had to throw out my carbon monoxide detector tonight.

All that beeping was giving me a headache and making me dizzy.

Why did the baker throw out his bread machine?

There was no knead for it.

I keep trying to throw out my garbage can

But the garbage men keep emptying it and leaving it there

I had to throw out all of my danish currency

I didn't wanna catch the Kronervirus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Look, guys, you can't just throw out jokes about Trump's West Point speech willy nilly.

You have to ramp up to them.

Why did the blonde throw out all her rings?

She read that Juuls can kill you.

Was about to throw out my old pillows, then I thought

na, I'll sleep on it.

Why did the shopkeeper throw out the toeless man?

The shopkeeper was lactose intolerant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An eighteen year old finally decides to throw out his toys.

Andrew was never fond of most of the toys in his collection. He was a professional gamer and had no time for real world items. One day, he decided that he needed to clear out his room and found all his old toys. Without a moment's notice, he placed the whole bag in the garbage bin outside his house....

I got throw out of university for plagiarism...

Their words, not mine.

I printed out this website's logo and then I realised I didn't need it. Should I throw out the piece of paper or should I...

Shreddit

Yesterday I had to throw out my moldy shredded cheese

It was for the grater good.

Why did the golfer throw out his favourite socks?

Because he got a hole in one.

I always have to throw out my animal crackers.

They always have that label: "Do not eat if seal is broken".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man was riding a bus and noticed one hot nun.

He tried to talk to her but she ignored him and left the bus on her stop. When he was leaving the bus the bus driver stopped him and told:
- I saw that you liked that nun and I know how you can fuck her. Come to the cemetery at midnight dressed as Jesus - she will be praying there. And if you'll ...

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant.

First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked...

I went to the store to buy some condoms

I went to check out and the lady asked me do I need a paper bag? I said: no I’ll just throw out the lights

Charles, Angus and Patrick are in a helicopter when the pilot informs them they are losing altitude.

Desperately, they throw out whatever they have on them. Charles throws out his teapot, Angus throws out his bagpipes and Patrick throws out a bomb. The helicopter recovers and they land safely.

When Charles gets home, he finds his father in the garden crying. When he asks him what happened, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Farmer problems (long joke)

There was a farmer, who owned a Datsun Ute. He used this Datsun for all his farm work, feeding the horses.. Throwing bails of hay out the back of it.. Carrying firewood and what not. When all of sudden one day, chug chug chug it breaks down.

So he decides to go back to the shed to grab his tr...

A new recruit in the Navy was being put through the paces by an experienced captain.

"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"

"Throw out an anchor, sir," the recruit replied.

"What would you do if another storm sprang up after?"

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do th...

HOT AIR BALLOON

One day an American, Asian and an Australian were in a hot air balloon when they started to fall so the pilet said "each of you need to throw out one thing you have too much of". So the American started by throwing out hamburgers saying " we have too many of these in our country". Then the Asian wen...

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