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Melting Jokes

They say America is a great big melting pot...

But nobody bothered to mix it

Why did Niki Minaj start melting when she used vaseline?

Because vaseline breaks down plastic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ramdom girl is giving me a blowjob and i'm melting

Seriously i'm melting.Someone please bring me back to the freezer with other popsicles or i'm gonna die

What's the worst thing about the poles melting?

Santa is drowning...

I’m tired of people saying bears are like humans and that’s why you should care about the polar icecaps melting.

If bears were like humans they would be fine. The polar bears would steal land from the grizzly bears, have all the panda bears build them railroads. Send all the koala bears to Australia, all the gummy bears to San Francisco they’ll be fine. They’re start a country called Bearica and have a half bl...

How did the ice cream man sell all of his melting product on a hot summer day?

He had a liquidation sale.

Why don't people like talking about the melting sea ice?

It's a polarizing issue.

What did the sun say after melting Frosty the Snowman?

I came, I thaw, I conquered .

Did you hear about the witch that died while melting down armor?

Her last words were: "I'm smeltinggg"

I don’t get it. What’s the problem with climate change, ice bergs melting and the sea level rising?

I mean the excess water just flows down the edge of the Earth.

What do they call a cemetery where it’s a mix of different religions and creeds

A melting plot

Did you know global warming is reducing terrorism?

The ISIS melting.

A politician was crossing a pasture when he stepped into something soft.

He immediately stopped and looked down to see his foot completely covered in a large cow-pie.

Standing still, he cried out in terror, "Please someone help me, I'm melting!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Topological Loop Walks Into a Bar, and Asks the Bartender "What's the Quickest Way to get Laid?" [NSFW]

A Topological Loop walks into a bar, and asks the bartender "what's the quickest way to get laid?"

The bartender answers, "Keep this under wraps, but check the second stall in the men's restroom. There's a glory hole there, and someone is in there right now."

The loop enters the bathro...

The Trophy Maker (OC - long)

Old Rick Giuseppe was a fifth-generation trophy maker – like his father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great great grandfather before him. Alas, Old Rick Giuseppe’s wife had died a few years ago, and the man lived in solitude, apart from a cat named Jeffery, who was his late wife’s belove...

A supervillain and his henchman are sitting in the control room in the supervillain's volcanic lair.

Suddenly alarms start going off all over the place.

Supervillain: "What the heck is going on? Are the sharks with lasers loose again? Is it the IRS? Is there a leak in the reactor?"

The Henchman looks behind him to see a chair melting into the ground. "No, sir, the flaw is lava."

Am I the only one to realise that,

if we all worked together to accelerate climate change, the melting polar ice caps would put out the bush fires in Australia?

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