Why doctors also need to attend Anger Management course?

A woman comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain "Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."

WOMAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

DOCTOR: "No, you don't unde...

Someone told me I have anger issues

Lets just say they wont be saying that anymore

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

Saturday, Sunday.

You should never cut off an addicts supply line, they will lash out in anger and do everything in their power to stop you.

This is why I avoid talking about abortions with my Priest.

Today I angered two people by calling them "hipsters"

Apparently, the correct term is "conjoined twins"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...

I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?

Anger management classes seem to be getting popular nowadays.

You could say they’re all the rage.

A couple have been married 25 years, and one day, the husband found a box in the attic with three bonnets and $2,500.

He asked his wife and she responded, "Every time I got mad at you, I knitted a bonnet." The husband was proud that in 25 years, he had only angered his wife three times.

"OK," he said, "that explains the bonnets, but what about the $2,500 dollars?"

The wife smiled and said, "That's mon...

A guy on the street stopped me to give me a flier on anger management.

I lost it.

My son broke my only glasses out of anger

I could never look at him the same

I received a flyer on anger management the other day

I lost it.

I threw my mouse at the wall in anger

Everyone at the vet looked on in horror

An eye is going to anger management

The counselor asks the eye “why are you currently in anger management?” To which the eye responds “Eyelash out at people when I get angry and I can’t stop.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stalin wakes up ealy one morning and walks onto his balcony to see the sunrise.

"Good morning, Comrade Sun" he says.

"And a very good morning to you, Comrade Stalin" the sun replies.

Later in the day, as Stalin is heading to NKVD headquarters to meet with Beria he says, "Good afternoon, Comrade Sun"

"And a very good afternoon to you, Comrade Stalin" the Sun...

I lost an eye as a child when a large book fell from a shelf onto my face as I slept.

I hold no remorse though. Ironically the book that blinded me taught me the very path to justice that soothed my anger.

Good old bble.

If “ire” is an old fashioned synonym for anger,

Is Ireland the land of angry people?

A guy calls 911 in a panic

"My wife is having a baby! Her contractions are only one minute apart!" He said

"Calm down" the 911 operator said. "Is this her first child?"

"No, you idiot!" The guy shouts in anger. "This is her husband!"

"May your thousand generations be childless!" yelled my best friend in anger.

He never did think his curses through...

Did you hear about the mime artist who tried to become an anger management counselor?

He eventually drove everyone up the wall.

Once there was a girl named Darling...

... had a particularly rough childhood because of her uncommon name. She always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school and hated her parents for the pain they inflicted on her. By the time she graduated school, however, she overcame her anger and embraced her unusual name finding it brought her so...

I met this man outside the street and we walk into a bar.

We had a small conversation. Then he brought up writing as the topic.

He said: "I want to write stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!"

I went out of the bar after my drink. Two week...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair.

But he fails to gather the adequate proof necessary to blame her.
One day after coming home he sees her wife in bed, stark naked.
"So my suspicion was right! Where is that bastard?" he shouts in anger and swiftly rushes to look for him.
He doesn't find anyone but right when he was about to ...

I always thought I had anger issues and was anti-social

but after spending time on Reddit, I'm apparently well adjusted and normal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I called the anger management helpline.

They told me to fuck off and call back later.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Lion gives a royal decree...

In the jungle, the migthy Lion decided that he is too busy dealing with the affairs of the royal court, leaving him unable to hunt his own prey.
Due to this, he decided to give a royal decree, so that the animals in his kingdom must bring him 20 kilograms of raw meat every day. Any animal ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Studies show that 6 in 10 people suffer from sudden bursts of anger.

The other 4 are FUCKING WANKERS.

I was mad on my way up the stairs.

By the time I got to the third floor my anger was on another level.

A man was arrested for stealing cat hairs to make whoopee cushions.

This was a criminal offense in Florida. He was brought before a judge who was a notorious cat lover. The jury consisted of only elderly spinsters. The man's lawyer requested for a different judge and jury, but his request was rejected. The court found the man "extremely guilty and a possible dog lov...

Why shouldn’t you anger a violinist?

Because they’ll get violint

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I started working at a Watermelon street market booth.

My first customer was I guy really big. Seriously built, kind of like The Rock but taller.

He asks:

\_How much for the watermelon?

\_ 8 dollars.

\_ Okay, I want half. Here's $4.

