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Flash Jokes

Why would a flash bang grenade be ineffective on Helen Keller?

Because she's dead.

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My friend started a tattoo parlor that only accepts payment in the form of flashing.

They named it tit for tat.

Yo mama so fat

She has a watch for every time zone she's in,
When she walks past the tv, you miss 8 seasons,
She beat galactus in a planet-eating contest,
Thanos couldn't snap her out of existence,
Flash died before he could do a lap around her
And she ate a black hole because she was hungry

A man flashes a woman at the grocery store

She says " Oh my gosh ! Thank you ! I almost forgot to get baby carrots

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,,.

only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" ...

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Life Lessons in the Outback

Bruce has been lost in the Australian Outback for three days and the combination of heat, exhaustion and thirst is close to killing him.

Unable to take another step, he collapses face first in the dirt, ready to meet his maker.

Unexpectedly he wakes to find himself staring into the fac...

Three vampires are arguing amongst themselves.

Each is claiming to be the most vicious.

The first one suddenly runs off, and comes back in fifteen seconds, blood dripping from his mouth.

'See that house over there?' he says, pointing. 'I've killed all of the family members inside and sucked their bodies dry of blood.'

The s...

A 79-year-old man is in court on the charge of flashing

He's is convicted, and as he is getting his punishment, the judge has some words for him.

Judge: I'm surprised and frankly disgusted at you for doing this, however, I feel sad that a man of your age is still behaving so immaturely. I hope this fine makes you consider your actions and that y...

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An atheist dies, goes to hell, and finds himself in a lush park with butterflies.

His physical body has transformed back into its prime and he's then greeted by Satan who says "Why hello there! Welcome to hell. Let me show you around, you're gonna love it here."

Satan points to a nice house and says "what do you think of this house?" The atheist replies "It's beautiful, I ...

“Correcting killed the cat,” said a stranger standing next to a man.

“No, that was curiosi…” a loud bang and flash of light silenced him quickly

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A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell. They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a policeman.

“What’s going on here?” asks the officer.

“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”

“Well,” said the man, “to tell the truth neither did I until you flashed that light on her face.”

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Hotshot

A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.

The jet jockey decided to show off.

The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
...

3 nuns are flashed by a pervert in a trench coat

2 of them had a stroke. The other one didn’t want to touch it.

A nun and a priest are playing golf

The priest is teeing off at the first hole. The ball flies across the fairway towards the green, but lands meters from the hole.

"Oh God dammit, I missed."

The nun scolds the priest.

"Father, you ought to be careful. You of all people should know that if you continue to blasphem...

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Flash Sale!

With gas prices being so high, and inflation rising at such an alarming rate, I have no choice but to shamefully sell my nudes.

$1 to receive one
$50 to NOT receive one

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Two 70 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there...

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest said,

”You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now".

The young priest nodded and the old priest continued, "And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people ...

Why doesn‘t flash have a girlfriend?

Because he’s the fastest man in the world.

[NSFW] The village idiot wanted to get rich.

Everyday he would pray to the gods that he would win the lottery.

Every night, "God, please let me win the lottery!!!!"

This went on for years and years, until one day suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens open, god steps in front of him and slaps him across his ...

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A woman buys a mirror and hangs it on the bathroom door.

While getting undressed she says, “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bra size 44!” There’s a blinding flash of light and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what’s happened and they both return to the bathroom.

The husband crosses his fingers an...

Superman challenges The Flash to a race

"You will never beat me" said the flash, "but I guess I can let you try" they agree to run from the east coast of the U.S to the west.

The race begins and Superman runs as fast as he can, he puts absolutely everything he's got into it but when he gets to the west coast he see's the flash sit...

Paddy and Molly have been at the bar all evening…

…and they decide it’s time to go home. So they get in the auto and start the drive home.

After a few miles, Paddy notices the garda’s lights flashing in his mirrors, and he pulls over. The warden walks up as Paddy rolls his window down, and the warden says, “Good evening, Paddy. Have ya ha...

Jehovah is showing Ra around Heaven one day...

... when a man runs up to them, crosses himself, then spreads his arms and closes his eyes.

"Excuse me," Jehovah says to Ra, "this will only take a second." He waves his hands, there's a flash of light, and a purring kitten goes scampering away from where the man had been.

