Young cowboy

This young Cowboy in the Old West wanted to be the best gunfighter alive. One night as he was sitting in a saloon, he spotted an old man who had the reputation of being the greatest gunfighter in his day. The young Cowboy walked up to the old man and told him his dream. The old man looked him up and...

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A man walks into a bar and orders a Whiskey...

The bartender serves the whiskey and all of a sudden a monkey appears running all across the bar jumps and lands with his testicles in the whiskey and smiles to the man.

The man, confused, asks to the bartender...

-What the hell is this?

-Oh, ask the piano player, it is his monk...

So I hear Elton John is very good at the piano.

But he sucks on the organ.

Me: You know you can get arrested by playing the piano a certain way

Friend: Really, how?

Me: By playing in 'A minor'.

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A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender he's short on cash. He proposes that he plays the piano in exchange for some drinks.

The bartender agrees and the guy walks over to the piano and starts playing. The bartender and patrons are amazed at the beautiful sounds that are produced from this old piano. He plays several songs in a row. After about 20 minutes he walks up to the bartender and asks if that was worthy of a drink...

What do you yell before dropping a piano in a mineshaft?

See sharp or be flat miner

A guy walks into a bar and takes out a tiny piano

This guy walks into a bar and takes out a tiny piano and a 12 inch pianist.

He sets the tiny piano down at the bar, and the tiny pianist starts playing up a storm. The bartender looks at the man and says, "That's amazing, where did you get that?" The man replies, "There's a genie ...

If you drop a piano down a mineshaft, what in what key will it play when it lands?

A flat minor.

All my friends say that I play the piano very loudly, and I agree with them.

Because after all, that is my forte.

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and an owl?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

When I compose songs on my piano, I play multiple notes at once to make my songs longer.

They're extension chords.

Liberace was great on the piano and all.

But crazy rumor had it that he sucked on the organ.

What’s Darth Vader’s stage name when he plays his electric piano?

The synth lord

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A man walks into a bar and sees a tiny man playing a tiny piano.

He says to the bartender “how did this happen?”

The bartender responds by saying that there is a genie in the back room that will grant you any one wish, and that the man is welcome to go and take a look.

The man goes to the back room and to his surprise sees that there is, in fact, ...

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A bar owner decides to make his place a piano bar.

He hires a pianist, buys a baby grand, shuts down the bar and has it redecorated. He talks to one of his friends and says,”Man, I hope this place goes over, I’m kind of worried no one will come.” The friend says, “Well, have a grand opening. Advertise and get the word out.” The bar owner takes his a...

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Is it the first line or the punchline that goes here?

In the days of the wild west, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the fastest gunfighter in the world.

He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.

Sitting in a saloo...

What's better than roses on your piano?

Tulips on your organ!

Why couldn't the broken piano get in it's house?

It didn't have any keys.

You know you spend too much time sitting, playing piano...

...when your Bach hurts

What's R. Kelly's favorite chord to play on the piano?

A Minor

A man sits at a bar and produces a small piano along with a 12 inch pianist.

Barman asks how did he come to have such a small pianist in his care?

With an annoyed look the man says "I met a Genie who had a hearing problem".

What’s worse than spiders on your piano?

Crabs on your organ...

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I had sex with a piano.

It was grand.

What did the millennial say when his friend played jaws on the piano?

That low key gave me chills

What sound is made by a piano thrown down mining shaft?

A flat miner.

If a person that plays a piano is called a pianist...

Then why isn’t a person who races, called a racist?

What do you call a laughing piano?

A yamahahahahaha

Seven piano keys walked into a bar.

The bartender said, "Sorry, we cannot serve alcohol to A Minor."

What's brown and sits on a piano stool?

Beethoven's last movement.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?

No? Well, Stevie hasn't either.

A guy pulls a tiny piano from his trench coat and places it on the bar...

A few people stop to watch what he's doing. He then reaches in and pulls out a tiny piano bench. By now a crowd of people has gathered to see what is going on. Finally the man pulls out a man that is about a foot tall. The little man sits down and plays the most amazing piano that anyone has ever he...

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NSFW Fresh out of prison, this long time con tries out for a job playing at a piano bar...

So he plays a song for the bar owner who loves it. He gushes. “Incredible! You wrote that in prison?! What's the name of it?”

“I call that one “I smacked down the hooker who was sucking my cock!””

Taken back, the owner just gestures him on. “Play another!”

Again, a b...

How is a piano like a stick shift?

They both have three pedals, and most people only know what two of them do.

Why can't Helen Keller play the piano?

Because she's dead.

A man walks into a bar and sees a ridiculously short man playing the piano

He goes up to the bartender and asks "What's that all about?", motioning towards the tiny man.