\_Sir, we only sell entire watermelons. For 8 bucks.

\_ I am telling you tha...

My wife keeps telling me I need anger management

My psychiatrist keeps telling me I don’t have a wife and I need stronger medication for my hallucinations.

My friend gave me the phone number for an Anger Management Counselor the other day

I admit, I lost it

Two honeydew melons in a patch had just met, but immediately fell madly in love with each other.

One of the melons came from a strict and abusive family, and desparately wanted to get married. The other melon loved her so much, that he went to the father's patch to ask his permission to marry.

"Sir, I am in love with your daughter, and I wish to marry her. Do I have your permission?", th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young lady walks into a pet store to buy a parrot

The guy behind the counter says that he only has one and that it's a real smart-ass, with a vulgar vocabulary and a rude temperament.

The woman says that's OK I know how to handle assholes like that, I want the parrot anyway.

So the woman gets the bird home, puts it in her room, and st...

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.

St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first t...

Why do you never see doctors with anger issues?

Because they just lose their patients.

“Wait a minute! You have been cheating on me all this time!”, my wife yelled at me as she found all the letters I had been hiding.

I felt cornered and prepared myself to face her fury, as she got red with anger and started walking towards me. She looked straight into my eyes and gave me a killer look I could never forget.



And kids, that’s the last time I played scrabble with her!

A farmer joke

A man is driving down the highway past a farm. He glances into the vast fields and sees a farmer screwing a sheep. He is utterly disgusted.

A minute later, he slams on his brakes and says, "That was horrible. I'm going to give that man a piece of my mind!" He turns around, and soon arrive...

A man finds a mysterious ancient lamp...

The man dusts off the ancient lamp and out comes a genie!

The genie says to the man:

"you have awoken me from my slumber! I will grant you 3 wishes as a reward for finding me."

The man responds to the genie with great excitement

"Oh man thank you so much, I don't know whe...

On the first day of Juvenal court, the judge was sitting down to start reviewing the day's cases.

"Bring out the first defendant," He said to the new bailiff. He left, and came back a moment later with young boy who was accused of shoplifting. He was covered in black soot, wore tattered overalls, and over-sized work boots and gloves.

The judged asked the boy why he came to court ...

Secret of a successful marriage!

An old man married for 52 years was asked by his neighbor about the secret for his successful marriage.

The old man stated that on the night of his marriage, he and his newly wed bride had decided that if one of them ever got angry with the other, they would settle the issue peacefully.
...

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all...

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.

So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are usin...

It's best to hire people with anger issues into high positions

Most of them have already had management training

I was once in a meeting with a bunch of people raving about how the script for Tommy Wiseau’s movie is amazing. I finally just said “I doubt it” and they all fell silent and stared at me in anger, until one of them said,

“You really need to read the room.”

A man and his wife walk into a tile and flooring store.

They both go to the front desk, the wife following behind her husband while looking extremely distraught. “How can I help you?” The contractor asked

“I came in to see if I could get some new counter tops.” Says the man who tugs his wife closer to the desk with a stern look on his face.
<...

When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...

He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to buy. [Long]

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to she wants to buy. She goes to the only cashier (who is also the manager of the place) and tells him:

"How much is this hair dryer?"

The cashier replies: "This is not for sale".

The blonde returns the item and leaves. Next da...

My wife found out that I've been secretly crosdressing

First I didn't understand her anger but then I realized I've been in her shoes before.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ex-girlfriend once told me I only had two emotional states - anger and apathy.

At first, I was really pissed off. But then I was like - meh, who cares?

Why did the saxophone player have to go to anger management?

He had a bad ALTOtude problem.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The DEA search an old man's farm.

A DEA agent rolls up to a farm and speaks to the old farmer: "Sir we have received an anonymous tip off that you may be storing illegal drugs on your property. I have a warrant here to search your entire farm."

The farmer replies: "This is outrageous! I'm just a poor old man trying to earn a ...

A kid asked : "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"

The father replied : "It's mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean."

With that, the father dialled a random number. He said "*Hello, is Adrian here?*"

The man answered "*There is no one here called Adrian. Why don't you pay attention when dialling?*"
"*He was probab...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Carl calls in sick to work.

His boss says, "I know you're not sick, you lay out all the time, now get your ass to work".

Carl replies, "No, I'm very sick, I'm not coming in."

