A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "It would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts pla...

Local man killed by falling piano

It will be a low key funeral.

What is better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on my organ.

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[NSFW] A pent-up piano player in a restaurant goes off and masturbates...

His boss finds him in the stall and screams at him, “Get the hell back out there, you got a job to do!”

So he rushes back out, and someone comes up to him and says “Do you know you have cum in your hair and your dick is hanging out?”

And he says, “No, but if you hum a few bars I’m sure...

What do you get when you throw a piano down a cave?

A Flat Minor

You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna.

However you can can tuna.

What’s brown and sits on a piano bench?

Beethoven’s first movement

I played "My Heart Will Go On" on a public piano and people yelled at me.

Can't wait till this cruise is over.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a military base?

A flat major.

What’s worse than a skunk on a piano?

A diseased beaver on your organ

What do you call a snowman that plays piano?

Meltin' John

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A drunk stumbles into an upscale bar on a slow night.

A drunk stumbles into an upscale bar on a slow night. He asks the bartender for a drink and says, “I can’t pay you, but I’ll play you a song on that piano.” The bartender says what the hell and gives the man a shot of cheap whiskey. To his surprise, the drunk sits down at the piano and plays one of ...

What happens when a piano falls down a mine shaft?

A miner B flat

What happens when a piano falls on an army base?

A major B flat

What is the difference between a tuna, a piano and a pot of glue?

You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna.












Wait what about the glue?

Aha I knew you’d get stuck on that!

I miss my old piano teacher...

My old piano instructor said to me, "You've damaged my piano for the last time! I won't teach you anymore!"

I found a new teacher. But his piano is missing strings, and worst of all, his damper pedal technique is terrible. I miss my old instructor; she knew when to put her foot down.

Why can't Helen Keller play the piano?

Because she's dead.

What would you call the American Dream if he had an old electric piano?

Dusty Rhodes with a dusty Rhodes.

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An unemployed piano player walks into a bar

He speaks to the owner who says, you're in luck, we're looking for a piano player right now! How about you play a couple of songs for me.

Happy to! I write all my own stuff!

The piano player sits down and plays the first tune.

Owner: that was fantastic! What do you call that one...

If a professional piano player is a pianist..

..then a professional race player is a racist?

*rap musicians scurrying about*

I like Elton John. Brilliant on the piano

Sucks on the organ tho.

I’ve been teaching myself to play the piano by ear.

It really bruised the side of my head.

What do you call a famous dog who can play the piano

Beethoven

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank...

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What’s the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference"

Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: “Ah i knew you’d get stuck on that”

Two parents are arguing about whose child is the most stupid.

"Mine is very stupid", says the first one. "And to show you what I mean: Hey son, take this dollar and go buy my a piano! You saw him! He's going!"

"Nah... mine is even more stupid" replies the second one. "Hey son, go to the cafeteria to check if I'm there. Check him out!! He left."

L...

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A man walks into a saloon, draws his gun and shoots the piano player dead.

“I’ve been itching to do that for a long time,” he says, “that
bloody noise has been driving me mad.”

The barman beckons the man to one side.

“Mind if I give you a bit of advice, Mister? If I were you I
would file off any sharp edges on your gun and grease the
barrel.”

...

A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bar tender "If I impress you, can I have a free drink?". The bar tender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano. He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano. It crawled on to the bench and began playing

music. The bar tender was amazed, so he gave the man a beer. Next, the man said "If I impress you even more, can I have free drinks for life?". The bar tender didn't think it was possible, so he agreed. The man pulled a frog out of his pocket, and it began to sing by the piano. The bar tender smiled...

The piano at the church stopped working last week

Total organ failure

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A Piano Bar Needs a Piano Player NSFW

A man is walking down a busy street in St. Pete and see a chalk board sign out front of a pub that reads “Piano Player Wanted”.

The man walks into the bar and it’s empty other than the bar owner setting up chairs in front of the stage with a piano on it. The owner says “sorry sir we don’t o...

What's the difference between superglue, a tuna, and a piano?

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!

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Moe’s Saloon in the Old West was seeing a lot of customers lately...

It was getting busier and busier by the day, so much so that there was barely a seat left in the whole joint. The hotshots were playing poker, the 49-ers were drinking and cat-calling the dames. The piano was playing, the whiskey was flowing, everyone was having the time of their lives. Suddenly, th...

