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Debris Jokes

scarlet johansson

There’s an airline crash in the Pacific. The only two survivors are a young man, Steve, and an unconscious young woman.

Steve finds the young woman clinging to a piece of debris. He tows her to a small, deserted atoll.

The young woman does not regain consciousness for a week. In the me...

It's been confirmed that debris is from the Titan. Just when the jokes were beginning to subside

looks like they'll be resurfacing.

The President and his closest allies are involved in a terrible plane crash, and are left clinging to debris in the middle of the stormy sea.

As time passes, their arms grow weaker, and the squall grows stronger, until the waves threaten to swallow them up. Suddenly, an army helicopter appears overhead, and a Soldier on board lowers a rope to pull the President up.

As soon as the head of government is brought in, the Soldier turns ...

When a space telescope hits debris...

...it becomes a collide-oscope.

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An american dude, A French dude, and a Japanese dude barely survive a shipwreck...

While clinging to floating debris and paddling towards shore they discuss what they will do to survive.
The American dude says: Well, I am a carpenter by trade, so I'll build us a shelter.
The French dude says: Ho-hoh! Yers trulee eez the greatest chef ever! I shall make grand meals to feed us...

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A Paris cheese shop is hit by a German rocket moments after being evacuated by the Americans. "Watch out for debris!" shouts the owner to a GI standing in the ruins of the crumbling shop.

"Fuck off and save your own damn Brie" the GI called back, moments before being killed by a falling piece of masonry.

Winds of 108mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering...

Yes, I forgot our anniversary again.

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Two blonde pilots...

On their first commercial flight together two blonde pilots, best friends for years, are finally flying together after years of being co-pilots for more experienced captains. The cockpit was finally *theirs*.

The flight goes very smoothly and they congratulate each other as they are coming in...

Men's Helpline for Women

Dear John,

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV.  My car stalled, and then it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He wa...

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A ship goes down at sea

Two survivors wash up on the shore of an island--a man and a Chihuahua.
The only other inhabitants of the island are harmless native sheep that roam and feed aimlessly on the lush grass. Conditions are primitive, but the man and Chihuahua coexist peacefully for several years.
The man event...

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Travelling salesman

There was a travelling salesmen who had the job since he was he was seventeen so was constantly on the road, and had only ever slept with prostitutes his whole life. Due to this fact he had never went down on a woman for fear of where they might have been, although it was something he always desired...

Have you heard about the film they're making, where Dallas gets destroyed by space junk?

Debris Does Dallas.

Landmark

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system."Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when ...

Early last February this year, I learned that National Grammar Day is celebrated on March 4th; I was looking forward to celebrating with some friends of mine in Toledo, Ohio...

...I made the trip from Nevada by car; it was a wonderful celebration. My friends Jerry, Susan, and Cynthia organized a wonderful event consisting of a host of grammar related activities: proof-reading, sentence structuring, and more.

Susan also turned out to be a wonderful cook; she prepared...

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A man survives a plane crash over the ocean...

He is huddled on a piece of debris with nothing but a dog and a pig. After drifting for several days the three land on the shore of a completely uninhabited island. After several weeks, the man feels that he will completely lose his mind if he doesn't have sex soon. After thinking it over he deci...

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A golfer is absolutely killing it out on the course. (Long)

He’s playing at one of those residential courses surrounded by beautiful homes.

He nails the drive on the 6th hole. He’s so excited and proud of himself that he guns his golf cart full speed ahead to get to the putting green.

He’s going so fast that he misreads a curve and ends up topp...

What was left after the explosion at the cheese shop?

Debris

Fishing

Three blonds are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with lines in the water. A game warden comes up behind them and says, Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing license. said the game warden.But officer, replied the second blond, we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at t...

This is a test.

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Only you will know the results, so remember that your...

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A Monkey was arrested for throwing lit shit at zoo employees

3 were hospitalized with turd debris burns

My friend just sent me a phenomenal joke and I’m mad at her for being funnier than I am. Suffer with me.

Two guys are walking through the debris of a terrible accident. There are decaying bodies all around. The air is heavy and foreboding. The stench is putrid.

One of them starts having a coughing fit because the smell is so overwhelming. The other guy goes, “hey are you alright? What’s with al...

After a terrible storm, a man and his sheepdog are stranded on a large desert island.

They manage to set up camp and survive. The man searches the island every day, but never finds any other people.

One day, as the man and his dog are walking, they find a small flock of sheep grazing.

Looking at the sheep, the man gets an idea.

Now, he isn't the kind of guy wh...

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scot are working on the building site for the 2012 Olympic Games. They’ve been told that, as a perk, they’ll be given tickets, but come the day, they’re told that there are no free places left, and only athletes will be let into the ground.

Thinking quickly, the Englishman casts about amongst the debris of the build (what workman has ever ‘made good’, cleaning up after himself?)
Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he announces ‘Johnny Smith, England, pole vault,’ He is admitted.
The Scot follows his lead, scrabbles about and finds ...

There was a hunter who lived alone in the middle of the forest, in a small house by the river..

A short distance down a slope in front of his house, he had a garden where he would grow vegetables to supplement his diet of forest game and fish.


One morning, he awoke to the sounds of a thunderstorm and rushing water. Quickly getting dressed and stumbling outside, he saw the river ...

Fire at the Pub

A firehouse got a call about a pub. The firemen rushed there to see the place ablaze. They could hear someone calling for help from inside. Two of them ran in to see an Irishman trapped under debris. They were able to pull him out as the rest of them fought the fire. One of his rescuers asked how th...

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A blonde gets on a plane with her friend and they take their seats.

