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A man escapes from a prison where he had been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he was gone, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spen...

What do single male zombies look for in a woman?

Brains.

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The first thing i look for in a girl is her heart

the fact that’s her tits are in the way is not my fault

What does George Lucas look for when rating a university’s sports program?

He makes sure there are two D2 teams.

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Michael and his wife had been married for thirty five years and things were, let's say, a little cold in the bedroom. One day while out shopping he decided to look for a little outside stimulation.

He dropped his wife off at her favorite store and went across the street to the knock shop. He swaggers up to the madam and asks her "what kind of a fuck can a fellow get for fifty bucks?"

She snorts derisively and says "you're not going to get much for fifty bucks. All our girls start at two...

Two boys were misbehaving... ...so their mother went to the local priest to look for advice. The priest thought it would be best if the boys learned integrity, by way of understanding that "God is everywhere, and He sees everything you do so you shouldn't misbehave."

The mother and the priest thought it best that the priest talked to the boys, so the mother agreed to take the boys in one at a time to talk to the priest.


She brought the first boy (Ray) to the church and left the second boy (Jim) at home. She took Ray into the priest's office and stay...

What kind of leader do Indians look for in election?

A currysmatic leader

If you find gold in Australia where should you look for silver?

**Ag**stralia

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I went to my local library to look for a book on small penises

With not alot of luck I decided to ask the librarian - "Have you seen the book about small penises?"

she replied "It isn't in yet"

I said "Yeah, that's the one!"

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you

You have my Word

No one seems to want to help me look for my missing Greek lettuce

They keep telling me it's a lost cos.

Like humans look for intelligent civilizations in the universe

There must be an ultra intelligent alien civilization, looking for intelligent life. Maybe they have already found us but not contacted because they were looking for intelligent life.

When house hunting I look for a place where the people next door are successful at selling stolen items

Good fences make for good neighbors

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo.

Because then I would know she is capable of making decisions she will regret in the future.

If you ever try to rick roll me, I will look for you. I will find you....

....I'm never gonna give you up.

What do baseball scouts look for when they go to a Mexican restaurant?

Fajitas

Intelligence is the first thing I look for in woman.

Because if she doesn’t have THAT, I may just have a chance.

When helping look for a missing person....

You always want to be as helpful as possible. Just not so helpful that you find the body.

Why do walruses always look for Tupperware?

Because they’re looking for a tight seal.

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What do horny pirates look for?

Chests and booty.

What does an EMT look for in a girl?

A pulse

[OC] My dentist told me that he needed to look for cavities.

I just wish he had put a glove on before he stuck his finger up my ass!

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A group of doctors in a psychiatric ward wanted to look for an improvement in the mental stability of their patients, so they devised an experiment. A doctor put 5 patients in one room.

While in the room, this doctor went to the wall and drew a door (with a door knob and a keyhole). He told the 5 patients in the room to figure out how to open the door.



1st patient waved at the doctors, and tried to open the painted door.

2nd patient kept shouting at the door "...

Why do you get an error when you look for today's date?

Because your internet connection sucks.

So I went to the front page to look for the top story.

Turns out I reddit already.

What does Snoop Dogg look for at the art store?

For chisels.

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence...

...because if she doesn’t have that, then she’s mine.

I just want to thank the guy who lent me his dictionary to look for the meaning of the word plethora...

It means a lot

One night, a thief came into my house to look for money while I was sleeping.

I woke up to search with him

What section would a defective cabinet look for in a library?

Shelf help

The girl that I've just started dating asked me what I look for in a relationship....

Apparently " A way out " was not the right answer.

When I was little I got lost at the fair. I got a policeman to help me look for my parents.

I asked him if we would find my parents. He said I don't know kid.... there's so many places they could hide.

Credit goes to Rodney Dangerfield.

Where's the best place to look for a joke?

The mirror

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I was working on sealing a leak in a crack in my foundation when a friend told me I should look for one at the sex shop...

...At first I was skeptical but I gave it a try and I must say, I was quite disappointed because it was everything but plugs.

I heard that there were a couple of jokes in the Bible, so I went to look for one myself...

I found one in Genesis, but it wasn't that funny; it was the oldest joke in the book.

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A older woman decides to look for love

So she decides to use a dating service on the internet. In her requirements she listed the following three things:

1) Must not be abusive
2) Must be loyal
3) Must have a long penis

The woman began getting responses and was not happy with any of them. Nothing but sleazy men resp...

I went to Sweden to look for some Oxo Cubes.

I hear they have a really good shop there called "Stockhome".

I am a waiter in need of false teeth. Do I need to look for a new job?

I don't think indentured servants are legal any more.

What does the killer clown look for?

The Jugular.

What does a female filmmaker look for in a guy?

His "ass-pec ratio".

What quality does Elon Musk look for in a woman?

He just wants her to be down to Mars

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