UPJOKE
puredownrightabsolutegossamerplaindiaphanousvaporousgauzyunmixedfilmyrankbluffboldswervecurve

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An Australian goes to new Zealand

An Australian goes to new Zealand and sees a guy fucking a sheep on the side of the road, he says mate, in Australia we sheer our sheep. The new Zealand guy says, fuck off, I'm not sheering her with anyone.

A husband woke up one morning to his wife standing next to his bed, wearing a sheer negligee and holding a silk rope.

\- Tie me up with this rope, - she whispered to him. - And do whatever you wish.

He tied her up and went fishing.

What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally?

Sheer Luck Holmes

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With a seductive voice... With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"

"No," said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile,
unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smil...

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Q: You're riding on a horse at high speed chasing a zebra. To your right is a sheer dropoff. Two feet to your left is a grizzly bear. Right on the heels of your horse is an angry lion. What do you do?

A: Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

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A mail carrier is about to retire…

So he puts a note in all of his mailboxes letting people know that his last day would be at the end of the week.

On his last day, neighbors were showering him with gifts and praise for his many years of faithful service.

As he approaches a house in his route, he realizes that he’s ne...

The Sheer Nightgown

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the sheerer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and a...

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She did what he said

The retiring mailman

The mailman who had been on the same route for 10 years was leaving the job.

He had made many friends on the route and decided to put a note in their mailboxes informing them.

Many on his route came out of their houses to wish him well and some even gave h...

Ed Sheeran Joke

Why doesn’t Ed Sheeran have a girlfriend anymore?

Sheeran away.

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How did Jada Smith get famous ?

She is a woman of focus, commitment and sheer fucking Will.

A mathematician is going through security check at an airport

When it’s his turn one officer suddenly starts jumping around exited and yells: “There is a bomb in this man luggage!” The mathematician is immediately arrested, searched and confined in a separate room. A while later authorities come in and ask him what the hell he was thinking, to which the mathem...

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Legless parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy shit," the guy replies. "You actually...

We have a very nice Italian family living next door. The Razzis.

The only weird thing about them is the sheer amount of pictures of celebrities they have hanging on their wall.

All thanks to the Dad.

Papa Razzi.

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Once upon a time...

A horse lived on a farm with a pig, a sheep, and a cow. Now these were no ordinary barnyard animals - for they were bestowed the miracle of Disney animal anthropomorphism - subsequently, the farmer was very happy to have these animals in his posession and the people who came afar to see them made hi...

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A woman complains to her BFF.

\- I simply don't know what to do. All my husband talks about is his Mom. It's always "Mom is a better cook", "Mom is better at cleaning", "Mom this", "Mom that"... never pays any attention to me.

\- Don't worry, that's no problem, - the friend reassures her. - You simply need to draw his att...

My girlfriend has always been a bit on the heavy side

One morning, while standing in front of the mirror together she asked me if she should change anything in her life. I said, go workout and lose 20-30 pounds, it would change you for the better. At that moment, the sheer passion I saw in her eyes I will never forget.



After the first d...

There once lived a homeless man

The homeless man is wandering about a riverbank one day, when he spots a young woman whose tripped and fell into the river.

Being the kind soul he is, he doesn't hesitate to jump in and rescue her.

All is well, as he managed to save her from drowning.

Suddenly, the richest man ...

A woman collapsed on the street

Her husband, luckily, was able to catch her in time.

"Is anyone here a doctor!?" The husband shouted with sheer panic in his tone.

A man barreled through the onlooking crowd, knocking a few of them over to join the husband and wife.

"I'm a vegan!" The man said.

A man is hiking along a narrow mountain path.

As he's walking round a bend he sees a beautiful, and completely naked women walking towards him. As she gets closer he realised that with a steep rock wall on one side and a sheer drop on the other, there's no way the two of them will be able to pass safely. So he takes one last look at the woman a...

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A big, burly, 6’10” 283lb guy walks into a bar carrying a brown box...

Everyone is staring quietly because of the sheer size of some random guy seemingly on a mission.

