I'm Lightning McQueen. My buddy Mater told me if I like the Piston Cup, I could work here and get dozens a day. As it turns out...

That's not what he meant, and I hate working in a drug-screening lab.

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I almost got arrested on my way to a Pistons game

I recently moved to Michigan because of my new job. It was a step up from my previous dead-end one and of course, more pay meant more work which is why I try to enjoy the little free time that I have.

Being a huge NBA fan, I decided to catch a Pistons game at the Little Caesar's Arena. Howev...

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The vagina...

The best engine in the world. It can be started with one finger. It's self lubricating. It takes any size piston and change's its own oil every four weeks. It just a pity the management system is so fucking tempermental!!

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A man walks into an auto shop.

He walks straight up to the front desk and says, “Listen, I need some repairs, but I’ve got a really suped up, high powered, custom car, so I don’t know if you’ll be able to handle it.”
The employee says, “I can see if it’s something we can manage, how many pistons does it have?”
The customer ...

A Chemist, an Engineer, an Electrician and an IT guy get stranded on the side of the road after their car break down...

It’s the dead of winter and the wind chill is below freezing. One of them gets off the phone with the towing company, “they said it’s going to be at least two hours.” They all stay in the car.


After a few minutes the Chemist tells the other three, “I’m pretty sure I know what happened......

Are you a redstone torch girl?

Cause you activate my piston ✅

I once made a car from wood.

The chassis was made from wood.
I made the wheels from wood.
The doors and hinges, all wooden.
The engine was tricky to make, but all made from wood, right down to the ebony piston rings.

It's was beautiful peice of craftsmanship, the only problem with it was that...

It woode...

A car broke down on a Native Reservation...

...so the driver got out to see what was going on. He lifted the hood, looked in, and noticed there was something wrong with the motor piston. Without any tools or cell service, he sighed, shut the hood and leaned on his car and waited for a passerby. Finally, a truck came around the bend so he wave...

My ThermoFluids prof told us this one before a final

Four engineers get into a car and try to turn it on, but it doesn't start.

The mechanical engineer immediately pipes up and says "The pistons must be shot! Someone get me tool kit and I'll take apart the engine to fix it."

The chemical engineer then goes "No, no, no the fuel is clearly...

I was walking along a road after my car broke down and a passing car stopped to ask if I needed a ride and why I was walking.

Piston broke I answered....Us too come on buddy get in.

A blonde drops her car off at a garage and then pops off to the bar. When she comes back she says "whasmatter wi ma car?"

"Piston broke"
"Okay, don't worry, I'll write you a cheque"

4 engineers are on a road trip when their car breaks down.

Each one of them gets out once the car stops, scratching their heads and trying to figure out how to fix the car.

The mechanical engineer is the first to speak up, and suggests checking the engine and transmission. No gears or pistons seem out of place.

The chemical engineer then pull...

A cardiac surgeon is picking up his Bentley from an engine repair.

As the owner's mechanic fetches the car, the owner gets to talking with the doctor and says, "You know, engine repair is a lot like open-heart surgery."

"How so?"

"Well, it's the 'heart' of the machine. It's got fuel injectors like veins, an oil pump like an aorta, and pistons that pum...

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Native humor

Native American family driving down the road see a car pulled over on the side with its hood up. They pull over and the dad asks the man "what's wrong?" He replies "piston broke!" Dad says "You can come with us. We're pissed and broke too!"

I was having trouble with my motorbike so I arrived late at my girl friend's ...

she asked "what happened?"

I replied "piston broke",

and she said " I know you are, but what happened?"

Drunk...

A drunk lurches out of a pub at lunchtime.

After getting his alcohol-induced double vision together, he notices a car parked by the kerb with its bonnet up and a man leaning against the car with his arms folded and looking very grumpy.

He staggers over and manages to slur, "What's the...

Walked out the pub the other night

Walked out the pub the other night and seen a bloke at the end of the road with a broken down car. I said "what's the matter mate?" he said "piston broke" I said "so am I!" and stumbled home.

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[NSFW] What is the best engine ever made in this world?

A vagina!

1. It takes any size pistons.
2. It auto lubricates itself
3. every 28 days it performs automatic oil changes.

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