The boss is pissed, so at lunch time he decides to go to Carl's house and bust him. When he arrives, he peers through the window to see i...

A man goes to an auto shop for a $60 oil change

Before he's about to leave, 3 men enter and hand him another bill, confused and slightly angered, he asks the manager who those people were, the manager then replies, "They're surprise mechanics and they're quite ethical"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to a pet store and sees a parrot without any feet

He asks the parrot: 'How do you manage to stay on your stick without any feet?'

The parrot answers: 'I actually balance on the stick using my penis. By the way, I am for sale, if you are interested.'

The guy answers: 'A talking parrot who understands me for such a low price? Sold!'
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Emotions NSFW

3 dummies decide to go to a party. They arrive at the party and are promptly turned away because it’s a costume party and they are not wearing costumes. Determined to go to the party they go looking for props to make costumes. In the back alley they find a pile of painting supplies, brushes, rollers...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One morning two brothers, 4 and 6, decide they are old enough to start cursing...

The younger asks his brother, "What should we say?"

"You say ass, and I'll say hell," replies the elder of the two.

Walking down stairs their mother asks them what they would like for breakfast.

"Oh hell," replies the elder, "I'll have some Cheerios."

Their mother loses ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Double Homicide

A double-homicide defendant is in court.

The Judge says to him "You've been charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice in the back of the courtroom yells out "YOU BASTARD!"

The Judge then adds "You are also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death wi...

Brian Blessed was flying his bi-plane over the Sahara desert when out of nowhere the engine spluttered and stop and he found himself hurtling toward the ground.

As he crawled out of the wreckage, Brian couldn't believe he had survived the crash. He checked himself for injuries, a few scratches but nothing major; no broken bones, no concussion, not even whiplash from the plane's impact with the ground. For a second he considered himself lucky. Until he looke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man goes to the IRS.

An old man goes to the IRS building to settle his debts, on entering an agent mocked the old man for his age. Out of spite, the old man bet the agent $2000 that he could bite his eye.

The agent took him up, and to his surprise the old man laughs and takes out his glass eye, then bites it.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde goes to a hospital with both ears burnt.

The doctor looks and says "ooof, what happened there?"

The blonde, in pain tells the doctor "I was ironing while the phone rang and mistakenly I have put my iron on my ear instead of the phone."

The doctor rather confused, asked the blonde "so what happened to the other ear?"

T...

Let me know what you think of my 2nd attempt!

A young boy decided that he wanted to become a beekeeper when he grew up. When he told his parents this they decided it would be a great chance to teach him responsibility and give him a chance to earn his own spending money. So they bought him a small colony of bees and the tools he would need to t...

The computer monitor

There was a man who thougjt it would be a good idea to move his computer outside because of the great summer weather.
So he grabs the computer, the monitor, the keyboard and his mouse, and he moves it all outside.
When he sits down, he realizes he can't see the monitor, so to figure out how to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today my jerk colleague from work asked me to cover his ass so that he can attend a pool party with his friends

I refused with anger and told him to use swimming trunks like everyone else does.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Richard's new job

Richard just got a new job on a small shipping vessel. He shows up for his first day and the first mate puts him to work loading crates onto the ship. He finishes a few hours later and they get underway. Richard is put to work and is kept busy all day. After dinner, he approaches the first mate and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A distressed woman visits a healer.

“Please, you have to help me. Every day when my husband comes home from work, he beats the shit out of me. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

The healer says: “You see, in every man’s soul there is a lot of rage and violence. But as he grows older and wiser, he will learn to control his anger....

The billionaire and the architect

Los Angeles has always been a place for these massive feats of human accomplishment. Case in point, in 1989, a local billionaire spent millions of his own money to create a unique building of fantastic architecture, one that would draw people in for thousands of miles. He hired a small time architec...

I'm concerned about my surgeon...

Not only is he quick to anger, be he's known to lose his patients.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a farmer who had two sons

tldr :

His wife died as soon as she gave birth to the second son. Because of this, the farmer always blamed his second son for his mother's death. But he did not fail in his responsibilities as a father. The farmer was poor but he worked really hard to get his two sons in grad school. They ...

Let me tell you story of a chicken.

Once there was a chicken. He was just like every other chicken, minding himself, keeping his beak clean, working the 9 to 5, the usual. Life was going good for him, until he made a life threatening choice. He had severely angered Hank “Road to Hell” Eagle, AKA “The Road” for short, a notorious mob b...

