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Scenario Jokes

a hole in the street

There's a big hole in a street that caused so many accidents and a lot of deaths; the mayor held a meeting with the most intelligent people of the neighborhood to discuss solutions for this problem

the first suggests putting an ambulance next to the hole, so whenever an accident hap...

Brexit's Worst-Case Scenario:

Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovlong. Latervia. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely.

Some of the worst case scenarios:

1. A case falling on me from an overhead compartment.
2. Someone stealing my case.
3. Realising I've picked up someone else's case by mistake.
4. Not remembering the combination to the lock on my case.
5. Being required to carry a heavy case for a very long distance.

Don’t you just hate that situation when you’re picking up your bags at the airport, and everyone’s luggage is better than yours.

A worst case scenario.

The fictional scenarios in your head will die with you, like a tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear

Unless you post on TIFU

Why do Christian Priests never have backup strategies when it comes to emergency scenarios?

Because they're not fans of Plan B.

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In case of any apocalyptic scenarios, scientists want to store the DNA of millions of species of animals and plants in lava tubes of the moon

The DNA of any illicit substances will be kept in Uranus

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A girl hit on me at the bar. It could have been an XXX scenario.

But she also had an L at the end.

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My wife routinely turns down my sexual advances because she has headaches. Feeling particularly horny last night I prepared for that scenario.

As she joined me in bed I asked her if she would like to make love. She declined with her usual headache.

I carefully pulled back the bed-sheet, exposing my erection which was covered in a white powder.
"What the hell is that?" she asked.
"Honey, it's aspirin. You can take it orally o...

A week after my wife went missing, the police told me that I should expect the worst case scenario.

So I went back to the charity shop and retrieved all her old clothes.

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Today at work My coworker graced me with this scenario

Guy we know is walking into bathroom.
Coworker says "Good luck."
Guy says "Come and get me if I am not out in 10 minutes."
Coworker says "Write how much you weigh on the wall in case you fall in. That way we know how much shit to pull out."

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A quick stress releasing scenario.

Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called "The World." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. Th...

Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese.

This is starting to look like the Wurst Käse scenario.

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A young man tells his Mom he’s gay

A young man decides that the upcoming holiday is a good time to tell his Mom that he's gay. He's in college, making new friends, and will eventually want to bring one of them home to meet the family. He spends the drive home going over the conversation, what he'll say, what she'll say, how he'll ans...

A duck waddles into a hotel’s lobby convenience store…

…and loudly asks the bored clerk, “Hey, where can a guy get some Tic Tacs?”

Incredulous, the store clerk responds to the waterfowl at his feet, “Did you just ask for Tic Tacs?”

“Yeah, Tic Tacs,” says the duck. “Got a date with a smokin’ hot redhead.”

Not knowing for certain how...

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Research has shown that Obese people who have just had sexual reassignment surgery are more likely to survive cannibalistic scenarios

Because Trans Fat are bad for your health.

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I wonder if the views of a color blind person depend on the circumstances of the scenario

Or if they just see the world in black and white.

Why do Germans fear hotdogs with cheese?

Because for them, it is a Wurst-Käse scenario.

Germany is telling its citizens to stock up on sausages and cheese as fear of COVID grows.

It's the wurst-kase scenario

My first day working at border customs was hectic

we arrested a big group of German meat smugglers. It was a wurst case scenario.

With everything so expensive this year, it could be just German sausage and cheese for Christmas dinner.

But that's a Wurst-Käse scenario.

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Two good friends, a doctor and a priest, are out golfing one fine day.

They step up to tee off at the first hole. The priest drives a beautiful shot down the fairway. The doctor steps up next and fires off a worm-burner straight into the rough.

The doctor grumbles loudly, "Fuck, I missed."

The priest reproves him, "Please, Ted, don't swear in fron...

In the wake of inflation, and the conflict in Eastern Europe...

... the German government predicts an imminent shortage of sausage and cheese, and are formulating a plan for emergency intervention to deal with this impending crisis.

They're referring to the plan as their Wurst/Kase scenario.

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The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter...

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter.

In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for...

A group of people are going through an introductory course to join the police force.

The first lesson they are being taught is about how to handle various situations in an appropriate, safe, and legal manner.

The instructor presents them with a scenario. They are dealing with an opponent with a weapon that can be used in close range, such as a knife. On the board in the front...

Patrick's wife Phyllis wanted to help Patrick be less literal minded, so she decided to present him with a scenario. "You're alone in the desert with a lamp that you've rubbed that produced a genie who said he'd grant you three wishes". Patrick didn't even have to think before responding...

"No I'm not".

