Cuckoo time

A bunch of hippies were sitting around smoking pot when a pal ran in and said the cops are coming, the cops are coming. They freaked out and more or less immediately sprang into action and stashed the dope inside the cuckoo clock, sat down and pretended they were watching tv.
Nothing happened bu...

I just got a job as a cuckoo in a cuckoo clock...

...It’s not the best job in the world, but it gets me out of the house.

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The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the drinks went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit pissed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the...

Who knew what blondes know?

It was a typical night of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire:

Regis: “Barbara, you’ve done very well so far – $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend.”

“The next question will give you the top prize of $1 million dollars,
if you get it right. But if you get it wrong, you will dr...

The Cuckoo Clock Mayhem

I was invited for dinner with my old friends.

I swore to my wife that I'd be back at midnight. She didn't believe me, but I still went there.

The meal was very tasty, time flied, my blood was already scarce compared to all of the alcohol and I was extremely drunk. At about 3 AM, I went...

A man is on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and is at the million dollar question.

The question is "which of these birds doesn't build its own nest? a.the cuckoo b. the sparrow c. the eagle or d. the red-tailed hawk. He only has "phone a friend left", so he calls his friend and repeats the question. His friend immediately says it's the cuckoo. The guy asks if he's sure and he says...

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Drunk joke: the cuckoo-clock

A wife goes out for the night with her girlfriends. Just before she left, she assured her husband that she wouldn’t be home any later than midnight: “I promise, honey.” Unfortunately it happened to be ladies night, which meant the cocktails were only half the usual price and the night got really fun...

How would the Church of England deal with the statement that "the cat sat on the mat" if it appeared in the Bible?

The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.

This ...

It is really sad what is happening to the local businesses around our town.

The bra manufacturer has gone bust;
the specialist in submersibles has gone under;
the manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation;
a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers;
the suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded;
the Heinz factory has be...

What do cuckoo clocks and twitter bots have in common?

They both use artificial tweetener

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The Irish Millionaire

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.

"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything i...

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Paddy is on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire "

and he is doing rather well. He is at the final question for a million pounds with Chris Tarrant (The UK host), he has only one life line left....phone a friend.

The question comes: "Which bird does not make a nest?,:

A) a Sparrow, B) a Swallow, C) a Blackbird or D) a Cuckoo

Pad...

Bird Jokes

Just some random bird-brain jokes...

What do you call a bird that picks its nose? A flicker

What do you call a bird that works at a restaurant? A wader

What bird can do more that others? Pelican

What two birds met in the insane asylum? A cuckoo and a loon

What bir...

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A man goes out with his friends for the night.

Before he leaves he tells his wife, "I promise I will be home by midnight."

Midnight comes and goes. He finally arrives home at about 3 AM. As he walks in he realizes the cuckoo clock is about to go off. As it begins to go off he has a flash of genius and decides to coo another 9 times. He sn...

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What does a crazy caterpillar create in order to turn into a butterfly? [OC]

A cuckoo-n!

Who wants to be a Millionaire?

A lady is on "Who wants to be a Millionaire" and she has already won $500,000. She is on her last question with only the phone a friend left.

Chris Harrison: You can leave now with $500,000 dollars, or you can try for the million. If you fail to answer this last question you lose all your mon...

I bought a clock that was made by the patients at a psychiatric hospital

It's the most beautiful cuckoo clock I've ever seen.

Use Your Lifeline...

A contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? had reached the final plateau. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) t...

Did you hear about the little bird that took over his clock by force?

It was a cuckoo coup.

A man comes home drunk late at night.

He hears his cuckoo clock strike four a.m.

Vaguely remembering he promised his wife to be home before midnight, his mind races to come up with a plan: He imitates the clock's call some more times, and his wife will be none the wiser. When he finally goes to bed, his wife doesn't say a word; n...

Paddy has just correctly answered the £500,000 question on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.

He has only one question standing between him and the £1m jackpot.

"Which of these birds does not live in a nest?
A) Thrush, B) Kestrel, C) Blue Tit, D) Cuckoo"

Paddy has one lifeline left, phone a friend. He decides to call Murphy, the owner of his local pub. Murphy agrees, and i...

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