"Other than ...

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**News Flash** Snow White has been kicked out of Disney Land!!

She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie you bastard, lie!".

A chicken and a horse become best friends on their farm.

Every day, they go out walking together, talking, laughing and generally enjoying each other's company. One day, they happen to wander too closely to a sinkhole, and the horse falls in. As the horse flails about, the chicken looks around desperately, trying to figure out how to save her friend. That...

The Creation of Woman

\[Yes, I know, it's been posted before, I can't help it.\]

Adam was moping around in the Garden of Eden. Suddenly a light flashed and there was the Lord.

"What's the matter, Adam?"

Adam replied: "I'm lonely. There is nobody to talk to around here except that slimy serpent who ...

I dreamed this joke

Seems quite strange, but in my dream I came up with this joke, and upon waking it actually makes sense as a joke to my great surprise. Usually when you have flashes of inspiration in a dream you wake up and realise it made absolutely zero sense.

Here's the joke.

Two horses were best ...

Promised my wife a flashy car and she was so excited.

You should have seen her face light up when she saw I’d strapped a strobe light to her Toyota.

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A flash mob appears outside a police station, a man has killed 11 people!

A policeman hears a lot of noise coming from Infront of the station so he struts outside to check all the hastle. When he exits the door, an aggressive mob outside is screaming and shouting while pushing a person into the cops body.

"Alright, alright, what's going on here then?"

"Offic...

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A tattoo parlour in my neighborhood is offering a free tattoo to anyone who would flash their boobs.

It’s their Tit for Tat special.

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My wife suspected I was cheating, so to catch me she hired a prostitute to flash her breasts and try to seduce me.

I didn't fall for that shit... I can spot a booby trap a mile away.

This guy walks into a bar...

...bellies up to the bar and orders a beer. The place is mostly empty, just him at the bar, and he's been there a short while when in walks a gorgeous brunette. She looks around, not seeing him and then marches straight to the back of the joint and sits down at a corner table in the back with a cru...

Police patrol in the Outback

Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the Outback.

After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
...

An Irishman is walking on a beach when he stubs his toe on an old metal box

He opens the lid
And a Genie pops out and praises him for letting him out after 500 years…

He offers him a wish… and the Irishman says… every evening after dinner when I pee, I want to pee the finest Irish Whiskey…

Done says the genie and vanishes in a flash…

That evening af...

Putin steps away from the war room to use the restroom...

As he sits he hears alarms and red flashes fill the bunker. He hears his men running around and without hesitation he jumps up, pulls up his pants and runs our to see what the commotion is.

He asks the next in command the situation: "ICBM Mr President!"

Putin replies "I WAS IN A HURR...

My bait had a hot flash.

I think it has minnowpause

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I'm thinking of opening a tattoo parlor where women flash their breasts for free tattoos.

Call it..."tit for tat".

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a teenage boy keeps depositing one million dollar in his bank account every day

one day, Mrs. Mary the bank manager asks him to provide the source of all the money he's depositing

"I win it through gambling" he answers

"nobody can win that much money so consistently through gambling"

"wanna proof? how about we bet on 1000$ that...

3 old ladies on a park bench.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes them. The first two ladies had a stroke, the third couldn't reach.

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Dedicated to Amber Heard

After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and ...

My father loved playing old Zelda games growing up

So I surprised him by installing a modded version of Ocarina of Time on his PC for Christmas, and he started playing it right away when I told him. When he was breaking some vases, a fairy flew over to Link while flashing blue and red and said "Hey! Listen! You're under arrest!"

My dad turned...

My wife was photographing some superheroes last night. I suggested to her to turn the flash on...

...turns out, he really enjoys a lap dance.

A man is driving down the road when he sees flashing lights up ahead.

It transpires a lorry load of penguins has turned over. The police are frantically trying to herd the penguins off the road to safety.

As he arrives at the scene he sees an officer with a penguin under each arm. He rolls down the window and says, "Officer is there anything I can do to help?" ...

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I asked my wife for some head

I asked my wife for some head.
She replied, “sure, I’m guessing you want some bootie with that too?”
I nodded excitedly but then felt a harsh impact to my head and fell to the floor in a flash of pain.
“Why did you do that?” I asked angrily.
She replied, “headbutt.”

