For everyone out there who suffers from paranoia and delusions

You’re NOT alone. There’s someone watching you.

Heights of grandiose delusions!

Two criminals (fighting to save their careers) - one dumb and impeached, another indicted - revealing a Middle East “Peace” plan!!

My doctor said I have superiority delusions

Well, who is he to say that?

What is white and has delusions of grandeur?

The average sperm

The mother took her young daughter to a psychiatrist and explained to the headshrinker that the girl thought she was a chicken. The doctor soothed her, observing that an overactive imagination is not uncommon in children, and asking how long the girl had suffered from the delusion.

"Almost two years," said the mother.
"Your daughter has imagined she is a chicken for nearly two years?!" the psychiatrist exclaimed. "Why have you waited so long before bringing her in?"
The woman looked embarrassed, then confessed: "We needed the eggs, doctor."

The shrinks diagnosed me as a sociopath with paranoid delusions.

But they're just out to get me.

I used to suffer from delusions that I was a bland, flavourless cut of meat...

but now I'm cured.

My psychiatrist told me my superiority complex turned into a delusion of inferiority.

Great. Now I'm the least of my problems.

What do you call a male pig with no legs and delusions of being a weather forecaster?

Groundhog

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My psychiatrist says I have delusions of sexual superiority

She just wants to fuck me.

Chicken! Run!

A man has been suffering from a rare delusion: he considered himself to be a grain of wheat, and was therefore mortally afraid of the chickens.

He has eventually been hospitalized and treated for about a year. At his annual check-up, the attending asked this guy if he was still considering hi...

Did you hear about that theoretical physicist who went insane studying cosmic background radiation?

He said he couldn't tell where reality ended... and the paranoid delusions began!

What happened when the number 8 got drunk?

He fell over and had delusions of grandeur.

My flat-earther friend was diagnosed by a psychologist

He suffers from very sphere delusions.

A man believed that he was a grain of wheat.

As much as Eric’s family would try, they could not convince him that he was in fact a human man, and not a grain of wheat.

The worst was when Eric even sensed a bird was around. Because he thought he was a grain of wheat, he would completely panic and run as far as he could. He figured that b...

Hallucination

An optical delusion.

D&D multiclassing jokes

Q: How do you know if you've seen a multiclass ranger/rogue?
A: If you've seen them, they aren't one.

Q: What do you call a multiclass sorcerer/bard?
A: Whatever they make you call them...your delusion of free will is cute.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I spent last night shouting at my psychiatrist

Long story short he's convinced I have delusions of being a pony... I'd tell you more, but I'm a little hoarse.

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