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My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but he wasn’t awarded the gold medal.

The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

Never again giving money to those marathon charities

They took my money and ran away with it.

I recently ran an ultra marathon in northern Sweden...

I realised that I had gone way off course as soon as I crossed the Finnish line.

Did you hear about the blind guy who took mushrooms then ran a marathon?

Dude was trippin.

My coworker is asking for donations for his charity marathon

But I’m afraid he’s just going to take the money and run

24-year old Tai Jinhai came in first during the Beijing Marathon, but they gave the gold medal to the son of a prominent party official instead.

To this day, the Chinese government refuses to acknowledge Tai won.

I treat every day like I'm running a marathon tomorrow...

I load up on carbs, rest and don't run.

What’s the best country to run a marathon in?

Iran.

I've decided that COVID isn't going to stop me running the London marathon in 2022.

It'll be unfitness and apathy, same as usual.

I'd like to thank the girl with no sports bra, who ran with me for the last few miles of the marathon.

Your lack of support got me through.

Why did the cannibal go to the marathon?

He wanted some fast food

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Man who could only Drink Milk

I know an old man who had lived a life full of adventure, but his health started to catch up with him. He'd run the Boston Marathon, was an avid surfer, and climbed Everest, but he'd started to have abdominal pains around his 85th birthday and went to see a doctor. Sadly, he ultimately was diagnosed...

A guy named Ryan Edit won first place in a marathon.

Race director: Here you go, these are for you.

“Officer, you can’t give me a ticket. I have to go run the marathon tomorrow.”

Cop: That’s not how you play the race card.

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Last Will and Testament

A man lay dying in his hospital bed.

His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons are with him.


He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.


When all is ready, he begins to speak.


"To my son Bernie, I wan...

Im sorry, but I have to share this racist opinion

I dont care who asks I like nascar more than those BS marathons.

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A man was having an affair with a married woman.

The man had a romantic evening at her place and were about to have sex. Suddenly there is a knock at the door.

The woman tells the man “My husband is here. Collect your clothes and get out from the window.”

The man did not have time to get dressed and he is naked outside on the road an...

Warning: Police are on the lookout for an overweight man who did not pay his entrance fee to the Boston Marathon.

He is believed to be still on the run

The New York City Marathon

Is really just a bunch of people running away from Staten Island.

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A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I fancied taking part in a marathon.

I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.


I thought, fuck me, I might win this

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Happy Monsoon!

A lady was having an affair.
One rainy day she was in bed with her BF when she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
'OMG - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window.
BF: It's raining out there!'

Lady: 'If my hubby catches us, he'll kill us!.

BF jumps out of t...

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What's difference between Hitler and the Boston Marathon Bomber?

The bomber successfully stopped a race

I've run over 20 marathons

Still can't get the blood completely off of my front bumper

Two birds are in a marathon...

(joke best read aloud!)

Two birds are in a marathon...

They are by far in first place so rest on a bench in a park. The first bird sees some chips in car just sitting there.

Excitedly, he points it out to the second bird, "Hey there's some chips in that car!"

The second b...

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What do Hitler and the Boston Marathon victims have in common?

Neither of them could finish a race.

How did the cat win the Boston Marathon?

He was a cheatah.

jogging

Did you know that the jogging network is running a marathon?

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Why don't pedophiles ever win marathons?

They're always coming in a little behind.

Thanks to COVID-19, this is the first year I've not been able to run the London Marathon owing to lockdown.

Every other year it's been because I'm overweight, can't run, and am too lazy to even try.

The 50 states and DC each send their fastest runner to compete in a marathon...

The route they are running takes them around Washington DC, and the finish line is the front door of the White House.

At the sound of the starting pistol, all fifty-one runners take off. It's an exciting race.

Meanwhile, at the White House, the President waits in the Oval Office for t...

Injured myself during an Ironman marathon the other day

Got up too fast after watching the third film

Wish me luck in the London Marathon today. I managed a respectable, 3 hours, 12 minutes, last year...

This year, I will try to beat that but, I usually get bored and end up turning over to watch something else...

I didn't run a marathon in 2018.

I didn't run a marathon in 2019.
I didn't run a marathon in 2020.
I've never run a marathon in my life.
...
This is a running joke.

What were Pheidippides (the marathon soldier) last words?

My feet are killing me!

Although the World is more accepting, I refuse to accept some races.

Marathons are awful.

I’m binge-watching this show and they keep doing bits about marathons

Guess it’s some sort of running joke

Hello welcome to today’s Communist marathon...

On your Marx....

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer

the agony of defeat.

Did you hear about the man that won the marathon?

He was Russian.

I have started eating McDonalds after deciding to run a marathon.

I need some fast food

3 men are in the afterlife…

And god says to them, “Ok the only rule is that you can’t step on a duck on your first day or you will be punished. If you go the whole day without stepping on a duck then you will be rewarded” The three men thinks it is a simple challenge, but as they enter the gates the ground was covered in ducks...

Where did the Swedish marathon end?

The Finnish line

So there was a marathon in Sweden...

...that went all the way to the eastern border. I guess you could say the race ended at the Finnish line.

I once ran three marathons in one week.

They're not that hard to organize if you have experience.

I’m like a cross between a marathon runner and a sprinter

I can jog short distances

Last year I entered a marathon.

The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing.

The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?"

I replied, "You really want to know?"

