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Plaque Jokes

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch all die and go to the afterlife.

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch of the Norse gods all die and go to the afterlife.

They find that, waiting for them at the entrance to the afterlife is Anubis, waiting with a set of scales, with a feather on one side.

Above Anubis is a sign, "You wait with your heart, if less than f...

My dentist was voted "Dentist Of The Year"....

He didn't get a trophy, they just gave him a little plaque.

A man is walking by a brothel..

One day a man is walking by a brothel, never having been inside, and decides to hey, why the hell not

as he enters he is met with two doors, one has a plaque that says "first time" and the other "regular"

being honest he walks through the "first time" door

there he is presented ...

My dentist told me that the way I brush I deserve a plaque.

Or I have plaque or something like that.

Johnny

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so The pastor ...

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When my cat won for "Best Feline Butt", we expected to get a small plaque. But it wasn't.

It was a huge catasstrophy

Why do dentists only want to be awarded with paper certificates?

They hate plaque buildup.

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Having had seriously bad breath for most of his adult life, Larry finally goes to see a Doctor about it.

The Doctor examines Larry, takes samples of his saliva, tooth plaque and does a tongue swab. He asks Larry to return Tuesday for the test results.

Tuesday, Larry is sitting in the Doctor's office, hopeful for a cure.

"Larry", says the Doc, "Your breath could knock a buzzard off a shit...

People with bad teeth are the real winners

They even have the plaque to prove it

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Walking Eagle

On a recent trip Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nations in upstate New York.

She spoke for almost an hour on her ideas and policies to help all Americans if she was to become president.

At the conclusion of her speech, the tribes presen...

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Three men with tiny body parts meet up...

One has tiny hands, one has tiny feet, and one has a tiny penis. They all think theirs are the tiniest in the world. So they go to Guinness World Records to make it official.
The first guy walks in, and comes out with a plaque in his hand and a big smile on his face, and says, “I have the tinies...

Zoos?

What's the difference between a Northern and a Southern zoo?



At a Northern zoo the plaque on the cage lists the phylum, class, species, and info about it's habitat.

At a Southern zoo the plaque on the cage lists the phylum, class, species, and recipes.

The house I live in used to be owned by one of the worlds most famous dentists

To commemorate this there is no Plaque

I want my dentist to know he's appreciated..

So every year I give him a little plaque.

I have the worst dentist in the world.

He even got a little plaque to prove it.

The local dentist received an award for being the best dentist in town. Know what they gave him?

A little plaque.

After earning his DDS; a dentist went and opened up his own practice.

He became widely known for his amazing skills, and was highly praised + recommended by every patient he ever had. One year; he was nominated for (and won) a prestigious medical award. Inscribed upon its ornate surface was his name and the specific honor: “Global Recognition of Outstanding Surgical S...

The Trophy Maker (OC - long)

Old Rick Giuseppe was a fifth-generation trophy maker – like his father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great great grandfather before him. Alas, Old Rick Giuseppe’s wife had died a few years ago, and the man lived in solitude, apart from a cat named Jeffery, who was his late wife’s belove...

I visited the birthplace of the man who invented the toothbrush today

There's no plaque

My local dental hygienist passed away last week.

A plaque was put up in her honour, but it kept getting removed.

So my dentist says to me...

So my dentist says to me, "you're the cleanest patient I've had all week!"

Then I respond, "Wow I deserve a plaque!"

This literally just happened. She lost it.

Three (slightly drunk) men stumble upon a slide in the park.

After reading a plaque on the slide, the men figure out that whatever you say on the slide is what you slide into.

the first man slides down and yells “GOLD!” and falls into a chest full of gold coins.

the second man slides down and yells “BEER!” and falls into a box full of beer bottl...

How do you tell the difference between a Northern and a Southern zoo?

A Northern zoo has a large plaque in front of each animal cage. The plaque list the genus, species, common name, average life span, habitat and diet of the animal.

A Southern zoo has a recipe in from of each animal cage.

I was honored at my dentist's office for "Most Infrequent Visits"

My reward was a gift card and plaque.

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A painting of Custers last words

Two guys in a museum are looking at the same painting. One says to the other,
“what does that mean?” Refereeing to the painting in front of them showing underbrush, in the desert, with Indians copulating behind a bush. Top of painting showing Jesus on the cross.

“Its custards last words”...

Why couldn't the dentists family find the spot where he was buried?