Alien overlords are discussing the fate of Earth citizens.

After a successful invasion of earth, the leaders of the armada joined together to discuss the ruling of the planet. Each of the leaders had a different idea on how what they should do with the surviving humans.

"These humans are dangerous," said the first. "We all know the losses we took to ...

I watched a man get cut in half in a car accident today

By the time I got to him, he was delirious, clearly in his dying moments. He glanced to his left where his lower half was lying motionless, then up at me with a look somewhere in between anger and humor, and uttered his last words:



"I am beside myself right now!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys are in a bar. First guy says, "Guys you know, my arms are really small.

I think I might have the world's tiniest arms." Second guy says, "That's weird, I reckon my head is like, the smallest head". The third guy goes "Guys, my dick is really small actually, I might just have the tiniest dick" The first man says "Do you know what guys, we should go down to the Guinness w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British Officer at a Frontier Post

In 1869, a young British officer, prim and proper, arrives at his new garrison post in the northwest frontier of British India. His commander gives him a tour of the somewhat dilapidated fort, and of its surrounding local villages.
"You see", says the commanding officer, "it's mostly camels ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Western

A cowboy stops in a small town,in the wild wild west at a bar. He lets his horse outside to eat and drink..he goes inside the bar, orders a whisky...he barely takes a sip when he hears
"Ey...hey...ey look out for your horse.."
He rushes out...his horse eating some grass..no one near it..
Go...

Young v Old Drivers

Elsie, an elderly lady, stopped to drive into a parking space when a young man in his brand new red BMW drove around her and parked in the space that she had been waiting for. Elsie was so angered that she approached the young fellow and enquired, through gritted teeth, 'I was about to park there.' ...

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day.

Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've susp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny overheard a couple of girls in school

The kids were whispering "Purple flowers, purple flowers," and giggling. Curious what this meant, Johnny asked his friend.

"Jimmy, what does purple flowers mean?" Johnny asked.

Little Jimmy looked at Johnny in horror and said "I'm not gonna be friends with someone who says stuff like t...

Gianna, a beautiful woman, was in the midst of a love triangle with two best friends, Nathan and Joel

Obviously this caused tension between the besties, and as such also troubled Gianna - she liked each one equally.

So on the 11th of February, she spoke to the two lovestruck rivals and challenged them.

"On Valentine's Day, each of you will get me a card - no gift, only a card. The one ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The talking pet

A man was walking by a pet shop one day when the owner asked him to come inside,

“Do you want to see this new centipede we have for sale, it talks!” he exclaimed. The man gave it a look and said “Alright I’ll take it” and proceeded to pay for it.

Once the man got home he thought to him...

Sharron is fired from her job-

And she blames it on prejudice against her for being a blonde woman. So she’s driving back home in the rain, fuming with anger thinking about how ridiculous it is for her boss to still believe such stereotypes. Then from the corner of her eye Sharron notices an empty field, and in that field is anot...

A woman named Patty Black finally gets her dream job at the bank

She is told to handle loans, but to get the manager is the loan was strange or asking for an excessive amount of money. After an entire day of nobody approaching her, somebody asks for her attention. It takes her a while to realize, but it is a frog in a suit sitting on the chair in front of her boo...

Fencing

There was a famous fencer that could defeat every opponent he came across. No matter his opponent, he could always parry their blows and was always able to score a hit. Of course, each of his opponents would look greatly unnerved after every match, walking out in anger at their utter loss.

On...

The two best racehorses in the country.

There were these two racehorses, Galem and Gollum. They were raised together and had been racing side by side their entire lives. Everyone loved to watch them. They were always faster than the other horses; as a matter of fact, they were the best racehorses in the country.



As good as ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Rainy Day.

A woman invites her boyfriend to her house for dinner.
She tells him "Come over for dinner, but just know, there's a huge fight going on at home about who's going to do the dishes, and the dishes haven't been done for like, 20 days. And we've made a pact that the first person to speak in the hou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I opened my eyes sitting in a very dark room

I could only distinguish a vague shadow in front of me. I tried standing up, only to realise that I had been tied to the cheap metal chair. I grunted and tried to remember how I had gotten here. Last night I walked out of the club, a bit tipsy, and suddenly all went black. Ugh, I don’t know what hap...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.