I decided to freeze myself at-275.15 degrees Celsius..

My friends think I'm crazy, but I'll be 0K

Celsius be like

On a scale of 0-100, how hot is this water?

What did the physicist say when he found out the temperature was -273 degrees Celsius?


If the average world temperature rises 2 degrees Celsius, mankind is doomed.

That is why America measures temperature in Fahrenheit.

I don't like Fahrenheit. I don't like Celsius. I don't like Kelvin.

I prefer to measure my degrees in Radians.

-40° outside sounds brutally cold, Fahrenheit or Celsius.

My friend Kelvin just rolled his eyes.

I told my friend I was going to freeze myself to -273 degrees celsius.

He seemed concerned, but I said I'll be OK.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two dudes compering dicks (A joke in metric system)

Two dudes are boasting about their dicks.
The first dude says that his dick is 12.
The other says that it's impressive but his dick is 37.
So how did you measure it up to be 37? - wonders the first dude in disbelief.
The other answers - With Celsius thermometer.

Edit: spelling.

A huge crab walks into a bar...

...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[OC] My wife likes things done her way and her way only

When I make her a cup of tea I have to use the same type of tea, the water needs to be exactly 86 degrees Celsius, I have to put exactly 1 and a half grams of sugar in before the teabag goes in, stir it six times to the left and once to the right and then add 4 teaspoons of skimmed milk.

If I...

Surgeon's joke.

There used to be a rule that in order to get into anesthesia, applicants had to have an IQ greater than their body temp. For a while they couldn't get any new anesthesia trainees because nobody would pass.

Then they decided to switch from farenheit to celsius, and now there's a lot of them.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three students of physics were taking a final test...

...and they were entering the room one at a time.
The first student comes in and the professor asks him this question: "Mr. Johnson, imagine that you're in a compartment in a train. The temperature in the compartment is 55 degrees Celsius and the air pressure is 1011 hPa. Apparently, you're get...