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Pawn Jokes

I need to get a new chess set because all my pawns are damaged and sticky.

I should have never left them in the same box as the bishops.

When George Benson plays chess and manages to advance his pawn to the end of the board, why doesn't he request another queen?

Because he wants you to give him the knight.

What do you call it when you sell Phlegm at a pawn shop?

Hawking a loogie

Why is a pawns promise always good?

Because he can’t go back

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?

I did it the other knight...

And I got rooked.

A frog walks in to a pawn shop

And the owner, an Irishman named Paddy Mac, greets him. The frog takes out a small figurine, places it on the counter, and asks how much he can get for it. Paddy responds that he can’t give the frog anything for the cheap little tchotchke. The frog says, “But this *is* valuable; it was given to me b...

I went to the pawn shop yesterday to raise some funds to pay some bills.

They gave me $4500 and never even took the gun!

Poetry about Pawn Stars

You want a poem?

Best I can do is haiku,

take it or leave it.

Sign in a pawn shop window

"We value your presents."

A stoner goes into a pawn shop

He looks around for a little while and sees a TV he really likes, so he goes up to the pawn shop owner and says "excuse me sir I'd like to buy that TV over there" the pawn shop owner says "I don't sell to stoners get out!"

The stoner leaves and a week later returns to the pawn shop and says t...

A guy walks into a pawn shop, there's a brass statue of a cat.

He asks the shopkeeper, "How much for the statue?" Shopkeeper replies, "$20 for the statue, $20,000 for the story." He says various unkind words, pays $20 and takes his statue.

He walks down the street, but he starts hearing a murmuring noise behind him. Something small and subtle, he can't p...

The "Old Man" from Pawn Stars died yesterday

Rick wasn't sure he was dead so he called in an expert. Turns out he was dead.

A boy goes into a pawn shop

A boy goes into a pawn shop with the motor for an iron lung.

the pawn shop owner asks "where did you get this?"

the boy replies "from my father"

the pawn shop owner asks "what did he say when you took it?"

the boy replies: "AAAAUUUUGHHHH"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First Day at a Pawn Shop

Apologies beforehand, since this story doesnt have a punchline, it's just funny.


A friend of mine started working at a Pawn America. On his very first day he saw this young couple come in and they started looking and browsing through rings. They saw one that interested them and asked to s...

An armed robber bursts into a pawn shop...

...owned by a Jewish gentleman.
"Your money or your life!" the gunman yells, as he points the gun in the owner's face.
The owner nods slowly, rubbing his chin, then says, "Mm hmm... How much for the gun?"

I went to the doctor because I’ve had the Pawn Stars theme stuck in my head for two weeks

He said he’d have to call in a buddy of his who was an expert on those sorts of things

(But seriously please help me I’m going insane)

For pimps, prostitution must be alot like using pawn pieces in chess...

They use them to do their dirty work, in promise that he'll one day make her into a queen.

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Mirror Mirror

A woman is thrift shopping for a full length mirror in various pawn shops. She comes across one she likes and asks the guy at the store about it.

'Well you have to be careful with this mirror' he says 'if you make a wish into a rhyme your wish will be granted'. She thinks it's bull and buys...

The Drunk and the Genie

An old drunk is walking down the beach and sees a lamp sticking out of the sand. Thinking he can pawn it for a little drinkin money he pulls it out and rubs the side to clean the sand off, when out pops a Genie!
"I will grant you Two Wishes!" says the Genie.
The drunk says "I want a bottle of ...

Winter is Coming...

I just saw 2 meth heads carry a space heater out of a pawn shop.

Lawyer Joke

A man is visiting a seaside town and walks into a pawn shop. He sees a large statue of a rat. “How much for the rat statue?” he asks. The pawnbroker responds, “It’s $10 for the statue, but $20 if you want the story that goes with it,” to which the customer replied, “I only want the statue.”

H...

Why can't people in the U.S. play chess?

Because their king is actually a pawn.

While buying a new guitar from the local pawn shop, I asked if there was anything I needed to know about this guitar or my purchase.