A family of country bumpkins visit the big city for the first time.

A family of farmers--Ma, Pa, and their son Jim--take a trip to the city and walk into a shopping mall for the first time. They gape in awe at all the shiny surfaces and gleaming store windows full of fancy objects. Before long, the boys wander off and leave Ma ogling a kiosk of crystal jewelry.
<...

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Flash was running and saw Wonder Woman lying naked in the beach (NSFW)

He thought this would be the best chance,he could go in, do his business and leave even before anyone notices. So he goes in, finishes his business and runs away!

Sensiting this commotion, Wonder Woman asks "What the fuck just happened? " and Invisible Man replies "I don't know, but my asshol...

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking about retiring?

He decided he’d stick it out one more year.

[NSFW] 3 nuns were sitting on a park bench when a man came along and flashed them. 2 of the nuns had a stroke.

The third one missed.

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The emperor of Persia wanted the best bodyguard in the world.

So he sent messengers throughout all the lands on the globe encouraging the nations to send their best warriors to come to his palace and compete for this prestigious title. After weeks of intense competition, the candidate pool was reduced to the last three competitors. Each had earned the honor o...

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A lawyer is driving at night, on the road to his hometown. Suddenly...

*Thud!*

The lawyer stops the car with fear in his eyes. His heart pumps fast. "Oh my God, did I just roadkill an animal? My name will be stained, forever!"

He leaves his car and goes to check the front. The headlights are illuminating an armadillo, rolled inside his shell. He gives the...

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and ...

what are you doing after this?

A few decades ago, a man walked into a barber shop and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine, please."



As it was in those days, the barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge.

However, instead of the usual child or assistant, a gorgeous woman kneels down and shi...

One day on the playground at school, a little boy flashes a little girl...

He then says, "ha ha I've got one of these and you don't."

The little girl not bothered by this went on about her business.

This continues ever day for weeks. Finally the little girl has had enough and tells her mom. Her mom tells her exactly what to do.

The next day on the p...

NSFW On a baking hot day, the Pope steps into the shower to cool down.

He is overcome by the urge to bang one out, and just as he releases the holy seed he sees a flash of reflected sunlight across the street through the open window and realises someone has been taking photos.
Furious, he gets on his shower intercom and demands the Swiss Guard find the photographer ...

a man was driving his Tesla when

an old truck forced him to stop

after greetings, the truck driver suggested that they swap their cars

"are you out of your mind, who would ever want to swap a new beautiful eco-friendly Tesla with a loud old smoking truck ?"

"you don't und...

So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week

She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."

I asked her: "What do you think it means?"

She smiled and said: "I don't know..."

Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.

I still don't know wh...

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Superman is out flying and sees wonder woman naked on a rooftop with her legs wide open and moaning in delight

He thinks to himself that as he is faster than a speeding bullet he can do his business with her and fly off before she knows it. He toys with the idea and decides to go for it. He swoops down fucks her with lightning thrusts and zooms off in a flash. The whole event lasts less than a second. As soo...

What does the Pope say when the Grand Canyon starts to flash flood?

God, dam it.

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Two guys, Billy and Bob, head out in the woods, hunting for bear...

They hike to where their tree stand is, in the thickest part of the forest, set their bait, climb into the stand, hunker down and wait. Before too long, a small black bear comes by to check out the bait, and the hunters shoot it dead. They climb down and begin the work of butchering the carcass, whe...

The Poacher and the Bishop of Ely

One day, Sam the poacher is off doing his thing in the fields, when he sees the Bishop of Ely, on his way home from a banquet, urgently looking round for a bush- any bush. Sam, seeing this, only goes and hides behind the same bush as the Bishop. Realising what the Bishop is up to, quick as a flash...

News Flash

**A Jewish guy goes into a confession box.** **"Father O’Malley," he says, "My name is Aaron Cohen. I’m seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire l...

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A man complained to his friend

A man complained to his friend "My elbow hurts I better go to the doctor." "Don't do that," volunteered his friend "there's a new computer at the drug store that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the computer wi...

Why did the Flash Drive cross the road?

Because it missed the bus.

