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ANGER MANAGEMENT

Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?"

Wife: "I clean the toilet "

Husband: "How does that help?"

Wife: "I use your toothbrush."

This woman goes to her doctor complaining about her husbands anger, as he seems to just flip out on her and lose his temper constantly...

...the doctor makes a suggestion, "Ok, here's what I want you to do, anytime that you feel like your husband is about to get flip out, I want you to go the kitchen, pour yourself a glass of water, and then take a swig and keep swilling it around your mouth until he calms down"...

The woman, p...

I slapped my violin out of anger

I got arrested for domestic violins

Why doctors also need to attend Anger Management course?

A woman comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain "Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."

WOMAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

DOCTOR: "No, you don't unde...

A young girl.

A young girl, who was writing a paper for school, came to her father and asked...

"Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"

The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree."

"Let me show you what I mean... "

With that, the father went to the tele...

I walked into work and my boss handed me a brochure on anger management.

I just lost it.

My son broke my only glasses out of anger

I could never look at him the same

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My therapist told me a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them

I did that, and it really worked! But I’m wondering, what do I do with the letters?

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My therapist told me to listen to classical music before work to help with my anger management issues.

This morning I woke up and chose violins.

A young couple was getting ready to give birth to their first child,

and they had determined that the child should not be named until after it was born, so that they could meet it and make the name based on that first magical moment. On the day of the birth, a beautiful baby girl was born and the parents were instantly smitten.

"It's 'Love.'" said the mother....

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What did the guy with anger issues say when he got his prescription for a laxative?

“If take this I’d lose my shit!”

How do you anger a European?

It isn’t a colony if somebody already lives there.

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Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

Saturday, Sunday

I angered two people by calling them hipsters...

Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.

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A tough guy walks into a bar…

…and sits down next to a small man. He looks over at the small man and snorts condescendingly. The small man decides to just ignore him.

Several minutes go by, and *WHACK!* The small man falls to the ground from his stool. The tough guy sneers and says, “THAT was a Kung Fu chop from China!” T...

Dance

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,00...

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Two brothers learn to swear

And they recently learned the F word. So during breakfast, one morning, they figured it would be cool to try it out on their dad. When Dad asked “hey kids, what would you like for breakfast?”, the eldest boy responds “Dad. Give us a bowl of fucking Wheaties!”.

Angered by this response the da...

Why is anger the new hip emotion?

It's all the rage.

The devil has started to get really self conscious about his receding hairline and is planning to take out his anger on the humans if he cant find a solution.....

There's going to be hell toupee

The Mandalorian was my waiter, and I think I angered him because he threatened to tamper with my food.

"I can bring it in warm...or I can bring it in cold."

So I just started anger management

Apparently it's all the rage right now

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter?

Still under investigation.







Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ...

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Monastery Spelling Mistake

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error i...

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I Think My Toilet Has Anger Issues

Whenever I flush it, it completely loses its shit.

A carpenter calls to his apprentice…

And asks for some wood for the fence they are building. The apprentice is gone a long time, and the carpenter feared the worst. Finally, the apprentice comes back with r/jokes , this angered the carpenter, as he can’t build a fence with a subreddit. He yells at the apprentice that he asked for three...

[LONG] The priest and the half lemon.

A priest was sent out to a rural village because the old priest has passed away. He meets the local people, they all get to know each other. His first mass goes well, but after the ceremony a slim man in poor clothing approaches the priest and says:

\- Excuse me father, be kind, and please gi...

Homer

A little girl who was writing a school paper asked her father, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?" "It's mostly a matter of degree." the dad replied. " Let me show you what I mean". With that the dad picked up the phone and dialed a number at random. A man answered the phon...

I always thought I had anger issues and was anti-social

but after spending time on Reddit, I'm apparently well adjusted and normal.

I received a flyer on anger management the other day

I lost it.

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There was a party.

Everyone had to come dressed as an emotion. There was the one dude in red covered in blood, and he was anger. There was another dressed in blue with tear drops drawn on his face, and he was sadness. Then there was a dude who was but naked with a pear tied to the end of his dick. Everyone said, " Wha...

