Trader Jokes

from silks to elephants, once he even purchased an enslaved nun. Calls himself Jack of All Trades, and master of nun.

They got up there and went into a trader’s store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year."
The trader got the gear together and on top of each one’s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.
The guys said "What’s that board for?"
The tr... read more

Trap music.

Insider trading.

ImPORT/ ExPORT

I asked, "Dad, could you lend me a tenner please?"

Dad - "£9.42? What do you need £11.63 for?

They stopped working

He shorted Tesla

He was less sought after for his oregano guidance, his thyme tips, and his rosemary consultations.

Jack Thompson was the most famous stock trader on Wall Street. His funds had made money, in good markets and bad, for decades. Finally ready to retire, he was going to reveal his secrets in an exclusive interview. "What are your tricks?" Asked the reporter. "I've got only one secret. Years ago I not... read more

During his stay, he sees a young man sleeping everyday and doing nothing outside his house. So he decides to persuade him to change his life and goes on to talk to him.

Trader: Hello young man, looks like you have nothing to do. I suggest you come with me to New York.

Man: What happ... read more

Who tells you about it first?

TJ Maxx

But I’m a strong 8 at Walmart.

"This is worse than a divorce, I have lost everything and I still have my wife!" 😩

An investation

Ask them the opposite of 'bull'.

He walks up to the bar, orders a whiskey, pays the bartender one bitcoin and says, "By this time tomorrow it might be worth a million bucks!"

The bartender pours him a glass of water and says, "By this time tomorrow it might be Scotch."

I was walking into Trader Joe's with my reusable bags as an elderly couple was walking out.
Elder Man: You cant go in with those bags
Me: What?
EM: You cant go in with those old bags
Me: What are you talking about?
EM: Its the new policy you cant bring in old bags anymore
Me: That... read more

They lay their beach towels on the sand and while one watches the boats out on the water, the other one decides to take a nap.

After a while, the first one notices the waves come closer and closer to their towels. He says to his friend :

\- Hey... the tide's rising, we should move furt... read more

HODL it

Cinna-Mon.

"This is the skull of Great Queen Cleopatra for only One hundred English pound." said the trader.

The tourist says, "No thank you, it's far too expensive."

Then the trader produces a small skull and says, "How about this one?"

The tourist asks, "Whose skull is that?"

The ... read more

But I didn't have the stomach for it.

Formerly, if you wanted iron or steel, you would need to go to an ironworks or even a blacksmith's and negotiate directly with the men who made it.

Whoever smelted, dealt it.

A terrible, early form of click bait.

Start with five million and become a day trader.

Corny capitalism

An original of mine. Excuse the grammar.

There once was a clan of hunter-gatherers dedicated to being self sufficient. They would ONLY ever hunt and gather. Absolutely no trading or sales of any kind was allowed in this clan. Being self sufficient was religion to them, and they hated the idea... read more

The black market

For inside her trading.

A man bought what he thought was a porcelain tea pot at a trader's market,when he finally made it home he was polishing it before putting it in his China cabinet. Smoke began pouring out of it and low and behold a genie appeared. The genie told the man he had three wishes,the only thing is your ex w... read more

Make your job sound more important by telling people that you're a 'Walls Treat Trader'!

A man is at a looking to buy a horse, the horse trader leads him to a majestic white stallion.

The horse trader said: "This horse can understand three commands, if you want it to walk, say 'Praise God', if you want it to gallop say 'Thank God' and if you want it to stop say 'Oh My God'. "... read more

What is the name of the knight who moonlights as a geologist?

Sir Vey

What is the name of the agreeable knight?

Sir Tenly

What is the name of the Knight who used to be a slave?

Sir Vent

What are the names of the Knights who run the graduation ceremony?
... read more

Once upon a time, there was a trainee fortune teller called Sarah who hoped to learn the proper skills of divination by training alongside a renowned fortune teller, Madame Lointain (for, in these times, it was customary for each village to have a fortune teller).


After having studied for... read more

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto... read more

Publix, Wegmans and Trader Joe's came up on their recommended purchases list.

Two men are wandering the desert. They've been there for days, and can't remember how they got there; the only thing in their minds right now is that they need water to survive another day in this scorching heat.

Midday passes, and the men are succumbing to despair - but wait, what's this? Th... read more