UPJOKE
neptunemoonsolar systemearthsunasteroiddwarf planetscattered discmarsjupiterplanetnixhydrastyxnitrogen

Why did Pluto have such a terrible vacation?

Because he didn’t planet well.

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Uranus, Earth, and Pluto decide to throw a party.

Earth: so how are we going to do this?

Pluto: don't ask me. I don't know how to Plan-et.

Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto walk into a bar.

After sitting down, Jupiter says: "I'm the biggest planet, give me the biggest beer you have."

Saturn says: "I'm the best looking planet, give me the fanciest drink you have."

Pluto says: "I know I'm not a planet, but give me a shot."

Why won't Pluto throw a birthday party?

It can't even planet

I just watched this cool video about Pluto’s reclassification!

It was very ex-planetary.

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If you shrunk the solar system down so that the sun was at the top of your head and the orbit of Pluto was at your feet,

Uranus would be right about where you'd expect it to be.

The blonde's computer password had to be eight characters long and include at least one capital

So she made it "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyAlbany."

Why did no one go to Pluto's parties after 2006?

He failed to plan it!

Why did Mickey Mouse name his dog Pluto?

Because he's not a planet.

My wife said I'm just like Pluto

I have a very cold heart

My father told me that his password is "MickeyMinnieGoofyDonaldPlutoHueyLouieDeweyDublin"

Because he was told his password should contain at least 8 characters and one capital.

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Pluto takes 248 years to orbit the sun

Uranus takes only one.

During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why they had such a long password, they rolled their eyes and said: "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."

Pluto, king of the Underworld, may be terrifying, but deep down he’s just depressed.

He’s trying to cope with it, but Charon took the kids.

Pluto wanted to throw Earth a birthday party on New Year's Eve

But he forgot to planet

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He wanted to find Pluto!

Why is pluto (1185km) not a planet...

but Bruno Mars (1.65m) is a star?

Have you heard what scientists are saying about Pluto?

Apparently he's too small to be a dog.

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God's Vacation

God decides he'd like to take a vacation. So he goes to St. Peter at the pearly gates and asks,

"Pete, I need a vacation, being God is fucking stressful. Where should I go?"

St. Peter says, "well Pluto has good skiing."

God shakes his head fervently and replies, "no way, I brok...

Jupiter heard from Neptune that Pluto was pregnant.

Jupiter said to Pluto "Congratulations! I was surprised to hear that you're expecting!"

To which Pluto replied "Thanks. Yeah, I definitely didn't planet!"

Three "facts" school taught me that turned out to be false

1. Pluto is a planet
2. You won't always have a calculator in your pocket
3. Girls don't like having their hair pulled

Dear NASA:

Your mom thought I was big enough.–Pluto

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Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

Pluto

Its Self Ex-Planetary

I like you, in a plutonic way.

"Don't you mean 'platonic'?"

No, plutonium, like radioactive exposure, the longer I'm with you the more I feel like dying.

China, Russia, and Poland venture to space.

China says they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest.

Russia says they'll go to Jupiter because it's the biggest.

Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at night."

Somebody asked me to sign his petition to save the planet

It was to reinstate Pluto.

A dangerous looking space ship comes down to earth

The aliens take over all radio, tv and other technologies to broadcast a message

Alien: “we are a dangerous species from the planet Pluto”

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-
-
-

*all humans start to chuckle under their breath*

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The Astronomer

An astronomer on an extended lecture tour became weary of delivering the
same lecture night after night.  He confided this state of mind to his
chauffeur as they were driving to their next destination.  The chauffeur
expressed a similar boredom in his line of work.
     "I've got it!" sa...

Who got only one visitor his entire life, got banished from the family and still lurks around with hope?

Pluto.

A rich man was strolling along a riverside with his 6 year old daughter and they came to a bridge...

On the bridge there was a hobo sitting and shaking his cup. As they were walking past, the rich man wasn't keeping an eye on his daughter, who was playing with the bars of the railing and she slipped through and fell in. Not knowing how to swim himself, the man shouted for help. Without saying a wor...

A planet is a celestial body that is in orbit around a star, has sufficient gravity to make itself round and has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.

That’s why Pluto isn't a planet but your mum is.

God couldn't decide where to go for a holiday

The angels suggested the the planet Venus.
"Too hot," said god.

Then they suggested Pluto?
"Too cold," said god.

What about planet Earth they wondered.
"Hell no," said god. I was down there about 2,000 years ago. Slept with some woman named Mary - and they're still talking a...

A Man Was At A Fancy Dinner Party

A man was at a fancy dinner party and he really needed to pass gas. Because the setting was so fancy he tried holding in the fart, but the need to release it was much too strong. The man looking around saw the host family's dog, Pluto, nearby. The man walked right next to the dog, and let out a litt...

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There's a new exhibit at disneyworld that features statues of some disney favorite characters.

A tour guide is leading guests through the exhibit as they pass such favorites as Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, as well as Pluto. As they're going through they pass a statue that's in the shape of a giant turd. Puzzled, one of the guests pipes up and asks the tour guide, "what's the d...

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Betting Jokes

Last night I got thrown out of the casino. As a sports bettor I completely misunderstood the crap table.

~

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, “Suzan, pack up your things. I just won a ฿1000 20 leg parlay!” Suzan replies, “Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?” The man ...

I.T. auditor and a Blonde

At this point in time in the company, the periodical security audit came around. Everyone's passwords were purged and new ones needed to be implemented. As a bonus to help employees with the grumbling there was an award for the strongest password that was used without problem since the last audit. T...

God decides it's time for a vacation...

...so he consults with a few of his angels to figure out where he should go for some much needed rest and relaxation. The first angel to speak up says "Well, sir, I hear Mercury is nice this time of year. It's nice and warm, you could catch some rays and maybe get a nice tan."
"That could be nic...

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The Planets

71% water + 29% land = Earth

100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars

100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus

100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury

100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto

100% gas = Uranus

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