He walks up to the counter and orders two shots of whiskey. After downing them both in succession, he reaches into the box and pulls out a huge snapping turtle, shows it to everyone around. Then t...

An old farmer was selling his peaches door to door.

He knocked on a door, and a very pretty young lady dressed in an extremely sheer negligee answered.

He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, “Would you like to buy some peaches?”

She pulled the top of the negligee to one side, showing her breast, and asked, “Are they as ...

Every day as i walk to the bus stop I speak with a 93 year old man with alzheimers who sits on his rocking chair looking over his yard with a concerned expression.

He musters his strength and calls out to me "hey.. have y-you seen m-my wife?" And every day i have to tell him "I'm so sorry.. your wife has passed away 10 years ago". Ive considered not telling him but my mornings always feel better after I see the look of sheer joy on his face.

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For his 50th wedding anniversary, a man decided to buy some lingerie for his wife.

He went to one of the finer stores in town and asked to see some of their nightgowns. When the salesperson brought out the first item he asked how much it was and was told $100. “I’d like something a little more sheer” said the gentleman. The salesperson brought out a second item, whereupon the gent...

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Sex at the old age home

Don Carlos is 90 years old and lives in an old age retirement nursing home.
Every night after dinner, he secludes himself at the far-end of the garden.
One night, Juanita, 80 years old, approaches him. They start chatting about life and old age, and after a while, he says to her,

"You k...

What does the very rich and the very poor have in common?

Neither of them became very rich by sheer hard work.

So I once saw an argument in a comment section, a man said, “How many chromosomes do you have?”

The other replied, “More than you”.

The sheer confidence he had

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Antonio dreamt of meeting the Pope

He put on his best Armani suit to attend mass at the Vatican. In the row of pews in front of him, Antonio noticed a bum in dirty, raggedy clothes. During the processional the Pope came up the aisle acknowledging and reaching out to people along the way. Sure enough the Pope headed toward Antonio. He...

Knock knock?

Whose there?

A little old lady

....

A little old lady who?

...

I didn't know you could yodel!

Credit does to Google voice assistant. I sheer shock had me laughing for a solid 15 seconds.

A man is on a business trip...

and decides to buy his wife some new lingerie. A saleswoman greets him as he enters an expensive lingerie store, and asks him how she can help. Then man replies, "I'm looking for something made with very sheer fabric".

The saleswoman leaves for a minute and returns with a semi-transparent pi...

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A man goes to France for a golf tournament, but hires a hooker for the night before

The woman gets there and pretty soon they start doing their thing. While they're having sex, the hooker keeps saying a phrase over and over again, but the man can't understand what she's saying because he doesn't know much French. The man assumes that she's saying something that would indicate that ...

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I wake up at around 7am to hear this pounding at my door as if it’s about to cave in

So I open the door and I see this 6ft cockroach. Before I can even ask him how’s he doing he picks me up and flings me across the hallway of my house. Moving at rapid speed he’s got me in a headlock and delivers some devastating punches. I’m gutted to say I passed out from the sheer pain. Next day w...

In the early 1800s three explorers are captured by a Native American tribe

In the early 1800s three explorers are captured by a Native American tribe...A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Russian. They are all taken in front of the chief. The chief is furious that they trespassed on the scared ancestral burial land but says they would have one chance to redeem themselves. Nex...

Carlos was the proud owner of a Mexican Bed & Breakfast in Cancun...

It was founded by his Great-grandfather in the 1800s. He had come to Mexico from Spain and bought the run-down place with a loan from from a businessman back home. Through hard work and sheer determination, he had built the place up to a relatively successful B&B.

After his death, he lef...

How do unicycles work?

By sheer power of wheel.

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As Santa was putting out the toys, the beautiful lady of the house appeared wearing a robe.

“Santa, stay with me” she said.

“Ho, Ho, Ho! Gotta Go, Gotta go, Gotta go! Have to deliver the toys to all the children you know!”

“Please Santa. Stay with me” she cooed, opening her robe to reveal the sheer nightie underneath.

“Ho, Ho, Ho! Gotta Go, Gotta go, Gotta go! Ha...

