Tablets were replaced by scrolls.

Scrolls were replaced by books.

Now we scroll through books on our tablets.

I asked my Granddaughter to give me the newspaper. She said that newspapers are so out of date, and that people now use tablets, so she handed me her iPad.

That Fly didn't stand a chance.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A parrot swallows one of his owner’s Viagra tablets.

His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer for 30 minutes to cool off.

Later, when he opens the freezer door, he finds the parrot sweating. “Why are you sweating?” he asks.

The parrot replies, “Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?”

The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.

When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983..

Just been assaulted in a health food shop! Someone threw a massive bottle of cod liver oil tablets at me.

Fortunately I only suffered super fish oil injuries.

An Irish man goes to the Doctor,

Who after examining him says, “You have some problems with your heart but I think if you take some tablets you’ll be okay“, So the doctor gives him some tablets and the man asks “Do I have to take them every day?

“No“, “take one on Monday, skip the Tuesday, take one on Wednesday, skip the Thu...

Yesterday I swallowed two tablets without water.

Anyway I lost my job at the tech store...

Homeopathic tablets

Side effects: none

Main effects: none

Doctor: The bad news is you’re going to have to take one of these tablets everyday for the rest of your life.

Doctor: The really bad news is I’m only giving you three

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Caught my grandad cutting viagra tablets in half

I said “grandad, they won’t work if you cut them in half”
He said, “I’m 94 years old, your grandma was the only woman I ever slept with god rest her soul”
I asked “so why do you need half a viagra?”
He told me “I just need enough that I don’t piss on my slippers”

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My Doctor told me to take 2 tablets every 4 hours

It got me fucking banned from PC world

I've just accidentally swallowed the cat's tablets.

Don't ask meow.

Online dating sparks a rise in tablet use with young singles.

“I’ve been using tablets for dating since the 80’s” - Bill C

Why do smart cavemen do their tests on stone tablets?

Because the tests are harder

I was so depressed that I decided to kill myself by taking a thousand Prozac tablets.

But after taking the first two I felt so much happier.

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Sleeping Tablets.

I accidentally mixed my sleeping pills with my Viagra:

Ended up having 40 wanks:

I lost my good mate Gav yesterday due to an overdose of heartburn tablets

I can't believe gavisgon.

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The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

Parents in 2020 B.C. vs Parents in 2020 A.D.

"These kids and their damn tablets"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"We'll have to go back, I've forgotten my tablets"

"For fuck's sake, Moses."

A guy comes home from the doctors crying, his wife says why are you crying honey,he said the doctor has put me on tablets for the rest of my life, wife says hey that's not so bad, husband replies.

He has only given me three tablets.

Childen are playing on a kindergarten playground with their tablets...

...and the teacher is sleeping on a bench. A lady walks by and wakes the teacher up: "Aren't you afraid that the children will run away and get lost?" asks the lady. "I'm not afraid at all," says the teacher, "the WiFi signal covers the playground only."

A man calls Pizza hut to order a pizza

CALLER: Is this #PizzaHut?

GOOGLE:No sir, it's Google Pizza

CALLER: Sorry, I have Dailed wrong number

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER:Ok, I would like to order a pizza

GOOGLE:Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know ...

Who was the first person that was used technology?

Moses. He had two tablets that where connected to the cloud.

My friend died from taking heartburn tablets today...

I can’t believe Gavisgon.

My mate Gav overdosed on heart burn tablets

I cant believe Gav is gone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my son if he saw the newspaper...

Instead he pulls out his tablet, opens the news app, and calls me old school, "tablets are the way to go nowadays' he says.

Damn fly never stood a chance

Cleaning up the heavens

God finally gets around to clean up the heavens and finds the commandments. What to do with the old junk? He looks down onto the earth, maybe someone could have a use for them.

He asks the Egyptians. The Pharaoh looks up and says "Dude, sorry, we're busy with our pyramids, no can do."

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Missing LSD tablets

Hey Gran, you haven't seen my tablets, they're labelled LSD.
Gran: Fuck your tablets, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen!

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A man was no longer interested in having sex...

So his wife decided to buy him some of the new UltraSexTablets to get him going again. She went to the doctor, who told her to grind up half a tablet into his favourite food so he won’t notice it.
The next morning, the wife was cooking breakfast and felt like putting the new wonder drug to the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man enters a taxi and sees a man eating something...

He asks the driver "what ya eating?" The driver responds "smart tablets" so the man asks if he could have one. 15 minutes later the man says "I don't feel any smarter, can I have another?" The driver hands him another. 15 minutes later he says the same thing and the driver offers him another, this t...

Google knows!

Subject: Today's Reality


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?


GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.


CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.


GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.


CALLER: OK. I would like to order a ...

A doctor is doing his morning rounds with the ward nurse. They come to the first bed where a man is laying half dead.

“Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?” asks the doctor.

“Oh, no,” replies the nurse. “I gave him eight tablets every two hours!”

At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead.


“Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?”

“Oop...

When was medicine first mentioned in the Bible?

When god presented Moses with two tablets

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly man

A ninety-one-year-old man went into the pharmacy and asked for viagra tablets, which he wanted cut into quarters.
The pharmacist said, "Sure I can do that for you, but you realise that a quarter of a tablet won't give you a full erection?"
The old man replied, "I'm ninety-one. I'm too old for ...

Bush and Moses

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.


George W. approached the man and inquired,"Excuse me are you Moses?"

<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three mice in a bar...

Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are.

The first mouse slams a shot and boasts, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I run through one, and as the bar comes down I grab it and do 20 or 30 bench presses with it." He then slams another shot.

The second mouse sl...

I went to the Doctor yesterday.

I said, “you know those tablets you gave me to help my obsession with walking in straight lines?”
“Yes,” said the doctor, “how are you doing?”
“Well,” I replied, “I’ve finally turned a corner!”

My doctor told me I have an unhealthy obsession with iPads.

So he gave me some tablets.

Mom - Happy Birthday Sweetheart...

Daughter - Thanks Mom, And I need to tell you something..

Mom - What is it darling. You can tell me anything...

Daughter - Since It’s my 17th Birthday, Tonight I’m going to sleep with my boyfriend Jacob.

Mom - Ohh darling. If that’s makes you happy then I don’t mind at a...

Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?

They had tablets.

Rat Dreams

David goes to a doctor.
David : Doctor, I see weird dreams.... Rats play soccer in my dreams.
Doctor : I see... I'll write you some tablets. Start taking them from tonight.
David : Can I please start taking them from tomorrow?
Doctor : Why from tomorrow? Why not before going to bed toni...

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