The 27+ Best Delusion Jokes

What do you call an mule with delusions of being a knight’s horse?

Donkey-jote!

I Told My Psychiatrist That I Had Delusions That I Was A Dog

He told me to get off his couch.

The mother took her young daughter to a psychiatrist and explained to the headshrinker that the girl thought she was a chicken. The doctor soothed her, observing that an overactive imagination is not uncommon in children, and asking how long the girl had suffered from the delusion.

"Almost two years," said the mother.
"Your daughter has imagined she is a chicken for nearly two years?!" the psychiatrist exclaimed. "Why have you waited so long before bringing her in?"
The woman looked embarrassed, then confessed: "We needed the eggs, doctor."

My friend has paranoid delusions about being a chocolate orange.

I worry he might get sectioned.

I used to have delusions that I was living in the past.

I'm fine today though and that happened hundreds of years ago.

For everyone out there who suffers from paranoia and delusions

You’re NOT alone. There’s someone watching you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day, my friend told me he thinks he has delusions of an Oedipal Complex.

I called him a paranoid motherfucker.

What is white and has delusions of grandeur?

The average sperm

Heights of grandiose delusions!

Two criminals (fighting to save their careers) - one dumb and impeached, another indicted - revealing a Middle East “Peace” plan!!

My psychiatrist told me my superiority complex turned into a delusion of inferiority.

Great. Now I'm the least of my problems.

The shrinks diagnosed me as a sociopath with paranoid delusions.

But they're just out to get me.

What do you call a male pig with no legs and delusions of being a weather forecaster?

Groundhog

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My psychiatrist says I have delusions of sexual superiority

She just wants to fuck me.

Idk if this is a repost but here goes

A psychiatrist is talking to one of his most difficult patients. "Let's go back to what you said last time, about how all of your troubles began, what was it, a year ago?"

"Sure thing, Doc. Well, as I said, I had gotten into the Airbnb scene at the time, and I had a couple of, "tenants", as i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my therapist that I was suffering from affluenza.

He diagnosed me with delusions of grandeur.

I visited the library the other day.

I asked the librarian where the books on paranoid delusions were kept.
She leaned in close to me and whispered,

"They're behind you!"

paranoid fantasies

A woman is laying on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. The psychiatrist says, "I want to talk about these paranoid fantasies you've been having of being stalked by a man who is disguising himself as furniture. How long have you been having these delusions?"
The woman says, "About 5 months."
...

Three boys talk in the schoolyard:

Boy one: "You know, my mom's mouth is so big, that she can swallow a whole cinnamon bun in one bite!"

Boy two: "Whatever, my mom can swallow a panini with just one bite!"

Boy three: "Those are rookie numbers! My mom can swallow a whole floor lamp in one gulp!"

Boy one and boy tw...

Freud, Darwin and the Pope walked into a bar.

Sitting on the counter is a weird, creepy statue. As they walk in, it's eyes seem to follow them.
They approach the bar, and to their shock the statue speaks. "Enjoy your beverages, mortals."

The three are stunned for a moment.
Darwin recovers first.
"This obviously is a product of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said it is okay to have a small penis

To roam the path is to become one with it.
We exist as superpositions of possibilities. We heal, we believe, we are reborn.
It can be difficult to know where to begin.

Visitor, look within and recreate yourself. How should you navigate this interstellar dreamscape? The dreamscape is cal...

Did you hear about that theoretical physicist who went insane studying cosmic background radiation?

He said he couldn't tell where reality ended... and the paranoid delusions began!

Hallucination

An optical delusion.

D&D multiclassing jokes

Q: How do you know if you've seen a multiclass ranger/rogue?
A: If you've seen them, they aren't one.

Q: What do you call a multiclass sorcerer/bard?
A: Whatever they make you call them...your delusion of free will is cute.

My flat-earther friend was diagnosed by a psychologist

He suffers from very sphere delusions.

What happened when the number 8 got drunk?

He fell over and had delusions of grandeur.

A man believed that he was a grain of wheat.

As much as Eric’s family would try, they could not convince him that he was in fact a human man, and not a grain of wheat.

The worst was when Eric even sensed a bird was around. Because he thought he was a grain of wheat, he would completely panic and run as far as he could. He figured that b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I spent last night shouting at my psychiatrist

Long story short he's convinced I have delusions of being a pony... I'd tell you more, but I'm a little hoarse.

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