An ambulance was called to a local restaurant this afternoon.

When the paramedics walked in, the saw two men on the floor having seizures. The paramedics split up, each going to one of the men. Suddenly, both men stopped their convulsing. The paramedics asked if they were all right.

"Oh, we're fine. We both have epilepsy, but we don't let it interfere w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...



This is an old joke and sadly some of this has come to pass.



If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology li...

A doctor is selling his victims on the dark web. He shows up to the location and no one is there. The doctor waits for hours. When the buyer shows up...

They say "Thank you for your patients"

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle....

Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping around, answering ads in the newspaper, and not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a "For sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquiries about it with the owner "Th...

My local cemetery is working to resell mine and my wife’s burial plots to a new buyer...

We’re in grave danger

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A clean joke

A soap factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. Six months and $8 million later, t...

Liquor

A buyer enters a liquor store.
- Half of "Sungurlarska"!
The seller pours half a liter of brandy from a can, takes out the label "Sungurlarska", sticks it on the bottle and hands it to the customer.
- Half of "Pomorie"!
The seller pours again from the can, takes out the label "Pomori...

Buyer : **Orders mixtapes from a store on Monday**

Seller: Come pick these up to on Friday, they will be ready by then.
Buyer: ok see ya then!
Friday rolls around
Buyer: **walks into store to the front desk** So are the mixtapes ready yet?
Seller : yup here you go **hands over a box full of them**
Buyer: Than- Wait these are not the...

A guy is trying to sell his dog to a potential buyer:

\-Healthy?

\-Healthy!

\-Intelligent?

\-Intelligent!

\-Loyal?

\-The most! It's the 5th time I'm selling him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A buyer approaches a farmer at a livestock auction...

Buyer: How much milk do these cows produce?

Farmer: Which one? The black one or the white one?

Buyer: White one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Buyer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Buyer: (naturally a bit flummoxed) I see. What ...

Why do people feel buyers guilt, for lack of better terms, when a woman becomes pregnant?

After all, it’s not like buying a car or home. There is a 9 month return policy after the initial transaction

The Condom Buyer

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store
laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's
no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.


The next day, the man comes back to the store, ...

A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer

A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer. As they walked along a fence line the buyer saw bee hives and stopped. He said, "Those hives are pretty close to the road."

The farmer explained that the bees just made honey and have never stung anyone.

The bu...

So a realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an Open House

A guy says "Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?"

The realtor says "Brochure"

Buyer beware

A man wants to purchase some farmland, but is wary of the bees on the property. The farmer thinks the bees are harmless so he makes the prospective buyer a deal: he'll tie the buyer naked to a tree that has a bee hive for an hour, and if any bee stings him, the farmer will GIVE him the land for fre...

The government offered to buy my guns from me

But after a thorough background check of the buyer, I am not comfortable with selling weapons to organized crime.

So I heard that Gamestop is looking for a Buyer

I'm readying an offer of $3.25 in Store Credit and a subscription to Game Informer.

A member of the Soviet Union wants to buy a car

The man goes to the official agency, puts down his money and is told that he can take delivery of his automobile in exactly 10 years.

“Morning or afternoon?'' the purchaser asks.

“Ten years from now, what difference does it make?'' replies the clerk.

''Well,'' says the car-buyer...

What's something that the inventor doesn't want, the buyer doesn't use, and the user doesn't know about it?

A casket

Kids are so annoying

Buyer’s remorse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish rope merchant from New York was trying desperately to sell some of his goods in Louisiana. But wherever he went, he kept encountering Anti-Semitism.

In one particular department store, the buyer taunted him:

“All right, Jew. I’ll buy some of your rope. As much as reaches from the top of your big Jewish nose to the tip of your little Jewish penis.”

Two weeks later, the buyer was startled to receive a shipment containing ten thousand...

A man walks into a bookshop

He walks around and sees a particular notebook behind a counter that’s locked in a glass box

He asks the cashier what book that is and the cashier says he does not know and needs to get confirmation from the manager. The man asks him to do so.

Moments later, a tall, slender man with pa...

Two men are discussing a business transaction.

Buyer: "How much does it cost to buy a singing ensemble?"

Seller: "You mean a choir?"

Buyer: \**visibly frustrated*\* "Fine, how much does it cost to *acquire* a singing ensemble?"

A man is selling a vacuum cleaner

He met up with a buyer, who asked him if it sucked well.

“Like my wife,” he responded.

Unsure of himself the buyer asked him whether that was a good or bad.

All the seller could say was “How the hell would I know?”

A man was selling the bumper of a pick-up on Craigslist...

A potential buyer calls and asks where it came from. The man replies, "Let's just say it fell off a truck."

Crafty ex-wife

Out of the blue, John casually told his wife he wanted a divorce. – I’ve fallen in love with Stacy, that new young lady at the office, he said. – You can stay in the house until next week. We need to find a buyer quickly so Stacy and I can get an apartment in the city. Naturally Johns wife was devas...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The King of all the gorillas was having a yard sale

The king of all the gorillas, mister Kong, was having a yard sale. He decided to sell his items collected over the years of roaming in the forests. He had been lowering his sale prices over the course of the day as fewer and fewer people were coming by.

Finally, one passer by came to buy his...