A man is driving to work when he notices the flash of a traffic camera.

He figures that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knows that he wasn’t speeding. Just to be sure, he circles the block and passes the exact same spot, driving even slower this time through. Again, the camera flashes. He thinks it is hilarious, since he was obviously ...

Upon seeing a beautiful milkmaid, Thor appears before her in a flash of lightning...

Picking her up, he takes her to the hay loft where he proceeds to make ravenous love to her for thee days.

As the sun rose on the third day, he walked to the door and said "Woman! I must go. I have duties and I am Thor!"

To which she replied... "You're Thour? I'm not going to be able t...

An old man is at a Corvette dealership

An old man is at a Corvette dealership.

He knows that he’s towards the end of his life, and wants to have a little bit of fun before he goes.

The old man buys the newest, fastest, red Corvette convertible on the lot.

He speeds off the lot, and zips down the street, and onto th...

A lot of people don’t know that Lisa Kudrow has a bachelor's degree in Biology

She was visiting an old school friend who was doing a research project on the genetics of rats and they were showing her their breeding pairs. “This is the Mama Rat A who has a gene sequence that makes her produce more young, and with her is the Papa Rat A who has a trait that causes him to sire un...

Three elderly ladies are sitting on a park bench in Central Park. Suddenly, a man dressed in an overcoat appears from behind a tree. The man casually opens his coat and flashes the unsuspecting ladies.

Surprised, the first lady had a stroke. The second lady also had a stroke. The third lady, though, declined to touch it.

What's the difference between $3.50 and a girl flashing you on the street?

Dyslexia. One is free tiddy and one is tree fiddy.

A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.

As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it’s possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.

The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.”

The woman, astounded, thi...

Fear

Sunday morning services were going very smoothly when suddenly a flash of light and smoke appeared in front of the pulpit followed by a large BOOM. When the smoke cleared, the astonished congregation saw a red figure complete with horns, pitchfork and tail. Immediately, panic set in. People crowd...

Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"

Bob responds, "No, I haven’t. Do they call him that because he runs fast?" Jeff replies, “Nah, they call him that because he doesn’t wear pants.”

Why did the camera flash go to jail?

It was charged with battery.

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Two nuns were walking to the market when a man jumped from the bushes and flashed at them and ran away!!!

"What shall we do now ?" Asked the first nun.

"We are sworn to neither lie nor hide the truth" said the second nun " we should report to Mother Superior that we had the misfortune of seeing a man's penis twice".

"Twice?" Exclaimed the first nun" we just saw it once".

"Aren't you...

If the Flash dies...

Will they have to Barry Allen?

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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobweb...

Chic and Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five are plotting to destroy the world, and so former arch-enemies the Village People and the Beastie Boys put aside their differences to stop them

The slaughter is brutal and extremely exciting to watch, but finally, it ends in a showdown: Nile Rogers and Grandmaster Flash, laughing as they square up to the last surviving Beastie Boy and the last surviving Village Person.

He straightens his hard hat, draws his sword and charges at Nile ...

News Flash........... News Flash.

Isis suicide bomber kills himself & 78 other family members after deciding to work from home.

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How come The Flash leaves his partners temporarily blinded after sex?

Cause they get Flashbanged.

Guy buys a BMW

This guy had just bought a BMW M5 and decided to take it out and open it up. He was cruising along Dutch roads just admiring the beautiful scenery.


He decided to see how it ran at speed, so he took it up to 110kph. It felt great. Then up to 145kph. Then he saw the flashing lights in his...

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to setup a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.' So Satan and Jesus sat do...

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At our tattoo studio, women can flash their boobs to get a discount

The business model we operate on is "tit for tat".

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I hate those drivers that try to overtake you on a main road doing 40. I always try to slow down and block them, no matter how much they horn or flash their lights.

Fuck ambulances, I swear.

The creator of the USB flash drive died today.

He was lowered into his coffin, flipped over, and then lowered again.

Little Benny was very sick, and the doctors had given up hope.

As a last present, his parents brought him to Arabia on a trip. While they were walking through a market, little Benny bought a lamp from a vendor.

When he arrived home, he rubbed the lamp to clean it, and, to his surprise, a genie popped out in a flash of light.

"What is it that you ...

