UPJOKE
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They're Just Jokes

How warm are babies when they're just born?

Womb temperature

My wife was in labour and started shouting "Wouldn't, couldn't, shouldn't, didn't, can't!"

"Don't worry" said the midwife "they're just contractions"

Lobsters are greedy. They never give anything to charity. They're just shellfish.

But that's being too hard on them. Not everyone can afford to be a philanthropod.

The last four letters in "queue" are not silent

They're just waiting their turn

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If aliens are monitoring our media and 98% of the internet is porn...

They're not giving us anal probes. They're just trying to speak our language

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two tampons are walking down the street, which one will say hi to you?

None, because they're just stuck-up cunts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All of the suggested ads I'm seeing online today are for Viagra and it's frustrating and annoying.

I think they're just trying to get a rise out of me.

You can't really blame barnacles for being clingy...

They're just a little shellfish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculatio...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Most of the jokes I see on this sub are either about masturbation, necrophilia, or bestiality. They used to be funny...

But now they're just beating off a dead horse.

I can't understand how people are fine with eating hot dogs

I think they're just offal!

Why do pirates leave the bathroom angry?

Because after the Pee is gone, they're just Irate.

Why do jokes about glasses never work?

They're just a little on the nose.

Didja hear the ones about intestines?

They're just offal

All the blondes in the world are tired of being portrayed as stupid

... so they decide to prove that they're just as smart as anyone else.

They hold a big conference, and fill up an entire stadium of blondes. People come from miles and miles to be part of this, the stadium is filled, the city outside the stadium is packed, and millions more watch from home as...

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Well, some people think its 'R', but that's just a hurtful stereotype.

Other people say that their true love is the 'C' which I can certainly understand...

But I find that it's actually the letter 'P', cause without it they're just irate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got back from the Virgin Islands.

They're just "Islands" now.

I'm not sure about the current US government

Kinda feels like they're just Biden time until the next election..

Why do people love whiteboards so much?

They're just remarkable

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to love my ex-girlfriend's breasts...

...but now they're just distant mammaries.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dont get why people hate on furries

At the end of the day they're just fucking mascots.

9/11 jokes aren't funny

They're just too plane

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