Blizzard

Activision-Blizzard...

John decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm...

...and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

...

If only more game companies acted like blizzard.

I could probably kick my gaming addiction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Blizzard the NBA and eating pussy have in common?

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit

They used to say that even bad advertising is good, Blizzard just discovered that is no longer true...

When everyone has phones

In light of Blizzard Entertainments most recent PR plunder

They're digging their hole even deeper, some say they're even digging all the way to China.

Why is Blizzard so quick to resort to censorship?

Because they're nothing more than a bunch of snowflakes.

What’s the difference between a sandstorm and a blizzard?

A sandstorm doesn’t oppress your right to free speech

Blizzard just released a new dating sim

Core gameplay is getting in bed with the Chinese :>

Why did Blizzard take Chung's prize money?

To pay for their own PR clean up

Blizzard Entertainment will need to stop offering Dental benefits

All their employees are way too afraid to open their mouths

What's the difference between Blizzard's dignity and Flat Earth Theory?

Some people still manage to believe in Flat Earth Theory.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Sunday morning in the middle of a blizzard

One Sunday morning in February, the young new pastor slowly made his way to the rural church in the middle of a blizzard, arriving with just five minutes to spare. He walked in, turned on the lights and looked around. No one else was there.

As he was about to turn everything off and go back...

Looks like Blizzard are waiting...

for this to blow over

What do you call a whistleblower stuck inside during a blizzard?

Snowden

After the blizzard yesterday I think I understand Republicans a little better

Because these snowflakes are killing me

So an Amish couple are in their horse and buggy going down the road during a blizzard...

The woman spots a skunk lying in the road. She turns to her husband and says, "Honey, pull over, he must be freezing!"

So the husband pulls over and the wife gets out and gets the skunk and get on their way again.

After about 5 minutes, she says to her husband, "Oh honey, he is still s...

In Toronto it's snowing so hard right now that it's become pro-China ...

In other words, its a Blizzard.

A beautiful poem indeed

Roses are red
Violet's are blue
I stopped using blizzard
And you should too

Did you hear about the remote-controlled weather machine China developed?

It takes full control of a blizzard's direction in just a few keystrokes.

Apparently in China there is really bad weather right now

Some are even calling it a Blizzard

What's the difference between Lamborghini and Blizzard Entertainment?

Lamborghini doesn't unnecessarily make a Diablo just for your phone

What's Chinas favourite type of weather

A Blizzard

What natural disaster benefits China?

Blizzard

Hagrid cremates Harry Potter and throws his ashes into a snowstorm

"You're a blizzard, Harry"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The King of all the gorillas was having a yard sale

The king of all the gorillas, mister Kong, was having a yard sale. He decided to sell his items collected over the years of roaming in the forests. He had been lowering his sale prices over the course of the day as fewer and fewer people were coming by.

Finally, one passer by came to buy his...

Two Blizzard employees are driving through a city and are trying to get to an event.

They've been driving for what feels like an eternity but can't seem to find where the event is hosted. They see a young teenager walking on the sidewalk and decide to ask for directions.

After pulling to the side and stopping the teen they ask: "Excuse us, do you happen to know where the Bliz...

Deputy Herbert was patrolling in his car down a road of a small town blanketed in snow one night.

Although it wasn't currently snowing, the temperature was well below freezing. No one would come out unless it was for emergencies. As the policeman rounded a corner, his headlights briefly passed over a vacant lot. Herbert quickly noticed something odd, and reversed his car so his headlights pointe...

A blonde got caught in a blizzard…

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her dad's adv...

Winter is coming...

For Blizzard Entertainment.

What did Hagrid say to Tinkerbell when she started working at Dairy Queen?

You're a Blizzard fairy!

What did the jalapeño say in the blizzard?

I'm a little chili

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple has a male friend visiting from out-of-state, when an unexpected blizzard blows in, and keeps him from traveling...

Since the couple has no guest room, he states his intention to find a nearby hotel, and be on his way in the morning. "Nonsense," says the wife. "Our bed is plenty big enough for all three of us, and we're all friends here." The husband concurs, and before long they're settled in: Husband in the ...

Sign in a store window during a blizzard

"Got frostbite? Fingerless gloves, half off!"

What do you call a government official that can't leave an airport because of a blizzard?

Edward Snowed In

why does the NSA hate blizzards?

Because they get Snowden.

How do you find will smith in a blizzard?

Look for fresh prince

What does a whistle-blower do during a Russian blizzard?

Nothing, he's Snowden.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a rather careless plane crash where everyone was killed, the two pilots responsible were escorted to Satan to choose their eternal damnation.

