Why do Russian Cosmonauts only drink black coffee?

Because in space, no one here use cream.

Why were cosmonauts on the Russian space station always bumping into things?

Because objects in Mir are closer than they appear.

What's the difference between an astronaut and a cosmonaut?

Astronauts take it slow, cosmonauts are always rushin'

A couple of cosmonauts were heading to the moon when the unexpectedly turned around

Turns out the moon was full

Why Soviets never went to the moon?

They were afraid the cosmonauts wouldn't want to come back.

This is naut, ok?

If America has 'astronauts' and Russia has 'cosmonauts', does Denmark have 'deeznauts'?

Communist Russia wins the space race

Teacher: Ivan, tell us, who was the first country to land people on the Moon?
Ivan: It was our mother Russia, Comrade!
Teacher: Very good, Ivan! And what did the first Russian cosmonauts find on the Moon?
Ivan: The American flag, Comrade!

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