The Genie

A man is working on a construction crew demolishing an old house.

Hidden inside a wall is an old oil lamp.
Thinking to himself, wouldn't it be interesting if there was a genie in this lamp.
Looking around to make sure none of his buddies are watching, least he make a fool of himself, h...

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An Irishman is walking home in Belfast, after a long day of alcohol filled festivities

His walk proves to be longer than he anticipated and nature starts calling. He keeps walking, hoping he'll make it home but he can't hold it in anymore. He looks around but can't see a place to conceal his inevitable colon loaf. He stops in the middle of the footpath, lowers his trousers, squats dow...

A bus full of ugly people drives off a cliff.

They all make it to Heaven. When they get there God makes them all form a single-file line before the pearly gates and explains to them that as you enter paradise, you can make one wish, so long as it's not to come back to life or anything that interferes with the world of the living.

The...

Never lie to kids

I make it a point never to lie to my kids. This morning one of them came up to me and asked, "Where do little babies come from?" And I gave him a straight answer: "Sheer carelessness! Sheer carelessness!"

Unconditional love

Repost due to incomplete joke, if anyone wants to trim it or change it for the better feel free:
I was watching Jimmy Kimmel and discussing where to go for lunch with my girlfriend when the topic of “unconditional love” was brought up. I nodded and told her “…of course I love you and you love...

Sean Connery built a magnificent bookcase

It was the centerpiece of the library in his mansion and even the Queen herself praised it as one of the top bookcases in all of England. Everyone who ever visited his library has marvelled at the sheer greatness of this bookcase and many said that if acting didn't work out, that he would have had ...

I kinda want Hillary to win the US election

Just for the sheer irony of her sitting at the desk Monica was under.

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A man was driving home from work when he remembered it was the 20th anniversary of his marriage

He still needed to get a gift for his wife, so he stopped at the department store on his way home. He quickly went to the lingerie department to pick up a gift and a sales associate was very happy to help. The sales associate asked what his budget was, to which he responded about $50. She showed him...

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[NSFW] A Frenchman, an Italian and a Scotsman are sitting in a bar

The Frenchman finishes his drink, turns to the other two and says "Gentlemen, tonight I am going to go home and make love to my wife for four hours and when I'm done she will rise one foot of the bed in sheer ecstacy".

"That's nothing" says the Italian finishing his drink, "I will go home to...

In the distant future scientists invent a special time machine

It can send messages back to the past, as a dream to a single person.

Because of all the problems Covid-19 caused, they decided to try and warn the world before hand. So a dream message was sent back to the year 2017: "Covid is fatal will arrive in fall 2019. Covid is fatal will arrive in fal...

Little Timmy is playing with a shape sorter.

After multiple attempts, Timmy starts getting frustrated while trying to fit a square block into an oval hole.

Timmy's father watches the sheer persistence of his son with a sort of wonder until Timmy screams,

"HOW DOES THIS A SQUARE FIT IN AN OVAL?!?"

Timmy's father, wishing to...

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Best weight loss In town!

A new fitness center was advertising around the city with their fool-proof method of losing a substantial amount of weight in under an hour!

Tom was an out of shape guy that wanted to lose weight badly, but was skeptical about this new spot.

After hearing many of his friends and colle...

Mr. Smith found a doppelganger of his wife.

Mr smith to Air hostess - you look exactly like my wife.

*Air hostess feeling a bit agitated by that remark slapped him.

Mr. Smith - what sheer coincidence, even the habits match too.

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A newspaper boy knocks on a woman's door to collect his money

The woman answers the door wearing a very sheer negligee. He asks for his two dollars and she says she has no cash on her, but maybe they can work something out.

The newspaper boy sighs and unzips his pants to reveal an 9 inch cock. They get down to business but the newspaper boy is only pu...

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A Giant walks into a bar...

He orders a huge tankard of beer and sits down right next to a leprechaun.

The leprechaun looks impressed at that enormous drinking vessel, stretches his head over it and 'ptui, ptui, ptui' - spits three times into the giant's beer.

