Aaa Jokes - 25 Hilarious Aaa Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s WWII and there’s a little anti-aircraft unit based on the east coast of England. The sergeant has a stutter.

One dark night they’re playing cards under the glow of their gas lamp, and suddenly they hear the distant sound of aircraft engines. The sergeant barks, “Ggggggggg-ggggg-gggggg-gggg-ggggg-get to the gggggg-ggg-gggggg-ggggg-gggg-ggggggg-ggg-gggggg-ggg-gun.”

All the men throw down their cards a...

If amphibians had AAA

It would be toadside assistance

Me: My name is Matt, and I'm an alcoholic.

AAA: This is AAA, not AA.

Me: Yeah, I was just explaining how my car got in the lake.

What is the difference between "ooo" and "aaa"?

About three centimeters.

What's the difference between a new AAA and a violent offender?

One's a battery with charge and the other's charged with battery

*I came up with this myself but in case someone beat me to this one, not meant to be a repost*

I work for AAA

I was called out to help a woman whose car wouldn't start. Used jumper cables to hook it up to my truck, started right up.

Woman: "Thank you so much, is there a charge?"

Me: "Just your battery."

I attacked a stranger with a sock full of dead AAA Duracells

Kind of ironic that I was charged with battery

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse

"I'm a professional. In over 20 years, I've never laughed at a patient."

"Ok then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. In length and width it was the same size as a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse...

What does an vegan zombie eat?

GrAAaAinZ

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down.

AAA (Antarctic Automobile Assn) tows it to the garage in the nearest town, where the mechanic says he has time to look at it, give him half an hour.

The penguin wanders down the street to an ice cream shop and decides to beat the heat with a cone of his favorite flavor, vanilla. Of course, b...

Some important news for electric car users. I learned today that, if you break down in an electric car, you can still use the AA.

But if you break down in a small electric car, you have to use the AAA.

How many batteries does the Talking Count Von Count toy take?

1 AAA

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When the 16 years old daughter comes home high as fuck...

...and crushes in the couch next to her father, and smells like good weed, the father becomes suspicious and looks in her eyes, not knowing what to say, he asks her:

Ahmmm mm what did you do all day, the squirrels told me you smoked weed, is it true??

The daughter answers: aaa mmm yeah...

this one's for UA - keep on fighting the good fight!

A joke we had in Poland, dating from the times of soviet occupation (post WWII).

A border. A Polish patrol found a cow standing right on the border line, half of the cow in Poland, half on the Russian land. A Russian patrol suddenly appears and they go:

\- Davay palyaki, we spl...

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There's a room with a zoophile, a torturer, a pyromaniacal, an assasin and a sadomasochist

Zoophile: What if we fuck a cat?

Torturer: Yeah and then we torture it!

Pyromaniacal: And then burn it!

Assasin: Aaa aand kill it!

Masochist: ... Meow?

My car battery died

I called AAA to come out and they diagnosed it and found out that it’s the original battery of 7 years and in need of replacement. So they swapped it out for me with one of their own.

Then it occurred to me that my car runs on a AAA battery.

Always have good insurance.

Me: Hey, I'm drunk and I just fell in the water.

Them: Sir, this is AAA, not AA...

Me: I know. I'm just telling you why my car is in the river.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little old lady

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop.

Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.

Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk, "Dooo ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A man went to a doctor to cure his dick

Man: I have a problem with my penis, promise me you won’t laugh

Doctor: Alright, let’s see what’s wrong

The man pulled down his pants and revealed his tiny wiener, it was around the size of a AAA battery. The doctor let out a little giggle but immediately regained composure. After a fe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Very Long Read:

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversa...

A group of women had the last self defense lesson

After class, the instructor called them and said:
- "I taught you every move and every self defense tactic that you might need. But in a situation that none of the tactics that you learned work, there's one last move you can use. If the aggressor is a man, you simply aim for his nuts, grab them a...

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Particularly nasty weather.

There's a guy at a bar who's trying to get lucky. He walks over to a beautiful brunette and says, very casually,

"Tickle your ass with a feather?"

The woman is shocked. "Excuse me?!"

The man responds without missing a beat, "Particularly nasty weather."

"Oh... yes, I supp...

The zookeeper and the penguins

A zookeeper drives to the airport to pick up a group of penguins that are coming to live at the zoo. Midway through the drive back, though, the van breaks down. The zookeeper calls AAA, who says that they'll be out to help in a couple of hours.

After a few minutes, a man passing in his car ...

Two jokes from little kids... That shouldn't have been from little kids.

I've never seen either of these posted, so I thought I would share. The first was told to me by my brother when he was about ten years old:

A group of white me in the early 1800's are looking to hunt buffalo in the great American West. They hire a Native American guide and set out. They pick ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] One of my favorite jokes from BoJack Horseman

Okay so there's this gardener right?
So the amazing thing about this gardener is that he always knows exactly how many bags of mulch he needs for a job, just by looking. Like he gets it right, every time. He's the best.
So one day, he looks at a yard he's working on and he's like... 18 bags. S...

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