Comet Jokes - 46 Hilarious Comet Jokes

What did the Earth say when Earth saw a Comet coming towards it?

"COMET me bro"

Why was the vegan comet upset?

As he entered the atmosphere he became a little meteor.

Which one of Santa's reindeer do dinosaurs like the least?

Comet.

Halley's Comet

From: General Manager

To: Departmental Heads

On Friday evening at 5 p.m., Halley's Comet will be visible in this area-an event which occurs only once every 76 years. Please have the employees assemble in the park area outside the building and I will explain this rare phen...

What was the last thing the dinosaurs said before going extinct?

Edit: Wow thanks for the support guys, this comet really blew up.

Why does a shooting star taste better than a comet?

It's a little meteor.

What’s the difference between cortisone and a comet?

One’s a steroid, and the other is an asteroid.

A man named Joke

Once upon a time in ancient times, there was a man named Joke. He lived a long and prosperous life, happily married to his wife and having three children.

In the culture that they lived in, most believed that when a person died, a new star was born in the sky for them. However, Joke did not ...

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An astronomy teacher prepared two boxes filled with joke cards. The first box was designed with asteroids and the second one with comets. He then let one of this students pick a box...

The student picked the one designed with asteroids. He pick one card and read the joke out loud to the class. The class, however, doesn't find the joke funny. Seeing this, the professor made the student pick another card on the same box. Same thing happened. The confused student look at his teacher ...

One Christmas Eve, many decades ago, Santa Claus announced to his elves, "I'm supposed to begin my annual flight in one hour. But there are still some toys that need to be made and put into my sack. I need all seven of my elite toymakers to finish the toys on time."

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Kringle," said the elf in charge of the workshop. "One of the elite toymakers is on vacation, and two are sick. I'm afraid we only have four elites tonight."

"So be it," said Santa.

It took two hours for the elves to finish making the toys. By the time they were done...

I’m starting to worry about my grandads age.

He keeps talking about how seeing Hailey’s Comet was so much nicer the first time.

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

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Philae comet lander wakes up [After 7 months]

"Where the *fuck* am I?!"

What's a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

Comet.

A woman bursts out laughing in a NASA control room witnessing a comet on an impact course with Earth.

Director: Margaret, this is beyond catastrophic, what on Earth are you laughing at ?

Woman: Sorry, it's just the comet reminds me of my husband.

Director: What are you talking about ?

Woman: Well, it's coming too quickly.

Why is the world's funniest joke not in Rudolph the Reindeer's joke book?

Because the real joke is in Comet's!

If Philae finds an inhabitant on the comet what would be its first words?

I'm a Comedian ^((because people from Mars are Martians)^) ^^And. ^^I'll ^^show ^^myself ^^out

The Meaning of Life

A Redditor walks into a bar and asks the bartender

“Bartender, get me something new and fresh from r/jokes.” He chirped

“Sorry mate, all we have are reposts from the last 8 years”

“How can this be!” The Redditor exclaimed “If I can’t get my fix from r/jokes, then what is the poi...

There was this astronomer.

He browsed r/jokes everyday and after a while he realised that the same jokes were posted over and over again.

He decided to start posting one joke a day, after his morning astronomy sessions.

His jokes were always well received and every so often one of his jokes would reach the fro...

What do meteors like about r/jokes?

The real joke is always in the comets.

Why do Reddit astrologers not try to divine humor from the movement of planets?

Because the real joke is in the comets!

Why did the rocket scientist stop working a project?

He had no comet-ment.

Donner: “Dasher, what’s wrong with Comet?”

Dasher: “He just learned his wife ran off to Vegas and blew 50 bucks.”

It's the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in Christmas crackers, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets.

The real joke is in the comets

I don't care if you don't like space puns. I like space puns.

Comet me bro.

How does Santa keep his bathroom so spotless & clean?

He uses Comet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You've never heard of the 10th Reindeer?

The first eight are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen.

The 9th is Rudolth the red nosed reindeer, and the 10th is the jerk called Olive.

Why do i call him a jerk? You know... Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.

Why did the space rock break up?

It couldn’t comet.

Elon Musk is reported to have written a short joke on his Falcon Heavy rocket.

I guess the real joke is in the comets.

Am I shadow-banned from r/astronomy?

No one is replying to my comets.

Where can you find the best jokes in the entire universe?

The best jokes are always in the comets

How does NASA organize parties?

First they planet then the stars comet.

Why did the female asteroid deny her boyfriends marriage proposal?

Because she was scared of comet-ment

Why was Sir Edmund Halley the funniest astronomer in history?

Because the joke is always in the comets

I've scoured the celestial bodies for humor.

The real joke's always in the comets.

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A girl with a nasal voice walks into a speech therapist's office to get herself "cured."

After going through the therapy, she starts getting hit on by guys who earlier bullied her. She starts having positive thoughts and dreams again. One day she dreams of having sex with her hot Biology teacher. The next day she stays in for office hours and ends up fucking him.

She starts getti...

What's icy and bad for your teeth?

A comet

How the Angel Came to be on Top of the Christmas Tree

There had been no snow during the entire month of November, and there
didn't appear to be coming any snow any time soon, either. The elves in
the bicycle department had been on strike since October, and there was the
possibility that the elves in the doll department might join them.
...

A team of astronomers have been preparing for a meteor shower for weeks.

When the day of the spectacle came, onlookers looked up to the sky, but saw nothing different. When reporters confronted the head astronomer about this blunder, embarrassed, he responded "No comet."

What do planets like read?

Comet books!

A German officer watches over his outpost during the Great War.

He's polishing his handgun when one of his soldiers below sounds the alarm. Down he rushes, gun in hand, to see a battle going on between his men and the British. He joins his men, and the fight seems to go on for hours. The gunfire only stops when out of the sky comes an artillery shell, destroying...

Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train.

Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask "what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!" To which Castro responds, "in your country/...

Saw a good one earlier and got inspired to do something similar

I'll give it try. Since this is my first ever post on this sub, I hope you guys let me down easy.

One day, Larry walked past a TV store. On the screen of the fattest flat-screen TV, a national news-broadcast was running a story about an object from outer space on a collision course with E...

On a dark and stormy night...

...a comet flies past Earth. This comet was enchanted, and after it flew past the world, it caused all statues to come to life, solely focused on destroying every country in the world.

No nation was left safe from this attack. The gargoyles attacked France. The Statue of Liberty led a revolt ...

In the year 2030,

In the year 2030, space travel was expanding more than ever, and life science was seeing new revolutions every few weeks. Inventions in robotics and engineering were being created almost daily. But this new world came with a downside, the amount of harsh chemicals in the air were causing cancer to d...

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The real joke

A man was abducted one night by aliens. After the new broke out, US authorities began to contact the aliens using a breakthrough technology. The whole world had eyes on the US government to save the man. After much discussion between the two races, the US government actually pissed off the aliens th...

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