The Democrats are having trouble gaining traction for any of their candidates, so

They have asked Anthony Wiener to run for President and he would have Eric Holder as his VP.


They say it's the Wiener-Holder ticket. They will beat the competition, be hard on crime, and get a grip on the big issues.


They will get to meat of it all.

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Tales from the front line

Back in my Army days (mid 80s) we were on a winter training exercise with the medical battalion. Our platoon was assigned the job of being casualties for the treatment company.

They assigned us our roles told us what injuries we were supposed to have sustained then dispatched us out in the Bu...

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

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To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask....

How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

I told my wife I wanted her to spread my ashes for traction when the back porch gets icy

That way she can put me to work and step on me one last time.

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

Why was 1000 afraid of 0111

0111
1000
1001

I hope this joke gains traction when machines takes over the world

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Bob goes to the zoo

One day, Bob decided to go to the zoo. When he got to the ape cage, he found himself looking at a big male ape, who was staring right back at him. When he scratched his head, so did the ape.

Noticing this, Bob decided to have some fun. So he started to scratch under his arms and jump aro...

The Coronavirus has shut down theater

Due to social distancing, the Shakespearean Theater Company had to cancel all of their live shows. Before self-quarantining, they decided to do one last performance of Romeo and Juliet and livestream their production over the internet. In order to reach a wide audience, they advertised there show o...

A priest, a preacher and a Rabbi walked into their favorite bar

where they would get together two or three times a week for drinks and to talk shop. 

On this particular afternoon, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another and they decided to ...

What do a bad tire and this reddit post have in common?

Neither are likely to get much traction.

What is a secret mission to save some eggs?

An eggs-traction mission

Army Wargames

During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.

"Sorry sir, "said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."

...

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A couple's car gets stuck in the mud...

The boyfriend tries to gun the engine, but the rear tire keeps sinking. He thinks maybe he can get traction, so he asks his girlfriend to take off her shirt.

He stuffs the shirt under the tire and tries again, but it doesn't help.

He asks the girlfriend for her pants, stuffs those und...

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F*cking Audi four wheel drive!

It was a snowy wednesday evening. Snow had fallen for a couple of days, and the roads were treacherous.

A man walks into a bar, and while passing through the door he loudly clears his throat and spits in the corner, followed by a mumbled "Fucking Audi four wheel drive!".

He sits down, ...

Did you hear that doctors have finally found a cure for alzheimers?

This is so historic that the government has declared this a day of remembrance.


 

This might not get any traction but I just thought of it and made myself chuckle a little.

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Working at the car dealership.

I was working at a car dealership and it had just recently rained when a large tractor trailer slid off the road into the grassy ditch. We decided to help pull it out so we hooked a chain to the tractor trailer and hooked the other end to one of the trucks we sell. But our truck just got stuck in ...

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A husband and wife are stuck in the snow...

the husband tells his wife "The tires aren't getting any traction, take off your shirt and stick it under the right front tire". The wife obliges. The husband pushes down the accelerator and the car doesn't budge. "Take off your pants and put them under the left front tire". Again the wife does ...

Have you ever heard the joke about drifting?

No, because it failed to gain traction.

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