Angelina Jolie walks into a florists.'I'd like to buy some flowers', she says. 'Orchids?' says the florist.

'No, just flowers today'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend asked me, “Would you rather have sex with Angelina Jolie or Mila Kunis?”

I said, “Of course.”

Have you heard about Angelina Jolie’s new film about abortion?

It’s called “Womb Raider.”

Three nuns passed away and went up to Heaven. They were pleasantly surprised when Saint Peter informed them that in exchange for their many years of servitude and chastity, God Himself was going to bestow upon them each one wish...

The first nun said with a blush, "This is slightly embarrassing, but I have to admit, while I did love serving the Lord, the vow of chastity was really tough on me. May I return to Earth for a weekend of unbridled lust, with the face and body of Angelina Jolie?"

Saint Peter said, "Your wish i...

Kudos to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie!

They really went out of their way to make their adoptive African children feel like a part of an authentic American family by getting a divorce.

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD...

How bad is it you ask?

So bad,

THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer....

Why doesn't Angelina Jolie like peaches?

Because of the "Pit"

Why did Angelina tell Brad to do squats?

Because she was tired of a bottomless pitt.

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Logic

Brad saw Angelina reading a book and asked

Brad: Looks like a difficult book.

Angelina: Nope, it's about logic and it's pretty easy.

Brad: Really? What's logic?

Angelina: It's like this. Do you have an aquarium?

Brad: Yes

Angelina: If you have an aquarium th...

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The ...

Brangelina is no more.

And it's really sad to see that Brad Pitt is now just 'Br' while Angelina Jolie gets her whole forename back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Desert Island Deppression

A man gets stranded on a desert island and after a few days begins to starve. He climbs a tree desperately in search of food when he comes across a spirit at the top. The spirit agrees to grant him three wishes.

His first wish is for unlimited food & drink. The spirit grants it and he is ...

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