He replied "No strings attached."

Where's the worst place to buy a chess set?

A pawn shop.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call chess pieces that have sex together?

Pawn stars.

Once upon....

....always a pawn

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Misinterpretation in the sheets

Her: I thought you said you were gonna go pornstar on me

Me: no I said pawn star

Her: what does that even mean

Me: best I can do is 4 inches

African Grey Parrots are famously intelligent, but studies have shown that they consistently lose chess matches against ravens, jackdaws, and other corvids.

Said one researcher, "They just have trouble weighing the crows and pawns."

While interviewing a potential client, the executive switched on his intercom and commanded:

"Get my broker on the telephone."
"Yes, sir", responded his secretary, "stock or pawn?"

What's Bin Laden's favorite chess move?

Pawn C4

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careful what you wish for...

Guy runs a talent agency, sitting in his office, hears a knock on his door..."come in" he says...in walks a man with a perfectly formed little man about a foot tall..."yes, how may I help you??"...he says "I am looking for a job for my friend here"..."oh, and what does he do?"...he replies "he is a ...

My band just decided to change our name to "ACAPELLA"...

...as we walked out of the pawn shop.

Why do you never see chess jokes ?

No one likes them, they always have a bad pawn

Did you hear about the fairy godmother that needed extra minutes to decide her first move in a chess game?

Wants pawn time.

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My girlfriend buys old sex toys for money and records herself using them.

She’s a pawn star and a porn star.

I witnessed a queen being murdered

By a pawn

I used to sell chess sets for a big company...

But then I realized I was just a pawn that would never advance.

My dog destroyed my chess set. I tried to replace the missing pieces...

but the pawn shop was closed.

Indiana Jones: "I present the Ark of the Covenant, sacred crypt of the Ten Commandments."

Rick from Pawn Stars: "Best I can do is 25 bucks."

When Chumlee gets out of prison he should do a show with Jared from Subway. They should call it...

Child Pawn.

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A man walks into a bar with a shoebox

He walks up to the bartender, sets the shoebox on the bar, and orders a beer and an empty shot glass. The bartender brings him his beer and watches as he then fills the shot glass with the beer and takes the lid off of the shoebox.

Out of the box he removes a small piano and a little bench, ...

Chess is actually quite easy...

Knight takes Rook, King takes Queen, and Bishop molests the Pawns.

The Brass Rat

A man walks into a pawn shop one day not looking for anything in particular. While browsing, the man sees a brass rat sitting on a shelf. The brass rat is on its hind legs standing proudly with a human wig on its head. The man picks it up and asks the owner of the shop, "how much?" The owner says, "...

The plan...

A middle aged woman has been conducting a long term affair with her lover for years. Her husband never knows because she tells him that she goes upstate one weekend a month to visit her elderly great aunt and take care of her. The husband wants nothing to do with such business and leaves her to it. ...

A middle eastern king was down on his money and began to sell off his valuables

The last of these was the Star of the Euphrates, at that time the most valuable diamond in existence. He went to a pawnbroker who offered him 100,000 rials for it. 

"Are you crazy?", said the king. "I paid one million rials for this gem! Don't you know who I am?"

The pawnbroker replied...

My Dad turns 50 this weekend and I'm speaking, need some 50th birthday jokes/one liners/roast (xpost from /askreddit)

Some bullet points about my Dad:

* Has a BMW trophy car
* Loves golf
* Loves Steak
* Is a Republican (I'm very progressive/liberal)
* Balding (but so am I...)
* His shoulder and knee have needed surgery
* Worked everyday of his life since he was 15
* Raised 3 kids
*...

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A manic depressive horse named John

There once was a manic depressive horse named John. He was drinking away his problems in a bar that was popular among the local animals because they didn't card. You see, ever since he was a young colt, John used music to deal with his emotions. He started off with a vinyl record of The Beatles' *Re...

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"12 Days Of Christmas - Bayou Style"

Day 1 Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it
las' night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow
in the swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.


Day 2 Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but
all I got was two scrawny pigeon...

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Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

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Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Very Long Read:

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversa...

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