Angered by the sheer audacity, the giant grunts: "F...

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If a centi-peed a pint, how much would a precipice piss?

A sheer drop.

The Outdoor Toilet

A young man wanted to invite his girlfriend to their farm but was embarrassed by the old-fashioned outdoor toilet.

He kept bickering his dad for a modern, indoor one, but the old-timer didn't want to give in.

Out of sheer desperation, he slips out one night, puts a lot of dynamite be...

One day Saint Peter got bored

He decided to begin asking people how they died. A man comes up so saint Peter asked how he died. The man said "I was sure my wife was cheating on me so I came home early from work one day. When I arrived at our apartment I saw my wife in bed and no one with her. I looked everywhere but I could not ...

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There was this woman sitting on a park bench muttering to herself and spitting. She would mutter then spit, mutter then spit. As a man got closer he heard her say "Damn, that sonofabitch can drive" then spit "Damn, that sonofabitch can drive" then spit, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive" then spit.

He sits down next to her and asks "What's going on here? You keep saying, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive, then you spit".

“Well" says the gal "my boyfriend just got a brand new sports car, so he calls me and asks me if I want to go for a ride. So I say 'sure, why not?' He picks me up and w...

A couple is about to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.

The old man goes down to a lingerie store and picks out a sheer little number for his wife.

At home after their anniversary dinner, he gives her the lingerie and tells her to go try it on.

The old lady goes into the bathroom to change, but then says to herself, "That old fart is blind ...

Wish Granted by Genie

A middle aged man was walking along the beach one day, when he stumbles and discovers a small brass lamp. Rubbing it, a genie appears and offers to grant him just one wish.

After careful thought, the man says, "All of my life, I have wanted to visit Hawaii. But I am deathly afraid of flying a...

Trump and Obama having a private conversation in 2012

Trump: Mr. Obama, out of sheer curiosity, what must I need to do in order to be elected President of the United States?

Obama: President?? You have to be stupid, ignorant, probably delusional to think you can be qualified to be the President of the United States!

Trump: Perfect, I will...

Jesus is on the cross and...

He shouts “Peter, Peter!”

Peter hears him from 200m away and starts making his way through the crowd and soldiers. At 150m a Roman soldier slashes his right arm off but Peter keeps going determined saying “I am coming master!”

Jesus shouts again “Peter, Peter!”

Peter, now with o...

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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobweb...

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A lawyer just bought a new Porsche...

He decides to park it in front of his offices to show it off. As he is exiting the vehicle a truck comes along and sheers of the drivers side door.

The lawyer begins screaming at the truck driver. "You stupid shit! You've ruined my brand new car! Where did you get your license? How did yo...

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A billionaire goes searching for the true meaning of life

One day, after several weeks of heavy partying, drinking and doing drugs, a billionaire playboy wakes up in a pool of his own piss and vomit, among bunch of people he doesn't know, in a place he doesn't even remember coming to.

Feeling empty and disgusted with what he has become, he then and ...

[LONG] The priest and the half lemon.

A priest was sent out to a rural village because the old priest has passed away. He meets the local people, they all get to know each other. His first mass goes well, but after the ceremony a slim man in poor clothing approaches the priest and says:

\- Excuse me father, be kind, and please gi...

A father had a very rowdy son

He would never listen to his father, always disobeying rules, and being rebellious at every chance. The father often told the boy, "You should be more respectful of others", to no avail as his words fell on deaf ears. His pranks were, quite frankly, annoying to the neighbours, but what did the son c...

A mechanical engineer, an electronics engineer and a software engineer where testing a new automobile..

Going down a hill the brakes started to fail. They careened down the hill at speed, screeching round the corners, narrowly missing cliff faces and sheer drops, and finally coming to a halt by steering up a grassy bank.



"Phew, that was close", said the electronics engineer, "I've got a...

The caretaker sat pondering a cube he held before him. (Long)

The caretaker sat pondering a cube he held before him. He sat amidst billions upon billions upon billions, which surrounded him. He alone, at the end of time, bore witness to the Great Library, the vast repository of consciousness in Universe.