When the guy who invented the USB flash drive dies,

they are going to put his coffin in the ground, lift it back up and turn it over, then put it back into the ground.

For those of you who are placing Christmas lights / decorations in your garden, can you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together?

Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.
I have to brake hard, toss my wine out the window, hide the weed, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat, all while trying to drive.
It's just ...

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A man drives by a police camera and it flashes...

A man drives by a police camera and it flashes. Relatively sure that he was not speeding, he goes around and drives by the camera again, this time keeping an eye on his speed and going 10 mph under the limit and it still flashes.

Surprised, he goes around and drives by a 3rd time, this time g...

A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear-view mirror pulls to the side of the road.

After coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car.

The man asks, "What's the problem officer?"

Officer: "You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you."

Man: "No sir, I was going a little over 60."

Wife: "O...

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A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes.

but couldn't seem to get them to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen,"What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"

The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I ...

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My premature ejaculation problem started when my other half dressed up as a superhero

Before I knew it I came in a Flash

Dying, the man's life flashed before his eyes. But he smiled.

He'd forgotten all about that meme.

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A woman flashed her tits at me today....

I just sat there and giggled like a school boy.



Then she said to me " will you stop mucking around and check this lump, doctor."

I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera...

I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the speed limit even though I knew I was not speeding.

Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. No...

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending...

Did you heard how paparazzis almost made the car the queen was in crash with their camera flashes, while going very fast?

They were lighting ma queen

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If you’re a tattoo artist who gives free tattoos in exchange for being flashed

Are you then a believer of tit for tat?

Why did David Bowie's VCR always flash "12:00"?

Because although time may change him, he can't change time.

Who is faster? Superman or the flash?

Umm. The cameraman?...

3 nuns die and go to heaven.

They are greeted by St. Peter at the pearly gates.

Peter says "Before you enter heaven you must answer a question." So the nuns look nervously at each other and agree.

Peter asks the first nun "Who was the first man on earth?" The nun confidently says "Adam"

Bells ring! Lights f...

Seeing the flash in the distance, Elton John knew he only had moments to live. He turned to the nearest celebrity at the party for one last human embrace.

"Hold me closer, Tony Danza."

A flash flood warning is broadcasted. The streets fill with water, and people begin to evacuate—except for one Catholic woman.

She stays in her home and prays. A bus pulls up to her house, and the driver urges her to get out, but she replies, “No. God will save me.” The bus driver reluctantly pulls away.

Water begins pooling into her house, and she calmly rises to the second floor.

Through the window, she sees...

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A lawyer dies and finds himself in front of the gates of heaven.

St. Peter is holding a clipboard and asks his name, then checks his list.

"Says here you were a lawyer, is that correct?"

"Yep," says the lawyer, "that's correct."

"Well, here's the thing," St. Peter says. "We don't get too many lawyers making it past the gates here. We'll need ...

I used to be really good at flash mobs

But then my 5 year old stopped inviting me to her dance rehearsals.

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Pussy Willows

Two old friends hadn’t seen each other in years, because they lived so far away from each other. So they decided to meet in the middle, and take a weekend getaway golf trip.

They hit up a course tucked high up in the rockies, in a valley surrounded by white capped mountains. It was truly som...

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A bloke sees his ex-wife with her new lover in the pub and decides to wind him up so he shouts over 'How's the second-hand pussy?'

Quick as a flash, her lover replies 'Great! After the first three inches it's like brand new'

Oh Jesus!

Little Bobby was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything... tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Bobby down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
...

Why did the Flash leave that greasy diner so quickly?

Because he got a bad case of the runs!

There was a man and woman driving down an interstate…

They speed past a sheriff stationed on the side of the road, and the sheriff checks the radar gun. Sure enough, they were speeding, so he takes off and catches up with the elderly couple. He flashes the lights, and they eventually pull over on the side of the road.

The sheriff walks up to th...

What did Tweety Bird say when Kat Von D flashed him?

Ooh! I think I saw a tiddy tat!

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Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...

Whats the difference between Quicksilver and The Flash.

Only one can catch a bullet.

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.

Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He ...

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $...

A redittor has a lethal accident, in their final moments their whole life flashes before their eyes...

Their last thought... "Repost"

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