A colon can dramatically change the meaning of a sentence.

Example:

I ate Julie’s sandwich.

I ate Julie’s colon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Since my wife's death my sex life has improved dramatically...

She takes it up the ass now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First day of Med School

It is the first day of medical school, and the doctor in charge of the new class has all the new students gather in the main lecture hall for the orientation. Taking his place in front of the group, he starts his speech.

"In order to succeed in the world of medicine, you must first master two...

In the early 1970s, researchers discovered that a certain enzyme in a specific breed of seagull chicks granted dolphins that ate them a dramatically increased lifespan…

Hoping that this could be made viable for humans, they started extensive testing.

Unfortunately, the breed of gulls wasn't native to the area around their laboratory.

They sent a research assistant up the coast to gather additional specimens.

On his way back with a truckload o...

Last night, my girlfriend dramatically ripped the blankets off me...

Don’t worry I’ll recover.

Once a month my wife doubles over in pain and screams dramatically when she thinks she's ovulating

Personally I think she's ovary-acting.

I read that donations to sperm banks have dropped dramatically...

It's probably because, these days, most men do their banking online...

I just read that the poaching of elephants and rhinoceroses has dropped dramatically

I am pretty sure this is because roasting, or frying, them is a much tastier way to prepare them.

In just 24 hours, my level in English has increased dramatically.

I understood almost all words from the presidential press conference.

Tickets for the Indiana State Philharmonic went up dramatically after they doubled the width of the stage.

You didn't think that the ISP would give out twice the band width for free did you?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pilots

One day the passengers of a flight were waiting impatiently for takeoff. After a few minutes, they notice two men dressed as pilots with white canes and guide dogs make their way into the cockpit. The mood of the plane shifts dramatically from impatient and anxious to scared and skeptical as the pla...

I saw this pretty homeless lady while I was walking home from work.

So I walked over and asked if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However the look on her faced changed dramatically when I picked up her cardboard box and started walking away it.

A minister had fallen on tough financial times...

So tough, that he was unsure of how he would pay next months bills, or continue to provide food for his family.

One day, in a moment of doubt, he prayed: "Heavenly Father, I am worried and uncertain, but know that you always provide for your children. Please, give me some words from your book...

A man visits a show of Amanda, the famous psychic and healer.

During the show Amanda walks to him, puts her hand on his shoulder and exclaims:

"You WILL walk!"

He says softly "But I'm fine, my legs already work."

She gestures dramatically and exclaims once more:

"YOU! WILL! WALK!"

The man decides to just play along, gets u...

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant busi...

Guys need your support .

I am starting my new venture, a food App that will help all of you reduce weight dramatically.

Basically it works as follows:

You order, we don't deliver!
Seeking your support as always!!!

Two witches were arguing about who was the better witch

One rainy day inside the coven HQ, Meredith and Wendy were arguing about who was the better witch.

"I'm the superior spellcaster", boasted Meredith. She raised her wand into the air, and conjured up a small cloud. It snowed over Wendy's head, dropping hailstones the size of marbles.

"...

A high school student struggles to pass his tests but decides, one day, to pull himself together.

After weeks of hard work and dedication, his grades start picking up.

A month passes and the semester is finally over.

He approaches his father and shows him his grades.

The father looks dramatically into his son's eyes and says:



"long time no C".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old woman is in a coma in a hospital and has been for 6 months...

One day a nurse is giving the comatosed woman her daily sponge bath and when the nurse rubbed the lady on her special place she noticed the heart monitor dramatically spike up indicating the woman might have responded!

The nurse inform the doctors who immediately call the woman's husband to ...

20 Things to do Before You Die...

1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"
2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.'
3) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look t...

Antivaxxers are eco friendly!

They dramatically reduce their children's carbon footprint!

A mum, dad and their son walk into a pub.

After a few drinks, the dad jumps up onto a table and starts reciting quotes from Shakespeare to his wife. The wife joins in, and responds with, "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" Then they dramatically kiss, as the whole pub stops and watches.

The son lifts his face from his palms and...

