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What brown, steams, and can be found under a piano stool?

Beethoven's last movement.

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An elderly inventor was becoming depressed with his life: his hearing was failing, his wife was always nagging him, he hadn't invented anything good in years, and his former good looks had been replaced by wrinkles and sagging skin.

He goes to the doctor to discuss his depression. When he arrives back home he has a huge smile on his face. He rushed past his wife and heads into the basement, where he immediately starts tinkering with a brand new invention.

His wife comes downstairs, gives the invention a once-over, then...

A scientist walks into a bar

He sees a colleague from work and starts chatting him up. The first scientist says to the bartender, "I'll have a glass of H2O". The second scientist says, "I'll have a water as well". He then turns to his colleague. "Y'know, we're off work. You don't have to use the technical terms here". The first...

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Mother Superior and a young nun are driving across Europe...

The young nun is driving. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, a diminutive vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!!" shouts the young nun, "What shall I do?"

"Turn the windscreen wipers on, that will g...

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