Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

If you are not well informed about your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing...

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have named their newborn Psalm West. I have only one question.

Is it a hymn or a her?

If you want to read the Gospel according to Shrek, open your Bible to Psalm–

–BODY ONCE TOLD ME…

A priest, a Buddhist monk and a rabbi argue about who's the greater spiritual leader.

They agree to test their abilities by attempting the impossible: who can convert a bear to their religion.

Two weeks pass, the monk and the rabbi get a call from the priest to show up at the local church. They show up, and see the bear sitting in the front pew, singing psalms to the Lord.
...

In these trying times, we all need to put our differences aside and make a special prayer for President Donald Trump. I suggest Psalm 109:8 ...

... "Let his days be few; and let another take his office."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

6 Life Lessons

6 life lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, ...

My favourite part of the Bible, Psalm:

body once told me the world was gonna roll me.

Psalm 26:6

"I wash my hands in innocence"

"Would you please stop fisting my daughter?"

A salesman knocked on my door.

He asked me if I wanted to buy a Gideon's Bible or I want to listen to him read the book of Psalms.

He was a stammerer.

A mother was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school alone

He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She knew she needed to give him the feeling that he had some independence, but at the same time she wanted him to feel safe. So, she came up with an idea that would satisfy both objectives. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would follow her son...

I finally broke down and joined ChristianMingle.com...

My username is ComeGetPsalm

Finally broke down and joined Christian Mingle.

My user name is: “CumGetPsalmOfThisDick” if you’re looking for a good time.

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet...

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping.

At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot.

When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash....

As election season ramps up, I'd like for us to take a moment and Pray for our President.

Psalm 109:8.

What do you call a religious tropical tree?

A psalm tree.

Who’s your favourite Christian rock band?

Mines psalm 41

I went running with my Bible...

...now my Psalms are sweaty.

A priest was driving A nun to church...

But suddenly the priest stops and tells the nun
"Im sorry sister but i have been dreaming of doing this"
he proceeds to stop driving and he put his hands under her robes and stroking her legs.
The nun replies with
"Father, remember Psalm 143:24"
The Priest responds with
"Im sorry ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just found out that even with all my masturbation I will still go to heaven.

Psalm 118 says: “Blessed is he who comes in the name of the lord”.

I heard Shrek opened a new church so I decided to attend.

First thing they told us to do was open our bibles to Psalm: body once told me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newly anointed priest is given his first posting.

Father Ben a newly anointed priest is given his first posting of his career. He’s fairly young and very nervous, but seeing his distress, Father Todd the elderly priest he’s replacing was very thoughtful and had prepared some cheat sheets so everything would transition smoothly. Hidden behind the al...

Not many people know this but there's actually a bible verse about Shrek

It's called Psalm-BODY ONCE TOLD ME!!!

I visited a dyslexic Christian clairvoyant today...

She read my Psalm

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