Before him was a pile of similar cubes. These cub...

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A young couple wanted to join a church.

The reverend told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband obviously ver...

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A golfer is absolutely killing it out on the course. (Long)

He’s playing at one of those residential courses surrounded by beautiful homes.

He nails the drive on the 6th hole. He’s so excited and proud of himself that he guns his golf cart full speed ahead to get to the putting green.

He’s going so fast that he misreads a curve and ends up topp...

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[Anecdote] Sometimes friends bring light to even the darkest situations

This happened back when I was in university back in 2012. During those days in my hometown there was an insurgent outfit that was on the verge of extinction but would occasionally surface to issue (empty) threats of violence through the media, particularly before National Holidays since they were a ...

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The Anticlimactic Lager (oj)

(*I just made up this joke, it takes a bit of patience but let me know if it's worth it. Either way, keep smiling!*)

Michael was a rich, eccentric and naive beer enthusiast. He journeyed around the world in search of rare lagers.

Once, on a trip to India, he came across a small bar. Be...

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The nervous cashier

It was Tim's first day working at the pharmacy when a young lady walked in and asked him for some pain killers and a pack of tampons, Tim was extremely embarrassed and ran in the back asking Tom the Pharmacist to serve the young lady. After the encounter Tom told Tim he shouldn't be embarrassed, it...

Santa's got lot's of things to do, you know.

Santa's placing presents under a Christmas tree when he hears a soft voice behind him, "Santa…"

He turns around and sees a gorgeous woman peeking out of a bedroom doorway.

"Come to bed, Santa"

"Ho! Ho! Ho, gotta go, got lots of things to do, you know"

She opens the door ...

There was once a billionaire philanthropist with a curious idea....

"What would happen if he gave modern musical instruments to tribal people who have never been in contact with the outer world? He decided to do just that, and to return after 10 years. The tribesmen were given an electric guitar, bass, a drum kit, digital keys, everything needed to make music with o...

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The milkman

A milkman is on his normal route. One of his regular customers, a gorgeous woman, opens the door in nothing but a sheer nightie. she motions for him to come inside. Which he happily does. She leads him into the bathroom where she disrobes and gets into the bathtub. She tells him she has always had a...

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Man goes to see a doctor about a life-long affliction... (long)

Man (In a raspy, hoarse voice): Doctor, you have to help me, as you can hear, my voice is hoarse and I can barely speak because it hurts too much. It's been like this since I was a teenager. I can't find work, can't talk with friends, or meet a woman. It's ruining my life. Can you help me?
...

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A team of Nazi spies parachutes in Britain during WW2.

They're all well-trained, they know their mission, they have their legends. But when they're still above the ocean, suddenly a terrible thunderstorm hits them. The hurricane scatters them, some of them smash into the cliffs, others hit the waves and drown. Only one last spy, by sheer luck or miracle...

A man goes to the doctor.

He tells the doctor he's been hearing strange buzzing noises all week. The sounds come and go at all times of day, but they have been most intense at night. Sometimes there are multiple distinct buzzes at a time, at different frequencies. The patient says he has hardly slept for the past week becaus...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

...which quickly becomes overcrowded. The bartender trying to take jocular orders for one beer than half a beer than a quarter of a beer and so on and so forth is crushed to death as are all the other patrons. And the mathematicians themselves, of course. Still they walk in. Somehow they force thems...

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The dark presence of the knight in black armor terrified the patrons of the inn. And he was sulking at the bar, clearly worried as he down the pint of ale.

He towered over the others who were also in the inn's bar, his armor covered in jagged spikes that were as lethal as the man-sized swords that hung from his back. His eyes glowed blood-red and a sickening black miasma poured through the small cracks in the plate armor. He even had a large pair of ho...

What Is Chutzpah?

Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall, brazen nerve, effrontery, sheer guts plus arrogance; it's Yiddish and no other word, and no other language, can do it justice.

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for a dollar each. Every day a young man would leave his office building a...

