UPJOKE
queenroyal familyprincesspaymentkingprincestuartqueen regnantmonarchkingshiproyal houseroyal linedividendsfeeinterest

Royalty Jokes

How scared were the french royalty during the French Revolution?

Very, they completely lost their heads..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Young Elizabeth is soon about to be crowned Queen of England. However, there is still one important thing missing: a husband. Her family and court advisors are getting increasingly worried.

Every single day court advisors approach Elizabeth and ask:

"Ma'am, have you already decided on a husband?"

To which the young future queen always answers:

"No. Why do I need a husband? I'm modern, I'm independent, and I'm about to be the Queen of England! A man would surely onl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

What does Royalty wear during stormy weather?

A Reign Coat.

Typical

An engineer is having is lunch. It is a beautiful day so he takes his brown bag lunch outside to the fountain beside the office.

He sits on the edge and is about to tuck into his sandwich when a frog hops out of the fountain and says to him "Hello! Thank goodness you're here. I am a beauti...

British woman in New York pummels a teenager into submission and is congratulated by Royalty

But enough about Ghislaine Maxwell, let us celebrate Emma Raducanu's achievments instead.

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b...

What do the French listen to in their spare time?

Royalty free music

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the dutchess invited the whole royalty for tea at the palace.

When everyone got there, the duchess suggested to play "Solve the riddle", a game at which, she claimed, she was very good at.

Before starting, the duchess looked outside the window and saw her daughter riding her favourite mare

"I've got one", she said. "It's big and shaky, and girls ...

What do you call the greatest royalty of Vietnamese noodle soup?

The best PhoKing you'll ever know

What do you get when you cross slow dancing with Arabic royalty?

Dancing Sheikh to Sheikh.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On his recent visit to England Trump is very taken with all the pomp and regalia of royalty...

So while having dinner seated next to the Queen he announces boldly that from here on in he would like the USA to be referred to as the "United Kingdom of America!"
The Queen shakes her head and says somewhat admonishingly, "My dear Donald you can't do that - you are not a King".
A bit defe...

What do you call people who have a fetish for royalty?

King-ky

What's the russian royalty's favorite type of fish?

Czar-dines!

What do you get when you cross a sheep stealer with royalty?

Mutton Looter King

If Prince is dead then...

Is his music now "royalty-free"?

How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?

You start with the higher R key.

I believe that the ultra rich deserve to be treated like royalty

Louis XVI, specifically

I learned that 17th century French royalty depleted their treasury...

I guess you could say they were baroque.

Trump stated that all Americans will live like royalty by the end of his term

More than 2 million people have been coronated already.

Frederick Fox, hatmaker for the British Royalty, died today.

He was one in a milliner.

Some works of art have perpetual copyright

Music by Prince or Queen will never be royalty free

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump meets the Queen

So Donald asks the Queen how you get to be king or a duke or other Royalty.

Queen:’ Look Donald, an Emperor rules an Empire, a king rules a kingdom, a prince ruled a principality, a duke rules a duchy and so on’
Donald:’ I rule the USA, what does that make me’
Queen:”that’s a country,...

What’s the odd one out?

A. Flour
B. Yeast
C. Royalty
D. Meat

D. Meat because it’s usually not “in bread.”

The Queen created a beautiful design that I decided to put on a shirt

One day, the Queen of The United Kingdoms designed a beautiful new crest for the royal family and seeing it, I saw an opportunity for profit and began selling t-shirts with the design printed on them thinking that the royal family wouldn't mind.

After several very angry calls from the royal f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a supercilious king who liked hunting.

To show off his abilities, He went in a jungle to kill a lion with only one bullet in his revolver. He waited in bush for lion to come. After a few hours, a lion showed up. He aimed at lion and fired his only bullet. He missed and lion ran away. He became upset and screamed, "HOLY SHIT, I F\*\*KING ...

I returned to the genie and asked him why he turned me into a 11ft giant who gets his backside wiped every time he farts.

He said, "You wished to live longer and be treated like royalty."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do kings always scream when they cum?

Because it's customary to announce when royalty arrives.

My buddy needed some help redoing some posts for his fence

so I recommended r/jokes they're reposting kings.

I carpool with Michael. J. Fox. Whenever he drives, I feel like royalty.

By royalty, I mean Princess Diana.

Why is it legal to download America?

Because it's royalty free.

Is this InkJet any good?

Sure, we've sold it to royalty


Princesses?


Mate, it prints ALL the letters!

Software development cycle.

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.

4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discov...

Once upon a time, there was a trainee fortune teller...

Once upon a time, there was a trainee fortune teller called Sarah who hoped to learn the proper skills of divination by training alongside a renowned fortune teller, Madame Lointain (for, in these times, it was customary for each village to have a fortune teller).


After having studied for...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Royal we.

Queen Elizabeth and princess Kate are out motoring through the hillside when the Bentley they're driving breaks down. The driver has to go look for help, and while he's gone some ruffians come across the disabled royalty.
"Ain't you the queen?"
She confirms she is.
"Where's your tiara?"...

What’s an image editor’s favourite country?

Ireland.

It’s royalty free.

Important copyright notice

Remember, if you sing "Happy Birthday" to the Queen, it is still *not* royalty-free.

Stay humble my friend

There once was a man who that grew up humbly, on an island. As he aged, he remained in the same grass hut he built in his youth. He expanded his home through the years, but lived humbly. He only had one vice. He liked purchasing items that belonged to royalty, in particular, thrones. He purchase...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Les Mis Joke (from r/Lesmiserables Joke by u/shepy66

Ok, so there were these two guys at a high school, a really weird, lame, goth kid from France, and a really popular rich kid named John. Nobody actually new the French kid's name, but he was strange enough for people to make up their own. Creep, Emo, Lame-ass, Weirdo, and plenty of other (and much w...

The Pope is finishing a trip to USA in LA

As he finishes his last speaking engagement he is picked up by a limo, and climbs into the backseat ready for the journey to the airport.
While sitting in the back of the limo he starts thinking this is a pretty beautiful car, and it's been a long time since I have driven, so he winds down the p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When Solomon the Wise received the Queen of Sheba at his palace, he needed grand new thrones for him and for her.

So by the power of the Seal of Solomon he summoned *djinn* and he said to them: Craft me a pair of thrones that shall be the wonder of all the ages, exquisite in both materials and workmanship and of a value surpassing all the treasures of the earth. And the *djinn*, bound under the Seal, bowed low ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.