UPJOKE
outlookexpectancybeliefhopepromiseassumptionprospectmeanapprehensionconfidencelikelihoodoptimismcertaintyprospectssatisfaction

Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies.

Women’s heads are much harder to put back on in real life.

My New Years resolution is to set more realistic expectations for myself

I’ve already failed

8 year old son's greatest joke

My son told me this joke years ago and it still is my favourite joke. He came home from school one day and says 'Dad, I have a joke for you.' I said, oh yes, let's hear it. Very low expectations at this point. He said 'Why did the chicken cross the road?', I replied with the usual, 'I don't know son...

What goes down but never goes up?

My parents expectations of me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to write a funny joke:

Now, everyone always says timing is important; we'll get to that, the timing is usually in the punchline.

First you need a premise - it can be simple. A ball. That's the focus.

Some of you are already chuckling because your immature sense of humor has made its own connections with the ...

Marital expectations

Two women were out walking in the city. Suddenly one of them spots her husband across the street. She points at him and says ”Look, it’s Jim, and he’s got a big bouquet of flowers that he’ll come home with tonight. Damn, that means I’ll have to lay on my back, spread eagle all night.” Both women sha...

You know when things are getting bad when people only want their kids to live a long and healthy life they will enjoy...

And you have to wonder how their children are going to handle the pressure of those unrealistic expectations?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is alone in an airport lounge…

A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.

He decides, because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty stewardess.

Because her jacket is folded neatly beside her he can’t see any logos so he decides to have a go a...

A dumb one, ever for already low dad-joke expectations...

True story (makes this even more pathetic) that happened last night:

Wife: The fan is too high
Me: It's like that so we don't bump our heads

The Seven Miracles of the Soviet Union

Miracle 1: Everyone had a job.
Miracle 2: Even though everyone had a job, no one worked.
Miracle 3: Even though no one worked, the project was always completed beyond expectations.
Miracle 4: Even though the project was always completed beyond expectation, there was never anything to buy....

I had high expectations for doing great things in 2020. Instead I'm stuck at home jacking off and playing Nintendo.

The old 'bate and Switch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I feel like porn has given me such unrealistic expectations for sex... for example,

having it with another person

I’m seeing a lot of heaven related jokes, so here’s a bad one to lower every bodies expectations-

What do angles fish for in heaven?
Holy mackerels

I read Great Expectations the other day.

It wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be.

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