Outlook Jokes

It was going great, until I got in a bit of an argument with some guy in a Starbucks line. It getting a bit heated, and I looked at my bracelet.... so I said unto him, "Be fruitful, and multiply."


But not in those words.

Even my blood type is negative.

Reporpoised

So we should all be on Lookout

I put it on snooze. I’m doing my bit.

Because their leader is Optimist Prime.

It looks like june is the end of May

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer.
Don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all week.

A pesto-mystic.

Because when life gives you melons, make melonade.

Outlook not good!

Outlook not so good.

It improved my outlook.

Begone,thought!

*"We'd whoop-them-Gangum-style."*

It excels in the outlook from its windows.

But his PowerPoint didn't Excel. So she denied him Access without a Word. Outlook not good.

It gives you an improved Outlook

According to Melinda Gates, Bill just didn't Excel at his marriage. Apparently he had no Power Points while arguing, but he always had to have the last Word. And now that he no longer had Access to her heart, the Outlook was not looking good for them. They couldn’t work together as Teams. On the Sur... read more

He kept yelling at us "be positive!" so clearly he had a much better outlook than we all did.

I will find you; you have my Word. You’ve taken my one only good Outlook in life. Seriously though, how did you gain Access & why did you only leave OneNote?

Confession of IT Support Engineer:

One day I was facing some issue with Outlook and I raised a ticket to get it resolved. I got a call from the Service Desk lady after some time and it went this way:

Lady: Hi I'm calling from service desk, what is the problem?

Me: (I explained t... read more

(DISCLAIMER: I heard my father telling this joke to his friends when I was little. Sorry if this has been posted here before)



A husband and wife are having a quiet walk in the park when out of nowhere, a mugger appears and holds them at gunpoint.

The mugger said,

"I am ... read more

The EMT was asked why, and he replied --

"I kept asking him for his blood type, but he just wasn't able to tell me. He was too out of it"

The Doctor sighed. "Well for our records and for the sake of the family did he have any last words? Did he suffer?"

"Well.." the nurse repli... read more

A man and his wife go to the doctor to try and find out why he has been so ill and depressed for some time. When they arrive the doctor first examines the husband and runs some tests. They spend a few hours getting the relevant information then send them home to with wait for some of the results. ... read more

There once were twin boys, age six, that had developed extreme personalities. One was a pessimist and the other a total optimist. Concerned, their parents took them to a psychiatrist.

First, the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a... read more

It was quiet little town where lot of people were god fearing and church going folk.

His bar began construction on a new building on the same street as one of the town churches (one of twelve) to increase their business. The local Baptist church among other god fearing folk of course were sho... read more

decided to call his local National Weather Service office to see what kind of winter was expected. The forecaster replied, "Well, it looks like it will be cold." So the chief gathered his tribe together and warned them that the winter would be cold, so they needed to start collecting fire wood.
<... read more

Following World War II, a general and his lieutenant boarded a British train. They sat across from an attractive young lady and her grandmother. As the train departed, it entered a long tunnel. Total darkness encompassed the train for approximately thirty seconds. In the darkness of those moments, t... read more

He was cool & an international student. His name was Ving and was from China. His English was really good for a second language, better than I could ever be learning a second language. We’d often hang out and I show him the sites and tourist destinations in my city. He's much cooler as well as b... read more

There was once a man named Benny. Benny was old, tired, and most of all sad. He had no friends, no family, and worked the worst job. The only thing he ever looked forward to was seeing his beautiful neighbor on his way home from work, Jenny.

One day after coming home from work he say a stran... read more

**A man is having problems attracting women, but he's not sure why**. The man wonders if he might have a *mental sickness*, so he goes to the clinic to see *a specialist*. While he checks in at the counter, the receptionist warns him, "The specialist has a **thick accent**, but don't worry - *his ... read more

So... Nate the Snake was the king of the jungle, by virtue of his
immense size. Nate was the size of a freight train, and had a similar outlook on life. He ruled largely through terror and intimidation.


One day Nate the Snake was rumbling through the jungle, as was his own. Whenev... read more