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Sicko Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A seriously depressed woman stands at the edge of a cliff.

Trying to get up the nerve to jump.
A passing hobo stops and says, "Since you're about to  kill yourself  anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?"  
The woman said  "Hell no! Get  away from me  you sicko!"  
The bum turned to leave  and muttered,  "Fine,  I'll just go  wait at the botto...

Some sicko stole my anti-depressants.

Whoever it was, I hope your happy now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I get called a sicko because I like to masturbate in front of a mirror all the time.

Masturbation is totally normal and if you don’t like it you can find a different bed bath and beyond to shop at.

I’m always playing with it. I always have it in my hand. I pull it out at family parties or hanging out with friends. I’ve been known to just whip it out in public, at the park, at the playground.

I’m talking about my phone, you sicko!

Old joke

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke a hole it often has before?

A key, ya sickos.

Came home to find all my doors had been smashed in and everything was gone.

What kind of sicko does that to someone’s advent calendar?

If you could have a Dodge Viper or the girl of your dreams, what colour would it be?

Black and blue of course.
...
The girl, not the car.

(Courtesy of my son, the sicko).

What is a 4-letter word for a woman that ends with U-N-T

Aunt ... you sicko

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I finally had sex with my teacher today!

This has been something I’ve always had a fetish for, though, everyone I’ve told so far has called me a sicko and weird.

Well gtg study for my test tomorrow, but lucky for me it’s at the end of the day. Being home schooled is very convenient.

Just went to the store and bought a pack of energy saving light bulbs...

As the woman scanned them, she asked, "Will you be putting these up yourself, sir?"

"'Erm, no." I replied. "What kind of sicko do you think I am?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Porn is porn

So, I overheard this conversation in a hotel lobby:

A guest arrives in a hotel quite late, goes to the desk and ask for a room which he gets. The guest receives the keys, and goes off to his room. Just before taking the stairs he turns around and asks the clerk: "Oh just one question. Is the ...

Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for indecent exposure at the aquarium?

The sicko likes to cuttlefish.

Just finished buying the family Christmas tree and as the clerk was tying it down he asked me, "So you plan on putting this up yourself then?"

"No you sicko- I was thinking in front of the window in the den."

What do you get when you fuse a short man and a tall woman?

Your medical licence revoked, sicko.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family walks into a hotel

The dad says to the clerk, "I hope the porn is disabled."
The clerk responds with, "No, it's just normal porn you sicko."

What's the difference between obsequious behaviour towards someone important in order to gain advantage and John Wayne Gacy wearing a top hat and monocle?

One is sycophancy and the other is a fancy sicko.

(As far as I'm aware this is an original joke that I created and am quite pleased with)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mormon checks into a hotel.

On seeing there are video channels available in his room, he says "I trust the porn is disabled." The receptionist replies, "No, it's just regular porn, you sicko!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Duck is at a Disney convention and gets lucky with a groupie.

When they get back to his hotel room, she says, "I think we should practise safe sex - do you have any, you know...?" and he says "No problem," and picks up the phone to call reception.

"Don here," he says. "Send a bellhop up here with a condom, would you?"

"No problem, Mr Duck," says ...

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