Satan told the pilots they could choose either door number 1 or door number 2 for their sin of killing innocent people.

"Take your time," he said, "you've got forever to suffer it."

So the pilots look behind door number 1 and it's a freezing cold, blizzard of a hell. They look at each ...

That poor skunk.

A man and his wife were driving through a blizzard and they pass a skunk freezing on the side of the road. The wife says "That poor skunk it's going to freeze to death we should save it."
"Jeez I'll never hear the end of this if we don't" the husband thinks to himself.
So they turn around a...

Staking a claim

In 1897 a young man set out for adventure from the frontier city of Seattle. He'd risked his entire life savings to make the trek to the Yukon to prospect for gold.

He started his journey full of excitement and hope. he'd purchased his 2,000lbs of gear and supplies and two fine stock horses t...

How is a Man like a Blizzard?

You don't know when it's cumming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will hang around.


*Was reading an old joke book this morning. Hadn't heard this in a while, figure it deserved a share.*

What did the NSA agent say when the blizzard hit?

What did the NSA agent say when the blizzard hit? Looks like we're snowed in.

How do you find Will Smith in a blizzard?

You just track the fresh prints.
Sorry if its a repost I just heard it.

What did Blizzard do on Warcraft's opening night?

Farm gold in China.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three cowboys are standing around a fire...

...trading stories about how tough and manly they are.

The first cowboy says, "Well I was ridin' the trail the other day, and was lettin' my horse rest, when a coral snake bit me on the leg. I sucked the poison out, then I roasted that sumbitch and ate him for dinner."

The second cowbo...

Driving through a blizzard with my dad

At the peak of the snow and ice he got out of the car and put two frozen snakes on the windshield. I asked him what he supposed that would do to help and he said "what's wrong son, Never heard of wind chilled vipers?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three cowboys

Three cowboys sit around a campfire.
One starts to brag about himself.
"I'm so tough, one time one of my bulls got crazy but I quickly realized that I was out of ammo so I fought him with my bare hands!"

The cowboy next to him laughs.
"That's nothing! This one time I fought a pack...

Bad Dog

One winter day, a guy was walking down the street when he saw a mangy old dog lying in the middle of the sidewalk. It was covered in flies and seemed to be barely alive. Rather than try to help it, the guy gave it a sharp kick and laughed as it limped away.

Without warning, the guy became a s...

The Worst Natural Disaster

So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.

* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a dee...

Legendary Skins in a Nutshell

Blizzard: Wanna hear a joke?

Me: Sure.

Blizzard: Legendary Skins.

Me: I don't get it.

Blizzard: Exactly

A fun story about Dungeons and Dragons

I remember reading this great story, goes somewhere along these lines:

The party is traveling on a mountain in a blizzard, and every member rolls to see if they fall from the cliff. A dwarf warrior doesn't pass the check due to his armor, and falls.

DM: You fall from the cliff but hav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were two statues...

...him and her, on a pedestal for hundreds of years. One day God noticed them and sent St. Peter to bring them to life, giving them an hour of life as a reward for enduring the weather for that long.
So St. Peter revives them and tells them the deal "for enduring hot sun, blizzards, hail e...

A long-range trucker was returning home for the holidays

He was looking forward to seeing his family. However, the snows of December were coming in, and eventually it was a full blizzard. He decided to pull over and stay overnight in a little town. The next morning, he went to a diner to get breakfast. He saw eggs benidict on the menu. The waiter said it ...

A SEAL and his Sculpture

There was a Navy SEAL living undercover in the depths of Eastern Russia where they regularly hold ice sculpting competitions. He had been there for a while and was longing to liven up his stay there so he decided to enter the next one. There was a shop in town that he could buy sculpting supplies fr...

A priest and a nun ...

... are on a pilgrimage when they get caught in a blizzard. They make their way to a small abandoned cabin with a bed, a stack of blankets, and a sleeping bag. Now the priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself. They say their nightly prayers and tuck...

Safety in Snowplows

A blond gets into her car while an incredibly powerful winter storm surrounds her. She starts the car and puts it in drive when suddenly her anxiety sets in. The horrible weather begins to worry her; she fears that she won't ever get home in it.

It's at this time (and through a stroke of luc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

so there are these three guys going on a skiing trip

and one day they are skiing when a massive blizzard arrives from the middle of nowhere. so they dig a snow cave because it's either that or death. they huddle up together for warmth during the night and fall asleep. in the morning the one on the right says 'i had a dream that someone touched my peni...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.