International exits

Polish exit: leaving the party without saying goodbye.

British exit: saying goodbye very dramatically several times but not leaving.

“A fool does last what a wise man does first.” -unknown

Looks like my chances of getting laid improve dramatically the older I get. Sweet!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys go to hell...

3 guys go to hell, and the devil greets them for orientation.
"You each came here for different reasons" he says, "but I'm going to let you pick one vice, and you can do that, but ONLY that, for eternity."

So he goes to the first guy, who was an alcoholic, and after a moment of thought th...

An old Tahitian legend...

As the legend goes, when the Tahitians first found their island, after they had settled in, they decided to build a grand central hall for their new settlement. Unlike contemporary Europeans, though, they built their dwellings not out of timber or stone but out of the materials they had at hand: ree...

A young man becomes a born again Christian after reading a religious flyer at his college.

He doesn’t initially tell his girlfriend, justifying the embarrassment as natural to any young infant in the faith. But in the following weeks his commitment escalates dramatically, and he takes up a position as a Christian missionary to Uganda.
One day the dreaded phone call wakes him up. Ob...

The World Health Organization has stated that eating bacon increases your chances of getting cancer.

Statistics also show that not eating bacon dramatically increases your chances of blowing yourself up.

How to make friends

Next time you are washing your hands next to somebody cup your hands under the tap until the water overflows then look at them dramatically and say "this water is getting out of hand" it is a guaranteed way to make friends. I have never tried it but it is guaranteed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, there was a sand dune with legs.

Duney they called him, truly one of a kind - a war hero of great accomplishment and honour, until that one fateful night.

It was 7PM, and the sun's glow was falling. Duney was exhausted, stumbling with his gun's barrel scraping along the desert's sand.
That was when Duney's world entered ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Nazi walks into a bar and finds a guy called Kyle

He sits down, and Kyle tells him 'I bet I can make that dude over there disappear'. The Nazi, after seeing the skull cap on the man, agrees but says 'I don't think it's goanna work'. Kyle ignores this, and waves his hands three times, then points dramatically at him.


Nothing happens.
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four guys go golfing.

Four guys go golfing. One of them is held up in the country club with some accounts to settle, so he tells the others to start without him and he'll catch up.

The other three guys move on to the first hole and start talking about their kids.

The first man says, “I'm really proud of my ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy travels to LA to audition for a movie and finally get his big break

His plane lands and he gets a call from his agent saying "Quick! Book the first flight back to New York I got you a part in a play!"
Guy says "Great, when is it?"
Agent says, "tonight is opening night, I'll email you the script. The part you are playing only has one line."
The guy is disap...

The world's philosophers and theologians have gathered for a summit...

...held, dramatically enough, on the summit of an actual mountain. Everyone was having a great time, mingling together, discussing the great philosophical questions of the day.

Rumors started to swirl around about one particular holy man who had joined the day's festivities. This particularly...

A true story about the time I got caught speeding

This is the story of the time I was pulled over for doing almost 70 in a construction area, where the speed limit had been reduced to 55.

So I pulled over right away because I'm white and a man with a mustache that only a cop would grow, swung a leg dramatically over his motorcycle and walke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, the janitor at the zoo is approached by the manager...

"Look, janitor", says the manager. "Our most popular gorilla just died, and its gonna be a couple of weeks before our new gorilla ships in. The kids come from all over just to see this gorilla, and our admission sales are gonna drop dramatically if we don't have a gorilla for the rest of the quarter...

Moses, Jesus and an old man are playing golf...

Moses tees up at a par 3 with a large lake in front of the green. He gives it a solid thwack. Plooop, a little short into the water. He walks up to the water's edge and dramatically shoves the end of the club into the water. The waters part, and he walks through the lake and chips his ball in for a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The undertakers dirty secret.... (kinda nsfw)

A man was having a quiet beer with a friendly undertaker. After a few drinks he built up the courage to ask him "you must have some crazy work stories?" The undertaker quietly nodded as he finished his beer. He went on to explain "the woman's vaginas change, quite dramatically". "Go on..." insists t...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.