”

Doctor will I be able to play piano after the procedure?

Doctor: Yes, I don't see why not.

Patient: That's wonderful I could never play piano before!

When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear.

After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.

If a piano player is called a pianist

Wouldn't a racecar driver be called a racist?

What chord does a piano make when it drops on a child?

...A-flat minor

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Don’t shoot the piano player

A guy is looking for a job and sees a bar advertising for a piano player.

He goes in and says, “I play, and I’d like the job.”
The bar owner says, “Well, play me something so I can see what you’ve got.”

The guy sits down and plays beautifully. The owner is moved. “What do you call...

Our neighbors dog would often play the piano

His Bach was worse than his bite

How is a piano like a stick shift?

They both have three pedals, and most people only know what two of them do.

Why Can’t Thor play Piano?

He hates playing the Lokis.

(I know it’s bad plus it’s better read out loud)

Our planet successfully played most notes on the piano.

But it couldn't B flat.

A foolish man gives his wife a grand piano...

... A wise man gives his wife an upright organ.

I just fell victim to a dad joke

Dad: What do you get when you cross a tuna, a piano, and glue.

Me: I don't know?

Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.

Me: What about the glue?

Dad: I knew you would get stuck on that part.

You can tune a piano...

but you can't Salmon Mandela.

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(British joke) A man walks into a bar....

He says to the bartender "Hey, if I show you something amazing can I drink for free?" The bartender agrees, and the man proceeds to pull out a tiny, one foot tall man with a miniature piano, places him on the bar, and he begins playing. "Wow! Okay your drinks are on the house, but where did you get ...

If a watchmaker uses Dial and a piano player uses Ivory and a Orange grower uses Zest...

...Does a Bull Fighter use Olay?

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The piano playing in “Eyes Wide Shut” may be the most unnerving thing I’ve ever heard...

...and I’ve heard my parents having sex

I can’t believe I was late to my own piano recital.

I just couldn’t find my keys

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

When a musician's fingers move really fast across a piano, they're considered a prodigy and a genius.

But when i go even faster on full-screen rhythm games on my iPad, I'm "lazy", "going to get carpal tunnel syndrome", "unproductive", and "ruining the funeral, Emily".

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A man walks into a bar and sits down He asks the barkeep "If I can show you something you have never seen before, can I drink here for free tonight?"

The barkeep thinks about it and says "well I have seen a lot of stuff, if you can genuinely show me something I have not seen before, I will pick up your tab tonight".

So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a minature piano and sets it on the bar, then he reaches into his other pock...

What do you call a red-head playing the piano by themselves in worn out shoes?

A soulless sole-less soloist.

One popular feminine symbol of true romance is roses on a piano.

Most masculine ideas of romance include tulips on an organ.

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