Phillip Jokes

as he prefers BBC

I don't know what she charges him for it though.




Edit: Considering the attention, I should attribute this to the great Emo Phillips:

"People come up to me concerned... I'll reproduce"

"People come up to me and ask, Emo, do people really come up to you?"

"I len... read more

99 years old, he just missed out on getting a letter from his wife.

DMX meets Prince Phillip at the Pearly Gates after DMX dies at 50 years old.

Prince Phillip scoffs at him. "50?!".

DMX says "Nah man, you got me confused with that other rapper."

You die in a car accident in Paris.

Phillipe Phillop

we call him Phil now

He hasn’t been involved in any other accidents since 1997.

They both screw drivers.

So the two brothers packed a wagon with everything they owned and started out from their small home in Missouri. The trail to Oregon was very tough and the relationship between the brothers was already stressed at best.

Phillip, being the older brother, was constantly very critical of his you... read more

I thought they weren't open till Monday!

He loves mixing orange juice and vodka. Loves it so much that he had a special glass made with his face on it.

It's always nice to see Phillip's head screwdrivers.

It only takes me 27 seconds to dissapoint my wife.

Because he was a composter.

...tell him I have his screwdriver.

Guy 2: Wow! My father is a doctor too!

Guy 1: Phillip is my last name.

Guy 2 [excited]: Omg! My surname is Phillip too.

Guy 1: I'm 23 years old.

Guy 2: What? Get out of here [laughing], I'm also 23 years old.

Guy 1: Don't tell me that you are born on the 14th of Au... read more

OP: Uh, I don't know, why?

YOU: I'm just trying to figure out how to screw you.

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in  the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turnoff the light, but saw that there were people in the shed... read more

The first one is filled with water. The second one is filled up with water. The third one is empty.

What is the King called?





Phillip the 3rd

There was a married couple sleeping and an intruder entered into their house. The intruder put a knife to the neck of the woman and said, "I like to know the names of my victims before I kill them, what is your name?"My name is Elizabeth, but my friends call me Liz," the woman replied.The intruder s... read more

But it was no match for me at kickboxing.

-Credit to Emo Phillips

The royal family are apparently deciding between a flat headstone or a Phillips headstone. Ok I'll show myself out.

Me: *raising it to my lips to take a drink* a guy named Phillip.

Them: What's in it?

Me: Vodka and orange juice.

Them: .....

Me: It's a "Phillips Head Screw Driver"

and I'm watching some men build a new house. The guy hammering the house called me a paranoid little weirdo. In Morse code.

Emo Phillips

Phillip's Head.

Unfortunately, Prince Phillip began wafting out of a second story window

“This is the middle school calling about your son Phillip. He’s been caught telling unbelievable lies.”

“I’ll say he has,” the woman replies. “I don’t have a son.”

Wife: Flat heads, Phillips, or Vodka?

And that was when I knew she was the one.

but it's hard to find 32 of them.

-Emo Phillips

What do you call a Frenchmen wearing sandals?

Phillipe phillope

An old dog got lost in the savanna... Noticing easy prey, a leopard prepared for an ambush behind a tree. However, the dog could also smell the leopard and being quite crafty he took a quick survey of the area and found a bone. With the bone in his mouth he soliloquized "Oh my goodness, this is so t... read more

he didnt realize last year it was going to be the day of his wedding.

If interested he is looking for someone to take his place.

Her name is Lisa Phillips 35, about 140lbs, a good cook, She'll be in white

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I sai... read more

There are 3 milk bottles outside of a castle. 2 are full, 1 is half full. What's the name of the king?

Phillip the 3rd.

## Letter to the IRS – Oh, if only paying our federal income tax were actually this easy …

Attn: IRS

Enclosed is my current tax return & payment.

Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see the Pentagon is paying $171.... read more

a woman, after a long search on the internet, found out that "PHILLIPS 14 INCH" was actually a T.V

I was walking across a bridge one day, and i saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.

So I ran over and said "stop! don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

He said, "Like what?"

I said, "Well…are you rel... read more