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The great circus trick

One day at the big circus in town, the great circus entertainer decides to do his greatest trick. He comes out on stage along with a big, fierce looking aligator and starts presenting:

'Ladies and gentlemen, today you will be witness to one of the greatest tricks in history. I will place my p...

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[NSFW] A Pole, a Russian and a German set a bet with the devil

They claim that within half a year each would set up a shop that would have everything in it.

When the time passes, the devil visits the Russian and sees a nice big shopping mall with lots of stores in it. The devil nods in appreciation:

"Nice shop you have here, Nikolai. You sure you ...

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Jim leaves a bar at 2 am...

And he’s completely shitfaced. He’s not ready to call it a night, though, so he goes for a walk through the forest behind the bar. As he’s walking along, Jim comes across a bear. Being the stupid drunk fucker he is, Jim decides to try befriending the bear by offering it a high five.

Somehow t...

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A little boy in a quaint town was said to be the hairiest person in history.

Even in a small community, where everyone was aware of and understood his plight, living a normal life was difficult. Even though everyone was respectful, the sheer volume of hair and speed at which it grew was a constant hardship. It interfered with the boy's eating, he would overheat quickly durin...

In a suburb of Boston, there was a Catholic church across the street from a Jewish synagogue.

Over the years, a friendly rivalry had grown between the two congregations. One weekend, the members of the synagogue gave their long-time rabbi a brand new Cadillac. By sheer coincidence, the parishioners gave their pastor a new Cadillac on the same day.

Everyone laughed at the coincidence...

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Danish, French and Italian women ...

A Danish guy, a Frenchman and an Italian man got together in a bar in Berlin after attending the long and boring business conference. Their talk drifted to the subject of women, of course, with each man claiming that the women in their home country were the sexiest and most sensual.

"If we we...

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An upstart comedian speaks to a famous movie producer ...

"So, what's your idea?"

"Well, I want to make the film about how a wealthy New York businessman raised his child to become a selfish, arrogant prick just like himself. The boy's such a fucking asshole that even his neglectful father gets sick of the rat and sends him to a military academy. ...

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Three men died in the same instant...

... and are standing at the pearly gates. St. Peter takes them aside one by one to ask them how they died.

The first man says "I was just fired from my job, and came home to my apartment to find my wife naked in bed. The room stank of sex and a man's clothes were on the floor. I searched fo...

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Man bought his wife sexy lingerie for Women's Day...

Seventy-five year old Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for his wife for Women’s Day.
Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young. Marvi...

A married pair of Biologists are camping in China...

And after a long day of cataloging the various flora and fauna, they get down to a little love making...

When suddenly, the man feels an ungodly pressure in his stomach. He leaves hastily to the woods to find a suitable place to relieve himself, leaving his wife alone in the tent.

Outs...

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It's like a baby down there...

A young virginal couple are in their honeymoon suite, nervous about their first encounter. The husband the more nervous of the two says: "Honey, um I need to tell you, well it's like a baby down there." The new blushing bride consoles her new husband with assurances that everything will be fine, th...

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Three Safari Men

There were three men (a pastor, a father, and a good 'ol boy redneck) that happened to be taking a safari of the Amazon rainforest when they are separated from the rest of the group. After a few days and trying to find their way back to civilization, they were captured by a local tribe, bound and b...

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Forest animals decide to build a toilet.

So apparantly everybody shits in the woods and the enviroment is getting nasty so the Tiger decides to have a meeting to build a toilet. Everybody is going to the meeting except the rabbit.
Instead he just decides to eat some sorrel and relax near the lake.

Suddenly the rabbit has this mas...

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There was a man. An especially unattractive man.

He had sex when he was younger. But the older and uglier he grew the less women wanted to be with him. At present he hadn't had sex in over 30 years. No prostitute would sleep with him. Not even a blowjob or a handjob. Such was his level of ugliness. He had given up on jerking off years ago. He need...

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A hunting story.

So three buddies were on a hunting trip in the mountains. It had been an exhausting trip but they had managed to kill a couple of dear and were back at their campsite late at night. One of them was facing the dilemma of answering nature's call or just simply crashing into his sleeping bag for the ni...

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