Starting the year on a clean slate

Bank account nice and empty

Bob, a Neanderthal furniture craftsman, lugs his latest stone creation into Harry’s store.

Harry is the proud owner of Pleistocene Man Home, a thriving home goods and flint cave.

Bob, still breathing heavily from his labor, says to Harry, “Here new chair. Soft slate. No crack. Has club holder.

Harry is impressed. “Good chair! Better than chair you make for Doug”

“W...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I nearly lost my job as a roofer when I was caught masturbating on the first day...

But luckily, my boss told me that I could wipe the slate clean.

cue cantina music

A Jedi walks in to a bar. Having just returned from a great struggle, he and his companions are thirsty for strong refreshments. The Jedi leans over toward the bartender and says, "I want you to pour out a drink from every bottle except those three."

As he begins pouring a vast array of sho...

A guy hires a contractor to do some work on his house

He doesn’t like the front of his house and decided he wants new columns, new everything. He selects a contractor and starts working on choosing materials. He ultimately decides on a wooden column with a rustic flair, and a slate tile under the front porch.

The contractor does the work well—h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If being sexy was a crime...

I'd have a clean slate.

Cannibal Restaurant

Two patrons are sitting one table apart from each other in a Cannibal Restaurant. The waiter comes in and addresses them both:

"Would you both be willing to share a meal? It's around closing time and we're not slated to received anything more until early tomorrow morning. All we have left i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend's angry because I got drunk and did a shit on the roof.

Please tell me, how can I wipe the slate clean?

What do you call...

...a man in a bush?

Russel!

...a man in a lake?

Bob!

...a man with a car on his head?

Jack!

...a man with a spade in his head?

Doug!

...a man without a spade in his head?

Douglas!

...a man with a toilet on his head?

Lou!...

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