I need to get a new chess set because all my pawns are damaged and sticky.

I should have never left them in the same box as the bishops.

A stoner goes into a pawn shop

He looks around for a little while and sees a TV he really likes, so he goes up to the pawn shop owner and says "excuse me sir I'd like to buy that TV over there" the pawn shop owner says "I don't sell to stoners get out!"

The stoner leaves and a week later returns to the pawn shop and says t...

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Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

The "Old Man" from Pawn Stars died yesterday

Rick wasn't sure he was dead so he called in an expert. Turns out he was dead.

Why did the priest go to the pawn shop?

because he wanted to appraise God.

A boy goes into a pawn shop

A boy goes into a pawn shop with the motor for an iron lung.

the pawn shop owner asks "where did you get this?"

the boy replies "from my father"

the pawn shop owner asks "what did he say when you took it?"

the boy replies: "AAAAUUUUGHHHH"

This week on pawn stars, a man sells a $100 bill...

"I'm Rick Harrison and this is my pawn shop"

"Hi i have a $100 dollar bill that is like to sell"

"hmm i've seen these and i know that the value can vary let me get an expert friend to look at it"

"oh yeah this is a 2016 print $100 bill, it's in fair condition so i'd say it's wor...

While buying a new guitar from the local pawn shop, I asked if there was anything I needed to know about this guitar or my purchase.

He replied "No strings attached."

For pimps, prostitution must be alot like using pawn pieces in chess...

They use them to do their dirty work, in promise that he'll one day make her into a queen.

Poetry about Pawn Stars

You want a poem?

Best I can do is haiku,

take it or leave it.

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First Day at a Pawn Shop

Apologies beforehand, since this story doesnt have a punchline, it's just funny.


A friend of mine started working at a Pawn America. On his very first day he saw this young couple come in and they started looking and browsing through rings. They saw one that interested them and asked to s...

Why can't people in the U.S. play chess?

Because their king is actually a pawn.

Saw 1st signs of spring today.

Two crackheads were carrying a space heater into the pawn shop.

Where's the worst place to buy a chess set?

A pawn shop.

Indiana Jones: "I present the Ark of the Covenant, sacred crypt of the Ten Commandments."

Rick from Pawn Stars: "Best I can do is 25 bucks."

A middle eastern king was down on his money and began to sell off his valuables

The last of these was the Star of the Euphrates, at that time the most valuable diamond in existence. He went to a pawnbroker who offered him 100,000 rials for it. 

"Are you crazy?", said the king. "I paid one million rials for this gem! Don't you know who I am?"

The pawnbroker replied...

The plan...

A middle aged woman has been conducting a long term affair with her lover for years. Her husband never knows because she tells him that she goes upstate one weekend a month to visit her elderly great aunt and take care of her. The husband wants nothing to do with such business and leaves her to it. ...

My dog destroyed my chess set. I tried to replace the missing pieces...

but the pawn shop was closed.

When Chumlee gets out of prison he should do a show with Jared from Subway. They should call it...

Child Pawn.

Chess is actually quite easy...

Knight takes Rook, King takes Queen, and Bishop molests the Pawns.

The Brass Rat

A man walks into a pawn shop one day not looking for anything in particular. While browsing, the man sees a brass rat sitting on a shelf. The brass rat is on its hind legs standing proudly with a human wig on its head. The man picks it up and asks the owner of the shop, "how much?" The owner says, "...

My Dad turns 50 this weekend and I'm speaking, need some 50th birthday jokes/one liners/roast (xpost from /askreddit)

Some bullet points about my Dad:

* Has a BMW trophy car
* Loves golf
* Loves Steak
* Is a Republican (I'm very progressive/liberal)
* Balding (but so am I...)
* His shoulder and knee have needed surgery
* Worked everyday of his life since he was 15
* Raised 3 kids
*...

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careful what you wish for...

Guy runs a talent agency, sitting in his office, hears a knock on his door..."come in" he says...in walks a man with a perfectly formed little man about a foot tall..."yes, how may I help you??"...he says "I am looking for a job for my friend here"..."oh, and what does he do?"...he replies "he is a ...

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