An hour or so after take off, they're handed an eye mask and pillow. The blonde ponders the in-flight entertainment for a moment, then puts on her eye mask and kicks back... when suddenly, the plane violently shakes and everyone starts to scream.

The hull of the plane tears open, ripping off ...

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A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the ocean

Only 2 men and a woman survive the terrible tragedy, and relying on any floating debris, paddle their way to an island they spot nearby.

They make shelters, find food and water and all the basics needed to survive on an island in the middle of the ocean. After 3 months, they finally decide no...

Did ye hear? The local cheese manufacturer exploded.

Debris was everywhere.

A luxury yacht catches fire somewhere in the South Pacific and sinks....

A single male survivor, let's call him Roy, washes ashore on a small, deserted tropical island.

Roy spends the next three years of his life struggling to survive, but, by collecting debris and materials that wash up on the shore, he manages to thrive.

Then one day, as he's combing the...

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The Mathematician from Brooklyn

A mathematician hailing from Brooklyn, NY gets invited to the annual conference for mathematics, statistics and logic. Upon arriving, he notices that a world-renown professor is hosting what was listed as "The Unbeatable Brain-Teaser". He decides to sign up, and gets in the single-file line for a on...

There once was a young engineer...

There once was a young engineer, who after having worked for several years, decided that he and his family should have a weekend getaway place. He searched the surrounding country and found a lovely spot with frontage on a small river. He and his family built a cabin and began spending time there ev...

A German officer watches over his outpost during the Great War.

He's polishing his handgun when one of his soldiers below sounds the alarm. Down he rushes, gun in hand, to see a battle going on between his men and the British. He joins his men, and the fight seems to go on for hours. The gunfire only stops when out of the sky comes an artillery shell, destroying...

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Emergency supplies.

Three friends decide to go on a luxury cruise around the world. On the third night, the ship suffer's catastrophic damage in a storm and begins to sink. The three jump overboard and cling to debris to stay afloat. The next morning, they awake to find themselves washed up on a nearby small island. Th...

A magician has a good gig

A magician finds a profitable gig on a cruise ship. His show packs out every night and cruise audiences are always grateful and astonished.

Until one day the first mate brings a parrot on board. The problem is that the parrot ruins all the tricks. In the middle of his act it will squawk “Rah...

The Chinese Workman

An Australian man comes to Oregon during the great gold rush knowing of a location where tons of gold has yet to be discovered. Keeping it as secretive as possible, he comes alone and needs to hire help as he arrives. He heads to the local bar where many of the miners spend their evenings. He has ma...

A cruise magician...

... Had a parrot who spoiled every trick. You know, like, "That box has a hidden floor".

One day during the performance, the cruise ship exploded, but the magician and the parrot saved themselves on a piece of debris.

They floated along in silence for three days, when the parrot quips ...

What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

Looks like we have debris all over the place

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One day...

Little Billy was sitting in the classroom going through a math lesson.

Out of nowhere, Billy starts a conversation about Mr. Johnston, who recently gotten into a car accident.

"Hey, you guys hear about Mr. Johnston?" says Billy.

One of his friends say "Yeah, it was terrible! He ...

Did you hear about the guy who died in a light gust of wind?

He was killed by debris

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Uranus ( long )

Originally from Buck Buchanan 9 i just had to share) let the Uranus jokes come forth.............anyway....

“It's my understanding that the first six probes were recklessly plunged into Uranus at such excessively high speeds these early attempts only produced massively dense clouds of methane...

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Mr. Tilley is running a Christian book store in a strip mall. [Long]

And business is good. The community has been growing, both in economy and spirit, with community centers and parks, factories and research laboratories. A true mecca of modern civilization. Mr. Tilley knows everyone in town, and everyone knows him. When anyone sees him, they smile, wave, and say "Bl...

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A magician had this parrot

A cruise ship magician had this parrot. He hated this parrot because he always give away his tricks. Whenever he'd do a show you'd hear "it's up his sleeve BAWK", "it's a trick table BAWK", "they're fake cards BAWK" and anything else that drove the man insane. One day, the man gets so fed up with hi...

Did you hear there was another blast?

This time in a movie theatre. The movie playing was You, Me and Debris.

The Lord will take care of me

Mr. Jackson was a devout Southern Baptist. He spent his entire life in dedicated service to the Lord. He never missed a church service, or an opportunity to demonstrate his great faith in The Father.

One Sunday morning the congregation of Mr. Jackson's church were gathered for service, and...

The Magician and the Parrot...

There's a magician and a parrot on a cruise ship as part of the nightly entertainment.

Every night, the parrot ruins the magician's tricks by revealing to the audience how they were done. For example, if the magician correctly guesses the card a volunteer is holding, the parrot shouts:
...

After spending so much time using his phone on the toilet...

Erwin forgot whether or not he had actually relieved himself yet. Loosely gripping the paper, he wipes in search of evidence. The results come back negative. He thinks to himself, "perhaps it was just cleaner than the others". If he looks down now, will he find the log floating in the porcelain lake...

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X-men get captured.

Wolverine, Cyclops, and Magneto are captured by Mr. Sinister. As they regain consciousness they realize they are naked with their testicles in a vibranium clamp hanging from a vibranium chain that is slowly being lifted to the ceiling. As they realize they are about to be painfully suspended only by...

Supplies

An American, German, and a Chinese fellow are working at a construction site. The foreman points at a pile of debris and tells the American, "I need you to shovel this pile into the dumpster." He tells the German, "I want you to sweep up after him." He tells Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supp...

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Welcome to the eleven 'o clock news

I am your anchor Francis FullOfFrenchPeople. In today's highlights, a group of scientists were hospitalized when a monkey they had been running tests on in a lab got violent and started throwing flaming feces at them They were said to have suffered Turd Debris Burns.

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