Look For Jokes - 18 Hilarious Look For Jokes

If you find gold in Australia where should you look for silver?

**Ag**stralia

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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lo...

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo.

Because then I would know she is capable of making decisions she will regret in the future.

What’s a quality you look for in a good lawyer?

Lie-ability

(Just getting started in comedy and want to test a few of my jokes here).

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you

You have my Word

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The first thing i look for in a girl is her heart

the fact that’s her tits are in the way is not my fault

Intelligence is the first thing I look for in woman..

Because if she doesn’t have THAT, I may just have a chance.

What does a colonoscopy look for?

Fartifacts

Went on eBay to look for a lighter

But I found was 100,437 matches

What do single male zombies look for in a woman?

Brains.

I went to the liqour store to look for eggnog vodka or figgy pudding bourbon ...

But there's just no Christmas spirits anymore

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Walmart when they collide...

The first old guy says to the second guy,

'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.'

The second old guy says,

'That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little des...

Why do vegetarians look for dates at the hospital?

Because they are into vegetables.

Two boys were misbehaving... ...so their mother went to the local priest to look for advice. The priest thought it would be best if the boys learned integrity, by way of understanding that "God is everywhere, and He sees everything you do so you shouldn't misbehave."

The mother and the priest thought it best that the priest talked to the boys, so the mother agreed to take the boys in one at a time to talk to the priest.

She brought the first boy (Ray) to the church and left the second boy (Jim) at home. She took Ray into the priest's office and stay...

What does George Lucas look for when rating a university’s sports program?

He makes sure there are two D2 teams.

When helping look for a missing person....

You always want to be as helpful as possible. Just not so helpful that you find the body.

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What do horny pirates look for?

Chests and booty.

Why do walruses always look for Tupperware?

Because they’re looking for a tight seal.

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