The bartender says, "Well you see this rock here? If you put your hand on it and make a wish it'll come true."

"What? No way, let me try!" the man says. "Nah man, it's really finicky, usual...

Which piano player is the most predictable poker player?

Ben Folds

A guy walks into a bar. As he is walking up to the bar he notices a twelve-inch man playing the piano,

So he asks the bartender “What’s that all about?” motioning to the dwarf,

The bartender told him he would tell him later. So the guy orders a drink. The bartender says,

“Before you get a drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish.”

“Okay,” said the guy. He wa...

What do you call an insect playing the piano?


What is the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a stick of glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can’t tuna fish!

“But you forgot about the stick of glue!”

I knew you’d get stuck on that!

Women are like Pianos..

if they're not Upright, they're Grand.

Why can't Bach buy a piano

Because he is Baroque

What do novice piano players have in common with embedded systems programmers?

They both write in C.

Why couldn't Beethoven find his piano teacher?

Because he was Haydn.

There's only one thing worse than finding a lobster on your piano

Crabs on your organ

A man is recovering from surgery after a car crash, and he notices that both his hands are covered in casts. When a nurse comes to check on him, he asks "Will I be able to play piano after this?" "Yes, the casts should come off in a few weeks, then you should be able to play."

"That's funny, I couldn't play piano before the accident."

when i die I want it to be from being hit by a falling piano

That way my life ends on a dramatic note.

Me: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano once my arms heal again?

Doctor: Yes

Me: Oh that's amazing! I didn't know how to play before

I just fell victim to a dad joke

Dad: What do you get when you cross a tuna, a piano, and glue.

Me: I don't know?

Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.

Me: What about the glue?

Dad: I knew you would get stuck on that part.

A pianist was trying to be unique by lying down on the floor and playing the piano simultaneously during a concert.

Needless to say, he was flat.

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[NSFW] A homeless man walked into a piano bar

No one was playing the piano so he asked the manager if he could play.
The manager, seeing the ragged dirty old man refused, but he was persistent and begged
“Oh please just one song, I’m REALLY good I promise”
So he allowed him, “Okay one song, but then you must leave”
The homeless ma...

Last Halloween, Schwarzenegger, while carrying a piano over his shoulders, throws me an organ.

"What's this for?" I say.

He replies, "I'll be Bach.

And you be Beethoven."

If you were crushed by a piano...

Would you B-flat?

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Don’t shoot the piano player

A guy is looking for a job and sees a bar advertising for a piano player.

He goes in and says, “I play, and I’d like the job.”
The bar owner says, “Well, play me something so I can see what you’ve got.”

The guy sits down and plays beautifully. The owner is moved. “What do you call...

When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear.

After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.

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I wrote a script for a film about a female dog who can howl the exact note you play on your piano.

It’s called, “Bitch Perfect.”

My wife said we needed to childproof our upright piano, so it wouldn't fall over on our toddler...

... I said that was a good idea, because I wouldn't want a flat minor.

What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a beehive?

B flat.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a Morris Marina?

An episode of Top Gear.

The small piano has been drinking.

It's a minor issue.

A man walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot tall guy playing the piano.

Astonished the man asks the bartender,
“where in gods name did you find such a small man playing the piano?!”

“There is a genie out back granting wishes but..”

Before the bartender could finish his sentence the patron was out the door to search for the genie.

Sure enough t...

Why was the piano teacher arrested?

He kept fingering A minor.

A man comes to a circus and offers to do a show: a crocodile playing piano and a hippo singing.

The show has a tremendous success and earns a load of money for the circus, so the circus owner asks the man: “Tell me there’s a trick in your show; it can’t be that the crocodile plays piano and the hippo sings for real!”

The man answers: “You’ve got me here, of course it can’t be for real. ...

Did you hear about the man who broke a 14 year old piano?

He got arrested for assaulting A minor.

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A piano player walks into a bar...

A piano player walks into a bar and says to the manager "I saw your sign 'Piano player needed' and I'm your man, I write all my own material." "Play me a tune." said the manager. The piano player's song was so catchy that it had the manager stomping his feet. "That was great!" the manager said, "Wha...

Imagine a life without piano

It would Bb.

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A pianist is applying for a job playing piano in a fancy restaurant.

So the manager takes him up to the piano and says 'OK show me what you can do'

The pianist says

'Sure, but the music might be unfamiliar to you because I only play my own compositions'

The manager says

'That's no problem, take it away'

The pianist begins to play ...

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Piano Man

A pianist responds to an ad for a Piano Player wanted at a swanky bar. The manager interviewing him asks the pianist to play something.

The pianist plays and sings, and it's beautiful. The manager is really impressed. The pianist admits that he wrote and composed it himself. The manage...