I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter.

Or sew it seams.

Some crocodiles formed a band that does parody songs.

It's a pun croc band.

Where do pigs hear their favorite songs?

On the Ham Radio!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The incredible trainer

It was a busy day at the bar. A lot of costumers were enjoying their breakfast. Until the door slammed open.
A shady trench coat with an almost as shady wearer appeared in the doorframe, a big bulge in both pockets. He approached the counter, as silent as the entire bar, exchanging glares with ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This bloke walks into the poshest restaurant in town.

'Where's the pissing, motherfucking manager, you cocksucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters. The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager as soon as I can'.

The manager comes o...

My Grandfather really liked Fall Out Boy

I never understood why, considering the age gap between him and the band. Every week, I’d go sit with him on his porch and we’d listen to the band, jamming out to some sick tunes and laughing our hearts out at each other’s awful singing. Unfortunately as time passed, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Hamster and the Frog

A shabby-looking man walks into an upscale bar full of businessmen and orders a Scotch. The bartender looks him over and says, "Sir, I don't believe you can afford the drinks at this establishment. May I ask that you go somewhere else?"
The man shrugs his shoulders and says, "You're right. I do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taliban commander called a meeting.

-Fellow taliban fighters! Are we a great nation?!
- YEEEES!
- How come we still don’t have a nuke?!
- well... that’s a shame commander! Let’s get one!!
So they got together, built a huge rocket out of tree, emptied some space in the middle using axes, cooked some uranium-235 using old Am...

I just found out The Spice Girls were paid off by the tobacco industry to hide subliminal pro-smoking messages in their songs.

I couldn’t believe it, so I put on one of their records, and it made me really really really want a cig or cigar.

I was in the bar yesterday...

when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.


The music was really really loud, so I timed my Farts with the beats. After a couple of songs I started to feel better.


I finished my beer and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered I...

Two guys become best friends in high school, bonding over their similar tastes in music.

After a while, one guy notices that whenever his friend is in a relationship, all he listens to is Liz Phair songs. And whenever he’s single, he goes back to his normal genres.

After high school, the two enlist together. During their first tour, the guy notices his friend is once again seemi...

3 guys checked into the hotel

Their room was on the 45th floor and administrator 1warned them, that elevator works just till 12pm. They left all bags at the room and went to the restaurant. When they arrived, the elevator was no longer working and they had to walk by foot. so it won't be so boring, they desided to tell some joke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn't Joe Exotic ever release any Christmas songs?

Because he fucking hates Carols.

I am in the hospital because my cousin’s brother swallowed a 16gb memory card and he is singing all songs in it

Were hoping it doesn't reach video folder...

I went to a BTS concert a while back. It was absolutely horrible.

Now every time I hear their songs I get BTSD.

My wife says she is going to kick me out if I keep singing anymore Christmas songs..

..I said, 'but baby, it's cold outside'

A woman on her bike was riding through the countryside during the middle ages, playing her guitar and singing songs....

...when she came upon a dashing knight in the woods, practicing his swordsmanship. The knight was struck by her beauty and started a conversation. which quickly turned into flirting.

The knight straddled the front wheel of her bike and started to passionately kiss her. The woman said "No we ...

What do you call the collective of all movies, songs, and stories about dogs?

Pup culture

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every time I see someone posting lyrics of inspirational songs on social media, I get really pissed off.

But I will survive.

My girlfriend told me she hates songs by Britney Spears and she doesn't want me to sing them.

But oops, I did it again.

I bought a ticket to see The Vaccines…

I didn't recognize any of their songs, turns out it was Placebo.

My girlfriend left me cause I couldn’t stop quoting linkin park songs

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter

Around this time of the year, I start carrying around a stone with me to throw at people who are singing Christmas songs already.

It’s my jingle bell rock.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.