Because there was no plaque on it.

An old Chinese story

A village was terrorized by a demon. The demon attacked people, ate their livestock, trampled their fields, screamed when they tried to sleep, blew out their lights, pinched their babies, threw their dinners on the floor, broke bowls, intentionally sang off key, and was a real nuisance. The villager...

I grew up on McDonalds, and it still holds a special place in my heart.

I’ve even got plaque dedicated to it.

In the year 2045 Elon is tired of importing ice-cream from Earth to the Martian colonies.

The next day he puts a group of dairy cows on a rocket to Mars.

But inter-planetary customs officers make him hold the rocket in orbit while they inspect the cows. Earth leaders don't want to lose the tax revenue from exporting ice-cream and are looking for a reason to reposes his cattle. ...

What's the difference between a zoo in Louisiana and a zoo anywhere else?

In Louisiana, next to the plaque with the animal's name, they've got a good recipe.

My dentist isn't racist.

He has loads of plaque friends.

Sen. Franklin R. Lee of Idaho was instrumental in obtaining a 100-megawatt hydroelectric plant...

.. on the Givva River for the benefit of his hometown, Medea. When the plant was finished, the dedication plaque read:

> Frank Lee, Medea, Idaho, Givva Dam

What do you call a medieval dentist?

A plaque doctor.

As someone who didn't win a lot of awards, I enjoyed going to the dentist

it was one of the few times I was recognized by plaque

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Liberal party leader Justin Trudeau attended the Assembly of First Nations annual summer meeting in Whitehorse.

Trudeau said he wasn't there to speak to the chiefs but to listen.


Then he spoke for almost two hours on his success in bringing the Liberal Party back into the hearts of the Canadian people and how he was going to legalize marijuana and the many ways that he was going to help the Firs...

A tragedy in the Mystic town

The Mystic town is populated by the human powers, who oddly look like big canisters with labels on them, and is divided into two parts by a huge road. One side of the road is for "General Powers", where guys like Strength, Speed and Agility live. The other one is "Other's" half, where Karma, Qi, Wil...

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My nan's cat died last week, and I wanted to do something a bit special for her to remember him by.

So I called up a local taxidermist.
"How much to have my nan's cat stuffed and on a wooden plinth, pouncing on a terrified mouse?" I asked.
"About £1,500," came the reply.
"FFFFifteen **hundred** quid?! That's a bit steep, how about curled up like he's sleeping peacefully?"
"Abou...

Yesterday I went in for my yearly dental exam.

I had forgotten my dentist had retired last year so I was a little surprised to see a new dentist waiting for me who, come to find out, had just graduated from dental school in russia. After exchanging greetings I sat down and he began his exam. As he was working I casually looked over at his wall d...

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There was a man named Ray Berkowitz who, unfortunately for him, was not blessed in the looks department.

For a long time, he thought he would never meet a woman. But one day he met a nice woman who was also far from pretty and they ended up getting married... and she got pregnant.

They decided that if it was a boy, they were going to name him Charles.

One day while Ray was out of town for...

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Walking Eagle

Barack Obama spoke for nearly an hour at the American Indian Convention,
referring to the audience as his red brothers and red sisters. Obama promised the native Americans
expanded job opportunity, improved living conditions and a higher standard of living.
Although detail was vague or l...

A little prick in Church

This little elderly wife and her husband never missed a Sunday service in 35 years. I believe they even sat in the same pew. They were very special to the church and one Sunday, the church wanted to present a beautifully engraved plaque. Coincidentally, it was their 52nd anniversary, and additionall...

Two chefs go on vacation (OC)

Two chefs decide to take a vacation together. Being that they are chefs, they decide to go a cooking museum while taking some time off. In the museum, the see a golden whisk with a plaque underneath that reads: "The chef who owned this whisk was known as the greatest of his time, and served meals to...

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There was once a couple who were very, very dumb.

They used to listen to everything said to them without thinking any deeper.

After about a year after their marriage, a beautiful baby boy was born to them. They decided to baptize him and name him according to a very popular astrologer's idea. So they took him to the astrologer's sanctum
<...

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The horse and the donkey

WARNING: If you are not from Europe you might not get this. Feel free to go on.





So the donkey meets his old pal the horse after many many years.

H-"Hey mate, how's life?"

D-"Can't complain, all is good, what about you?"

H-"I am fine as well. Listen you sho...

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