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I thought I’d surprise my new girlfriend after a recent movie talk we had. So, tonight when she came over, I had a Pornhub movie with a prostitute scenario on. She saw it, told me to never talk to her again, and stormed out.

I am starting to think she told me she likes “horror movies”...

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An angel appeared before a conference of philosophers.

Everyone was shocked, especially considering many of them were atheists. At once, a debate raged about what to ask this supernatural entity.

Seeing the commotion, in a booming voice, the angel said, "I will return in one hour, at which time I will answer any one question with 100% certainty....

A man tried smuggling sausage and vodka out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.

The whole event was pretty terrible.

It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.

A vegan was flying to Germany and discovered the airline had forgotten his special meal. He had no choice but to eat the only meal available: sausage and cheese.

It was a Wurst-Käse scenario.

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Each president has subconsciously affected the porn industry in various ways [NSFW]

During the Clinton era, infidelity and work place scenarios became really popular.

During the Bush years, the demand for "dumb blonde" types hit an all time high.

During Obama's presidency, the interracial genre took off.

And recently, incest porn has become really popular.

Apparently, due to COVID Germany is running low on sausage and cheese.

The government considers this to be the Wurst Käse scenario

A granny is walking to the store when she is stopped by a military checkpoint

Soldiers inform her that she can't cross the bridge because it was destroyed. "Destroyed how? I can plainly see it and there is nothing wrong with it." "No, no, ma'am" explains the soldier. "According to the exercise scenario this bridge was destroyed yesterday and we can't let anybody cross." "But ...

They're closing sausage factories in Germany

They're calling it the wurst case scenario.

Q: What did the judge say about the man that was shot twelve times by the police?

A: The most horrific suicide scenario I have ever seen.

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An uneducated man decides to give college a second chance. He walks up to the Dean of his local community college and says, "I want to learn something new, I haven't learned much and I want to learn more,". "Great, which class would you like to take?" said the Dean.

"Which classes do you offer?" responded the man.

"We have all sorts of classes, from science to logic," said the Dean.

"What's logic?" asked the man.

"Well, I can use information to assume something." Said the Dean.

"How?" asked the Man.

"Take this scenario, d...

Three men attend a job interview to join the FBI.

The first man walked into the office, and the FBI agent who was conducting the interview explained: ‘To be in the FBI, you must be loyal, dedicated and willing to obey orders. Here’s the scenario: your wife is sitting on a chair in the next room, and I want you to go in there and shoot her with this...

What do you call it?

What do you call it when pregnant women get really dramatic and start making up a bunch of 'what - if' scenarios?


Ovary acting! (I'll see myself out...)

A German was packing his luggage for holiday when his wife interrupts him...

"I hope you're not going to bring sausages again", she said, "They exploded everywhere last time and caused a frightful scene!"

"It'll be fine", He said, "Stop worrying about the wurst case scenario".

So I asked my friend who is a flat Earther to keep walking in one direction...

I don’t know where he is now, but I know one thing: Best case scenario, one less flat Earther. Worst case scenario: one less flat Earther.

My son just walked into the room,

And he asked me “ father why do people lie about what their children say on Facebook? All the scenarios are completely fake!”
And I responded “ holy hell! My dog can talk!”

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Did you hear the one about the breast cancer survivor who got a tattoo??

It was a real tit for tat scenario.

What is the German term for food shortages?

Wurst Käse Scenario.

Don’t you just hate that situation when you’re making sausage at a sausage factory, and everyone has better looking intestines to pack the sausage in than you?

A wurst casing scenario

I was lost wandering by foot in Germany after my car broke down..

... When I came across a party where they were serving cheese and sausages. I suppose you could call it a wurst-Käse scenario.

A doctor found a cure for muteness

Dr. Smith, a medical professional studying human vocals, found a cure to muteness.

He found out after dealing with a patient and an unlikely scenario happened.

He receives an award for medicine, and is invited to give a speech. He speaks about his life, inspiration, and discovery. He b...

Son keeps tipping the waitress

Every sunday father and son go to the same restaurant.
When asking for the bill the waitress come and places the bill in the table, they put the right amount on the table but the son puts a 500 dollars tip.

Next Monday the father goes the same restaurant pays and leave a 5 dollars tip. ...

I'm concerned I might forget to take my salami box with me to work.

That would be a wurst case scenario.

You might as well shoot for the stars because...

Best case scenario you succeed and are immediately vaporized into nothing. Worst case scenario you miss and fade into the endless void of nothing.

Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space?

To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"

"What is the problem?"

"Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"

What's a Dutch party without bitterballen?

A worst kaas scenario.

A friend of mine gets a big raise every year. His secret? Always negotiate on a rainy day.