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It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens' Home.

After the community sing-along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show - Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time," said Claude.

The excited chatter...

The Piano..

MY parents recently retired. Mum always wanted to learn to play the piano, so Dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. “Oh, we returned the piano,” said my dad. “I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead.” “How come?” I asked. “Because,” he...

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe..

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe... as it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempt...

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There once was a man who played the piano in a restaurant every weekend.

There once was a man who played the piano in a restaurant every weekend. All his songs had no words but they all had names that were extremely rude. The restaurant manager found out their names but told him not to tell them to anyone because he was a very good piano player.

One night he was p...

TIL The higher you drop a piano, the higher the note that plays when the piano hits the ground

For example, drop it all the way down a mine shaft and it'll hit A minor

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What’s the difference between a piano and a fish?

Your mom’s pussy doesn’t smell like a piano.

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A man walks into a bar carrying a plastic bag

The Bartender asks, "What's in the bag?" The guy doesn't reply. Instead, reaches into the bag and pulls out a lamp, a tiny stool, a tiny piano, and a tiny man in a tuxedo that appears to only be a foot tall. The guy sets the piano down in front of the stool, and the tiny man sits on it and starts pl...

The F# and C# on my piano don't play.

F#c#.

When I was a kid

When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.

My grandad commited suicide by eating the entire 88 keys on a piano.

He didn't leave a note.

What did the short piano say to the keys

I'm low key-board

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A man walks into a bar with a box in hand.

He says to the bartender, "Pour me a drink and I'll show you something you've never seen before." The bartender pours a drink, and the man sets the box on the bar and opens it. Inside a miniature piano player is playing Chopin on a miniature piano.

"Where did you get that?" asks the bartender...

A woman is like a piano

When she's not upright, she's grand.

Why does Spongebob own such a huge piano?

Because he lives in a pineapple under the C.

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My go-to joke: the monkey who dunks his balls in the whiskey

This joke has probably been posted in here before, but what the hell, it’s my favorite.

So this guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a glass of whiskey, double shot, no ice.
“There you go, sir”, says the bartender, and hands the man his whiskey.
Suddenly, a monkey appear...

A joke I made on the spot to my piano teacher

Me: Hey, so by the way, I’m not going to be able to come to practice April 4th, I got a robotics meeting that day (I actually did have that, this wasn’t just added in for me to make the joke)

Piano teacher: Alright, no problem, let me just write that down.

Me, in a stroke of genius: I ...

Do you remember the joke I told you about the piano movers spine?

It was about a week back

What do you call the sound of a piano falling down a mineshaft?

A flat miner

What kind of piano can you buy with $1000?

A Grand Piano.

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A man walks into a bar with an octopus in a tank

The man says to the bartender “I bet my octopus can play any instrument. If I win, I get free drinks all night. What do you say?” The bartender agrees. “Take him over to the piano. We’ll see how good this octopus really is.” The man walks over to the piano, lets the octopus out of the tank, and the ...

A man is at a bar when he hears some piano music coming from behind the bar

The man asks the bartender: “where is that wonderful music coming from?”

The Barman replies by pulling out a tiny man and placing him in the table

“How did you get him? “

“Well I found a genie, here try it out.”

All right then! I wish for a million bucks!

Suddenly ...

A woman walks into a coffee shop and sees a person with a tiny man a tiny piano and a tiny stool

The woman asks the man where did you get that, and the man replys saying that there is a genie out back. The woman decides to check for the genie, while she's walking to the back she's thinking about what she will wish for and decides she will wish for 100 bucks. When she gets to the back she wishes...

What's more beautiful than a delicate rose placed gracefully upon an elegant grand piano?

Somebody putting tulips on your organ.

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A man walks into a bar...

He asks the bartender "If I can show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, can I have a free beer?"

The bartender replies "Ok, but I've seen some good things, it'll have to be really amazing."

So the man pulls out a hamster and a little piano. The hamster begins playing a song ...

A man walks into a bar

So a guy walks into a bar one day and he can’t believe his eyes. There, in the corner, there’s this one-foot-tall man, in a little tuxedo, playing a tiny grand piano.
So the guy asks the bartender, “Where’d he come from?”
And the bartender’s, like, “There’s a genie in the men’s room who grants...

