UPJOKE
looksearchseekbrowsegazelookitglancehuntbeholdseek outlookalikelook toprospectpeeklo

Look For Jokes

Went on eBay to look for a lighter

But I found was 100,437 matches

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man escapes from a prison where he had been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he was gone, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spen...

I went to the liqour store to look for eggnog vodka or figgy pudding bourbon ...

But there's just no Christmas spirits anymore

What’s a quality you look for in a good lawyer?

Lie-ability

(Just getting started in comedy and want to test a few of my jokes here).

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the leper look for in a woman?

His penis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The first thing i look for in a girl is her heart

the fact that’s her tits are in the way is not my fault

If you find gold in Australia where should you look for silver?

**Ag**stralia

What do single male zombies look for in a woman?

Brains.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Michael and his wife had been married for thirty five years and things were, let's say, a little cold in the bedroom. One day while out shopping he decided to look for a little outside stimulation.

He dropped his wife off at her favorite store and went across the street to the knock shop. He swaggers up to the madam and asks her "what kind of a fuck can a fellow get for fifty bucks?"

She snorts derisively and says "you're not going to get much for fifty bucks. All our girls start at two...

Two boys were misbehaving... ...so their mother went to the local priest to look for advice. The priest thought it would be best if the boys learned integrity, by way of understanding that "God is everywhere, and He sees everything you do so you shouldn't misbehave."

The mother and the priest thought it best that the priest talked to the boys, so the mother agreed to take the boys in one at a time to talk to the priest.


She brought the first boy (Ray) to the church and left the second boy (Jim) at home. She took Ray into the priest's office and stay...

What does George Lucas look for when rating a university’s sports program?

He makes sure there are two D2 teams.

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you

You have my Word

Why do vegetarians look for dates at the hospital?

Because they are into vegetables.

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo.

Because then I would know she is capable of making decisions she will regret in the future.

No one seems to want to help me look for my missing Greek lettuce

They keep telling me it's a lost cos.

Intelligence is the first thing I look for in woman.

Because if she doesn’t have THAT, I may just have a chance.

When house hunting I look for a place where the people next door are successful at selling stolen items

Good fences make for good neighbors

If you ever try to rick roll me, I will look for you. I will find you....

....I'm never gonna give you up.

What do baseball scouts look for when they go to a Mexican restaurant?

Fajitas

When helping look for a missing person....

You always want to be as helpful as possible. Just not so helpful that you find the body.

Why do walruses always look for Tupperware?

Because they’re looking for a tight seal.

What does an EMT look for in a girl?

A pulse

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do horny pirates look for?

Chests and booty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of doctors in a psychiatric ward wanted to look for an improvement in the mental stability of their patients, so they devised an experiment. A doctor put 5 patients in one room.

While in the room, this doctor went to the wall and drew a door (with a door knob and a keyhole). He told the 5 patients in the room to figure out how to open the door.



1st patient waved at the doctors, and tried to open the painted door.

2nd patient kept shouting at the door "...

[OC] My dentist told me that he needed to look for cavities.

I just wish he had put a glove on before he stuck his finger up my ass!

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence...

...because if she doesn’t have that, then she’s mine.

Why do you get an error when you look for today's date?

Because your internet connection sucks.

What does Snoop Dogg look for at the art store?

For chisels.

So I went to the front page to look for the top story.

Turns out I reddit already.

I just want to thank the guy who lent me his dictionary to look for the meaning of the word plethora...

It means a lot

What does a Mortal Kombat character look for most in a partner?

PERSONALITY!

The girl that I've just started dating asked me what I look for in a relationship....

Apparently " A way out " was not the right answer.

What section would a defective cabinet look for in a library?

Shelf help

Where's the best place to look for a joke?

The mirror

When I was little I got lost at the fair. I got a policeman to help me look for my parents.

I asked him if we would find my parents. He said I don't know kid.... there's so many places they could hide.

Credit goes to Rodney Dangerfield.

I heard that there were a couple of jokes in the Bible, so I went to look for one myself...

I found one in Genesis, but it wasn't that funny; it was the oldest joke in the book.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was working on sealing a leak in a crack in my foundation when a friend told me I should look for one at the sex shop...

...At first I was skeptical but I gave it a try and I must say, I was quite disappointed because it was everything but plugs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A older woman decides to look for love

So she decides to use a dating service on the internet. In her requirements she listed the following three things:

1) Must not be abusive
2) Must be loyal
3) Must have a long penis

The woman began getting responses and was not happy with any of them. Nothing but sleazy men resp...

What does the killer clown look for?

The Jugular.

I am a waiter in need of false teeth. Do I need to look for a new job?

I don't think indentured servants are legal any more.

I was going to look for my missing watch.

but I could never find the time.

What quality does Elon Musk look for in a woman?

He just wants her to be down to Mars

Don't look for a job in a funeral company

It's a dying industry

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.