UPJOKE
celsiustemperaturethermometerabsolute zerocentigradedegreeshumiditybrineminuswatercoldicedegree celsiussubzerofrigid

I accidentally combined Fahrenheit and milliliters

FmL

So do you use Celsius or Fahrenheit?

"So do you use Celsius or Fahrenheit?"

"I use Melvin."

"You mean Kelvin?"

"Nah mate. Melvin. YO MELVIN! IS IT COLD OUTSIDE!?"

An IQ below 70 qualifies you for having an intellectual disability

Now I just need to figure out if that's in Celcius or Fahrenheit

Two scientists were walking around in Russia during winter

Scientist one: It's really cold outside, how many degrees?

Scientist two: it's -40°

Scientist one: Celsius or Fahrenheit?

Scientist two: Yes.

Why does God tell temperatures only in Kelvins and not Celsius or Fahrenheit?

Because God's words are absolute.

-40° outside sounds brutally cold, Fahrenheit or Celsius.

My friend Kelvin just rolled his eyes.

My dad said -459.67 Fahrenheit is the coldest things can get

I just said "0K, Boomer"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An engineer goes to hell

A professional engineer dies and because of some misfiled paperwork, ends up in hell. Trudging through the sweltering heat, eventually he comes across Satan and says, "You know, with a little work, we can probably cool this place off..." At first, Satan is enraged and prepares to unleash fury on thi...

I just read Fahrenheit 451

Or as my grandkids will call it, 11/22/2063

Why doesnt celcius play basketball

It wouldnt be fahrenheit. I made this joke just now.

I don't like Fahrenheit. I don't like Celsius. I don't like Kelvin.

I prefer to measure my degrees in Radians.

My dad said It was Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit and Anders Celsius to create the terms used for thermometer scales

I replied: Don't you think it's egocentric to name everything after yourself?
He said: well, to be fair they both worked hard for their degrees!

I saw my kid reading Fahrenheit 451 and I asked him, “How do you like it?”

Him: It’s pretty lit.

Posted on my Facebook group that it's 40 below outside.

Some responded, is that Fahrenheit or Centigrade?

Swedish astronomer Andres Celcius died in 1744 at the age of 43

Though his rival, Fahrenheit, was convinced he was 103.

A man from Baltimore dies and goes to hell...

He had been a bad man his entire life and therefore the devil made sure to give him extra work in the hottest fiery pit of hell. After a week goes by, the devil stops by to see how miserable the man is, but instead finds the man happily going about his work. He asks the man:
"Why are you so damn ...

I don't understand why books are rare in Fahrenheit 451...

I would expect them to be well done

Have you heard of the American temperature doctor?

His degree was in Fahrenheit.

Downsizing

I was moving books off of a shelf with my wife. In an effort to help our downsizing and cleaning efforts, I asked her if she had read the book Fahrenheit 451. Apparently not hearing me, she muttered “damn I better get rid of these books.” Understanding her carefully worded cue that she had read it, ...

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Man made climate change is really annoying me!

I wish the jerks that keep changing the climate would just set it at 70 degrees Fahrenheit year round and be done with it!

I have a cheap mirror hanging up that bends when it gets hot.

Anything over 30° and my self-esteem is shattered.




I hope this hits the front page after someone reposts it with Fahrenheit.

If the average world temperature rises 2 degrees Celsius, mankind is doomed.

That is why America measures temperature in Fahrenheit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was a kid I put paper in an oven to get it to burn...

...but the knob only went up to 450 degrees Fahrenheit.

"Hey man look at that new trainee, She is hot, I think she is 36C"

Out of nowhere HR Manager comes behind me and says "What did you just say?"

I replies "Do you want to hear it in Fahrenheit ?"

Famous people and their mothers

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"

*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”

*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is cold?

What is cold?
(note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32)

+10°C
The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating.
The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers.

+5°C
The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the...

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