No one seems to want to help me look for my missing Greek lettuce

They keep telling me it's a lost cos.

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I went to my local library to look for a book on small penises

With not alot of luck I decided to ask the librarian - "Have you seen the book about small penises?"

she replied "It isn't in yet"

I said "Yeah, that's the one!"

Two boys were misbehaving... ...so their mother went to the local priest to look for advice. The priest thought it would be best if the boys learned integrity, by way of understanding that "God is everywhere, and He sees everything you do so you shouldn't misbehave."

The mother and the priest thought it best that the priest talked to the boys, so the mother agreed to take the boys in one at a time to talk to the priest.


She brought the first boy (Ray) to the church and left the second boy (Jim) at home. She took Ray into the priest's office and stay...

When house hunting I look for a place where the people next door are successful at selling stolen items

Good fences make for good neighbors

If you find gold in Australia where should you look for silver?

**Ag**stralia

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you

You have my Word

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A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in...

If you ever try to rick roll me, I will look for you. I will find you....

....I'm never gonna give you up.

What do baseball scouts look for when they go to a Mexican restaurant?

Fajitas

Why do walruses always look for Tupperware?

Because they’re looking for a tight seal.

When helping look for a missing person....

You always want to be as helpful as possible. Just not so helpful that you find the body.

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo.

Because then I would know she is capable of making decisions she will regret in the future.

The first thing I look for in a woman is intelligence...

...because if she doesn't have that, then I might have a chance.

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What do horny pirates look for?

Chests and booty.

What does an EMT look for in a girl?

A pulse

[OC] My dentist told me that he needed to look for cavities.

I just wish he had put a glove on before he stuck his finger up my ass!

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A group of doctors in a psychiatric ward wanted to look for an improvement in the mental stability of their patients, so they devised an experiment. A doctor put 5 patients in one room.

While in the room, this doctor went to the wall and drew a door (with a door knob and a keyhole). He told the 5 patients in the room to figure out how to open the door.



1st patient waved at the doctors, and tried to open the painted door.

2nd patient kept shouting at the door "...

So I went to the front page to look for the top story.

Turns out I reddit already.

Why do you get an error when you look for today's date?

Because your internet connection sucks.

What does Snoop Dogg look for at the art store?

For chisels.

I just want to thank the guy who lent me his dictionary to look for the meaning of the word plethora...

It means a lot

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence...

...because if she doesn’t have that, then she’s mine.

what does a monk look for on Reddit?

good Karma

What section would a defective cabinet look for in a library?

Shelf help

One night, a thief came into my house to look for money while I was sleeping.

I woke up to search with him

Many websites are already changing their look for Christmas

I guess it's a case of premature e-decoration.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every day after work two blondes would look for their cars together...

Since they could never remember where they parked, they would sit around until all the cars were gone and they could spot their vehicles.


One blonde says "We need to find a faster way to get home."


The next day, they come to work on a donkey. After work they come out and see a ...

The girl that I've just started dating asked me what I look for in a relationship....

Apparently " A way out " was not the right answer.

When I was little I got lost at the fair. I got a policeman to help me look for my parents.

I asked him if we would find my parents. He said I don't know kid.... there's so many places they could hide.

Credit goes to Rodney Dangerfield.

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I was working on sealing a leak in a crack in my foundation when a friend told me I should look for one at the sex shop...

...At first I was skeptical but I gave it a try and I must say, I was quite disappointed because it was everything but plugs.

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