I thought it was crazy. I should've left it at that. But I'm a sucker for a good misconception… and I was due for a raise.

I waited for a nice rainy day. Not a misty day, or a drizzle. It had to be full-on rain. Inevitably, the day arrived and I requested a meeting with my boss. He listened i...

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Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still hadn’t gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world.

Finally, Karen surrendered. With some courage, she told her family members that she will go out again. That said, she didn’t really know anyone suitable.

Her daughter immediately replied: “Mom! I have someone for you to meet.” Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another, and, afte...

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A man was golfing at a course he'd never been to and got lost.

He sees a woman ahead of him, so he approaches her.

"I'm sorry to bother you, ma'am, but I've never played here before and I'm a little lost. Can you tell me what hole you're on, so I can figure out my place?"

"Sure! I'm on nine and you're one hole behind me, so you must be on eight!"...

Reposts versus retellings. (Not a joke)

I just wanted to make a quick PSA about jokes.

Jokes are meant to be retold. A good joke gets told a thousand times, and spreads like a virus. Like a virus a joke will often mutate and change as it passes from person to person, often tweaked for better performance.

Now, what is the dif...

A Drunk and the Ballerina

A woman at the bar raises up her arm to call over the bartender for a drink. Everyone in the bar notices her hairy armpit as soon as she raises her arm.

After she orders, a drunk at the end of the bar tells the bartender he will by the drink for the ballerina.

After she raises her arm ...

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Jimmy's wife won't orgasm

Jimmy's wife has never had an orgasm in bed with him.

It begins to annoy him so he goes to the doctor and asks for help. The doctor has an odd suggestion - that sometimes women are too warm and this impedes the process. So all he has to do is buy a fan and put it in the room, and it'll solve ...

Always leave the top down in a convertible, even in the rain

Worst case scenario, you get to use the car pool lane.

A man working at a sausage factory died in a tragic accident

The forman calls the man's wife to break the news.
Unconsolable, she asks "how did it happen? Did he have a heart attack? Did he fall down the stairs?"
The forman replies "No, ma'am. He tripped into the machine that puts the ground meat into links."
"It's the wurst case scenario."

Fritz was planning a holiday to England

but was worried that he might not like the food. He decided to take some of his own supplies with him from Bavaria, for the wurst käs scenario.

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3 hillbillies (NSFW)

3 hillbillies walk in for an interview; find themselves a seat; and wait to be called upon. Eventually, some guy from HR walks in, points at one of the hillbillies and says "You, come with me."

"Now this job is all about attention. I want you to tell me the first thing you noticed when you wa...

Bang bang

‪A man from Poland joins the polish army. As they are passing out rifles, they run out of rifles when they reach him. So they hand him a broomstick handle and say “when you see somebody yell BANG BANG”. In battle the man is running for his life until he gets cornered. He aims his‬ broomstick handle ...

Alternative

Dad, what is an *alternative*?

That's a tough one, son. I'll have to explain it by example.

Say, you use your savings to buy a few chickens. But you don't eat them for dinner, you wait until they mature into hens and roosters. They mate and voila, you've got dozens of fresh eggs. But.....

An avid bird watcher heard an owl hoot

So he thought he'd give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. The next night the same scenario occurred.

All Summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations."

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a ...

CIA Entrance Test

3 finalists are in the running for an open CIA agent position. They're in a room awaiting their final evaluation to determine which one of them will get the job.

The first applicant is called into a separate room. There is a gun there and their spouse, seated on a chair. They are told to sho...

So, a three guys are working with imported meats

The team gets three crates. One of French steaks, but the best before was yesterday. One of English pork ribs: best before a week ago. And one of Germain snags: best before a month ago. They draw straws to work out who has to deal with which meats. The longest straw gets the steak crate, the middle ...

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Two guys are sitting in a bar on top of a cliff on the Pacific Ocean

They are all watching the birds fly down close to the water, catch the draft and fly all the way back up.

One of the guys then exclaims, “I bet you I can do the same thing as the birds; drop down, catch the draft and have it carry me back up.”

“No you can’t” the second guy explains, “t...

How to know everything you need to know

Once upon a time, a woman moved to a cave in the mountains to study with a guru. She wanted, she said, to learn everything there was to know. The guru supplied her with stacks of books and left her alone so she could study. Every morning, the guru returned to the cave to monitor the woman’s progress...

So I had to put German food in a container one time...

It was a real wurst case scenario

So, in "Infinity War"...

Doctor Strange is in battle with Thanos. He sees all the future scenarios that are possible. He lets Thanos get the infinity gauntlet, allowing the deaths of half the universe. He never tells anyone what exactly he saw. The other Avengers saw this as being an incredibly cruel decision to make.
...

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