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Expectations Jokes

Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies.

Women’s heads are much harder to put back on in real life.

Marital expectations

Two women were out walking in the city. Suddenly one of them spots her husband across the street. She points at him and says ”Look, it’s Jim, and he’s got a big bouquet of flowers that he’ll come home with tonight. Damn, that means I’ll have to lay on my back, spread eagle all night.” Both women sha...

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I feel like porn has given me such unrealistic expectations for sex... for example,

having it with another person

My New Years resolution is to set more realistic expectations for myself

I’ve already failed

I read Great Expectations the other day.

It wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be.

A dumb one, ever for already low dad-joke expectations...

True story (makes this even more pathetic) that happened last night:

Wife: The fan is too high
Me: It's like that so we don't bump our heads

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Porn gives unrealistic expectations.

The plumber took his usual £60 per hour, even though I sucked his cock.

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Beautiful woman

A bloke is sitting in the bar at a busy airport.

A beautiful woman walks in and sits down next to him.

He presumes, because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off duty flight attendant.

So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for ...

The Jetsons gave me unrealistic expectations for the future as a child

Like having a wife who loves me and owning a dog

Jehovah is showing Ra around Heaven one day...

... when a man runs up to them, crosses himself, then spreads his arms and closes his eyes.

"Excuse me," Jehovah says to Ra, "this will only take a second." He waves his hands, there's a flash of light, and a purring kitten goes scampering away from where the man had been.

"Other than ...

8 year old son's greatest joke

My son told me this joke years ago and it still is my favourite joke. He came home from school one day and says 'Dad, I have a joke for you.' I said, oh yes, let's hear it. Very low expectations at this point. He said 'Why did the chicken cross the road?', I replied with the usual, 'I don't know son...

"Fifty Shades of Grey" gives its readers unrealistic expectations.

It makes them think that Vintage Books will publish anything that gets sent to them.

I had high expectations for doing great things in 2020. Instead I'm stuck at home jacking off and playing Nintendo.

The old 'bate and Switch.

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Watching too much porn gave me unrealistic expectations of sex

I really thought it would happen

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I don't have Great Expectations for my son.

But I got him the other 13 Dicken's Books.

I’m seeing a lot of heaven related jokes, so here’s a bad one to lower every bodies expectations-

What do angles fish for in heaven?
Holy mackerels

I just finished reading Great Expectations.

It wasn't all I hoped it would be.

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Blowjobs did not live up to my expectations.

They suck.

Recent studies suggest that subversion of expectations is the most effective type of humor among 13 - 40 year olds.

TIL

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