Why are there not more dog astronauts?

They’re afraid of the vacuum.

Why astronauts use Linux

Because you can't open windows in space

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three reditt astronauts, American, Russian and Chinese go the moon on separate missions arriving at same time, what is one common thing they all say upon landing

"My tits are jacked"

There are 2 astronauts in space.

The first says "I can't find any milk for my coffee"

The second says "in space, no-one can. Here, use cream"

(Saying it aloud helps)

#Tip your waitresses!

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about where they would go if they were astronauts.

The brunette says "the Moon. The Redhead says "Mars". The Blond says "The Sun." When the other two girls say she can't go to the sun as she'd get incinerated, she replies with "I'd go at night, duh!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

FACT: 24 astronauts AND the Wright Brothers were born in Ohio.

Something about that crappy state makes people want to flee the Earth.

What do astronauts use to keep in touch with friends and family?

Spacebook.

Why did Ohio produce 20 astronauts?

Because it’s so boring, the inhabitants want to leave the planet

What kind of currency do astronauts use?

Starbucks

So um... where do astronauts get drunk?

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0

Q W E R T Y U I O P

A S D F G H J K L

Z X C V ...

I can't believe the NASA/SpaceX Astronauts...

Don't you think they are taking "Social Distancing" a bit **too** seriously?

Some astronauts wanted to have a New Year's party on the moon

But they didn't planet in time

How do you get an astronauts baby to stop crying?

You Rocket.

Why would gen z make bad astronauts?

In space no one can hear you meme

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can’t astronauts jack off in the shuttle?

Because working under a suspended load is an OSHA violation

Everyone is trying to interview the astronauts to see how they feel about their launch being delayed.

I just wish they'd give those guys some space.

Why do the ISS astronauts wear suspenders?

Because their pants are constantly falling down.

Three astronauts walk into a bar

On the way in, one of them spots ten dollars on the floor. As he bends down to pick it up, one of the others claims that he saw it first, so it belongs to him. The third then claims that he dropped it earlier, so it must be his.

Whose ten? We have a problem...

What did Trump say when he was told there were Brazilian astronauts in space?

Another Trump record. No one has ever heard of this many astronauts in Space.

Two astronauts are on a mission around the moon.

Astronaut 1: We've just lost line of sight with the Earth, perfectly on schedule. We won't be able to contact ground control for the next six hours. Doesn't it scare you? That we're completely cut off from the Earth? That if something goes wrong now, we can't get help?

Astronaut 2: Not at all...

Just heard about the astronauts that left earth today

Good choice

What award does NASA give the astronauts that board their spacecraft particularly quickly?

The starship -enter-prize.

Why do astronauts like computer keyboards?

Because they have a space bar

Astronauts preparing for STS-134 lobbied NASA to include fresh apples on board the final flight of the shuttle, but were ultimately unsuccessful.

Needless to say, it was a fruitless Endeavour

What cologne do astronauts wear?

Elon’s Musk

How many astronauts does it take to screw a light bulb?

One but it will take several others to prevent the spacecraft from spinning in the same direction.

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From my book *400 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone*.

One of NASA's first astronauts has recently died.

I know because I just read his orbit.

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated.

"What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. Afte...

Trump decides he is going to reinvigorate the space program. He calls his advisors together and says, “the US will be the first nation to have astronauts land on the sun.”

His advisors go quiet. Someone says, “Mr President, nothing can come within a few million miles from the sun without getting burned up.”

Trump says, “I know that, but my vast knowledge of science has given me a solution.”

“We send them at night.”

Where do Astronauts get drunk?

At home, like everyone should be right now.

Why are Astronauts always so calm?

There's no pressure in space.

Why do astronauts always sit one chair apart from eachother when drinking alcohol?

Because they're at a space bar.

What do women astronauts and my 14 year old daughter have in common?

"I have nothing to wear!"

NASA officials were interviewing three prospective astronauts to sent to Mars on a dangerous one-way trip

Only one of the three would go, and that candidate would never return to Earth. The interviewer asked the first candidate, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid to go.

"One million dollars," replied the engineer, "and I want it donated to my alma mater, Rice University."

The inter...

What do astronauts eat?

Launchables

Why dont astronauts have to clean up after themselves?

Cause space is a vaccum

3 astronauts flew to the moon. They couldn't land.

It was a full moon.

Couldn't astronauts just bring thousands of chip bags to the moon with them?

They get both air and chips.

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