Then I dropped out of the race.

I don’t win Marathons because I’m lucky



I win because I’m driven.

I was running a marathon. I was in first place and could see the finish line. I tripped and fell and now all I see is...

De feet

My girlfriend broke up with me after we did a marathon.

I’m pretty heartbroken, but we had a good run.

My petite girlfriend entered a marathon and thinks she can win...

I told her she’s got no chance cuz she’s always just running a little behind.

How to run a marathon?

Step 1,Step 2, Step 3

What do you call a marathon of people named Aaron?

Running Errands

What’s the difference between Karen in a marathon and an intellectual dwarf?

One is a cunning runt.

What is a marathon runner doing when he starts a marathon in Russia that ends in Finland?

Russian to Finnish.

We’re always making fun of our friend who threw up during a marathon

It's a running gag

I‘ve decided to run a marathon for charity

I didn’t want to do it at first, but apparently it’s for blind and disabled kids so I think I’ve got a good chance of winning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve decided to stop giving blowjobs during marathons.

I’m just not a fan of running gags.

Do you want to hear a joke about the Boston Marathon?

Never mind. I'll never finish it.

My friends won’t stop teasing me for giving up in a marathon after only 1 mile

I’ve become a running joke

I just go into a fight with a friend. He thinks all races are equal, but I think some races are far superior....

Like the marathon. That takes a lot of stamina, and is a far superior race.

And if you thought this was going somewhere else... you need to take a good hard look at yourself!

Arnold Schwarzenegger is organizing a marathon to raise money for the rebuild of Norte Dame...

... It's slogan is ...

'Run with me if you want to give'

What do you call a Spanish marathon runner?

Ricardio

What does a puking marathoner have in common with a joke about karma and cake?

They are both running gags.

I was thinking of running a marathon

But I think it might be too difficult getting all the roads closed and providing enough water for everyone.

Imagine if the presidential race was an actual marathon

Then we'd really have a Kenyan in office.

I don't know why they run marathons in Germany....

They have a history of not finishing races.

My favorite part of a marathon is...

My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.

Training for a marathon can be hard work

But it'll be good for you in the long run.

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doping olympics [translated from an old Russian anecdote, 2007]

Good day! We are reporting live from our special Olympics. At our Olympics there's no doping control at all. Yes, you heard it right, sportsmen are NOT tested for doping. Absolutely. So...


- Finnish sportsman has jumped 27 meters. A very good result indeed for a chess player.

- 13 ...

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I saw a prostitute running a marathon today

she was full of spunk

Did you hear Han Solo will be running next years London Marathon?

He says he reckons he'll be able to finish in less than 26 miles

I'm training for a marathon with my friend. Every day when we hit the trails he tells me the same thing, and it always makes me laugh.

It's a running joke.

I once finished 2 marathons in 2 minutes.

then they changed the name to Snickers..

I'm going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson.

I'm not sure which race yet.

BREAKING - Paul McCartney disqualified from London Marathon

He was banned on the run.

There was once a marathon runner who had become quite famous and won many awards for his records.

He was so well liked that eventually he became the president of Iran. During his tenure he managed to take over multiple countries including Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Greece, Armenia, Georgia, Iraq and Syria. They were all assimilated and became a part of Iran. The only country he didn’t manage to take ...

Why did the marathon runner sprint at the start of the race?

His pacemaker was malfunctioning

What types of marathons do racist people run?

Only 3ks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfather used to run marathons.

Every year while he was in his 20's and 30's, he'd go and participate in the local run. There was a guy who showed up every year, didn't even live in the town. Bit creepy, to be honest, but an alright guy. Anyway, he'd walk up to my grandfather, every year, in these same green sunglasses. He'd tell ...

When is the best time to run a marathon?

During Lent. That's when you fast.

Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon? (OC)

Because he had the power of a torn knee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The national nude marathon won by a woman for the twentieth year in a row.

In places 2 - 10 was a group of men with no regrets.

Seriously do not mess with a marathoner

They run the streets.

Welcome to the 23rd annual Leper Colony marathon! We now go down to our racers at the start of the first leg.

Aaaaaand they're off!

I watch the Boston Marathon every year with my best friend. This year his girlfriend decided to join us, but she just couldn't understand why we were laughing.

It was a running joke.

I'd hate to run a marathon

They just look so hard to organise

A man in Terhan finished a marathon.

A fellow entered the state marathon, in Terhran. The runner suprised everyone by finishing in record time. With great curiosity, the judges and government asked how he could possibly finish in such a speedy time. The man, humbly, responds with...

'Iran.'

What does the winner of the Boston Marathon lose?

His breath.

Me and the lads did a Lord of The Rings marathon last weekend

Ran 26 miles dressed as Gandalf

I guess my nose is training for a marathon

It's been running since morning..

I don't understand why people do all of these marathons for cancer

If I was to do one, I would expect a trophy, not a life threatening disease

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother joined a marathon with poop in his pants. There were 2 runners ahead of him.

He came in turd.

Why did the racist man get kicked out of the marathon?

Because he only wanted to run 3 out of the 5 K's

Why are germans so bad at marathons?

Because they cant finish a race.

Did you hear about the Catholic priest who runs marathons?

He never finishes first, he's always coming in a little behind.

If I say that marathons are superior to sprints...

does that make me a racist?

I kept telling a pun to the passersby during a marathon

It was a running joke.

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