Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?

I did it the other knight...

And I got rooked.

Sign in a pawn shop window

"We value your presents."

Why is a pawns promise always good?

Because he can’t go back

I need to get a new chess set because all my pawns are damaged and sticky.

I should have never left them in the same box as the bishops.

Why did the queen know the pawn would keep its promise?

Because it can’t go back

A guy walks into a pawn shop, there's a brass statue of a cat.

He asks the shopkeeper, "How much for the statue?" Shopkeeper replies, "$20 for the statue, $20,000 for the story." He says various unkind words, pays $20 and takes his statue.

He walks down the street, but he starts hearing a murmuring noise behind him. Something small and subtle, he can't p...

I went to the pawn shop yesterday to raise some funds to pay some bills.

They gave me $4500 and never even took the gun!

A frog walks in to a pawn shop

And the owner, an Irishman named Paddy Mac, greets him. The frog takes out a small figurine, places it on the counter, and asks how much he can get for it. Paddy responds that he can’t give the frog anything for the cheap little tchotchke. The frog says, “But this *is* valuable; it was given to me b...

I went to the doctor because I’ve had the Pawn Stars theme stuck in my head for two weeks

He said he’d have to call in a buddy of his who was an expert on those sorts of things

(But seriously please help me I’m going insane)

African Grey Parrots are famously intelligent, but studies have shown that they consistently lose chess matches against ravens, jackdaws, and other corvids.

Said one researcher, "They just have trouble weighing the crows and pawns."

She left me because I pawned her wheelchair

Bet she'll come crawling back eventually.

What do you call adult-only Chess videos?

Pawn

A stoner goes into a pawn shop

He looks around for a little while and sees a TV he really likes, so he goes up to the pawn shop owner and says "excuse me sir I'd like to buy that TV over there" the pawn shop owner says "I don't sell to stoners get out!"

The stoner leaves and a week later returns to the pawn shop and says t...

The "Old Man" from Pawn Stars died yesterday

Rick wasn't sure he was dead so he called in an expert. Turns out he was dead.

A guy walks into a pawn shop.

He sees something above the counter and asks the owner what it is.
"Why, it's a thermos." The owner replies.
"What does it do?" The man asks.
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The owner replies.
"That's amazing, I'll take it!" The man says.

The next day h...

Lawyer Joke

A man is visiting a seaside town and walks into a pawn shop. He sees a large statue of a rat. “How much for the rat statue?” he asks. The pawnbroker responds, “It’s $10 for the statue, but $20 if you want the story that goes with it,” to which the customer replied, “I only want the statue.”

H...

Why did the priest go to the pawn shop?

because he wanted to appraise God.

While buying a new guitar from the local pawn shop, I asked if there was anything I needed to know about this guitar or my purchase.

He replied "No strings attached."

This week on pawn stars, a man sells a $100 bill...

"I'm Rick Harrison and this is my pawn shop"

"Hi i have a $100 dollar bill that is like to sell"

"hmm i've seen these and i know that the value can vary let me get an expert friend to look at it"

"oh yeah this is a 2016 print $100 bill, it's in fair condition so i'd say it's wor...

A boy goes into a pawn shop

A boy goes into a pawn shop with the motor for an iron lung.

the pawn shop owner asks "where did you get this?"

the boy replies "from my father"

the pawn shop owner asks "what did he say when you took it?"

the boy replies: "AAAAUUUUGHHHH"

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

a joke by Steven Wright

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First Day at a Pawn Shop

Apologies beforehand, since this story doesnt have a punchline, it's just funny.


A friend of mine started working at a Pawn America. On his very first day he saw this young couple come in and they started looking and browsing through rings. They saw one that interested them and asked to s...

Poetry about Pawn Stars

You want a poem?

Best I can do is haiku,

take it or leave it.

For pimps, prostitution must be alot like using pawn pieces in chess...

They use them to do their dirty work, in promise that he'll one day make her into a queen.

Once upon....

....always a pawn

Winter is officially over!

Just saw 2 crackheads carry a space heater into a pawn shop.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call chess pieces that have sex together?

Pawn stars.

My band just decided to change our name to "ACAPELLA"...

...as we walked out of the pawn shop.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Misinterpretation in the sheets

Her: I thought you said you were gonna go pornstar on me

Me: no I said pawn star

Her: what does that even mean

Me: best I can do is 4 inches

Why do you never see chess jokes ?

No one likes them, they always have a bad pawn

Did you hear about the fairy godmother that needed extra minutes to decide her first move in a chess game?

Wants pawn time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with a shoebox

He walks up to the bartender, sets the shoebox on the bar, and orders a beer and an empty shot glass. The bartender brings him his beer and watches as he then fills the shot glass with the beer and takes the lid off of the shoebox.

Out of the box he removes a small piano and a little bench, ...

While interviewing a potential client, the executive switched on his intercom and commanded:

"Get my broker on the telephone."
"Yes, sir", responded his secretary, "stock or pawn?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Very Long Read:

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversa...

Where do people from Boston go to buy antique adult movies?

A Pawn Shawp

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend buys old sex toys for money and records herself using them.

She’s a pawn star and a porn star.

What's Bin Laden's favorite chess move?

Pawn C4

I used to sell chess sets for a big company...

But then I realized I was just a pawn that would never advance.

I witnessed a queen being murdered

By a pawn

Why can't people in the U.S. play chess?

Because their king is actually a pawn.

My dog destroyed my chess set. I tried to replace the missing pieces...

but the pawn shop was closed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

careful what you wish for...

Guy runs a talent agency, sitting in his office, hears a knock on his door..."come in" he says...in walks a man with a perfectly formed little man about a foot tall..."yes, how may I help you??"...he says "I am looking for a job for my friend here"..."oh, and what does he do?"...he replies "he is a ...

Indiana Jones: "I present the Ark of the Covenant, sacred crypt of the Ten Commandments."

Rick from Pawn Stars: "Best I can do is 25 bucks."

The plan...

A middle aged woman has been conducting a long term affair with her lover for years. Her husband never knows because she tells him that she goes upstate one weekend a month to visit her elderly great aunt and take care of her. The husband wants nothing to do with such business and leaves her to it. ...

My Dad turns 50 this weekend and I'm speaking, need some 50th birthday jokes/one liners/roast (xpost from /askreddit)

Some bullet points about my Dad:

* Has a BMW trophy car
* Loves golf
* Loves Steak
* Is a Republican (I'm very progressive/liberal)
* Balding (but so am I...)
* His shoulder and knee have needed surgery
* Worked everyday of his life since he was 15
* Raised 3 kids
*...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A manic depressive horse named John

There once was a manic depressive horse named John. He was drinking away his problems in a bar that was popular among the local animals because they didn't card. You see, ever since he was a young colt, John used music to deal with his emotions. He started off with a vinyl record of The Beatles' *Re...

When Chumlee gets out of prison he should do a show with Jared from Subway. They should call it...

Child Pawn.

A middle eastern king was down on his money and began to sell off his valuables

The last of these was the Star of the Euphrates, at that time the most valuable diamond in existence. He went to a pawnbroker who offered him 100,000 rials for it. 

"Are you crazy?", said the king. "I paid one million rials for this gem! Don't you know who I am?"

The pawnbroker replied...

Chess is actually quite easy...

Knight takes Rook, King takes Queen, and Bishop molests the Pawns.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.