Making love to a beautiful woman is just like playing the piano

I don’t have a clue how to do either.

Ever hear the one about the guy who played a foot long piano?

Me neither, there's nothing funny about a twelve inch pianist.

A Piano Fell On A Man

When the man was interviewed about the incident he was asked “When did you realize that the piano had started to fall?”. To this he replied “I don’t know, it just kind of hit me.”

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A man walks into a piano bar

Orders a beer, sits quietly, drinking his beer and minding his own business.

Out of nowhere a monkey comes running, jumps onto the bar and takes a piss in his beer, fucks off before he can react.

“Hey! Who’s Monkey was that” he screams angrily - but alas, no one seems to have seen it...

Liberace was a great piano player.

He sucked on the organ, though.

I am extremely jealous of anyone who can play the piano very well.

I guess you could say I am suffering from a case of pianist envy.

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A man, mouse and a frog in a bar

One fine evening a man, wearing a large overcoat walks in to one of the city's most expensive bars. He heads straight to the bar counter, leans over and tells the bartender,

Man: "I don't have any money but is there a chance you can give me a free beer?"

Bartender: "Huh? No way, don't...

Do you know how many pianos Liberace had?

Nobody does, but what we all know is that he had organs up the ass

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Teacher: Who can say a sentence with the word "beautiful" in it?

Susie: My mom plays the piano beautifully.

Teacher: No, I said beautiful!

Naomi: My mom smiles beautifully!

Teacher: No, I said beautiful! Who else can try? Little Johnny raised his hand.

Little Johnny: Yesterday my sister came home and told my dad that she was pregnant. ...

I wanted to make a pun about a piano,

but I didn’t know how to play on it.

Joke from Slovakia

The earlier post reminded me of a joke my brother saw in a newspaper when he lived in Bratislava.

Two guys are sitting on a couch watching television.

Buddy: Hey, do you know how to play the piano?

Guy: I don't know, I've never tried!

A guy walks into a bar and hears incredible piano music

He looks over and notices that the pianist is only 12-inches tall, so he walks over to the bartender and asks him,

“Where did the owner find a 12-inch pianist?”

“He said that that man over there,” he points to a man in the corner of the bar, “that man can grant you like, one wish or so...

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How are baby grand pianos made?

Sex organs

Did you hear about the fat man who gave money to a piano player?

He really tipped the scales.

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Getting Even

Jimmy Carter, a president, invited Leonid Brezhnev to the White House for an evening of the usual state activities. As part of the entertainment, Carter invited Brezhnev to sit down at the official White House piano and play a dirge of the Volga or the Fall of Leningrad.

As Brezhnev sat down ...

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NSFW Fresh out of prison, this long time con tries out for a job playing at a piano bar...

So he plays a song for the bar owner who loves it. He gushes. “Incredible! You wrote that in prison?! What's the name of it?”


“I call that one “I smacked down the hooker who was sucking my cock!””


Taken back, the owner just gestures him on. “Play another!”


Again, a b...

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A man walks into a bar...

he leans over and says to the bartender, "Hey, will you give me a free beer if I show you something so amazing that I can guarantee you've never seen it before?"

The bartender says, "Okay, but it had better be good."

The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He sets...

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A guy walks into a bar...

... and is almost inclined to leave again, since the place appears to be way beyond his budget. The in design is spot on and as fancy as can be, in the corner there is a little person playing the piano perfectly and every liquor, beer or other beverage you could name are all on offer. Also there are...

I accidentally played the wrong note during a piano recital

It wasn't very sharp of me.

Why was the piano teacher arrested?

He kept fingering A minor.

A guy walks into a bar. As he is walking up to the bar he notices a twelve-inch man playing the piano,

So he asks the bartender “What’s that all about?” motioning to the dwarf,

The bartender told him he would tell him later. So the guy orders a drink. The bartender says,

“Before you get a drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish.”

“Okay,” said the guy. He wa...

Me: You know you can get arrested by playing the piano a certain way

Friend: Really, how?

Me: By playing in 'A minor'.

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A dude walks into a restaurant and says,

"Where's the fucking manager you cock-sucker?"

The host is surprised and replies, "Excuse me, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the dude asks, "Are you the fucking manager of thi...

What’s Darth Vader’s stage name when he plays his electric piano?

The synth lord

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