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After seeing my new tattoo, my angered wife retaliated by getting a breast reduction...

tit for tat.

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People keep telling me to take an Anger Management class, but I don't understand why...

I already know how to piss off management, why would I need to take a class for it?

Don't anger a programming wizard.

They'll curse you, and every time you remove it, they'll just recurse.

A lady finds out that she is pregnant, but she is worried.

He husband has anger management issues, yelling a lot, breaking things, really horrible to be around. She doesn't want her kids to be like that, so she asks her doctor for advice. Her doctor says "Rub your belly once a day every day and say 'Be polite, be polite.' "

So she starts doing so. Bu...

I unscrambled the letters to spell “anger” “hate” “spite” and “malice”

It was a cross word puzzle.

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Generational Trauma is bullshit

My parents belittled me for every small mistake or just being myself as a kid, and I turned out fine. I only have two felony assaults on my record, and I control my anger by making my son cry when I get home from work.

I think I might have accidentally angered my doctor during my physical...

He told me, "That does it! The gloves are coming off!"

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter walks up to a counter in a department store.

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter walks up to a counter in a department store and asks,

"W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p...

How to make a person with anger issues angry?

Tell them that they have anger issues.

I hate my job and I hate my company...

"I could tell you 100 things I hate about my company"
"Okay, thats a start, why won´t you write it down on a piece of paper?"
"And then what?"
"Burn it, it might free your mind"
"If you think it helps...sure thing doc"
<<next day>>
"So, did it help with your...

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A woman comes home early from work to surprise her husband for his birthday.

She enters her house, walks up the stairs, and heads towards the direction of her bedroom. As she eagerly walks to her bedroom, her adrenaline was spiking, she was anticipating a very dirty night. She slowly opened the door and astonishingly, she saw two people on her bed covered with a blanket, wit...

If “ire” is an old fashioned synonym for anger,

Is Ireland the land of angry people?

"I do not tolerate tardiness," a professor tells his class at the beginning on the semester.

Looking out at the sea of stricken faces in the large lecture hall he continues. "There are 300 of you, and only one of me. I will not allow you to waste my time. If you are late to class, I will count you as absent for the day. If you hand in an assignment late, it will not count towards your grade...

So a village boy and a modern girl fall in love and want to try 69

The boy doesn’t know about 69 so the girl takes the lead.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts out uncontrollably directly in his face. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises.

She squats down for another go but farts again, thi...

A Russian woman is standing in line for the supermarket

Behind her, another woman is sobbing loudly.

The first woman turns around and asks her ‘My dear, what is wrong? Why do you cry so much?’

The second woman, in between sobs, answers ‘It is my husband. He died last week.’

The first woman places a friendly arm around the crying woma...

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Studies show that 6 in 10 people suffer from sudden bursts of anger.

The other 4 are FUCKING WANKERS.

"May your thousand generations be childless!" yelled my best friend in anger.

He never did think his curses through...

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Two friends get their own horses but don't know how to seperate which is whose.

Friend 1: Since we don't know to to seperate them. We should cut the tail off of one of them. I'll take the one with the tail and you take the one without it.

Friend 2 agrees. So they cut the tail of one of the horses and each take one.

The next morning, both friends wake up and find o...

3 Alien leaders are discussing the fate of humanity

After a successful invasion of earth, the leaders of the armada joined together to discuss the ruling of the planet. Each of the leaders had a different idea on how what they should do with the surviving humans.

"These humans are dangerous," said the first. "We all know the losses we took to ...

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stalin is in a huge auditorium giving a speech,

when from somewhere near the front of the crowd comes a DEAFENING sneeze, cutting him off. In a booming voice Stalin asks, "WHO DID THAT?"

No reply.

Stalin orders the entire front row to be taken outside and executed. Thereafter he continues his speech, until another ear-splitting ACHO...

My wife keeps telling me I need anger management

My psychiatrist keeps telling me I don’t have a wife and I need stronger medication for my hallucinations.

Anger management classes seem to be getting popular nowadays.

You could say they’re all the rage.

Angering the Irishman

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."


"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."


Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to hi...

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I called the anger management helpline.

