The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

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Irishman walks into a bar in the states and walks to the Bar and orders 3 pints...

And the bartender says, i’m sorry sir here in the states we can only serve you one at a time. The Irishman responds by explaining “you see it comes from when me and me’ two brothers left the old country to different parts of the world, and we said every Saturday we would enter a pub and order 3 pint...

There was a multiple choice history quiz about the states of America.

I went through questions like “Which state is known for fudge?” The answer was A: Michigan. I went through those questions and I got to question 10.

Which state’s capital is Nashville?
A: New York
B: Alabama
C: Tennessee
D: California

I knew this answer. Ten is C.

What do you call a bee that was born in the States?

A USB...



I'll see myself out.

You know what I felt coming to the States?

Missouri

Hawaii is hosting a party for all the states. Hawaii says, “be there or be square!”

Unfortunately, Colorado and Wyoming didn’t attend.

Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.

Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.

All of the states in the continental US got together for a party. The only rule was that each state could only hang out with the states it borders. Everybody was having fun except for one state who said

"Is everyone else stuck talking to only one state, or is it just ME?"

A husband and Wife from the States visit the Holy Land...

During the trip the wife tragically dies. A funeral director in Israel tells the husband that she can be buried in the holy land for $500, or shipped back to the US for $4000. The husband immediately says, "Let's ship her back to the states." The funeral director asks why, when it's so much cheape...

What is the fastest game in the states right now?

Pass the parcel

Why do the Mexican homies on the States always have one shoe lace untied?

Because in the sole of their shoes it says Taiwan

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An old Jewish man won the state lottery winning 100 million dollars

Since this was the largest lottery in the states history, the news decided to interview the man on tv. At the end of the interview the reporter asked one final question.

"Do you plan on donating any of that money."

"Of course, I have already donated 3 million"

"Wow can you tell ...

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A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".

The American...

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While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

In other news, the United States has recently accepted a 51st state.

All the states unite around adding the State of Emergency to the country.

An Irishman walks into a Dublin bar...

An Irishman walks into a Dublin bar, orders three pints of Guinness, and drinks them down, taking a sip from one, then a sip from the next, until they’re gone. He then orders three more. The bartender says, “You know, they’d be less likely to go flat if you bought them one at a time.”

The ma...

my nagging wife died suddenly on a trip in Jeruselum

Funeral director: "Sir, it would cost about $45,000 if we send her home back to the states or $500 if we bury her here in Jerusalem"

Me: "ship her home"

Funeral director: "But sir, why don't you bury her here in the Holy Land and you can save money"

Me: "A long time ago a man wa...

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New Guy from Texas [Read till the end]

A middle-aged man from Texas moves to Australia and decides to get a temporary gig until his job placement is fixed. Luckily, not far from his residence there is one of those "one stop shop" stores, and he gets to be the cashier / salesman.

After the first day the boss came down to see how th...

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