Beethoven was deaf, but you better enjoy this joke :)

* Beethoven selling property *

Buyer: So, is it for sale or for rent?

Beethoven: For lease

Cow for sale

An old farmer in serious financial trouble put an ad selling a cow for $500.

Another farmer went to see it and they agreed to deliver the cow the next day, paying in advance.

However, the next day the buyer came and old farmer said:

I'm sorry, but I have some bad news. The cow d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Free Sex with Fill-Up

There was this gas station trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."

Soon a customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and if he guessed correctly, he would get ...

A coke dealer is waiting for a customer at a diner

the customer sits down, slides over the money, the dealer slides over a bag of white powder. At that moment the cops burst in to arrest the dealer and the buyer. The dealer quickly says "it's just some caster sugar to put on his pie", a cop doesn't believe him and checks the white powder, it is inde...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man driving down the road sees a sign that says "Apples $5."

He's kinda hungry so he pulls over and says he will take a dozen. The guy working the stand says "That'll be $60" "Whoah" says the buyer, "Your apples are $5 Each?!" "Yepp, because my apples taste like peanut butter and jelly. Here, try one!" Says the seller. So the man takes a bite and to his surpr...

A man sells a dog.

The buyer asks, “Is he healthy?”

“My dog is very healthy,” the seller answers.

“Is he smart?”

“My dog is very smart.”

“Is he loyal?”

“Yes, my dog is extremely loyal! I’m selling him for the fifth time already.”

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale...

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale, and the buyer is looking at them.

"Well, this one is a fine 1951 Hudson Hornet," says the car salesman.

The buyer gasps, "A Hudson HORNET? Well, I wouldn't want to see a Hudson Wasp!"

The salesman brushes it off and shows him t...

My first wife was a Brit. I loved her accent and the different words she had for things.

She called the bathroom the "loo." She called the pharmacy the "chemist." But my favorite was the "post." It was a noun and a verb. The mail I brought home was called the "post," and when she wanted me to mail something, I was "posting" it.

We were not wealthy by any means, but after we had b...

El Chapo has been found guilty in the United States

In other news, a secret buyer in Mexico is looking to obtain 500 shovels and 16 tons of dynamite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A danish artist painted pictures of naked women with his penis.

An interested buyer visits his gallery and asks:
"how can u paint those gentle round curves with your penis"
"It wasn't too hard"

got that from the late late show with craig ferguson.

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.

His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi million dollar home and since the man’s lawyers were a little better he prevailed.

He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases.

O...

If I sell coconuts, am I a pimp?

Only if the buyer is a Redditor.

Selling the Farm

A farmer and his wife decide to sell their land and move to Florida to retire.

A prospective buyer comes by and likes the place, but there's a problem: He's deathly afraid of bees and, on a tour of the property, he noticed a lot of them.

The farmer says, "There's always been bees arou...

a man goes to buy a house...

He takes one look at it during the open house and decides he doesn't want it. He takes a second look from the back yard and buys it immediately. He was a perspective buyer.

Do you sell a book "How to get rich in three months"?

Clerk: "Yes we do sir, can I recommend another book with that, other buyers have found it very useful?"

Guy: "Of course, I would gladly take a look, what is it?"

Clerk: "Penal Code - Commented edition"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Farmhouse

A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.

He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land.

The landowner assured h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The reel, the ink, and the booze

There was a company that sold a great variety of fishing equipment and supplies. One of their new products was a rod to be used out at sea, with a special reel mechanism to catch larger fish. Now, there was a new employee who was in charge of printing buyers' names onto the reel by hand and with a q...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite joke. So John owns a hardware store...

...and business is doing well. One day, as he is standing around keeping shop, he hears a booming voice from the heavens: JOHN, SELL YOUR HARDWARE STORE.

John looks around and nobody else is reacting. Nobody else heard it. So he decides to act as if nothing happened, and just hope he is not ...

A man wants to buy a horse (long)

So he finds the man who owns the horse. The owner takes him to the stable. The buyer asks to take the horse for a test ride.

 

"Okay," says the owner. "But I'm a retired church pastor. The horse will only go forward if you say, 'Praise the lord.' He will only stop moving if yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chum the sheep

There was this young man who had had enough of city life so he moves to the country and decides to run a sheep farm. He educated himself as much as he could on how to run a farm. He bought a farm, and buys a heard of sheep. Everything is going well, the sheep are properly housed and fed. The she...

Seven Horse Jokes

Q Why was the young horse confused?

A He wasn't foal-ly aware of what was going on.

Q Why wouldn't that horse want to date the other horse?

A He didn't want to be a-filly-ated with her

Q Why did the horse need cough syrup?

A It caught a colt.

Q What was the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

ATTACK DOG

A man wanted a big, veracious dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises. After they ha...

Another parrot joke

A pet store owner had a parrot that he couldn't sell. It was a beautiful creature, but annoying. He put it in a cage outside the shop to get it out of his hearing and to attract a potential buyer. The parrot took in the scenery until it saw a woman across the street. The bird yelled, "HEY LADY! YOU'...

A man goes to buy a horse...

A man in search of purchasing a horse finds an ad in the local newspaper claiming the horse is fully trained and will offer a test ride to any potential buyer. So the man shows up and looks at the horse asks if he may take it for a test ride. The owner agrees and explains the voice commands to contr...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.