They told me to fuck off and call back later.

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A family of the Jacksons on vacation.

The parents ran a nail store, and their son was a marketologist. Once the dad told his son:

We're going on vacation for a couple weeks, I hope I can count on you looking after the store while we are gone.

The son quickly exclaims:

But dad, I'm a marketologist! I know nothing ab...

What would Jesus say if you angered him?

"I'm Crossed."

True story, I was in a line at a grocery store when an old woman ahead of me told me I looked like her dead son

She started crying and touched me saying you look just like him, the hair, the eyes, the smile. I just stood there awkwardly trying to hold it together. Before leaving she asked me for a strange favor - When I leave, could you just wave to me and say “Don’t worry Mom!” It would just mean the world t...

An eye is going to anger management

The counselor asks the eye “why are you currently in anger management?” To which the eye responds “Eyelash out at people when I get angry and I can’t stop.”

Effective Anger Management

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband 's temper.

The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it ...

Why shouldn’t you anger a violinist?

Because they’ll get violint

Trump explodes in anger as he's refused entry to nativity scene

Proof once and for all that he's unstable

You should never cut off an addicts supply line, they will lash out in anger and do everything in their power to stop you.

This is why I avoid talking about abortions with my Priest.

There is a trend in psychotherapy called Anger Expression therapy where the patient is to express any anger immediately no matter how small or trivial.

Its all the rage.

Did you hear about the mime artist who tried to become an anger management counselor?

He eventually drove everyone up the wall.

I was once in a meeting with a bunch of people raving about how the script for Tommy Wiseau’s movie is amazing. I finally just said “I doubt it” and they all fell silent and stared at me in anger, until one of them said,

“You really need to read the room.”

When I was a teenager, I used to punch my memory foam pillow when my anger was getting beyond control.

Now it's memorized all my moves, and I live in constant fear.

What do you call a protein that has anger management issues?

Amino acid!

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An ex-girlfriend once told me I only had two emotional states - anger and apathy.

At first, I was really pissed off. But then I was like - meh, who cares?

I ordered a Thesaurus recently, when it arrived all the pages were blank

I have no words to describe my anger

It's best to hire people with anger issues into high positions

Most of them have already had management training

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A priest and a nun are going golfing...

The priest goes to the first hole, swings his golf club, hits the ball... and it just barely misses the hole.


"God dammit, I missed!" the priest says in anger, throwing his club on the ground. "If you keep saying that, the Lord is gonna strike you down" the nun warns, shaking her finge...

An aspiring writer once said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now writes error messages for the Microsoft Corporation.

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License and registration

A couple gets pulled over on their way home. The police officer asks for license and registration. The husband apologizes "I'm sorry officer, I can't seem to find my wallet..."

His wife immediately speaks up "Who are you kidding, your license expired 2 weeks ago. I told you you have to renew ...

Why did the saxophone player have to go to anger management?

He had a bad ALTOtude problem.

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If I don't get my IBS and anger issues figured out...

I'm going to lose my shit.

Why did the vegan get sent to anger management?

He had a bad tempeh...

Why do T Rexes have such bad anger issues?

Because their fathers never hugged them.

1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance ...

The 5 stages of buying petrol.

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Stalin is having a shitty day...

One day, Stalin, is in a shitty mood. One thing he loves is to hear praise. He loved it when people spoke highly of him but it loses its luster at gun point. So, one day Stalin wears a disguise, and goes to a local café with the intention of listening to people chat. He sits down with his back to th...

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Two men, Joe and bob, both virgins, died and went to heaven.

God introduces them to the heaven!
“Congrats, you get to enjoy eternal life in heaven.
But you have one rule, never eat apples from the forbidden tree” As god pointed to the tree full of delicious apples.

“Uh, what happens if someone eats from it?” Asked Joe.
God replies, “well, um,...

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, ‘I don’t ...

A man is on a date...[NSFW]

A man is on date with a beautiful girl and he takes her to a fancy hotel with a fancy restaurant and orders the most expensive food which happens to be a traditional italian pasta. While he is eating he finds finds a strand of hair and goes ballistic with anger. He immediately calls the manager and ...

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