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Migraine Jokes

An Australian, and Irishman and a Brit were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried out:

My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.


The Irishman calls out across the lounge: "Hey! Hey you! Are you Jesus"? Jesus looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am J...

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A man goes to the doctor and complains that no medicine helps with his migraines.

"When I have a migraine," says the doctor, "I go home and
soak in a hot bath. Then I have my wife sponge me off with
the hottest water I can stand, especially around the
forehead. Then I take her into the bedroom, and even if my
head is killing me, we have sex. Almost immediately, th...

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Jack suffered from terrible unrelenting migraines. He'd been to all kind of doctors with no avail.

Finally, he consulted a very controversial migraine specialist.

Doctor: "I know what you're feeling. It's a throbbing sensation in your temples that just doesn't quit. I used to suffer from such headaches too. The best thing for this is oral sex.!!
I would go down on my wife and as she org...

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A man went to the doctor to complain about his migraines.

Man: So doc, what’s the problem?

Dr. Well, after examination we’ve found out that we would need to castrate you.

Man: (surprised) What? Why? What does that have to do with my migraines?

Dr. You see the blood vessels in your penis gets bunched up and hence it constricts blood flo...

What can get your mind off of a migraine?

A flamethrower

Doctor: Does your migraine happen at regular frequency?

Me: Yes, it really hertz.

If you have migraines...

Please return them.

Migraines don't exist.

It's all in your head.

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $...

I suffered from horrible debilitating migraines for most of my adult life, but amazingly I became completely cured of them a couple months ago.

The wife left me.

A group of crows is called a murder. What do you call a group of Karens??

A migraine.

"I have a migraine."

-- Italian farmer after the harvest


(blame @pauleggleston from Twitter)

Why do I have migraines?

Well I can't have yourgraines, now can I?

what do you call a migraine that moves around in your head

migration

A wheat farmer has a headache and all his crops disappear

Ahh Migraines!

Water solves so many health problems.

Want to lose weight? Drink water.

Want clearer skin? Drink water.

Suffer from migraines? Drink water.

People causing you anxiety? Drown them in water.

When I eat wheat it gives me a headache. Oddly, it doesn’t if the wheat belongs to someone else.

It’s just migraine

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A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says...

"This is the ugly pig I fuck when you have a migraine."

His wife says, "That's a sheep, Harold."

"I'm talking to the sheep."

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Migraine headaches

There was this guy who constantly get migraine headaches, he tried all different type of drugs and it didn't work for him. So he decided to go to the specialist. He told the doctor about his migraine and also let him know he tried all the drugs that are available in market but they still didn't help...

A farmer visits the doctor...

A farmer goes to the doctor and says: "Doctor, whenever I plough my fields I get a terrible headache"

The doctor says: "It's a migraine"

The farmer replies: "No it's my grain and why are you talking in an Italian accent?"

A long, long time ago, I used to be a farmer.

I used to grow wheat and the quality of my product was second to none. I was famous all over the world for my unmatched wheat harvest.

Everything was going fine, until this one day.

In the middle of a pitch black night, my most bitter rival stole all of my wheat. None of it left on the...

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you have a very nice house

A man goes to doctor complaining about migraines.


His doctor tells him, "I also suffer from the same ailment. Every time I get one, I give my dear wife oral sex. When she has an orgasm, she tightens her legs around my head which gets rid of the pain. You should also try it."


...

In Medieval Europe, there once was a triangular lake.

This triangular lake was quite large; so large, in fact, that three separate kingdoms were built on each side of this lake. These kingdoms were very different one from another.
The first kingdom was the richest - smooth stone walls built like a fortress, lavish houses for all, and a generous king...

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Always get a second opinion

One day a man went to see his doctor complaining about severe migraine headaches.

After a long examination the doctor told the man that somehow his balls were pressing very tightly against the base of his spine and this was causing the man to have migraine headaches. The doctor concluded the ...

Two farmers are arguing over their produce.

Farmer 1-"That's my grain!"
Farmer 2-"No that's my grain!"

A third farmer a bit aways walks in

Farmer 3-"I'm getting migraine just listening to you two idiots yell at each other"

Why did the clown go to the hospital?

He had a serious migraine

[OC] What did the farmer say after getting a headache from people stealing his wheat

Migraines!

I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my own grown barley

My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains

Quickly after robbing my bakery, a man got a severe headache

Serves him right. It's not his grain, it's migraine

What do you get when you cross Gilbert Gottfried and Donald Trump?

A migraine.

While in Soviet Russia, I went to visit a doctor.

"What happened to you?" He said.

"Migraine" i replied.

He bent forward, push upped his glasses and said, "Correction. Ourgrain."

I really hate candle shops.

When you walk in a mall, you can smell those stores fifty yards away. When you walk in the shop, you just get bombarded with s hundred fragrances and a migraine comes in and pounds you in the skull. And by the way, who needs a hundred different kinds of scents?! Popcorn scented candles?! Just buy a ...

Father Dave took a seat on the A train in NYC...

and was disgusted to see a drunk sitting across from him. The disheveled smelly man was wearing a t-shirt with a photo of a naked lady on it and he reeked of alcohol. The drunk stared at the priest for a few minutes and then blurted out "Father, what causes migraines and kidney stones?" THe priest g...

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Always get a second opinion.

A guy started getting horrible migraines in his late teens. He went to the doctor who told him he has a rare testicular disorder that was restricting blood flow to his brain, resulting in the blinding headaches. Unfortunately, “the only way to be rid of them is to remove your testicles.”

“Who...

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Headaches

This guy has been suffering these terrible, excruciating headaches for months and finally decides to go to the doctor, despite his aversion to doing so. He explains to the doctor what's going on, so the doctor decides to run the gamut of tests on him to see if they can pinpoint what's wrong.
<...

Every year on St Patrick’s Day Saint Patrick comes down out of Heaven and goes to an Irish pub.

This past St Patrick’s day he goes to Murphy’s local pub. Murphy walked in a see St Patrick sitting in the corner of the pub with his big green bishops hat, his green robes and his staff and he asks the bartender “Hey, is that St Patrick sitting in the corner?”

And the bartender says “Well ye...

a flea goes into a travel agency...

a flea goes into a travel agency and says, “oh i’ve been working so hard for the last few years, i really need a holiday.”

travel agent asks, “what kinda holiday were you in the market for?”

flea says, “i want to go somewhere bright and sunny, somewhere that i can just relax and enjoy ...

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A young couple is walking in the zoo

as they suddenly stop in front of a gorilla figure. The gorilla stares at the young woman and turns to the bars to get a better view. The husband says, "Hey, he seems to be on you."

The young woman laughs and starts to play around with her blouse. The gorilla starts drooling and his DingDong...

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